Here I Is

The fastest and easiest way to explain why I haven't posted for awhile is I just had to get away. 

For any of you who have written a blog, at certain points of time, you just have to decide who is running increasingly larger portions of your life-the blog or you (of course.) With me the lines were becoming blurred.

Then, I began to think back to why I decided to do this at all. Number One, I wanted to help anyone else who was heading down the same road as I and maybe at the same time have a little fun with it. In particular, the Rocky Horror Picture Show comments- from almost everywhere about Laverne Cox's role in the upcoming remake- just showed me how many sour bitter peeps there still are in the transgender community. So be it though-their problem not mine. I have never and won't live my life that negative way and it seemed I was letting the Condo pull me there.

Number Two, thank the Goddess, the treatment for my liver condition is working really well. So naturally I am feeling better and again just needed to clear my mind to match my body. I quit posting and began to write in earnest in my journal and began sessions on quantum physics called "What the Bleep do We Know." I can't explain the concept easily except to say follow the link and to say I am very early into the process.

One thing I did learn early was I had to put the transgender part of my being behind. I was using it as a crutch. It didn't really matter how much so called experience on either side of the gender fence I had, more importantly, where was I headed as a human.

I had already figured out which side of the gender fence I wanted to live on.

So maybe I  am reaching the magical kingdom of stealth we all so strive for. Or not caring what marks the finish line at all?

I don't know for sure and don't know for sure how soon (if ever) I will return to regular posting.

I just wanted to check in and tell you all I was still alive and well. If I was otherwise-I would have let you know!!!!

Rocky Two?

I had  no idea some of the reactions I got to my positive reaction to Laverne Cox's naming to the "Dr. Frank-n-furter" role in the Rocky Horror Picture Show remake?

In this instance I would have thought if we are secure in our transgender lives, we can sit back and have some fun with this. Pull out the lighters and the toast and all the props we used to take to the run down theater's who were showing "Rocky" at midnight and have some fun.

Fun is still fleeting I guess for the trans community I guess and that is sad!!! 

What a CHOICE!

It was just announced the classic "Rocky Horror Show" movie is being re-released! And, better yet  "Frank-N-Furter"  the self-described "sweet transvestite from Transsexual, Transylvania" (and a scientist) will be played by actress Laverne Cox.




The movie is a satire of sci-fi movies and horror B-movies and originally starred Susan Sarandon and Barry Bostwick as a couple who stumble upon Frank-N-Furter's odd castle in which he is creating a living man in his lab.

The character was made famous by Tim Curry in the 1975 cult classic, which celebrated its 40th anniversary this year and continues to be screened at midnight in theaters across the country. The two-hour Fox special, due in fall 2016, will be directed, exec produced and choreographed by Kenny Ortega (High School Musical) and filmed in advance. Ortega, Gail Berman and Lou Adler, who produced the original film, are attached as exec producers. The new Rocky will be produced by Fox 21 Television studios and Berman's The Jackal Group. Adam Lambert and Lady Gaga previously were offered the part.

Of course I watched "Rocky" more than once "back in the day" but my problem these days is staying up past midnight at all!

Store the Ego in the Closet

It's time again to collect up parts of my male past and store them in the back of my very dark closet as I move closer and closer to changing my legal gender markers.

Lately,I haven't made any secret here in Cyrsti's Condo about how much my life has improved in the last year or so. (Over an improving one already.)

Plus, I began to think years ago how I would attributed it to my appearance as a crossdresser and how my old male ego impeded my progress out of the closet. But that is another story for another post.

It took awhile but with the help of friends and family, I have to began to understand my new life had nearly nothing to do with appearance but the rest of the world catching up with the LGBTQ community.  Which in turn, instills a certain confidence-no a lot of confidence.

You all also know I'm always trying to overthink this whole trans life process, so here are a couple quotes to leave you with:

Also lately, I have been attempting to come up with a well written quote which says something like "You can get to where I have become-just do it a LOT easier."

Another would be "There is a ton of room in your closet to leave your ego-when you leave it."

Semper Fi

From the "Telegraph" comes the story we transgender veterans know so well:  A former US marine who served in Iraq and Afghanistan has shared her inspirational story of accepting herself and becoming a woman.

Sona Avedian, 33, said she identified as a girl ever since she was a child, but hid that side of herself until three years ago.

Previously known as Matt, she was married to a woman and has a small daughter. Ms Avedian said she had "hid behind the mask of a US Marine" because she was ashamed of the way she felt."I could only hide so much," she said. "I was exhausted and I could no longer hide behind these deployments".

In all fairness to Sona though, we all should be as fortunate to be able to gain as much passing privilege as we Mtf transition!  For more, go here and "Semper Fi"!

She said she prepared to "come out" by exercising and changing her diet, and eventually beginning to take hormones and altering her hair.

She hoped to inspire others with her story. "It's about being you," she said, "no matter what society thinks!"

Shouldn't You Really Wait?

A couple weeks ago here in Cyrsti's Condo last week we sent along the story of trans woman Elaine Walquist who was able to set up a meeting with an Oregon legislator. He (the legislator) was attempting to pass a bill prohibiting 15 to 17 year old transgender youths from going through SRS. He had never met a trans woman and she reportively didn't change his mind - but what do you think?

As much as I wish I had had the information and family support to begin a very early transition in my life, going as far as sexual reassignment surgery at that age may have been going to far.

First of all of course, one has to consider the maturity level of the person - plus factor in the influence of puberty blockers and HRT on the transgender youth considering such a huge move.

I have seen a couple kids in that age bracket around here who you would never in a million years think they were born into the wrong body. And remember, it is being proven puberty blockers can be reversed. 

Finally, I know I am more mature and not the best example of a passable transgender woman but then again I have been able to carve out a pretty decent life these days. I just don't think two years (15-17) would be too long to wait.

Feeling Guilty This Year?

Halloween (named after the patron saint of crossdressers everywhere) St.Weenie (just kidding) is fast approaching. 

Some time ago here in Cyrsti's Condo I mentioned Liz and I planed to accept an invite to a gay couples Halloween Party this year. As the pumpkin turned though, her son's birthday is on Halloween, so getting the family together was difficult. She had to do it on the day of this year.

So, for the first time ever (or my first two years in the Army in 1972-73) I will not be going to a Halloween Party of any kind. For several days I felt very guilty about not having to worry about coming up with the most creative costume EVER! It would be kind of tough to just show up as myself and say I'm Caitlin Jenner? Although I believe I have some her same style of clothes buried in my closet from the 80's. 

That's OK though, I have been fortunate to have had my share of some very fun times which happened to coincide with my first efforts to come out of the closet. Also, I should mention the Wicca/Pagan spiritual faith Liz and I follow has it's own different beliefs in "All Hallows Eve." or an even more ancient Celtic (NOT the basketball team!) festival of Samhain, when people would light bonfires and wear costumes to ward off roaming ghosts. Been to a few of those too!

So even though I am feeling a bit guilty of not being able to join one one or two of what would prove to be a very enjoyable evening-it's time to move on this year...and not on a broom!!!!

Research Day

The problem I have now with all my pending gender marker changes is that I'm trying too hard to connect invisible dots which aren't really there.

Example? The paper work to change my name and gender with my veterans administration care. In many ways it is the most important for me simply because I interact one on one with more people - right now. As I have written here in Cyrsti's Condo before, I won't have to guess which name the staff is going to use with me-or the right pronoun. The fine print says complete forms and send to the "Privacy Officer". That's cool, but which one? My home provider hospital in Dayton, or a higher up? At any rate, I am going to call later today too see if I can get an answer. The VA tops my list of changes to make first, or at the least get started so I can "hurry up and wait."

After that, I have a little bit more of a different agenda than some of my other younger transgender sisters. Since I am already retired, I don't have to make a social security change a priority yet because I don't need it to apply for jobs.

On the flip side of the coin (no pun intended) I have to be careful with my Social Security name change "syncing up" with my bank for electronic deposits. Plus, how about those pesky loan payments still in my male name? Shouldn't matter if the loan number still remains the same. See, all of those questions are great to keep me company at 4:30 in the morning.

Plus I have not forgotten to factor in my legal name change which will be needed and a new driver's license.

All of this is proving to me I was right in my noggin...this could be very as complex as other parts of my transition - up to and including HRT. (Which is another story right now.)

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

Ker Plunk!!! Listen closely as another "Sunday" Recap is hitting your virtual front porch! Here along the Ohio near Cincinnati, we are dipping into the 30's (or lower) for a couple days before climbing back towards the 70's. Ideal for leggings, boots and big bulky sweaters. Lets get a hot "cup o joe" and get started.

Page One-The week That WAS-or Wasn't: Very definitely, it was the week that WAS for me. If you follow the blog at all you know Thursday my VA (Veterans Administration) psychologist signed off on my all important paper work to proceed changing my legal gender markers-which means my name and gender on documents. I have often written and thought the legal path is as challenging as navigating the world as a transgender woman at all. The next step for me this week is determining the sequence I want to do it in.  I can tell you for sure I am sick and tired of being called my male name at the VA, which is not their fault because that is what is in the system!

Page Two- Trans Allies: For some reason (other than yet another trans paranoia) I have read certain "T-peeps" blister transgender "allies." I thought I was missing something? Didn't I want/need more peeps on my side? Liz and I's "Meet Group" on Friday was one great example and my psychologist was another last week. Let me point out the group has absolutely nothing to do with LGBTQ causes and probably many wouldn't know the meaning anyhow. But they accept me warmly for who I am. So I guess they became allies out of "osmosis?" But I love them none the less and a whole lot more for them being - well-them. As they do me.

Page Three-Opinion: I have always considered paying forward a major goal of my life and I may have a yet another chance to help out coming up. In my discussions with my psychologist I mentioned several residents who sat in with my regular Doc's who asked if I had ever-or would talk to a Medical College class on the do's and don'ts of handling a trans patient. Of course I said no, but I would. Then she (my psychologist) said, would I be interested in talking to one of her interns. Again, I said sure-I would be honored. I hope something comes of the invitation because my VA clinic as a whole has become very diverse over the recent years - mainly with the help (again) of my psychologist. Great company to be included in-if only an itty bit!!!

Page Four- The Back Page: Well kids, time to wrap this up and put together breakfast vittles before the second half of my B&B football squads take the field. Of course my ultimate thrill yesterday came when "The team up North" lost to Sparty (Michigan State) in the last second-then my THE Ohio State Buckeyes beat up on Penn State. Then today the Cincinnati Bengals continue down their unbeaten path. To all of you though, I  hope the sun is shining in your world! Thanks for stopping by Cyrsti's Condo!!!

Luv ya All!!!