A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood-Almost

Yesterday I had to take my Rolls Royce into one of my least fave places to visit, the auto repair shop.

The visit started well enough when the guy called me "mam' and I immediately felt more at ease. But as usually happens, in the middle of the conversation, he became gender confused with me. This time I even tried to stay ahead of the curve and project a feminine aura.(To make sure I wasn't projecting any male vibes subconsciously) Which didn't seem to work either. I guess sooner or later I will have to get used to the fact that when I get up close and too personal with most of the public, I will be read as transgender.

It could be and has been worse though. At least no one has been outwardly cruel to me.

Plus every time it happens, I take the time to "go back to the drawing board" and examine what I can do to make my presentation a little bit better!

International Women's Day

Ironically, most of the cis women I know can't afford to take the day off, for whatever reason. Many of course simply can't afford it.

Certainly we all know women who have done super human jobs raising families as single Moms. Plus most have had to put up with several men in their lives who are certain to complicate matters.

My complete respect goes out to all cis women everywhere and transgender women too.

Although many would try to exclude us from the socializing process which makes a female a woman, of course I don't.

Why? Because our femininity ascent was certainly not a walk in the park and often just the opposite. When cis-women were raising families, many of us were excluded from ours through no fault of our own.

So, all you transgender women, enjoy your day too-if you can!

Transgender Candidate Running for Governor

From Connecticut:  Jacey Wyatt from Branford, who grew up as John Christian Pascarella before undergoing gender reassignment surgery in 2003, is running for governor as a Democrat.

The post was a bit confusing to me as Wyatt said she was born with “both sexes,” but has always identified as a woman.

“I grew up with Barbies,” Wyatt said. “I didn’t go to the bathroom at the school. I went home.”

Wyatt said she was fortunate to have the money and support to undergo gender reassignment surgery at the University of Connecticut, including breast augmentation and hormone therapy.

“I’m a legal female,” Wyatt said. “I will never, ever, ever have a situation that I can’t go to the bathroom in North Carolina. (But) there’s somebody that maybe can’t afford what I had done.

 Go here for more.

Are There Coincidences?

Yes! Here is one from Connie:

"What a coincidence! Today is the birthday of a (lost?) friend of mine. We met many years ago at a local transgender social group meeting - the very first night I found the nerve to venture out. We had much in common, and our mothers were each struggling with their terminal cancers. We helped each other deal through some heavy times. 

Then, one day, I separated myself from any notion of a cross dresser's lifestyle, never to pretend to be a man again. I can only guess that our friendship drifted apart because, although I was accepted, I was not "fun" anymore. I never judged her/him (I knew both) for being "just" a cross dresser, but I imagine I was perceived to have. It pissed me off one day when I was told that I could have been hired to do a job, had I been willing to butch-up for it. Transphobia exists under the transgender umbrella! Still, I am a forgiving woman, and I will send a short birthday wish. I don't expect to receive a thank you, but I'll be damned if I will be the one who is afraid to reach out."

Thanks Connie!

Old Friends Are Hard to Find!

As with so many other transgender women and trans men, when I transitioned I gave up contact with several old friends who I thought refused to accept me. One it turns out was too quick.

I came out to her and her comment was she was shocked, "I was the most macho man she had ever known." Guess I played the part well. At any rate we went our separate ways in separate cities. She craves very rural areas with no neighbors while I have always liked medium sized big cities such as Cincinnati or Columbus.

As days stretched into weeks, months and years, I just figured she had refused to accept me and moved on like a few of my other friends.

I was wrong. Saturday night out of the clear blue sky I received a text which merely asked was this (my old male name.) Understandably I proceeded slowly since I didn't recognize the number. We exchanged a few more texts before she finally gave herself away and told me who it was and...

Told me she didn't abandon me, she lost me. 

It turns out all this time, she did accept my Mtf gender transition and had lost my phone number information. Plus, I didn't have hers so there was no way we could connect. Plus, ironically, it turns out she is originally from the area of Cincinnati Liz is from and they knew some of the same people growing up. It is truly a small world!

We ended up calling each other and chatting for over an hour when she told me she had even talked to my daughter about my transition and I was obviously the last to know.

She lives about a hour or so east of us near the Ohio River, so getting together in person is very feasible.

I can't wait and it does my heart good to know and old dear friend didn't desert me!

"Transer Than Thou?"

in response to my post on "Hell" Connie wrote:" I never hear you say the phrase that you used to use anymore, and, out of respect, I will modify it to "Transer than thou". It seems that many trans women fall back on their male need for competition to find validation. Whether one spends 5 minutes or 5 hours on her makeup is like bragging about the length of ones penis. The only difference is that it varies from person to person whether longer is better or worse. Let's face it (pun wasn't intended, but now that I've written it....), most of us need the makeup for the purpose of femininization, as we don't have a chance of presenting well without it. 

Dolly Parton has admitted to patterning her look after the harlots she would see in her youth, and compares her presentation to that of drag queens. She is also intent on maintaining her made-up look, even as she sleeps, so that only she would see herself without it in her private mirror. Still, we know that she sees a feminine face there, and, after she has spent whatever time it takes to reapply her makeup, is she any more or less a woman because of it? Some may argue that she's putting herself through hell in the process, though. If she is (and I don't believe she thinks she is), then it's for her, alone, to decide. I think it's the need to compete, with which the Devil uses, that leads us to our own hell."

Thanks!

Going Through Hell to Get to Heaven?

It seems the more I am around younger LGBT (more specifically the transgender groups) the better their attitude is compared to the "more mature" trans folks.

With all due respect to the Steve Miller Band song, is it because we had to go through hell to get to heaven? With all due respects to the "youngsters" the world is changing quickly in regards to the transgender community, so maybe they should have a better attitude. OR, do we "more mature" trans folk just harbor some grumpy resentment?

After all most of us were trapped in very small dark closets without even a glimmer of hope from a computer screen. Also, by the time we were able to attempt a transition, our bodies were wrecked by the ravages of years of testosterone, unless we were very fortunate.

Or it could be just a basic change of attitude. Some waited so long to get to where they wanted to go in a feminine world, when they got there, it proved to not be what they thought. After all, it wasn't for me.

Nearly nothing was bad for me, it was just facing the 24/7 world as a trans woman was just different. I had to reach some magical point of blending versus of looking like I wasn't trying, which has seemed to be a recent point of emphasis here in Cyrsti's Condo. Probably because of two post opt transgender women I have seen recently. At one of the meetings, another member said she spent about a half hour on her makeup and one of the post opts said "I only spend a couple minutes.'' Being the smart arse I am, I almost said "It looks like it." But I didn't. No matter how snarky she is, there should be no need to jump into the snake pit with her.

Maybe too, it's an idea Connie and I used to discuss years ago. What if you went through all the pain and suffering only to find you were in an irreversible miserable lonely place? An ugly new closet indeed.

I wish I could share a lengthy FB post I read recently from a much younger trans woman friend of mine who just had a boob job, FFS and other work done. She looks good but now is facing
the prospect of dating crazies from both sides of the gender aisle.

I guess so many people can go thru hell and never get to heaven. Sorry Steve.

For the Trans Kids

As promised, I went to the downtown Cincinnati rally Thursday night protesting the 45's administration handling of the school transgender restroom ban.

Even though the weather was chilly and blustery, a nice turnout showed up for the rally. One of the city commissioners attended as well as four or five other speakers from LGBT organizations around the metro area. For most in my mind was the representative from the Cincinnati Public School Board. She made a strong point of telling the crowd the school board was going to enact it's own inclusive transgender rest room legislation.

Photo: Raya Schweitzer

I just wish more trans kids could be pulled back from under the bus they recently were tossed under-without a say.

Don't I Know You?

Last weekend, one of the classic movie channels showed the movie Some Like it Hot with Tony Curtis, Jack Lemmons and Marilyn Monroe. The 1959 classic is based on Lemmons and Curtis trying to elude the Chicago Mob in drag after witnessing a hit.

Throughout the movie mostly Curtis who appeared more predominately as a man and woman was asked "Don't I know you?"

Which brings me to a point from my last post "Oh No She Didn't" when I mentioned being recognized when I was cross dressed before I went 24/7.

Taking the subject a bit further was Mandy Sherman:

Oh, but as we know, they CAN and WILL recognize you! 

IMHO the only way to"possibly" avoid it is to NOT wear your hair the normal way when dressed. Mine "is what it is." All the time. Dressed or androgynous. And I'm recognizable. I don't care... 

A couple of years ago, I went into a restaurant on the other side of the Chesapeake, about 60 miles from home (in a congested shopping area), fully femme. A safe thing to do, right? Ummm...not so much. Our current next door neighbors were having dinner there. Oops. And I didn't see them.

I'm still not sure if they got an eyefull...but they could have seen everything! They didn't say hello till AFTER I was seated, and they both were on the way to the potty before leaving. It's hard to hide earrings, painted nails and a skirt when you're trapped at a table in a restaurant.

Those same folks invited my wife and I to a party at their house later in the season. I was nervous, but nothing was said...so I'll never know for sure what they saw. Yes, they've seen me running around the house in one of my house-dresses, so they DO know...

The makeover I sat for a couple years ago proved that the only way to possibly "not" be recognized is a drastic change in hairstyle. I have long, dark, wavy and somewhat flyaway hair with dishwater blondish ends, and the wig the artist put on me was a dark chin length bob, rather short and with uniform color. (You can see it in my posts "The Marvelous Weekend", parts 1 through 3 from August of 2014) 

With that wig, even my own mother can't recognize me in a picture! Yes, Mom knows I dress and isn't overly fond of it, but with dementia she doesn't remember (though she normally does recognize me in pictures with my regular girl clothes...) Fortunately, the memory disappears before I hit the door on the way out.

Hang in there, girlfriend!

Mandy

Thanks Mandy! I have provided a link to her blog above :) As far as "hanging" goes, these days I try to not let the noose get too tight!