Gender Marker "Dominoes"

In the last post, I promised to pass along what I like to describe as my Mtf transgender legal marker progress as my own game of Dominoes. 

Once one Domino falls, the process really gets moving...Or should.

Two disclaimers though. The first is I have never been through this process before and secondly, where you are the process my be different.

My plan was to get my legal name change completed. I am due in court on the 23rd. Plus I live in an area where the court costs are still relatively reasonable, so I could afford it. Assuming my name change goes through, as I wrote in the last Cyrsti's Condo post, I can complete my Veterans Administration identification process.

At the same time, I will need to get my paperwork into the State of Ohio BMV (Bureau of Motor Vehicles) they say I should hear within 10 days or so about my approval for a new license. Ohio is a little tricky though because you have to have irrefutable evidence (letter) from your physician/ therapist that your change is permanent. If not, they will tell you to change back or repeat the process in the future. I have that covered, but again must wait for the legal name change to send the paper work in.

Now, Social Security supposedly can be done on line or by mail-but I would rather take my chances spending a very boring day at a local SS office. Let's point out Social Security could care less about your gender change (unless you get a rogue clerk) but does care about your name (of course.)

By this time, I will have to make certain nothing in my bank's system will screw up my monthly stipend from Social Security-which is electronically deposited.

So, there you go. My own very personal game of gender marker Dominoes. We both know the best laid plans of transgender women and men everywhere can go awry in this process. Plus I know there are many more markers which need to be changed we don't even think of. I read sometime ago of a trans woman running into problems at her veterinarians office of all places. 

I will keep you posted on my game! 

The First Domino Fell!

As I wrote of before here in Cyrsti's Condo, today was endocrinologist day at my Veteran's Hospital. To say the day went relatively well is an understatement! 

First of all, my initial blood labs came back well enough that the Doc is prepared to let me back on estrogen if one more test on my blood comes back positive. Then, I didn't have to even give a pint today to hematology because my iron readings are back to the normal range.

So, all of a sudden Liz and I had extra time to seek out the office of the VA Privacy Officer who (as you may remember) holds the key to getting my gender markers changed within the VA-so I don't have be called "Mr.Hart" anymore.

I have tried and my psychologist has tried to tie this guy down as to what was going on with my case. Today (which is nearly unheard of) we found the building-we found his office and we found him!

He jumped right to it and started wondering to himself what the hell was going on and pulled my change request up on his computer screen. As we read it my heart sunk when it still had my male name on it but soared when the gender read-Female! 

Literally, as he tried to figure out why the gender was changed and not the name-my life flashed in front of my eyes. It was a true surreal experience. I'm sure what was only a couple of minutes seemed so much longer.

What we finally came up with on the formal name change was when I get the formal court name change on the 23rd- bring it straight to him.

At that point, what I call gender marker "dominoes" really begin to fall. More on that later!

A Tribute to Leelah Alcorn?

Most certainly one of the main ideas Leelah Alcorn wanted to pass along before the young transgender teen girl committed suicide almost exactly a year ago close to Cincinnati, Ohio was- to have her death mean something.

If you don't remember, Leelah's parents were devout conservative Christians and subjected their daughter to conversion therapy. Now it seems, Leelah's message is coming through-here in Cincinnati at least:



"The Nati" again stands to become a national leader in LGBT rights as debate isscheduled Monday on a measure that would ban preoperative or conversion therapy for LGBT youth

City Council Member Chris Seelbach said Thursday that at Monday’s meeting of the council’s law and public safety committee, he will propose an ordinance that would impose a $200-a-day fine on a therapist or counselor practicing the therapy that aims to “change” lesbians, gay men, bisexuals or transgender people from their sexual orientation or gender identity.

Passage apparently would make Cincinnati the first major U.S. city to ban reparative or conversion therapy. The Movement Advancement Project, an LGBT organization in Denver that tracks legislation nationwide on reparative therapy, has no record of a city passing an ordinance that would ban the practice.

Cincinnati has pioneered other official moves to embrace LGBT citizens, including offering health benefits to transgender city employees and setting aside a City Hall bathroom as gender-neutral.

As promising as it this all is, the problem of Evangelical Christians doing their own "therapy." Still under the radar and in the same room with the snakes.

Plus, in Leelah's case, her church I believe was across the Ohio River-out of reach from those "pesky" regulations forbidding brainwashing your LGBTQ child. 

But the resolution is a great start!!!!

R.I.P. Holly Woodlawn

At my age one of the moments of knowing I wasn't alone in the closet with my gender dysphoria was when Lou Reed crooned "Take a Walk on the Wild Side." It started like this:

Holly came from Miami F-L-A,

Hitchhiked her way across the U.S.A.,

Plucked her eyebrows on the way,

Shaved her legs and then he was a she.

Very soon, Ms. Woodlawn took her place in the Warhol pantheon alongside two other freshly minted stars, the transgender actresses Jackie Curtis and Candy Darling. Together, they brought a daffy, deadpan style to Mr. Morrissey’s next film, “Women in Revolt,” also produced by Warhol, a satire on the women’s liberation movement, with Ms. Woodlawn playing a nymphomaniac fashion model who detests men and joins the militant organization P.I.G. (Politically Involved Girls).

Thanks Holly! Rest in Peace.

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

Ker Plunk! Another Sunday Edition is hitting your virtual front porch! We are having computer malfunctions around here and it is 5 AM - the only time I could get some time to write a quick post. Liz works from home and uses this computer too and is on call this week end. So let's get started!

Page One-The Week that Was or Wasn't: Time marched onward and now we are in the most difficult time of the year for many in the TGLBQ community. It's the time we keenly miss our former families who for whatever reason refuse to accept us. Many just don't ever seem to understand our lives are not just something we do because we want to - we live them because we have to. It's the time of year we all need to use social media or local LGBTQ centers to reach out and help each other!

Page Two- Busy-Busy-Busy: This week will be run, run, run. Monday essentially is an off day but then Tuesday kicks back in with Doctor's appointments, blood tests and hopefully the go ahead to begin my estrogen again. Plus Tuesday night is Liz's office Christmas Party. Even though the party is very casual,it brings back memories of parties of Christmas past when dressing up was a must! (Another blog post!)
Wednesday is another regular meeting with Love Must Win Inc.. The group's goal is to provide safe haven for any in the LGBTQ community who need it. Crucial for this time of year. Then on Thursday Liz and I will be going to their "Quarter Auction" which is actually the groups first fund raiser:





Page Three-Social Butterfly? As I said, Liz had to work Saturday so I was left unattended to go a breakfast meetup of a eclectic group here in Cincinnati called "Creatives." From writers to artists to any number of fascinating people, I always plan on meeting someone with ideas or a background I had very little knowledge about before I went. Yesterday I was fortunate enough to find a seat beside Jen who is working on a project I will pass along later. In the meantime, thanks Jen!

Page Four-the Back Page: Before I get kicked off of here. Best wishes to Shelle in her time of need. And let me leave the rest of you with this: (Thanks Ryan&Jonathan!)

You Know Your Are Old When?

Without a doubt I have visited more Doc's of different persuasions in the past six months than in the past 20 years. I'm just lucky to have my VA coverage to help me.

Last week was a down time with just my mammogram and a trip to my psychologist. Next week though, I visit my endocrinologist (to see if I can restart my estrogen). Plus I have what I call "vampire day" when they take a pint of my blood and I give another couple of vials for them to check for results.

But you know, before you feel the need to pass the cheese to me to go with my "whine", I can't believe all the others I have ran into lately with problems I can't even imagine. And my heart goes out to all of them.

Last night for example, Liz and I went to one of our small meet up groups. Out of ten or so women in the room, I was the only one transgender and born male. After three fourths of the experiences of violence and drug abuse from current or ex husband/boyfriends-I was ashamed to have ever walked in my guy shoes. 

As I have always wrote in Cyrsti's Condo, males are not born men-just as females are not born women. Both are socialized.

And, speaking of gender socialization, Dr. Phil recently had a show about an intersex child who was being raised as a boy by Mom and a girl by Dad (divorced). http://www.drphil.com/#Show2484



As you all know, I rarely recommend Dr. Phil, but this is a quality show. 

Family Ties?

Thanks to all of you who responded to my Cyrsti's Condo post about my only sibling (younger brother by two years) who pulled the plug this year for an invitation to the family Thanksgiving. When I told him I was transgender.

If you are wondering how it became his domain, it's because my deceased wife insisted she cook it and serve it every Thanksgiving for at least a decade. Just bring yourself.

As I wrote, first I was surprised, disappointed and then just hurt. And, most certainly, there was some anger worked in. 

The first comment comes from Shelle lles:

"I'm more than distressed about your brother,you deserve much more in life.
As for the mammogram and Shrink thing that was last week for me have a really funny story to share on my mammogram coming to my new blog soon.
Hugzz my dear friend keep moving forward always"

Thanks Shelle! You know I will and all of this has given me an extra incentive to do so! We will look for your post!

And, Connie wrote"

"I'm sorry about your brother's un-accepting "condition". It's an example of how our own transitions require the transitions of everyone around us. If he could only understand the despair you lived with all of those years, in fear that revealing yourself would lead to rejection. That fear was more disturbing to you than the actual rejection, 

I imagine. I'm so happy that you have such wonderful support from Liz and your daughter, though. We can't choose the families we're born into any more than we could have chosen the gender identities with which we were born - but we can choose who we love. I pray that your brother comes around to that realization some day."

Deep down, I feel like he already has and he didn't have the "balls" to stand up to his in laws and my nephews. His burden-not mine and yes Liz and my kid have already stepped up to fill the void.

In fact at Liz's family Thanksgiving her 90 year old NRA card carrying WWII Vet, took the occasion to tell how much he enjoyed having me there. As one chapter ends, another begins.

The Starship "Transgender?"

Neil deGrasse Tyson is by far my fave "astro physicist" if fact I had no idea of what an astro physicist was until I began to watch him and his Star Talk Show on the National Geographic Channel.  Last night's show was extra special though as he featured an interview with another of my "faves" Susan Sarandon.

Dr. Oppenheimer 

As the show wound it's way around more than a few concepts I don't pretend to totally understand-all of the sudden they were discussing one I did: it turns out Tyson's lead chair is Dr. Rebecca Oppenheimer. 

Dr. Oppenheimer is a comparative exoplanetary scientist: she studies planets orbiting stars other than the Sun. This nascent field is so young that much of the work involves developing the techniques needed to see these planets, so that their light can be dissected and analyzed. Her optics laboratory in the Rose Center is the birthplace of a number of new astronomical instruments designed to tackle this problem. In March 2004, Dr. Oppenheimer deployed the world's most sensitive coronagraph at the AEOS Telescope in Maui. See lyot.org for more information. In June 2008, her team deployed an even more precise and sensitive exoplanet imaging system at the Palomar Observatory. This instrument is called Project 1640 and involves researchers at AMNH, Cambridge, Caltech, and NASA/JPL. All of these instrumentation efforts, as well as several others including the starlight suppression system for the International Gemini Observatory Planet Imager project (GPI), were conducted in Oppenheimer's lab in the Rose Center at AMNH.

And oh by the way Dr. Oppenheimer is a transgender woman and I paraphrase: or a woman who happened to be made to live as Ben.  And what if gender wasn't an issue anyhow?

An idea we have pondered for most of out lives! For whatever reason, I could not come up with much of a link for his show tonight. You are on your own this time.

A Day in the Lifer?

When I was in the Army long ago, a military member who was planning to make it a "career" was called a "lifer." As I was writing this title, it occurred to me, most transgender women or trans men are "lifers" too-if we know it, fight it, live it-or not.  Actually, I screwed up -the title was supposed to be "A Day in the Life."

Today was mammogram day anyhow, so I knew from my last "mammy gram" the afternoon would provide it's own unique set of challenges. None particularly bad, just different. 

Since I am still operating under my male credentials, I raised a couple of eyebrows when I walked in-regardless of appearance.

To my surprise though, the receptionist didn't miss a beat and said she has a transgender woman friend who came out years ago. We had a brief conversation about how many trans folk there really are still in the closet. 

From then on, the visit went real smooth-from the technician and doctor to check out. Most importantly though, I was given a clean bill of health. I have written here in Cyrsti's Condo that my maternal grandmother passed from breast cancer in the 1950's, so there is an increased risk in the family.

Even the trip home was pretty uneventful as I was running slightly ahead of Cincinnati rush hour traffic. Once I got home Liz and I decided this gray, damp Monday night was prime for ordering in Asian.

So, I was closest to the door when the driver got there looking rather androgynous (at the best) and really confused the delivery driver. 

The tip I gave him though solved everything and he was on his way. My point is when you consider a Mtf 24/7 transition-consider this girl thing totally. Even if you are just meeting the delivery driver.