Not So Little Black Dress

Well tonight the snow has held off and I can make it to the Art Show, at which my photograph is part of. The only thing I can tell you is my photograph is part of a larger work being presented to a competition in Chicago. Obviously, I would be honored if the whole book made it.

For the evening I have chosen a belted black dress with leggings and my boots. I will also wear one of the long scarves Liz has made me and my black short leather jacket. (She (Liz) can't go because of work.)

My new business cards did make it, so hopefully I can make some new contacts. Plus there still is an outside chance my new glasses could get here too, but that would be too much to ask!

I will let you know how it it goes.

Cross Dressing 101?

Or, "If life presents you with panty hose-do you wear them?"

Over the years here in Cyrsti's Condo, we have discussed what trigger mechanisms (if any) would lead a boy/man to cross dress at all and is cross dressing a manifestation of a larger transgender leaning.

While it is impossible to say, some of us have had an insight, this one from Connie:

"My niece had a boyfriend she was really serious about. I guess he finally decided that he should let her know about his cross dressing, so he just showed up at her place all dolled up to surprise her with it. Of course, she wanted my input, so I gave it to her straight.

 She was reluctant to continue with the relationship, anyway, but after I told her she would have to be prepared for the possibility that he may one day decide to transition, she went with her intuition and broke off the relationship. Just the fact that he used that tactic to come out to her should have been reason enough, however. 

She has always been supportive of me, but she's seen the turmoil my coming out has caused with the whole family. Accepting the fact that your uncle is really your aunt is so different from learning that your boyfriend wants to be your girlfriend - even if only occasionally."

First of all, I agree with the inadvisability of just "showing up" cross dressed without warning and secondly was his love of the clothes as far as his lust went? I feel being transgender takes you out of the clothing fetish all together- eventually. I know in my case, the clothes lost their pop fairly quickly but wanting to be a girl never did.

At the least I would have to tell a person who asked about a boyfriend/spouse who loved to cross dress, beware. What can start off as an innocent enough fetish experience can turn into the turmoil Connie spoke of. 

Transgender Television

FYI...I recently mentioned National Geographic's show called the "Gender Revolution" in Australia and just saw they also are having a show on in this country called "What is Gender" with Katie Couric at 8:30 AEDT next Wednesday.

Katie Couric

Laverne Cox (right)

Also, CBS is beginning a new series called "Doubt" which includes transgender actress Laverne Cox.The role is widely regarded as the first major re-occurring role on a major U.S. television network for a trans actress! Plus, I think Laverne is playing a cis-woman. The show premiers Wednesday, February 15th.

With the respect of National Geographic and the number one ratings of CBS, both of these shows can go a long way to insure transgender gains will not disappear in the near future!

•  of gender through the lens of science, society and culture in the ground-breaking new two-hour documentary.
   clear cut. Join us as we set out to explore this evolving concept of gender through the lens of science, society and culture in the ground-breaking new two-hour documentary.

He Might be a Cross Dresser If?

This post was actually written in 2014:

I was talking to Missy the other day (my deceased wife's sister) about one of her boy friends "just happening" to have a couple dresses and women's underwear stashed in the back of his closet. She was waiting for me to "anoint" him as a cross dresser, or something.

The whole conversation brings up and interesting point which we haven't steered clear of here on occasion in Cyrsti's Condo.  How good is our "trans-dar" and once we come out to a genetic woman, how much better does her's become?

I know Pat has commented about her wife many times as I have about my deceased wife and current partner Liz.  It's a pretty simple deal. Genetic women are simply going to have a heightened sense of who may have entered their girls sandbox.  They were born into it as females.  No contest!

Now, as more and more of us come out of the closet as Paula Goodwin commented:  "as we stop hiding one side of ourselves they (the sides) stop being separate to the rest of our lives. I see that Stana is now going to stamp shows as well as Radio Conventions, as we all do more and more the "Gender" bit just becomes part of who we are (just like everybody else)." It's much easier for a genetic woman to have that "aha" moment when their trans dar goes off.  Even if it is wrong.

When we do come out to a woman around us that we know,  they begin to see "shadows" on occasion. All of a sudden, that guy they dated way back when or the cousin who came to visit just may have been a cross dresser?  To be sure, those guys may have been.  We all know there are far more cross dressers buried deep in closets than anyone knows about.

Plus, as I told Missy, there are so many different levels to our community, it's hard for us to keep track.  One man's cross dressing may be as simple as wearing panties and bra under his suit to work, all the way to transforming himself into that attractive well dressed "woman" you pass at the mall.

These days, I am careful to mention two things. One, does it matter if the man has a simple attraction to feminine clothes or two, if he has more than an attraction be sure to keep an eye on him.  Most of us are
facing a highly emotional, difficult, up hill battle if we transition.  She will need all the help she can get!

Life Turns on a Dime - Part 14

You are right, I am superstitious to an extent and am skipping Part "13" and going straight (well maybe not so much) to Part 14. I suppose too having more parts seems more impressive unless you refer to the old "Parts is Parts" slogan.

Truthfully. I am almost up to the present day and am trying to come up with a fitting end to all of this which doesn't have an end.

At my age now, (67) the terms stealth, networking and nursing home come into play many times.  I finally have come to the conclusion that I'm stealth in every essence of the word and anti stealth on the blog. Which when you think about it has been the story of my life...yin and yang.

This Spring I am going to try to network myself out more as a possibly speaker and participant in other transgender support programs. Something I have wanted to do for ages and I do think most of the world is becoming more and more receptive to the "T's" of the LGBT community.

As far as senior transgender health care goes, I suppose my care is as much up in the air as any else's these days. My paranoia is being shoved back in a closet I have worked so hard to get out of in my final days. I know now there are still laws to protect me, but for how long, who knows.

Finally, the only proper way to finish this "epic" up is to say, the past has been quite the trip. I just hope I keep punching my ticket for a brighter future!

Thanks for being along!

Over and Above - Down Under

From National Geographic Australia:

Traditional gender roles are rapidly changing across the globe, and we no longer have clear-cut labels for ‘boy’ and ‘girl’. Is gender a spectrum? What does it mean to be transgender? These are amongst the many questions explored by award-winning journalist Katie Couric in the National Geographic documentary Gender Revolution.

Ahead of its Australian premiere tonight (  Australian time)on Nat Geo People, we spoke to just two of many young transgender and gender non-conforming people living in Australia today.

Go here for more.

I'm "Pretty" Excited

Well maybe a little pretty I hope but very excited. Just got official word my picture which was taken last Spring by a professional photographer to put into an exhibition last fall, is finally coming together and my picture is included!

She (the photographer) took at least 35 to 40 black and white pictures. So we will see the results Friday night! Doesn't everyone need their token transgender person?

I told her I would be there for autographs Lol.

Connie, still trying for that trip to Seattle one way or another :)

Life Turns on a Dime - Part 12

Another of the misconceptions some have of the HRT process is how fast the process happens. Of course the progress can vary depending how much estrogen your doctor prescribes but for me, the process of "settling" into the changes took around three years. Remember too, certain changes (such as breast size) are genetically controlled and can't be helped along by extra estrogen.

In the meantime, I went the legal route to get all my gender markers changed that I could in Ohio. Actually, except for birth certificate most of the documents were relatively easy to change. The State of Ohio still refuses to change genders on birth certificates.

I began my taking my maternal grandfather's very androgynous name and then adding my Mom's first name as my middle name. Even though she recommended "electro shock" therapy to me when I tried to come out to her, I still believe she would come around to my side the fastest. If not, she is now doing somersaults in her grave!

The name change itself was simple enough. Slap down about one hundred dollars for the courts to run a classified in the paper and for them to add on their court costs- and as easy as that the old me (name) was gone. From there I got my new name on my Social Security which wasn't much of a problem either because they operate on your number of course. Name was changed from there but the gender stayed the same.

As soon as I got my new Social Security Card in the mail, I took it to the Driver's License Bureau and received (paid for) a new license. Easy.

Then I took on the VA since I am/was transgender veteran receiving co-pay health benefits. As slow as the Veterans Administration is known to move, within a couple months  I had a bright shiny new I.D. Card with "F" written on it.

So (since I didn't really need a passport), I had taken care of all the basics I could to wipe out the old legal me and start a new transgender life as a woman under the eyes of the law.

A "labor of love?" - you "betcha!!!!"

Playing the Part?

Connie asked the question did I think I was "playing" the part of alpha male before I MtF gender transitioned and I relied (figuratively) very much so.

Kindergarten through ninth grade, I went to a very small semi rural school. Our class size was normally well under a hundred students. Along the way I needed to pick a group to try to fit in with since I was a slightly effeminate boy who happened to love sports. Since choices were so limited I tried and found myself fitting in with a group of junior "hell raisers." Which at the least protected me from bullying.

These were the days of desperately wanting to be a cute cheerleader rather than getting beat up (mostly) at defensive end. So I was sharpening my initial "macho man play skills!

Here's Connie's comment:

"Just wondering....Do you consider yourself to have been playing the part of an alpha male before deciding to transition? I ask because I never did, and we seem to have had different experiences in our respective transitions. For me, it was a deprogramming of the self-brainwashing I had done in order to fit the male persona I thought I needed to project - not the other way around. I have also never really seen any difference in the way I've been treated since, as you say, playing in the girl's sandbox. At least, there was no more back-stabbing after entering it than there was before - but most of it has always been good. 

I came to realize many years ago that the lessons my mother gave me on being a gentleman were really lessons on how women expect to be treated by a man (my father died when I was eight-years-old, so I never really got lessons from the male point of view). Growing up, I was often bullied by boys, for which I developed a sharp enough wit to counteract them. I had little trouble being included with the girls, however, when the opportunities were there for me to do so. I used sports to portray myself as a rough and tumble guy, and any success I had with the guys was as a "quiet leader", but certainly not as an alpha male. 

Later, my wife was the envy of all her women friends because I always did more than my share of the homemaking duties, doing all of the grocery shopping, cooking many of our meals, and even arranging my work schedule so that I could be a stay-at-home dad at least half of the time. Although I was deeply suppressing my true gender during those times, I believe I was allowing myself to express my feminine self as much as I could. I always felt right at home in the mom groups, and I would often have long chats on the phone with many of our lady friends. The women would feel free to gossip and tell me things in confidence that I imagine they never would to the average man. When my resistance finally broke down, and the need for me to let my feminine-self be seen (if only by myself in the mirror), it was because of the connection I had with other women so much more than it was from the "thrill" of cross dressing. I was never so happy then as when I could be free to look the part while having one of those phone conversations - even though the guilt was building because of my secret. My goodness, I was not only cheating on my wife and family, I was cheating on everyone (including myself, really).

As you say, people have to go through the socialization in their own way. I suppose I was lucky that I managed to create the illusion of being male while still expressing my feminine side in a socially acceptable manner. The social transition has been fairly easy, as a result. I must say, though, that whether you are cis or trans, it's still very unnerving to find that your mother-in-law is comfortable in telling you, in detail, about her sex life. Yikes! TMI!!! :-)"

Thanks Connie, to this day I carry with me the idea's my Mother had such as always walking on the outside of a woman on a street, the proper way to help with a coat, and yes housework too!