The World Wide Condo?

One thing I forgot to mention about our last Cyrsti's Condo post was is a reflection of my generation I guess.

Mick Dodge

I just didn't realize how much the post was truly international in scope. Jeni is in Australia, Paula in the UK, I of course am in Ohio (Mid West USA) and Connie lives in Seattle (Pacific West Coast) - in Mick Dodge's tree house.

The internet lives and the transgender world is alive and well on it!!!

Cross Dressing and the Guy Next Door?

After the Cyrsti's Condo "20 Word" post on words you believe to be female in nature, Connie came up with an idea to do 20 for cross dressers and Jeni even directed me over to a Paula Goodwin Facebook post on "Crossdressing Success Stories." Both are incredibly interesting. 

First, Paula's- being the bitch I am (on the 20 word list) or inquiring minds want to know, doesn't one have to define what dictates "success" as a crossdresser? I mean if you can go shopping or whatever as a girl and not be "busted as a guy",is that "success? In that case, I'm pretty sure I had tons more failures than success. I guess the biggest success I had though was figuring out the clothes actually had very little to do with the process. Something much deeper was going on. Which brings me to another comment sent in from Jeni (I paraphrase) - how many times does cross dressing lead to a person becoming transgender. 

Number one, I don't believe someone "becomes" trans. Either you is, or you 'ain't.' It may manifest itself in your life at any time, but it's there. So, like marijuana leading to doing heroin, a cross dresser will not automatically take the path to a transgender future. If the dots are already there-they are easier to connect.

As far as 20 "crossdressing words", here is part of Connie's comment:

"OK, we could try to come up with a different list: 20 Reasons People Cross Dress. Notice that I say "people", as the lists may be different for men than for women. Also, and more importantly, designating the sex of the cross dresser would change the whole definition. That is, I believe there is a difference between a cis male who identifies as such, but partakes in the activity of wearing women's attire (to whatever degree and for whatever reason) and a cis male who (gender) identifies as a woman wearing women's attire (to whatever degree and for whatever duration).

 I know many more (self proclaimed) cross dressers than (self proclaimed) transgender women ("full-time" or "part-time"), yet I'm not sure that the self-proclamations are always accurate. Many of the cross dressers may have just settled for the lifestyle out of fear of the loss of loved ones or a career, but they, at the same time, identify their genders as being female in secret. So, they cross dress (or do they?), when they can get away with it, as a coping mechanism. Furthermore, their self-proclamation could very well be a coping mechanism (denial) in itself. *Been there-done that."

Go here for the rest!

Trans-Dawn

I missed a true pink and blue sunset over downtown Cincinnati last night. So this was the best I could come up with this morning.

    Just had to call it "trans dawn" and send it along with tons of positive vibes to all of you down on your luck and/or still huddled in a dark closet.

A brighter day is coming!!!

20 Words?

Before I get into this post on coming up with 20 words to describe "femaleness", I want to thank Connie for pointing out I was going through "transgender menopause" (since I have been off my hormones.) I prefer to think of the process as "follow the bouncing hormones" and feel sorry for Liz!

Now, back to the 20 words. I came up with 23 actually and ran out of space. Without boring you with all of them, of course I came up with the nurturing, love type words but then had to come right back with mean,petty,vain and bitchy. Femaleness to me is the height of connecting with the Momma Earth during her good times and bad. 

I've had the majority of the women I have come across accept me with a certain curiosity but then had more than I can say who wanted to harm me with a glance. 

Of course I had to add in all the physical words femaleness means to me. Soft,curves,smooth,hair and movement come to mind.

Just coming up with the 20 reinforced with me the good and bad of the transgender path I have taken.  As we know, women are multi layered critters.

Aren't We Really All Cross Dressers?

I remember years ago I brought this topic up to a mixed group of transsexual,transgender and cross dressers here on the blog, and got rocked.

I assume perhaps I would again today, except in the 20 something and below generation -who is much more accepting to gender fluid roles.

I am sure many of you remember the "Red Badge of Courage" days when going under the knife for SRS and going stealth with a man was THE goal. Having that goal is still all good but at some point in their lives wasn't there a man ready to get out of the closet.

Then, there are the purists who believe from their earliest days, they have felt like a girl but were forced to cross dress as a boy.

Now it seems, the term cross dresser has been mainly relegated to a semi negative term-which it shouldn't.

What a mess!!! 

Fortunately, I have quite a few comments to pass along which are pertinent to this topic:

The first from Connie:  For me, it's difficult to maintain an envisioning of the kind of woman I am, as it's the "transgender" part of it that gets in the way. I don't know who decided "trans*" would be a proper way of referring to me, but it's like saying I'm a "woman*", with the asterisk being necessary for clarification and definition to be footnoted. The trouble is that my spirit and soul are those of a woman; this I know of myself. Nobody else should be allowed to attach an asterisk to my spirit and soul - but there are plenty who will try.

So true! And of course mine- I wonder though if the real negative bitchy word games come mainly from the transgender/cross dressing community. The civilian world has had a tough enough time wondering where we came from all of the sudden.

Finally, I am going to leave you with this before we get back to a topic we discussed yesterday here in Cyrsti's Condo- 20  words which express "femaleness" to you. I think cross dressing may have developed more of a negative connotation from the "fetish CD's."??

Just Who the Hell do You Think You Are?

In my previous Cyrsti's Condo post, I mentioned the recommended way to start my journal-with the question of who did I think I was? Then I was positively blown away with the first question: how did I feel about being a woman? Then list 20 words I associate with "femaleness". 

Then, the second question asked "Did I ever consider being a man?" By this time I had barely noticed what the rest of the journal questions pertained to, I was so stunned.

As my noggin began to clear though, I began to think the questions through.

A quick example was how "back in the day" the great majority of the words I would have associated with "femaleness" would have been clothes/makeup/appearance orientated. Today, maybe only a few. (I am going to journal my "20" today.)

I simply flipped the "man question around: "Did I ever not consider being a man and how much pain did it cause me?" Again, I will  write down 20 words.

In future posts of course, I will pass along some of the other points from the journal list, such as if I wrote a book about my life (I did) what title would I give it "Stilettos on Thin Ice."
As well as other relevant questions about the type of women I get along with best, etc.

So, plenty of thought and words to pass along to all of you soon!!!

Keeping a "Trans Girl" Journal?

As I mentioned previously here in Cyrsti's Condo, I was reading a book my partner Liz gave me called "Awakening your Goddess". Very quickly, the book recommends keeping a journal.

Ironically, keeping a "journal" is a little tougher for a transgender woman because as boys we were gender biased into thinking a diary/journal was only for girls. Imagine if your family found your journal at all-let alone what was written in it???

I find the whole journal concept even more interesting because in many ways I "journal" here everyday. But as I read on, I found I didn't. I write, but I don't feel.

Recommendations from the author "Liz Simpson" include many sensory ideas which a lap top obviously can not provide. Ideas include, sounds, smell, daily writings and even a new pen for your journal. (And the feel of the paper!) All of this makes more sense if you realize she (Liz) is going on to give you a sampling of Goddess's in the book to compare yourself to.

But, as I was yet to find-the best was yet to come!

We were directed on page one of our journals to write down - who did we think we were. As I was to find, an enormous question which deep down I had been trying to answer for over 60 years.

So big in fact, I am going to write about it in my next post. 

The "T" Sneaks Back In.

One thing I can definitively tell you about being off the estrogen part of my HRT is I feel my old testosterone feelings creeping back in. It is not a good feeling.

Early in the process I was what I called weepy, now I am "trending" towards much of my old aggressive self.

The only positive I can see is, as I have written extensive about here in Cyrsti's Condo, there is a chance I will be allowed to go back on my estrogen in the future.

At that point, I can start the process all over again. 

Say It IS So Joe!

From the New York Times: 

"Vice President Joe Biden says there is no longer any question that transgender people can serve in the U.S. military.Biden is giving a keynote address to a prominent LGBT rights group, the Human Rights Campaign. He says all Americans are qualified to serve and should be permitted to serve.Biden is calling transgender rights the civil rights issue of our time.

The vice president's statement goes further than what the Obama administration has said before.

Defense Secretary Ash Carter has said the Pentagon's current regulations banning transgender individuals are outdated and has ordered a study aimed at ending the barrier. The White House has said President Barack Obama supports the approach.But neither Carter nor Obama has said unequivocally that transgender people should be able to serve."

Once again, is this more false hope being tossed at transgender military members. Plus, without getting too political here, if a Republican is elected, will we go back to point zero? Or worse yet another set of worthless studies which are only set up to stonewall the issue and provide a chance for coffee vendors to make more money in the Pentagon???