Can We Learn?

Some staunch transgender woman opponents say it is impossible for a person born a biological male to ever understand what it is like to truly transition into a cis woman's world.

Of course I am biased, but I say it is possible we transgender women can totally assimilate a cis woman's lifestyle.

I used to refer to the process as "playing in the girl's sandbox."  When one begins to try to survive in a feminine world, women teach us tons, if they know it or not.

Remembering the early scratch marks I received as I learned the terrain, it's a wonder I made it at all. But I did. Here's an example:

I had to learn where passively aggressive women carried their invisible knives and how to watch your back when they tried to use them. Also I had to fight those who thought I was some temporary cross dresser who would head home, put my pretty clothes away and resume my life as a guy. The fight didn't last long as I established my true feminine personality and flourished . 

Human beings are sharks and cis women are the top mental predators. Once cis women couldn't find any BS in my Mtf transgender transition, they, for the most part had no problems with me.

And then there are the ever expanding examples of gender violence and sexual predators. Both tie trans women even closer into the overall universal feminine experience.

Finally, most cis women will never understand the amount of time trans women spent during their life watching and learning from afar. The ultimate form of flattery. Most cis women just can't understand we were always women...just born different.

So, those are only a few of the reasons I believe we trans women can understand a cis woman's world and on some occasions, our male experiences even help.

A true " Both Sides Now."  (With all respect to Judy Collins)

Another Look

I have been fortunate enough to receive several fascinating comments from transgender women on their lifelong MtF transition from being a cross dresser, to where they truly belong...out and proud trans women.

The first came from Paula Goodwin and the second from Connie Malone:

"I have to say that I do not look back on cross dressing with any fondness. Sure, I felt terrific when I got all dolled up, but there was always an underlying feeling of guilt and shame associated with it. At first, I felt guilt and shame for doing something I could only understand as deviant behavior. However, the worst part of it was the deceit in trying to keep it a secret from loved ones and friends. Once I understood that I didn't need to cross dress in order to express my femininity, I began "fessing up" to myself and others. I asked for their forgiveness - not for my being trans, but for the lengths I would go to hide it from them. Coming out is one thing; coming clean is another.

My everyday wardrobe now - jeans, hoodie, and sneakers - is no different than what I used to wear in my male life. When I do have reason to dress up now, instead of a coat and tie, it's a dress and heels. The emotional and mental difference is like night and day, and the physical discomfort that may come with wearing foundation garments and heels is the only price I pay these days. I'm so lucky to feel pretty and not feel guilt. Freeing myself of the guilt, by the way, makes me all the more pretty!"

Nice! Thanks :)

Not Again!

Leelah Alcorn

An Ohio judge will decide whether a transgender boy whose parents, according to court documents, want "Christian-based" therapy for him can receive treatment at Cincinnati Children's Hospital Medical Center.

The 16-year-old wants to transition in gender, but court documents say his parents have denied he is transgender, have refused services from Children's Hospital and at one point refused to allow him to change his "appearance to a male look."

The teen has reported that he was once forced to sit in a room and listen to Bible scriptures for more than six hours at a time, the documents say, the Cincinnati Enquirer reported.

All of this comes on the heels of Greater Cincinnati trans teenager "Leelal Alcorn's" suicide a couple years ago under similar circumstances.

How sad! Even tragic if you are willing to sacrifice your transgender child for some mis-guided principal.  

More Cross Dressers?

Our Cyrsti's Condo comment today comes from Paula Goodwin  and concerns two recent posts including "Psst, There are Cross dressers Here":

Paula GoodwinDecember 6, 2017 at 6:33 AM

"I refer you to my comment on Sunday's post! Of course we were all cross dressers at some point, and they are very definitely amongst us ~ I suspect many more than we suspect, they should be welcomed into the "Trans Community" if there is such a thing, as in many ways they are the pinnacle of divergent gender expression!

In some ways I rather miss my days as a cross dresser, the excitement of going out, the glee of preparation, even the fear of being "found out" added extra spice to my outings. On the other hand I do now feel comfortable with myself."

As do I! Thanks Paula.

Yesterday marked another trip to my Veterans Administration Hospital therapist in Dayton, Ohio. I wore my new green sweater, black leggings and knee hi boots. Even the hospital  was decked out very festively for the holidays, complete with a touring group of carolers. Personally, my trip was very uneventful as no one mis-gendered me except for one guy in a wheel chair who wouldn't stop staring but never spoke.  He made me feel very unsettled. I thought I looked very nice, but I can't vouch for him!

Going back to Paula's comment, I too sometimes miss the sheer (no pun intended) excitement of cross dressing all the way up and going shopping, or whatever. On the other hand, I have gained the pride that any cis-woman has when she dresses nice and does a good job at it.  Yesterday was a great example of being comfortable in my transgender skin...and beyond.

Psst! There are Cross Dressers Among Us

This Cyrsti's Condo post comes from 2012 but is still very relevant today:

Over the months and years here in the condo, we have labored over many different labels. Out of pure simplicity I have just decided to stay with a couple main ones such as transgender and transsexual. To take the whole step further the terms "culture and community" have come into discussion too.

Having said all of that, I wonder where all the semantic babble we indulge in leaves the cross dressers who often exist like the "elephant in the corner". First of all, here are some of my ideas of a cross dresser:

In the most basic sense, we are all crossdressers. If you came out of the womb as a male and dress as a female (or vice versa) you are a cross dresser. All the tons of information, ideas and theories why don't matter in this discussion. Where I'm going here is where being a crossdresser may take us-or not.

For a fact I know more than just a few of you who are content to be just a cross dresser  You may love the feeling of the clothes-physically and or sexually. You may not have any desires to experience the world as a female in any sense and t

hat's all good. Then, comes a much bigger cross dresser segment.

I use the term "transition crossdressers". You are the ones who are not certain what all this means. Is a sex change in your future? What about your life as you know it now? The bottom line is you know this is so much more than just putting on women's clothes in the privacy of your home. Exploration begins in so many areas  ranging from attending meetings to going public as a member of your chosen gender. (No matter how successful)

I was a transition crossdresser. What ever sexual thrill I initially experienced from women's clothes went away quickly and I was left wondering what was missing here? Like so many of you, I dug a hole, jumped into it and tried to bury that part of me. I was the crossdressed elephant in the corner of the room.  Silent and largely ignored by the rest of the transgender community and invisible to the transsexuals.

For the most part nothing has changed in our culture for the transition crossdresser except for the enormous amount information available today.

The only positives I can offer here are I know you are sitting in the corner and I remember the enormous struggles I have gone through to arrive at this point in my life. Referencing you becomes the problem because in some senses I believe you are the "silent majority" in the transgender culture because of necessity. Some seem to think if you have not made the blind leap of faith into absolute gender transition it makes you less of a person. I of course do not believe that and in many ways write this blog to provide any insight and help and can provide.

Yes Virginia, there are cross dressers among us!

Progress?

As I read over many of my old Cyrsti's Condo posts over the years, I wonder if we as a transgender community has progressed much at all.

Many times I believe it has since the "T" in the LGBT logo is not nearly as silent as it used to be. I remember the day when I was discriminated against in a gay bar and had a hard time even getting a cocktail.

It could be the HRT working for me, but today I don't think I am mistaken for a cross dresser or drag queen as much. Although I have nothing against either. Or, it could be society is more "used" to the idea of a non binary transgender type person.

Or perhaps, I just don't care what society thinks and the freedom gives me a better chance to lead whatever life I choose, which happens to be a feminine one.

Even with the current administration which at times seems to foster a particular dislike for us, a certain amount of society has used the time to accept us and even vote for transgender in the LGBT political tickets around the country.

So, I guess times are better. We now have established organizations such as Lambda Legal which can fight for our basic rights in courts. Plus as more and more people are lucky enough to meet or know a transgender person, the less foreign we seem.

Certainly progress is slow and even uncertain in the current times we live in, but our tribe has proven to be tough and resilient for the battles for trans equality ahead.

We Got Female

Received several great comments here in Cyrsti's Condo over the weekend about several different posts. The first comes from Paula Goodwin on Eddie Izzard:

Paula GoodwinDecember 4, 2017 at 6:33 AM

"Izzard is a contentious figure over here, for some he is "not trans enough" because he will switch presentation, for others he is "not serious enough" because of his day job as a comic, and for others again he is "not female enough" but is seen as a male invading female spaces. I am something of a fan, but suspect that a less famous, more settled personality will beat him. We already have trans councillors and MEPS, but as yet no Labour party MPs, We have several candidates but none yet in a winnable constituency. (I have considered standing myself but I'm not sure that I and my family could stand the media attention). "

Thanks Paula! From what I know of Eddie Izzard, I imagine he does create some controversy. I was surprised when he publically crossed the line from cross dresser to transgender.

The second comment comes from Joanna about the post comparing cross dressing as a gateway "drug" to becoming transgender : joanna SantosDecember 3, 2017 at 3:44 PM

"I went through exactly the same type of thinking Cyrsti and finally realized it wasn't a drug but the denial of your true nature emulating a withdrawal cycle we had created by denying it. Takes a while to figure this out however and when you do its a great relief. Nice post"

Thanks to you Joanna! Love the comment!

Our final comment for the day comes from Connie:

"Speaking of holiday parties, I have been invited, again, to the annual party given by a couple who "disinvited" me a few years ago after I came out to them. After meeting with them privately later, however, they considered me acceptable to mingle with their esteemed guests the next year. This will be the third year I will attend in all of my holiday party glamour, and I go just to spite them. They are Trump supporters, as are many of their friends, and I feel I must be there to represent the "deplorables" of the world. I refuse to talk politics at any party, especially this one. I will be, however, charming, witty, and looking my best. I'm sure that I am the only trans woman many of them have ever met, and I want to leave the best impression that I can. If some of the husbands come away thinking I'm prettier than their wives (and I am, I think, in some cases), that is just icing on the Christmas cookie. I haven't decided what to wear yet - except for the all-important smile (while simultaneously biting my tongue often)."

Being more than a little pretentious myself, I don't being the "star" attraction at a party and so far I have never have had to discuss politics. Plus, Liz's big boss is an out lesbian, so the LGBT connection works in my favor.

As far as being better looking than someone else, I can't/won't answer to that either. I just do the best I can within the limits I have to work with. Thanks for the comment.

Cyrsti's Condo "Archive Post"

This post was written back in 2012 and considers the idea of a cross dressing = transgender addiction:

"I was working on my book last night and going over chapter ideas.  One of the old ideas I always felt  ridiculous was cross dressing being an entry gateway to transsexualism. Not unlike the marijuana/ heroine connection. If you put on your Mom or sister's clothes, sooner or later you would be going under the SRS knife. If you took a hit on a bong, heroine and ruin was in your future.

Years later as I think about it, I can see how the connection can be made. As I explored my life as a closeted cross dresser, for the most part I was just confused. Nothing was enough. Dressing more, a new outfit or wig and even passing well at the mall were only temporary fixes. Something was missing.

I have smoked the "heathen weed" but thank goodness never went any farther in the drug culture but have heard the impact cocaine or heroin has on a mind. I can compare my fix in a similar sense I guess.  Of course without the terrible health problems drug use causes.

The end result was I finally ended the short term fixes and faced up to my true self. I found my own transgender religion. I vividly remember the night not so long ago it happened. I was me and I embraced myself totally for the first time in my life.

I can see however the feeling that night could have been compared to the great feeling of wellness heroine supposedly gives you. The difference is I don't need a hit every day to maintain the high.

That's the reason I can say cross dressing was not a gateway drug for me, I found I used it to mask who I really was. The whole time I was transgender...DUH! But certainly others may be different in that cross dressing may be the only gender fix they ever need for whatever reason. No different than drinking a beer when you come home from work and not a fifth of bourbon.

Life is kind of like that...right?"

A Lazy Sunday?

It's hard to believe my fave time of the year (fall) is nearly over and Christmas is approaching quickly with a touch of snow even in the forecast later in the week.

The good news is my "The Ohio State Buckeye" football team pulled out a hard fought victory over Wisconsin with a crippled quarterback none the less. Also, the Bengals can't lose to the Steelers today because they don't play until Monday night.

I did see a cute Buckeye sweat shirt yesterday with a "V" neck which may look sharp with leggings and slouch boots I could wear around football bowl time. I am still looking for an article or two of clothing to buy with my gift card from my daughter. (It's burning a hole in my purse!)

Essentially, I am looking for a longer black or silver gray sweater top I could possibly wear on New Year's Eve this year. It's looking as if I also will have a couple of potential "dress up" affairs coming up for the holidays. I really don't want to wear the same thing if I can help it, even though I won't be seeing the same people.

So, while this Sunday is a bit lazy, looking ahead isn't. Naturally, you will find how a transgender woman's life gets as cluttered as a cis woman quickly,  as we cross the MtF gender boundaries.