While My Blog Gently Weeps

Last week we lost two well known transgender celebrities.

The first was "The Lady Chablis" who starred in the movie "Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil." Brenda Dale Knox also was known as an author and drag performer who passed on at the early age of 59.

Passing at even an earlier age was actress and trans rights activist "Alexis Arquette" At 47, she was best known for her roles in "Pulp Fiction" and the Wedding Singer.

The untimely passage of both seems to be yet another example of the tougher lives most transgender women and trans men live outside the so called norms of society.

R.I.P. ladies, you both will be missed.

JJ's Sunday Edition

Ker Plunk! Another Sunday edition is hitting your virtual front porch! First the weather,a cup o joe and we will get started. First of it is beautiful here in Southwestern Ohio. Nothing but blue sky, low heat and humidity. After some powerful stormin' it seems "Momma Nature" may be settling into a fall pattern...finally!
Page One-the Week that Was-or Wasn't: I am working with a "Day of Transgender Remembrance" committee and this week  the Cincinnati Children's Hospital's  role was briefly discussed. Cincinnati Children's has a very good transgender treatment program for ages up to 24. As you can imagine, the program is very full. In fact patients come from as far as South Carolina. The whole subject brought home to me the number of transgender women and trans guys (of all ages) struggling to find health care of any kind.  Also the number of trans people who don't get counted in any census.

I saw two this week walking by which always makes me feel so much better and not alone. Although neither spoke (or vice versa). I saw one in a very difficult scenario for a chat and the other just glared. More the likely she hasn't caught up with the idea a male face somehow is made to scowl and one of the easier ways to present female is to soften your expression.

Page Two- Yesterday's Coffee- Opinion: On this anniversary of the tragic terrorist attracts on the World Trade Center/Pentagon/and Pennsylvania, I would be terribly remiss not to take a moment to remember those lost, including the first responders still struggling with severe health issues today. May we always remember that even though we are not perfect, the right to not stand during the national anthem was earned in blood. Freedom of speech is earned too.

Page Three: Well kids, time to go and enjoy this wonderful day. I hope it is for you too! Love you all!
Jessie

A Different Potty Break?

As I read the beginning of this post, I have to admit I was totally taken aback from the direction it took. Here is an excerpt:

"I'm 5 foot 3 inches tall and under 105 pounds. My red curly hair goes down to the middle of my back. I have long eyelashes (they're natural, I swear) and I am usually wearing some sassy shirt with a sarcastic quip like "In Your Dreams Loser." I'm a size one in girl's jeans. My voice is soft. Anyone who meets me, but doesn't actually know me, would never question my gender. They would assume I'm female. But I'm not. I have a penis.

I'm not transgender, but I don't identify as a man either. To me gender is this limiting and negative social construct I want nothing to do with. I'm just me. I'm more like a woman in some ways and more like a man in others. But because I don't intend to transition or start the process to become a woman, I never question which bathroom I use. I use the men's.

And this is what happens:

A man comes in and sees me washing my hands. He looks as if he has been slapped. He backs up and looks at the door to make sure he's in the right place."

Now, before you want to jump to conclusions on "passing privilege" and the like, go here and read the rest of the post.

Transgender Athletes?

Incoming junior Chloe Anderson is a different person today than she was five years ago.

Relentlessly bullied as a youngster, Anderson squeaked through high school with the bare minimum she needed to pass. She spent most of her teen years doing everything she could to not get noticed.

                                                              Image by Paul Rodriquez.                                                                     Today, the Orange County native is an accomplished scholar who is majoring in Russian history, with plans to go on to a Ph.D. and, ultimately, a position on a college faculty.

She’s also breaking barriers in college athletics, joining the UC Santa Cruz women’s volleyball team as an opposite and an outside hitter.

At 19, Anderson transitioned from male to female. The 24-year-old transfer from Santa Ana community college is one of the first transgender athletes to participate in the sport at the NCAA Division III level.
For more, go here.

The Most Important Item to Pack

As our trip to Maine draws ever closer, memories of previous trips across the country (particularly the deep South) come to mind.

This time I hope I don't have to be so paranoiac about the simple task of using the bathroom as I was then. I was fairly sure I was going to be pulled off our bus on the Alabama/Mississippi line and thrown in jail by a cop.

We will be traveling through Ohio, Pennsylvania, and New York before we get to Maine so I think we will be traveling through more transgender friendly territory before getting to Maine,

My restroom paranoia has been the most difficult part of my Mtf transition to shake. Probably due to three or four very ugly encounters years ago. I had the cops called on me twice, screamed at once and kicked out of a couple places.

And, even though I am smart enough to use the right restroom (women's) I still am trying not to pack my paranoia.

Ms. Ying and Mr. Yang

In all the transgender flurry about who is more trans or trans at all-many times the fact that very few humans fit neatly into a binary gender package is discussed,

Here is an example from Malaysia:

Cosmetics millionaire Sofea Ilias has gone back to being a transwoman after a brief stint living in her biological male identity.

The 22-year-old said on top of the insults she had still received while trying to live as a man with the name Safiey, she missed her life as a transgender where she felt empowered.

“I am actually quite tired of trying to be good and to come back to the right path. Whatever I do, there will still be people who are dissatisfied and who’ll question me.
Before you correct me, I see a couple errors with what I just wrote. The first being- Sofea has incredible "passing priviledge" and the second is - why would she want to cross genders? Here is more:

"Sofea added that she has gotten fed up of dealing with her critics and said going back to her transgender lifestyle would give her peace of mind.

“I am tired of entertaining all the accusations and allegations. When I tried to be good, still people went around talking.

“I’d rather be myself and make myself happy in my own way,” she stressed.

Sofea, who owns a cosmetic company, reportedly tried to go back to being a man at the end of last year.

Entertainment daily Kosmo! reported Sofea as getting rid of her breast implants last April after she went for breast surgery at age 19."

- See more here.

And, oh yes-by the way very few humans fit into the 100 percent male or female category, but don't tell men that.

JJ's Sunday Edition

KerPlunk! Another Sunday Edition is hitting your virtual front porch. First the weather.
We have a glorious Sunday going on here in Ohio, but I hope most of you were able to dodge the East Coast hurricane. It's a great day for an iced cup o joe!!!!

Page One: the Week that Was - or Wasn't. As the restroom battles continued through the week, political hysteria continued to the point of being completely tedious and we have such a long way to go.  I am doing my best to stay out of discussions with friends and keep most of my opinions to my self. For me (who majored in History, Poli Sci and B.S. that's tough.

Page Two: Yesterday's Coffee-Opinion: After Labor Day, we enter what is called "Indian Summer" which teases us with the freshness of Fall with the remnants of Summer heat and humidity. It's the time of year when clothing choices and overall wardrobe condition are so important. Plus this year Liz and I are traveling to Maine at the end of the month, which makes for greater challenges. However, I am looking forward to the challenge!

Page Three: The Back Page: Well kids, it's time to go enjoy this day!!! Hope you all are well :)

Jessie

We Got Mail!

We received several great responses to our Sex Versus Gender Post (Thanks!).
The first is from JoannaS:

" Hi Cyrsti I feel it's about personal choice and whether you are happy as you are. If your gender dysphoria is mitigated. Since you and I are gynephilic what would be gained? And yes people who aren't trans don't get it not sure that's going to change any time soon"


And from Mandy: "That's a tough one...getting the public to understand. And the ball appears to be rolling the wrong way right now. Not sure if the political mess will ever permit it to happen...

Just remember to vote in November..."

I agree!!!!!

And Connie:

I would say that a person's strong need (or even only a desire) to have a vagina can only be determined to be a good thing by the person herself. I agree that she must put much thought into how it may affect her current, as well as future, relationships - sexual or not. There is still much of sex that takes place between the ears (no, I'm not referring to the mouth), and it is impossible to completely separate gender from it. The scales of both sexual preference and gender identity fit together like a slide rule (if you're a nerd old enough to remember those), with an infinite number of combinations. As I said in my comment to your earlier post, sex (that which is only between my ears) would only be desirable for me now if I had had a vagina, and with another woman who desired me sexually with said vagina - as well as all of the rest of me.

 I don't need sex to live a meaningful life, however, and so I can reasonably expect that I will never have a sexual relation with anyone again. I'm not less of a woman because I have a penis, but I'm not a man just because I happen to have one; that's how I see myself. Only a very few others can see that, though. Furthermore, I wouldn't be more of a woman because I'd had my penis surgically altered into a vagina. Maybe a few others would understand me better if I did, but only because I would be moving myself along the binary scale with which they are more comfortable. This all goes toward what I've said many times before, that being the fact that we all have our own realities, and we draw conclusions of others based on that. It's funny, though, that our individual fantasies are derived from our individual realities. Now, that can be on a sliding scale, as well, but it can also be a slippery slope."

• I have always thought cis women as well as men have some sort of sexual curiosity towards transgender women and trans men. Plus cis women don't have the tendency to be paranoiac about their sexuality as cis men. Which indeed can make for strange bed fellows or women!

Sex Versus Gender-a Debate?

No, we all should know there is no debate. Put very simply sex is between the legs and gender is between the ears.

This post is part of a conversation Connie and I had concerning having a "brand new shiny vagina" at her age and what would she do with it? I gave her a partial pro/con answer using a woman in one of my support groups who is actually older than me who is going through (or has just) had SRS.

She considers it a life long culmination to a transgender struggle. Now and only now she can proudly claim "woman" hear me roar. (Sorry Helen Reddy.) In the same breath though she was telling me how her sister would kick her out of the house after SRS.

Of course only each of us can answer the separation of sex and gender we all experience and how far we are willing to go to achieve it.

For example, I live with a woman who would have no problems with me having a vagina because she has always seen me between the ears as a transgender woman. On the other hand, my deceased wife never would have.

Should the trans woman going through SRS only to join many of her transgender sisters on the street, do it and why?

And, where does sex enter back into it either way? Unless you had a hell of a sex drive as a man, estrogen/spiro does a pretty effective job of chemical castration. Plus as a woman, I can't see myself settling down any time soon with an elderly gentleman in the suburbs. Imagine being brought home to meet the the family on Thanksgiving? Either way, my idea of wild passionate sex is somewhere -lost in my dashboard lights (Sorry Meatloaf.)

Like almost everything else a trans person goes through in life, sex versus gender hassle is yet another which seemingly never goes away.

Now, if at least we could get a majority of the public to understand we are not just gay or playing dress up.