"Whose on First?"

Several posts ago, I wrote here in Cyrsti's Condo concerning the use of labels. Basically I said, labels, like it or not are a part of human nature and probably will be around forever in one form of another. I even dropped pronoun usage (he and she) in the label category.

Per norm (you remember him!), Connie added a valued thought:

FABULOUSCONNIEDEEApril 16, 2018 at 3:10 PM

It seems to me that someone who is on facebook bitching about labels is not yet confident enough in her own gender identity to be able to give up the very label she wants to wish away. The truth is that very few of us who have suffered through a male puberty will ever be able to escape the "transgender" label. As you posted before, there's always something (or someone) there to remind me. The best we can do is live as authentically as we can, and try to ignore the labels anyone else may want to tag us with. Worrying about it all the time probably leads to more self-labeling than what others may do or think. An important step - or wall to climb, if you will - in transition is to just get over oneself. When we realize that what others may think of us is really none of our business, we are then free to become who we see ourselves to be. Whether that be a transgender woman or a woman, we each have our own identities, and only we can define our ourselves. Those who would insist upon placing the transgender label on us will continue to do so, but I'd prefer that adjective to "bitchy" or "bitter" - accompanied by the transgender label or not.

I think you'll agree that the most affirming thing is to hear from someone, while knowing you are a transgender woman, that they can't imagine you as anything but the woman you are. If you want to be seen as a woman, all you really have to do is act like one; a gracious and friendly one makes it all the better.

I agree! In fact I can use the two women from dinner Monday night as an example!

Girls Night Out

A small group of friends I have, every month has a dinner get together called a "meet-up."

Monday night, this month's meet-up was at a local Mexican restaurant. Out of seven people who said they were going to come, only three showed up. Including me. The other two were cis women I have known for awhile. To them I am just me and not transgender.

The dinner went along well with everyone sharing small talk about family and spouses. I didn't think much of it until I was on my way home, how nice it was.  Years ago, I considered a "girls night out" to be a rite of passage into a feminine life and now I was taking it for granted.

The picture is actually taken years ago at my first "girls night out." During it, the woman on the far right with the burgundy top never did seem to accept me being there. As I said, I have known the women I ate with for several years, so I did not have any problem with anything like that. Even the waiter was liberal with his use of the "lady" word. I have had problems with that in the past in a few Mexican restaurants.

Time flies when you are having fun!

When the Words Get in the Way

Again I find myself writing about a Facebook post I saw about labels.

The person in particular was again bitching about being called transgender and overall about labels being used at all. Ideally, she is right but then again the human animal needs labels to communicate. When you get right down to it, someone using the "she" pronoun with you is a label.

As far as being called trans at all is a matter of personal preference which I have written about here in Cyrsti's Condo many times. If I had my preference, I would like to be called a woman of transgender persuasion. However, all of that seems totally unwieldy.

I also think to be removed from the transgender woman umbrella creates one more void in the world. The more I am visible, the more I do to help create a better world for other trans girls. I guess my large frame is not built to go stealth and disappear.

Plus these days the community of all women needs all the help it can get.

Seeing as how I work with the written word, labels to me will be around for as long as there are humans.

It's Been Forever?

Yesterday I went to my bank to deposit some money. Out of the three tellers, I just happened to get the male one. Either he thought I was a vision of loveliness (probably not) or having a real live transgender woman in the bank was a relief from his normal day to day activities.

At any rate, the questions came fast, furious and friendly. Did I do most of my banking on line, was my day going good and was I sure there was nothing else I could be helped with?  I was almost embarrassed. After all, how exciting is a trip to the grocery store anyway?  Plus, yes I did live this way and just didn't put on makeup and women's clothes to go to the bank and run errands. He didn't ask that, of course.

I'm sure though, I shouldn't complain. It wasn't so long ago I was filled full of angst with the thought of even going out in public, let alone communicating with anyone.

As much as I want to be recognized as simply an attractive woman, more than likely, the idea of another person seeing me as a trans girl sometimes is just as satisfying.

In fact on Facebook, I just commented on a person's post who has complained about not wanting to be called transgender at all. She hates the community and pretty much all it stands for. That's all well and good, everyone is entitled to their opinion but it is akin to throwing the baby out with the dish water. After all, one of the big reasons no one knows much about the trans community is because of all the so called transsexuals who transitioned years ago and disappeared. And, like any other community, not all the peeps are pleasant.

We all grew up being someone. Just because that someone happened to be male doesn't make you or him all bad. With all the suicide going on in the LGBT community (especially the 'T') we need visible survivors to prove to the world we can make it and prosper.

Different Ideas

I get soooo tired of hearing/seeing myself write about the same things here in Cyrsti's Condo, so when I get the chance, I embrace different ideas from you who write in.

In response to my "mini rant" about a couple "alpha" transgender women I know, Paula Goodwin wrote in and said:

Paula GoodwinApril 13, 2018 at 9:35 AM

Over the years I have learnt that just because we have one thing in common, that does not mean we will have anything else. Not all tuba players are close friends neither do we all share the same political or musical views, the same should be expected of Trans people. I consider myself lucky that I have met a couple of people through my local support group who I like to think I would have been friends with however we met. As for the others, I am more than happy to share a Saturday night with them and have some fun, but we won't be BFFs just because they happen to also be Trans."

Also, transitioning a gender doesn't mean you are transitioning a personality.

The second comment comes from another of my acquaintances from my cross dresser - transgender group. First of all, she is delightful and is in the early stages of hormone replacement therapy.

Slowly but surely, she is coming out at work and travels a lot. One lesbian woman she sees on occasion started quite the conversation the other day. It turns out, the woman thought my friend was a butch lesbian. Finally, after some prodding, she (my friend) said no, she was trans. Without skipping a beat, the lesbian said cool! When are you going to start testosterone shots? My acquaintance had to explain then, she was going from Mtf! Quite the conversation. 

Thanks to both of you for making blogging fun again.  

Transgender Model

Trans model Leyna Bloom eyes a Victoria Secret modeling gig!
From Yahoo:

"Bloom threw her hat in the ring because she’s always wanted to work with the company. “It’s always been a dream for me, like so many others, not just trans — POC, all women, and some men even,” she tells Yahoo Lifestyle. “This is a platform that glorifies femininity. I always felt in my most natural state I am heavenly. For my trans sisters, regardless of color, this will be a moment for us all.”

Bloom has been modeling professionally since 2014, including walking in runway shows for Chromat and the Blonds. Last year, she made history as the first trans person of color featured in Vogue India. “Work has been steady. There’s definitely been a gamble with other bigger brands to take on a trans model of color,” she admits. “I don’t know why it’s so hard for them to want to give us a shot. Then again, nothing happens overnight.”

Girl Talk

A couple nights ago at the cross dresser - transgender support group meeting, it seemed I was destined to answer routine questions about my Mtf gender transitions again. For the most part, I am fine with questions because, after all it is a support group.

Most of the questions came from the hairdresser (cis woman) with a transgender son. She wanted to know how long I had been out in the feminine world and how did I do it. Among other things. I told her I seriously transitioned about six years ago and have been on hormone replacement therapy for over four years. I did go on to tell her, no, I wasn't looking to have any bottom surgery as I am quite content to live the way I am. After all, I added, gender is between the ears anyway.

However, if I was much younger, my thoughts on surgery may be quite different.

The other "questions" came in the form of subtle conversations with others I just met. I was fortunate in everyone was quite respectful and not crass. Most came from very nervous early cross dressers, just finding their way.

So all in all, it was an interesting evening. Next week, I have my other support group meeting for transgender veterans up in Dayton and normally isn't so fun. although, since the weather is better (finally) perhaps some of the earlier "co combatants" in the group will return to stir the group up a bit. I'm really interested to hear from the "phantom" sex change person again. If you recall her, she is the one who would contradict herself on occasion about the process.

The Cincinnati veterans center is starting it's own support group, but I haven't decided as of yet to go or not. I am of the opinion not to. Enough is enough!

Another Shopping Weekend?

As the Trans Ohio Symposium grows ever closer, the last weekend in April, I still haven't done my shopping yet for the weekend.

I know what I would love to find, but finding it in my size is always the difficult part. A top which falls off of one shoulder is on my wish list but we will see. 

Fortunately, in my area, there are a multitude of places I can try to go with my partner Liz. Plus, I still have quite a bit left I need to spend off a gift certificate I received as a birthday gift from my daughter some time ago. I have been saving it back for a time such as this, so it is time to use it.

To make matters more interesting is the long "Boho" skirt Liz bought me Sunday. It is black, so any spring color ought to go with it, I would think. 

At least I have a couple pictures to remind me what I wore before to the Symposium. Which for the past several years has been held at The Ohio State University Union...thus the picture with mascot "Brutus" on the right.

Also, Liz and I have to factor in getting our nails done before we go!

No One to Bitch About?

Last night I went half halfheartedly to my cross dresser - transgender support group meeting and was pleasantly surprised. No one of the "sand paper"persuasion was there. By "sand paper" I mean someone with an abrasive personality. A nice group showed up, and I don't think I have ever seen so many covered and uncovered silicone boobs (for swap) in my life :).

I did get the gossip on a couple of the members I have commented about here in Cyrstti's Condo in the past and did get a chance to meet a couple of new cross dressers I had never met before. In fact about five or six.

I also was brave and set up the groundwork to go to a hair stylist in the future. She was very nice and even has a transgender teen son. Maybe I scared her when she asked was all that hair mine.

While we are on the subject of meeting other trans women, here is Connie's take on the situation:

"Well, your trans group experiences just go to show that the saying is true: If you've met one trans woman....you've met one trans woman! I used to cringe at the thought of some trans women I know exhibiting "undesirable" behavior in public. That their behavior is not desirable to me, however, does not reflect on me so much as I once believed it did. We may have the commonality of gender identity, but we are all different individuals, and I wouldn't want it any other way. I can be taken by others for who I am, a unique individual who happens to be a transgender woman. I hate the idea of being seen as a stereotype, so the more variety the public sees, the less chance there will be that I am seen as "one of those."

Class is a matter of personal taste, ultimately. I consider my own taste to be quite refined (thanks, Mom), but I imagine that there are people - trans or not - who would poo-poo me just as I have doubts about others. We all tend to gravitate toward individuals and groups who are more like ourselves. Again, I like the fact that I can look beyond a trans individual or group in finding a satisfying place for myself in life. I don't think that makes me a total bitch, either (well, not total, anyway;-)"

Thanks Connie!