Karen, Roxie and I in Walmart

This morning as I finished another VA doctors visit, I stopped at a Walmart to pick up shipping supplies. While I am the first to say I think Walmart has single handily done more to rip the economic heart out of this country, I will say I am a hypocrite and buy boxes/shipping tape at about one third of what I pay anywhere else.

As I was walking through the store, I couldn't help but remember the women walking with me I barely recognized. On one side was a woman from my past I called Karen. Karen was named after a middle school crush I had. To me a "crush" was wanting to be her. My Karen really blossomed in the 1980's. She did fairly well with the big hair, over sized sweaters worn with short skirts and flats. In fact, Karen gave me the courage I could present well enough in the world to get by as a cross dresser. But, essentially, I out grew her the more I searched for my "fit" in a feminine world. 

On the other side of me, came Roxie. As the name would lead you to believe, Roxie was much more adventurous than Karen. Roxie did a lot of crazy stuff in short skirts,heels and blond wigs. Many times "over the top" would be a kind description of her. In many ways Roxie was the antithesis of Karen in that she was too showy-especially for Walmart.

In fact, I tried to judge my "pass-ability" by heading for Walmart.  I never was the sharpest tack in the box and kept going back for more punishment from the hillbillies in this town.  After a while even I understood my long blond wig and black jump suit really fit in well in downtown Columbus and really bad at my local Walmart.

Fast forward to today. Basically, no one gave me a second look. As much as I wanted to break out my "happy dance"-the fact remained the place was nearly empty at that time in the morning (10 AM). On the other hand, my hard earned belief in myself as a trans woman plus the effects of HRT brought me to the point where I am today.

Roxie and Karen were smiling.

The Labels Of Gender Transition

These days I think I am able to put up a pretty good front about my transgender life. Peeps looking in have a tendency to think I am well adjusted. It's true, comparatively speaking I am well adjusted with my life long gender dysphoria. Most of you know though, the hell we go through to get our lives to where we are today. I tell everyone, I would not wish this on anyone and don't tell me I had a choice. Plus, my life today is hard earned and far from complete. I believe I will be transitioning until the "Grim Reaper" comes to fetch me and I ask him if his robe is "Goth" or "Boho" inspired. 

At any rate, I happened across this post from Deidre O'Bryne , a transgender woman from Ireland. In it she touches on one of my most asked question: "At what age did I know I was transgender."  I thought I would pass it along.

Deidre O'Bryne

"AT WHAT AGE did I know I was transgender? It depends on what you mean by “know”. My first time looking at clothes in a different way was at age nine. I spent my teenage years and young adulthood feeling different in a way I couldn’t put my finger on."

She goes on to write about her conflicts with being a cross dresser and other deep questions most of us have struggled with for a life time. She discusses inner gender wars, HRT and gender markers among other things.

Take a look at Deidre's post here.

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

KerPlunk! It's time again for another Sunday Edition hitting your virtual front porch. It's our 4th of July edition. A time to remember all of those again who have paid the ultimate sacrifice for the freedoms we enjoy today. Freedom is never free. It's a beautiful mild day here in O-H-I-O so let's grab a cup o joe and get started.

Page One-the Week that Was or Wasn't- Take this money and shove it!!! From the AP:SEATTLE (AP) -- The Girl Scouts of Western Washington said it has returned a $100,000 donation because it came with the provision that the money couldn't be used to support transgender girls.

The group said it sent back the money in late May after the donor had asked that the gift be returned unless the group guaranteed it would not be used to benefit transgender girls.

"Girl Scouts is for every girl, and that is every girl regardless of race, ethnicity, socioeconomic status, sexual orientation, gender identity, religion. Every girl is every girl," Megan Ferland, CEO of the Girl Scouts of Western Washington, said in an interview Tuesday. "It was a sad decision, but it was not a difficult decision. There was no way I would be put in a situation of refusing a girl participating because of a gift. It was really that quick."

The local council has transgender girls participating in the Girl Scouts, said Kate Dabe, the council's vice president of marketing and communications. To preserve their privacy, Dabe declined to say how many or provide other details about them."

I am especially proud of the Girl Scouts and my daughter/grand daughter's participation in the Scouts!

Page Two.- Another Victory: Also recently  the transgender community and their supporters celebrated a huge victory in their battle towards equal rights.

The U.S. Justice Department announced in a court filing that transgender students must be allowed to use the restroom that corresponds with their gender identity.

The department says in a statement of interest filed Monday that failure to do so amounts to sex discrimination under Title IX of the U.S. Education Amendments of 1972. 

Page Three.-Welcome Francine: I would like to take this opportunity to welcome Francine Keller and her In Transition blog...Here is an excerpt from a recent post:  'Not a Trendy Woman'

I’m not an ordinary transgender woman. Since that word would never describe transgender anyway, my statement sounds like a contradiction, doesn’t it? Transgender women usually work hard at looking pretty. They want to blend in with CIS gender women, so presentation usually takes longer.

Many trans women follow trends in fashion, others make their own style. Getting caught, outside without makeup is terrible for them. It’s a little like reverting to the boys they once were. Consequently they primp and worry about image. 

I tend to drift the other way, and I’ve come to identify with Cyrsti Hart who, like me, has a non-conforming approach to womanhood. She is one of my heroines. Until recently, her linebacker shoulders prevented her from wearing tanks and camis. Now, she looks great in them. Although I love to wear tanks around the house, I too, have linebacker shoulders.

In my non-traditional approach, I find myself dressing traditionally, like CIS gender women, who are my age. I dress up sometimes, but I lean toward the casual, and primping is not in my nature. Perhaps I would be different if I’d grown up as a girl, but I’m getting old, and most people don’t care how much makeup I wear anyway."

(Be careful Francine-I don't know if I identify with me haha!)

Be sure to follow the link above for more and/or go to my "Wanna Hook Up" Link section here on the blog!

Page Four.-The Back Page: Thanks for stopping by Cyrsti's Condo on this Fourth of July weekend!!! Luv ya all!!!!

Cyrsti's Condo "Quote of the Day"

"A transgender woman can spend countless hours alone in front of the mirror, but she can only see her true reflection by looking into the eyes of others. "  Connie I.

More Fourth of July!!!

Above, draped in all her glory is one my fave patriotic shots of Julian Bond.

Now (less dramatic) the second represents something I would have never considered-not so long ago. The picture to the right is of a friend and I in Thailand (circa 1973). I am closest to the truck and we were both in the Army. Not the truck.

Happy Fourth!!!! Boom-BOOM!

The Fourth of July holiday this year does mean more to the transgender population of the LBGT crew. The gays and lesbians of course have just fought a hard fought battle to win the nation wide right to same sex marriage. But, for the most part, we trans types were left out in the cold thinking "well that's the right thing to do-but what's in it for us?" 

Being a transgender U.S. Army veteran one of the heights of hypocrisy in our society comes from the military. Recently there have been some real change in the basic policy concerning active trans troops. Unlike gay or lesbian troops, transgender women and men were out. (Talk about uncertainty!)

Then slowly and ever so uncertainly bits and pieces of change were announced. With my very limited on hands knowledge of the military (three years) I knew the "chain of command" was an all important factor in how trans troops could possibly serve. The problem was, you could have one unit commander who supported your job and service-then get transferred to one who didn't and out you go. Discharged, "see ya!"

Now at least in two branches, (Marines and Navy) they have issued a directive to not follow the chain of command and go all the way to the top:

I'm far from the expert, but I see this as one giant step towards moving the Pentagon bureaucracy towards granting troops who fight for the nation-true equality.

Even another cause for celebration!!! 

Cyrsti's Condo "Cover Girl of the Day"

Our feature cover today is the androgynous male model Kostantin Kudin:

Growing Up "Girlie?"

Somewhere between Ariel's comments about growing up as a "girlie boy" on the FrontLine PBS show and Connie's blog response: " I never was a "girly boy", myself. I was too busy overcompensating in order to hide any indication that I might be that way. If she can be strong through the bullying and teasing, she'll have broken through to a place that my coping mechanisms wouldn't allow for me." - Here we are.

One of my problems is: "It is what it is-isn't." In my "formative years, being a girlie boy was wanting a doll for Christmas instead of the BB Gun I got. Or not wanting to go hunting with my Dad or younger brother- a long way from anyone knowing about the dresses or makeup I was secretly wearing. 

I often wonder why (or if) what impact those years had on the transgender woman I am today? I have pretty much tried and failed miserably at being a "girly" woman and can best be described as a "boho-hippie." 

I guess I wasn't the "girlie girl" then or now and that's OK because women are allowed to come in more shapes, sizes and types. More so than the narrow stereotypes men are restricted to. I think as we transition we struggle with the idea. Plus, let's not forget how our parents factor in of course.  Thank the Goddess times seem to be changing a bit from the Mom's like mine who offered me "electro-shock therapy" to "help" me. She was simply ahead of her time and not religious enough. Today she would have offered some sort of transgender conversion therapy.

I love to use Connie as an example because: Like it or not, I am usually amazed at how our paths were so similar. In this case though I do think she might be more of a "girly" woman than I am. - The best example of all-just find happiness!

I Shaved my Legs for This?

Today was "supposed" to have been Catscan day at the VA. I say supposed to because I got about half way there and my car broke down. (Of course it did!)

I will be the first to say I have been fortunate in my health history over my 66 years and had never been through a "cat" before. So, I had no idea on how to "prep" for it. The only guidance I could get from my generic friends and memories from my wives was: shave your legs. So I did. 

I did think I had a good "middle of the road" outfit picked out for my medical "adventure."  I wore one of my long boho skirts with a tank top and flip flops and out the door I went. (Sigh!!!)

Now, several of my most insecure moments ever as a transgender woman or cross dresser have come during the "quality" time I spend with the tow truck drivers. This morning was a little more exciting as I had one of the "helper" safety trucks pull up to see if I needed assistance. I said no thanks, I am a AAA club member and they are on the way. I have to give them an A+ rating this morning. From the girl on the phone who got my name right and didn't question my voice to the driver who said I would be more comfortable waiting in his truck-they all did a great job. (That has not always been the case!)

Approximately a half hour later, I was back at sinister-in-laws waiting to take her to her doctor appointment. While she was in there, I took the time to go get me a cup of coffee. Before certain of you regular Cyrsti's Condo "coffee snobs" jump all over me-yes it was a convenience store. (Unless you are buying-get over it :)  ) At any rate, the store/fuel station was full of tree workers who had left their confederate flags at home. Great!!! - talk about over dressed.

As it turned out, no one gave me a second look and I went back to the Doctor's office parking lot to sip my "Joe" in piece and sulk about the morning's activities.

Of course, the irony of the morning was not long along I passed along some of my wonderful/inexpensive advice about truly testing the world as a woman. While this morning certainly wasn't the first time I had ventured into testosterone loaded environments, I wasn't expecting them-all at the same time-this morning.

I guess on the bright side, even though my long boho skirt had my legs covered for the most part-I knew I done the right thing by shaving them.