"Transer Than Thou?"

in response to my post on "Hell" Connie wrote:" I never hear you say the phrase that you used to use anymore, and, out of respect, I will modify it to "Transer than thou". It seems that many trans women fall back on their male need for competition to find validation. Whether one spends 5 minutes or 5 hours on her makeup is like bragging about the length of ones penis. The only difference is that it varies from person to person whether longer is better or worse. Let's face it (pun wasn't intended, but now that I've written it....), most of us need the makeup for the purpose of femininization, as we don't have a chance of presenting well without it. 

Dolly Parton has admitted to patterning her look after the harlots she would see in her youth, and compares her presentation to that of drag queens. She is also intent on maintaining her made-up look, even as she sleeps, so that only she would see herself without it in her private mirror. Still, we know that she sees a feminine face there, and, after she has spent whatever time it takes to reapply her makeup, is she any more or less a woman because of it? Some may argue that she's putting herself through hell in the process, though. If she is (and I don't believe she thinks she is), then it's for her, alone, to decide. I think it's the need to compete, with which the Devil uses, that leads us to our own hell."

Thanks!

Going Through Hell to Get to Heaven?

It seems the more I am around younger LGBT (more specifically the transgender groups) the better their attitude is compared to the "more mature" trans folks.

With all due respect to the Steve Miller Band song, is it because we had to go through hell to get to heaven? With all due respects to the "youngsters" the world is changing quickly in regards to the transgender community, so maybe they should have a better attitude. OR, do we "more mature" trans folk just harbor some grumpy resentment?

After all most of us were trapped in very small dark closets without even a glimmer of hope from a computer screen. Also, by the time we were able to attempt a transition, our bodies were wrecked by the ravages of years of testosterone, unless we were very fortunate.

Or it could be just a basic change of attitude. Some waited so long to get to where they wanted to go in a feminine world, when they got there, it proved to not be what they thought. After all, it wasn't for me.

Nearly nothing was bad for me, it was just facing the 24/7 world as a trans woman was just different. I had to reach some magical point of blending versus of looking like I wasn't trying, which has seemed to be a recent point of emphasis here in Cyrsti's Condo. Probably because of two post opt transgender women I have seen recently. At one of the meetings, another member said she spent about a half hour on her makeup and one of the post opts said "I only spend a couple minutes.'' Being the smart arse I am, I almost said "It looks like it." But I didn't. No matter how snarky she is, there should be no need to jump into the snake pit with her.

Maybe too, it's an idea Connie and I used to discuss years ago. What if you went through all the pain and suffering only to find you were in an irreversible miserable lonely place? An ugly new closet indeed.

I wish I could share a lengthy FB post I read recently from a much younger trans woman friend of mine who just had a boob job, FFS and other work done. She looks good but now is facing
the prospect of dating crazies from both sides of the gender aisle.

I guess so many people can go thru hell and never get to heaven. Sorry Steve.

For the Trans Kids

As promised, I went to the downtown Cincinnati rally Thursday night protesting the 45's administration handling of the school transgender restroom ban.

Even though the weather was chilly and blustery, a nice turnout showed up for the rally. One of the city commissioners attended as well as four or five other speakers from LGBT organizations around the metro area. For most in my mind was the representative from the Cincinnati Public School Board. She made a strong point of telling the crowd the school board was going to enact it's own inclusive transgender rest room legislation.

Photo: Raya Schweitzer

I just wish more trans kids could be pulled back from under the bus they recently were tossed under-without a say.

Don't I Know You?

Last weekend, one of the classic movie channels showed the movie Some Like it Hot with Tony Curtis, Jack Lemmons and Marilyn Monroe. The 1959 classic is based on Lemmons and Curtis trying to elude the Chicago Mob in drag after witnessing a hit.

Throughout the movie mostly Curtis who appeared more predominately as a man and woman was asked "Don't I know you?"

Which brings me to a point from my last post "Oh No She Didn't" when I mentioned being recognized when I was cross dressed before I went 24/7.

Taking the subject a bit further was Mandy Sherman:

Oh, but as we know, they CAN and WILL recognize you! 

IMHO the only way to"possibly" avoid it is to NOT wear your hair the normal way when dressed. Mine "is what it is." All the time. Dressed or androgynous. And I'm recognizable. I don't care... 

A couple of years ago, I went into a restaurant on the other side of the Chesapeake, about 60 miles from home (in a congested shopping area), fully femme. A safe thing to do, right? Ummm...not so much. Our current next door neighbors were having dinner there. Oops. And I didn't see them.

I'm still not sure if they got an eyefull...but they could have seen everything! They didn't say hello till AFTER I was seated, and they both were on the way to the potty before leaving. It's hard to hide earrings, painted nails and a skirt when you're trapped at a table in a restaurant.

Those same folks invited my wife and I to a party at their house later in the season. I was nervous, but nothing was said...so I'll never know for sure what they saw. Yes, they've seen me running around the house in one of my house-dresses, so they DO know...

The makeover I sat for a couple years ago proved that the only way to possibly "not" be recognized is a drastic change in hairstyle. I have long, dark, wavy and somewhat flyaway hair with dishwater blondish ends, and the wig the artist put on me was a dark chin length bob, rather short and with uniform color. (You can see it in my posts "The Marvelous Weekend", parts 1 through 3 from August of 2014) 

With that wig, even my own mother can't recognize me in a picture! Yes, Mom knows I dress and isn't overly fond of it, but with dementia she doesn't remember (though she normally does recognize me in pictures with my regular girl clothes...) Fortunately, the memory disappears before I hit the door on the way out.

Hang in there, girlfriend!

Mandy

Thanks Mandy! I have provided a link to her blog above :) As far as "hanging" goes, these days I try to not let the noose get too tight!

Oh No She Didn't!!!

I know I criticize many different people and ideas I run into here and there in Cyrsti's Condo, so this post I'm criticizing several of the more questionable decisions I have made over the years.

1.- Walking urban streets late at night by myself. Not only did I do it, but I was not dressed to NOT attract attention. I am lucky I got by with nothing major happening except paying out a few bucks to pan handlers once. It was back in the day when I used to patronize a couple gay venues. Very unsafe and not recommended- the reason you don't see cis women do it alone.

2.- Driving a couple cars which were very sketchy. They were safe...when they were running. One had an electric fuel pump which sporadically would cut out on it's own and the other a gas gauge which would decide to stick. Both of which caused me immense pain a number of times. Again, late at night.

Daisy Dukes

3.- Thinking I looked great in completely inappropriate clothes and then walking through the neighborhood. The worst was when I fashioned an old pair of jeans into "Daisy Dukes" shorts. While perhaps I had the legs back then, that was it. Plus with my stomach, I most certainly couldn't tie off my blouse and show any skin!

4.- Clown wigs. I went to a rather lengthy and expensive phase when I thought every time I was busted as a guy, my wig was to blame. Often it was because I was not patient enough to save my money for a good wig and/or listened to a wig salesperson who was just interested in a sale. Notable mistakes were long curly wigs in black, red and blonde. When they brushed out, they resembled Bozo the clown. Another platinum blonde straight wig I had would have looked great on a teen or twenty something, but was totally inappropriate for me. I wore it one day with an extremely short skirt prompting one of my bar tender friends to comment "A little over the top aren't we?"

5.- "Flashing Semi Trucks", or pulling my short skirt up to the maximum height showing as much nylon clad leg as I could as I slowly passed a truck. This could be expanded to just wearing the wrong outfit at the wrong time. A time when I thought being validated as a woman came from looking sexy (trashy) rather than passing from within.

6.-  Burning bridges, for the longest time I thought people couldn't recognize me if I was cross dressed which proved to be wrong.

There are so many more mistakes I made, I will have to think of them and write another post someday. But, in the meantime, here is a small list of the stupid things I did...and yes. I mean stupid.

I was fortunate to have been able to get out of the situations I found myself in as I grew to understand my transgender woman status.

Don't Get Your Panties in a Bunch!

As I wrote about earlier this week, I went to my second cross dresser/transgender meeting this month. Unfortunately it was less well attended than the last one and the "snarky" cross dresser's wife wasn't there (either was he) as I suspected they wouldn't be.  In their place came a very smug real live 45 supporter post opt, another very new cross dresser to the scene and even another transgender veteran.

As the evening unfolded, the conversation degraded into a couple of the participants going into detail on how they had had to "beat down" detractors in the past. Look, I know most of us have had our share of transphobic slurs over the years, but going into gleeful details of physical responses isn't my idea of any kind of femininity. Especially in front of a new cross dresser who isn't "used" to the culture seen for the first time. It was almost as bad as when I went to my first transvestite mixer back in the day and some of the "girls" couldn't put their cowboy hats and big cigars away. And this was way before "Urban Cowboy". See Debra Winger!  Who could really rock the hat.

One was the Navy trans vet who I had seen at a clinic before and wondered why she seemingly put so little into her appearance, walk, etc. I used her as a motivation to keep trying harder to make the most that I can from my appearance. And, I can't be too cocky because for years I have been able to surround myself with other women who treat me as an equal. Which keeps the public in check for the most part.


So, for the second straight meeting, I sort of kept my feelings to myself and simply said my overwhelming public response to being transgender and even my early days as a cross dresser was positive. Or, I chose it to be. Sure I got the snickers (not the candy bar) on occasion, but I simply kept moving.

Plus I will admit to the rest room incidents I encountered along the way which still give me PTSD when I have to pee. None of which have soured me or deterred me from loving the life I am leading now.

It just saddens me to see others- be them cross dressers or transgender women be so negative and aggressive. Maybe those on HRT need a little higher dosage of Estrogen?

Supreme Court-Meet Gavin Grimm

The Supreme Court will rule on a landmark case over the right of trans students to use the bathroom that corresponds with their gender identity, the court announced on Friday.

The case revolves around Gavin Grimm, a trans boy in Virginia who was barred from using the men’s bathroom at his high school after the Gloucester County School Board approved a policy ordering students use the bathroom that matches their biological gender.

Grimm’s case marks the first time the Court will wade into the charged debate over so-called “bathroom bills” which has played out around the country. The battle has been particularly pronounced in North Carolina, where outrage over the notorious HB2 resulted in scores of public figures, businesses, entertainers, and sports leagues saying they would boycott the state while the law remained on the books.

Although the Obama administration issued a directive in May for school districts to allow trans students to use the bathroom of their choice, the battle has continued to play out at the state level. The Supreme Court now has the chance to put an end to gender-based bathroom policing once and for all.

It a bit of good news: 

ACLU National ✔ @ACLU

The Supreme Court called @libertycounsel out for referring to Gavin Grimm with the wrong pronoun

9:50 AM - 25 Feb 2017

It’s unclear how the Court will rule, but at least it’s holding firm on this important principle.

Busy Week

First of all, it's hard to believe March is here this week and I have so much to do!

Tonight is the bi-monthly meeting (no pun intended) of the Cincinnati Crossport  group which is a loosely tied together group of transgender and cross dressing peeps. I will be interested to see if the snarky cross dressers wife returns. If I get attacked, I will know she reads the blog :).

Tuesday is one of my VA doctors appointments up in Dayton which is quite the round trip and takes me most of the day.

Wednesday is a get together to do signage for Thursdays' protest march at Cincinnati's City Hall. Protesting of course "45's" (Trump's) edit to do away with transgender children's restroom protections. A slam at the most innocent sector of the transgender community, who of course do not have a vote.

Thursday is the protest itself which by all estimates should be well attended.

Friday I get my hearing checked...huh? Perhaps I can explain why I don't hear them when they call me "Mr."?

Saturday if we can fit it in is a meeting of one of the "creative" groups we go to. It's an eclectic group of artists, writers etc,

Then of course I have to work in time to write about it all!

And all this time I thought retirement was a time for rest?

Purge It-Dammit!

We all know one of the most wasteful and non productive parts of our cross dressing experiences have been the "purges" we have gone through. My own non official definition of a purge is to get rid of an article or articles of something you don't want.

Many of us have been forced by others such as a spouse, girlfriend or parent to purge ourselves of our feminine clothing, shoes and makeup. I know I have done it out of a sense of shame or even a resolution never to cross dress again. The whole process soon becomes similar to cutting a weed in the yard. The more you cut it, the faster it wants to come back. At a cost, of course.

Here is a more extreme case from Connie in response to a post I had written about my "stash" mysteriously disappearing from an apartment I lived in back before I was inducted into the Army:

" My mother once, despite my extraordinary efforts to hide it, found my "stash" when I was 16. She had bagged it up and put it on the kitchen table while I was at school, and then further shamed me by ordering me to throw it in the garbage can outside. I was so ashamed that I told her I'd go one better and take it straight to the dump (partially because my messed-up mind thought that the garbage man might put two and two together, thus knowing my secret).

 It wasn't long, though, before I had assembled a whole new - and upgraded - "stash", which I hid even better that time. I used to wonder "what if" I had not been made to endure such shame. I've let go of that notion, as I came to realize that I was feeling shame for something I didn't even understand at the time. The shame is that I really had nothing to be ashamed about - except for my deviousness and deception."

She (Connie) also mentioned the guy I wrote about who displayed a little extra interest in me "dressing up" after the fact:

"My first thought would have been "what if" it were that guy who ended up with my stuff. "

Good point and truly one I haven't given much thought to, except the timing wasn't quite right and besides that I was in full fledged damage control before I finally calmed down and thought what were they going to do to me? Draft me? Quickly it became too late to cry over spilled/lost panty hose anyway. 

I was out of there and off to Ft. Knox for a winter vacation (basic training) a month later anyhow. If the guy did end up with my "stash" I hope he enjoyed it as much as I did.