The Colors That I See

Today was appointment day with my VA psychologist. After the usual "small"talk about how I was feeling about going into the holiday season this year, and I couldn't change the subject to the guy causing a ruckus down the hall- I said I was entering the season with care this year. For several different reasons, last year was rough-real rough.

Along the way today she asked me about my hormones and I said the next decision date was coming up December 8th. She asked exactly what they (the HRT) meant to me. I said not so much with my appearance/etc but since I now know what I am missing-I told her I miss the colors.

Of course, cis-women have very little of the concept as they were born into it. Plus, colors are different than senses. Example, women have a heightened sense of smell over men.

Sometimes, I hate to be the trainer with her! (kidding) She also told me to quit being such a "guy" and ask for help from family, friends and her.

Trans-i-tion

Did I still spell it right? Or more importantly, do  I know what it means? Sometimes I do - I think. Until someone asks me. Then I am not so sure.

It's like Friday night when the transgender man (at the meeting I was at) who took a moment to point out Caitlin Jenner was not a good example of the overall transgender community. As we all expected Jenner will look the part increasingly as a very attractive woman, but how  much true transition Caitlin has experienced in her gilded trans closet remains to be seen.

Then, later on in the evening (of course) the biggest elephant in the room was heard from- what about the rest room gender issues we are suffering from? The trans man spoke to the fact  that transgender women seem to have a tougher time with the restrooms. A woman (cis) asked what restroom he used. The reply was the men's room and of course when the topic came around to me-I said the women's. I added that even though I felt my choice was the right one to make morally, it often was the safer one. I can't imagine just walking into a men's room anymore and using the urinal-without definite repercussions. Perhaps physical.

Bottom line is, I have yet to figure out exactly what line one crosses over to claim a successful so-called transition. I mean if you go on appearance, sometimes I can go days without so much as a side glance. Then, it seems every other person wants to be rude and stare. 

I do think though, a transition begins long before one meets the public. It's not a secret women spend (or should) much more time on hair, skin, weight, clothes etc than men.It is yet another BIG reason it is tougher to transition to the feminine side of the fence than vice versa. 

So there you go. Can't say I am not a little envious of Jenner's appearance.But then again most other women would be also. It's tough for most of us to afford the personal trainer, fashion assistant and extra surgery Jenner was "born into." 

Caitlin may have to jump out of that mirror and into the world (without the heels).

Maybe that's what a trans-i-tion is truly all about.

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

Picture compliments of Robbie Lewis, The Ohio and what I call a "trans" themed sunset.

Ker PLUNK! Another weekend edition is hitting your virtual front porch! Here on the banks of the Ohio in Cincinnati, we are enjoying a chilly, sunny fall morning with temperatures expected to rise. Perfect for a hot "cup o joe"!!!









Page One-The Week that Was - or Wasn't: By far, two events overshadowed any of my mere existence last week: the tragedy in Paris and the presentation I heard Friday from a transgender man at a "Love Must Win Inc." meeting. Both nearly beyond the power of words. The week for me marked the beginning of yet another stage of my long gender journey.

Page Two- Bureaucracy and the Trans Girl: With everything else which has been going on, I have neglected updating you all on the process of realigning my legal gender "markers" with how I am living my life. Since I do have a letter from my psychologist, stating I was "qualified" to change from a "M" to a "F" on nearly every form of legal identification I have-except here in Ohio where the best that happens to my birth certificate is an attachment is added.

What really gets to me is, I still have to have a "mental health" professional to "approve" what I have known forever. (I do know also, a physician can approve it too,)

No matter though, my Probate Court hearing is set for Dec. 23 (really!) the initial filing fee was $89.00, Then I got hit for $22.00 for a certified birth certificate, Then another $45.00 for the legal newspaper filing fee.

Page Three - Here Comes "Da Judge": It's interesting to me (and not in a good way) the judge who has to sign off on my legal name change has refused to sign same sex marriage licenses. Not unlike Kimmy "the Snake Worshiper" in Kentucky. The difference has been in Ohio they have found another way to work around him and he just lost in the election. (But still be finishing his term.) So it's all just paranoia-I hope.

Well, "Gotz" to go kids-hope you have a good week!!! Luv ya all and thanks for stopping by Cyrsti's Condo.

While My Blog Gently Weeps

In the midst of all we do in our lives - no matter where we live- it''s impossible not to be extremely saddened and angered by the senseless attacks in Paris. Let's take a moment to send extra thoughts and prayers to the survivors and families of the attack.

Here's an Idea!

Last night Liz and I went to another "safe place" meeting of "Love Must Win Inc."

The speaker of the evening was Jay - a FtM transgender person. 

Upon arriving, little did I know I was in store for one of the most inspiring and scary stories of survival I have ever heard/read of.

As you probably can infer ahead of time, his story was one of drugs -prescribed/alcohol and suicide. He was - is part of the 41% of all trans people who try killing themselves as the ultimate option. 

What I wasn't prepared for was when he said his ultimate attempt at resolving his gender struggles (and proving his femininity) was to have a child.  No military, no sports, no macho stunts - become a mother. And, in his case, in the long term the only move which kept him alive.

Wow! Thanks for the experiences. Now he is a teacher, in a happy relationship, with a good relationship with his family.

Quite the survivor. 

Hell! They Tried to Kill Me?

First of all, thanks to all of you who thanked me for my service! Mandy and Connie specifically! You two, my daughter and partner Liz made four! Then again, I suppose I don't fit the stereotype of the trans "vet" next door.

In the meantime-yesterday, I went in for another "blood letting" and lab workup and even a visit with my real live Doc.  The problem became when the sequence of the appointments became screwed up. I went to the Doc before the vampires took another pint. The good news was I didn't really need another "session" yesterday but the vampires were not to be denied.  (The bad news.) 

So, since my numbers came back into line so fast, even the nurse brought in from "American Horror Story" to take care of me-won't now for at least a month. She became aggravated when they tried to set me up another blood letting in two weeks and I told her to talk to the Doc...and found out she was wrong...bitch!

The roughest part of all though was making the trip (about 75 miles) down I-75 back to Cincinnati- in the dark-a bumper car zone at it's best.

Thanks to All Vets!

Active or retired, alive or passed on - it's Veteran's Day and a chance to honor all Vets. This year here in Cyrsti's Condo, I am taking a slightly different approach.  This year there will be no talk of hypocrisy, sweeping equal freedoms or stonewalling. No "I fought for your freedom to deny me mine."

Very simply, thanks to all vets. For the rest of you, install a green porch light and take a second to remember all vets around the world!

Thank God it's Wednesday?

Well, it's not Wednesday around here-it just feels like it because of the Veteran's Day holiday-which moved my regular Tuesday appointments at the VA (Veterans Administration) back to Monday.

Recently I have been writing here in Cyrsti's Condo about my on going health situation, my gender marker advances and coming out experiences within my family.

Yesterday was day number one (of two) this week at the VA. The news was exceptionally good. I have no cancer or cirrhosis of the liver. And all my liver functions were only slightly elevated-which may be brought into line with all the other treatments I'm going through-which happen to be Thursday. My appointment was especially nice as I got the chance to admire my Doctor's ear-rings. And, for all you smart - arsses out there she is a cis-woman! (I think.)

Also yesterday,I had coffee with my brother. He is a couple years younger than I and we are the only two siblings. What I wanted to do was clear the air with him about being transgender and what that would mean for the holiday family get togethers.

He just smirked at me about the trans word and said he and his two sons have known that (or assumed) for awhile. Plus, (the best part) it's my life was my life-so who cares? 

So, the only remaining discussion point from me was, before my brother and I parted ways was: was there a certain point on the androgynous scale (for me) my Sister in Law and him would find appropriate? The answer was it was up to me. 

Cool. So all of that tension in my mind was imagined. Now I can get on  with life. Which means another visit to the VA Thursday and get my legal name change paperwork filed at the courthouse. 

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

Kerplunk! Another Sunday Edition is hitting your virtual front porch. It's a sunny slightly chilly fall morning here in Ohio and a non football one. The Cincinnati Bengals stayed undefeated by beating the Cleveland "Brownies" on Thursday. (And THE Ohio State Buckeyes did the same last night.)Let's get a hot "cup-o-joe" and get started!

Page One-The Week that Was-or Wasn't: The "stunner" last week was the defeat of the LGBT non discrimination bill in Houston. What was especially disturbing to me was the fact that transgender restroom usage was used as one of the main reasons NOT to vote for the measure-purely from incorrect ignorance. When in doubt, use a trans person to trash an issue????? Not a good precedent.

Page Two-The Most Wonderful Time of the Year? I know that many agree with this phrase from a very popular Christmas song, but I don't-somewhat. Fall has always been the best season for me. Temperatures are warm enough around here for me to wonder what it would have been like to really have all the curves of a cis-woman. Then to really enjoy showing them off in leggings, sweaters, scarves and boots. Without having to wear heavy winter coats.

The fall is the time for more woman to shine without having to worry about all the diet and skin restrictions of spring/summer. And then they do. Fall fashions can cover many problems!

Page Three-The Back Page-It doesn't seem possible but we are rushing head long at another Veteran's Day and then the Holidays. Plus this week, I plan to file for my legal name change and have two big Doc's appointments.  On the bright side, I am meeting my brother for coffee on Monday and my daughter/grandkids on Thursday.  

You all have a great week and thanks as always for stopping by Cyrsti's Condo!

 Luv ya all!