Lost in "Trans" Trendy?

In the midst of all the circus transgender hoopla around all of Bruce Jenner's "coming out", other stories fall to the side so to speak. 

One of those has been on going on a venerable American "soap opera" "The Bold and the Beautiful." I am going to take the easy way out and pick up the TransGriot Blog post:

"Rick and Trans Maya"

"Yesterday Maya Avant told her boyfriend Rick Forrester on the CBS soap 'The Bold and the Beautiful that she is trans.

Rick didn't take the news well initially, but when Maya was about to walk out of the door of that Big Bear cabin and out of his life forever with her heart breaking in the process, Rick once again declared his love for her."

Monica from TransGriot then takes a fascinating look into yet another key issue in the transgender community-the romantic attraction of cis-men to trans women.  Over the years, we have done multiple posts about it here in Cyrsti's Condo. If you don't know- Monica is never shy about her thoughts and words especially when trans women of color are involved!

Here is how she finished the post:

"We need to have an ongoing conversation about our relationships in which the baseline for having it is that our femininity as trans women is not erased and the cis men who prefer us as their partners are not demonized for doing so. 

The cis men who love us are going to have to step up and meet us trans women halfway.  They are going to have to come out of the shadows and say in no uncertain terms they love us, we are the women they want to marry, and to kiss their behinds if you don't like it.   

If a soap opera story line can lead to an enlightened conversation about a real world issue, then by all means lets get that conversation started."

Here is your link for more!

Breaking Bread with the Brats?

Finally!!!! The much awaited "coming out" meeting with my grand kids is coming up Friday. To refresh your memory, we tried to do it last winter a couple times but were shut out by bad weather. The kids are a 13 year old girl, and two boys-10 and 8. My daughter has predetermined the youngest wouldn't care unless I was transitioning into a cat. The daughter-we may never know.  The ten year old is incredibly diverse and is the one who had the out gay fourth grade teacher. 

By now, any potential intimidation I used to feel about talking to them have pretty much gone away. It's been replaced by what the ten year old is making for lunch! He is still on "house arrest" for getting kicked out of school for fighting.

Seriously, the main issue to the lunch will be what to call me and I have the answer (pre approved by daughter) my so called "final" gender marker name change will be Jessie Jeanne (Jean). Jessie was my paternal grandfather and Jeanne was my Mother. The kids can call me J.J. My only problem is I have been able over the years to build a life as Cyrsti. None of that will matter on Friday.

We have discussed this before on Cyrsti's Condo. Sure I'm biased about these three but they are sharp so it's important to me to not talk over their heads and just as important not to talk under them. Plus, all of the sudden it's trendy? to have a transgender relative.

All in all, it should be an interesting day and we will see how the kid does with lunch! 

Taking the Transition Out of Transgender?

Shelle Iles

To

Ms. Cyrsti Hart

Today at 4:16 PM

I thought I would pass this along to you in hopes you could give it your thoughts in your blog.

Lately, I have stopped using the t-word with respect to people who are transgender. The t-word I have stopped using is not the pejorative that might come to mind. It is the word transition. For much of my eight years of teaching about what it means to be transgender, I was inadvertently teaching something I have come to understand creates a different understanding than the one I was trying to create. I talked about my transition. It made sense to me at the time. Today, I have come to know that I did not transition. I certainly did not go from being male to being female. I simply began to uncover the female who had been there all the time.

First-Shelle lles, (above)  thanks for your thoughts and I am going to break down certain excerpts to comment on and show to everyone here in Cyrsti's Condo. 

Dropping the "transition" term does make all the sense in the world and actually easier to explain once you get someone's attention. Gender is simply what the world sees and the world never saw the true me-until now. No transition to it and possibly another great subject to bring up in June to Simmons College.  Back to Shelle lles:

"Transition involves going from one thing, to something different. Psychologically, in spite of the intended meaning, this is processed as going from male to female. The word says one thing, but the mind hears something totally different. The idea that I have gone from male to female is psychologically reinforced, and no one actually realizes what just happened.

My "transition" was a transition of presentation. It was not a transition of identity. Yes, I did have medical intervention, but that is not necessarily part of the transgender experience. Taking hormones and having surgery did not make me more of a woman. They did not transition me."

I TOTALLY agree with Shelle lles last paragraph (and have for a long time!)

Last but not least:

"Transition? No, I didn't do that. I simply stepped off a stage, leaving behind a costume that never fit, and revealed my authentic self to the world. I revealed my previously hidden truth. That's a better word. Truth. Now, there's a t-word I can get behind."

Shelle

As I wrote earlier, there is more substance to the comment she sent me which we will get to later!!!! Also, to visit her blog-go here!

Cyrsti's Condo "White Satin"

All right Jim! You look great but what is your sister going to say about you wearing her wig and dress and your Dad missing his liquor? And-Oh by the way-I just heard the garage door open!

Transgender Time Line

Thanks to Bobbie for passing along this link to a wonderful New York Times article called Increasingly Visible, Transgender Americans Defy Stereotypes.

From the article:   "Transgender women and transgender men have gone from marginal to trendy,” according to Susan Stryker, an associate professor at the University of Arizona, of the study of gender identity. Earlier this year , Ms. Stryker started TSQ: Transgender Studies Quarterly, the first publication of its kind."

Christine Jorgensen 

We all know though, the road has been long and hard. And- before you go out and spend big money on your new trendy wardrobe it's always good to take a look at where we have come from and never forget where we have to get to.

The last time I looked, most of us STILL don't enjoy the basic rights of all other American's. Hell, we still can't even serve in the military.

All in all though, I even have to give Bruce Jenner some credit here. After all, we know at the least he will have a trendy wardrobe. 

Cross Dressers and Wives

In many ways, this is an "equal time" post here in Cyrsti's Condo. It's for all of you who identify as cross dressers.   

Through Tasi Zuriak and an e-mail she passed along- I can pass along (no pun intended) news about a new feature in the Huffington Post. It's written by Terri Lee Ross and called How to Tell Your Wife you are a Cross dresser. Here is an excerpt:

"Conflicted over your cross-dressing habit, you try to make peace with it and quit attempting to figure out why you have this desire to wear woman's clothing. Your therapist says you are normal, so why can't you tell anyone about your desire to dress and let your femme self out for others to see? The one person you want to share your femme self with is your wife, the mother of your children, your best friend and partner in life.

Yet, you don't know how to tell her. You are afraid she will abandon you or look badly on your behavior, thinking it is a sexual fetish that she wants no part of, when dressing is something that you were born with and a part of you that is begging to be exposed.

According to Sister House, a popular site for cross-dressers, about 70% of their audience have expressed that they have told their wives. The other 30% are still hiding in the shadows wanting to come out and share their femme self."

Follow the link for the rest of a great post that I can certainly relate to. Of course my situation was different because I told my wife before we were married. Over the course of a 25 year marriage and before she departed this world-the problem with me was dishonesty.  As I began to come to grips with being transgender, I was dishonest with myself and her.  She always made it very clear if I wanted to live as a woman, that's cool but we would just part as friends. So I tried to have it both ways (or hide it) which didn't work.

Finally, I just have to be a little snarky and point out when you do talk to your spouse-very quickly into the conversation, add in "Relax dear, I'm not like Bruce Jenner."

The Thrill is Gone?

Since I am not allowed to call her "my co-blogger" Connie mentioned the passing of blues legend BB King :  " I've always thought that "The Thrill is Gone" could be an anthem for those of us who have given up the activity of cross dressing to become genuine in transition - 24/7. Being a transgender person certainly is accompanied by the blues, anyway." 

How true all of that is Connie!  I have written here in Cyrsti's Condo of the fireman I knew years ago who compared the thrill of cross dressing to going on a fire run. I of course don't know anything about that and need to mention she went on to complete SRS. So maybe the final thrill was on the operating table when she left to pursue a life as a woman? 

Seriously, the whole subject is one I struggled with for years. After all, it is much easier to get dolled up once or twice a week as a cross dresser than it is to go full time as a transgender woman. My only advice to those who are thinking they want to make the "jump" - get out there and try it on for size. It is the only way you can learn the true "nuances" of living in the feminine world. 

It worked for me and I never have looked back but as Connie said "being a transgender person certainly is accompanied by the blues!" R.I.P. BB King.

Bureaucratic B.S?

FINALLY- Yet another battle with the VA to get my bill for an outside provider (endocrinologist) paid was settled. My visit was in September of last year.

My problem was getting the VA to do the right thing.  By their own directives - they are supposed to provide me (pay for) an outside provider for a need they (VA) don't provide. As you can tell by the timing, I am relatively persistent. Also (and unfortunately) I am experienced in dealing with their (VA) system when they are dragging their heels about paying anything outside the system.

They did to me what I call "Ping Pong" . To get around it I went to my "ultimate weapon" called the "Patient Advocate", which I highly recommend if you are a trans vet and get caught in the system. (Do NOT get stuck in billing!!!) The woman in billing was quite satisfied telling me I was wrong and hell no they weren't paying. So, I had to keep going back to Advocate monthly to assure them my problem was not solved and I was not going away. Then, they bounced me from Dayton, Ohio to Omaha, Nebraska-who knew absolutely nothing about my case. Two months ago, I got a call from an unknown person who said my claim was to be paid-in 60 days. Really?

So yesterday, the long  unpaid doctors office wrote me a nice letter saying the VA finally paid. Plus, the other silver lining to all of this is (as I have written about here in Cyrsti's Condo) I now have an in house endocrinologist. The problem is, what is stable today could change tomorrow.

I will say though-everybody within the VA system to a person has been kind and caring to me. Plowing through the bureaucracy is the big problem.

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

Ker Plunk! Good morning and another Sunday Edition of the Cyrsti's Condo has hit your virtual front porch! Our weather here in O-H-I-O is slightly overcast and muggy so summer is definitely on the way -so last get started!

Page One.- The Week that Was - or Wasn't:  During the past seven days or so, again we seem to be slowing down a bit from the barrage of publicity stemming from Bruce Jenner. My opinion has always been Jenner, Zoey Tur and the rest of the Hollywood crowd which show up on my doorstep on television are just a little too slippery for my liking. I have been surprised though how many civilians I have interacted with who don't think that way. So, that is what is most important. As it turns out, most of my week came from surprise input from the outside.

Page Two.-Back to College? I was completely surprised last week when Megan from Simmons College contacted me concerning contributing to their Trans*forming the Dialogue initiative this summer. First and foremost this means all of you will have a chance to contribute to questions such as what is OK to ask a transgender person or not. It is supposed to go live sometime in June. Plus, a little about Simmons College. Simmons is ONLY the third US women’s college to accept students who identify as transgender. Each time the gender barrier is broken down for transgender women anywhere it is huge. In the recent past, certain "women only" colleges have led the discrimination charge to bar us. I'm sure another question to add to their dialogue would be "what constitutes a woman?" It should be very interesting and you all will be the first to know when I learn more!

Page Three.- My Sisters in? : Page Two Continued: What does constitute a "woman"? How close or how far away are we transgender women from our generic sisters? The easy answer is there isn't one. The easy answer used by radical feminists is if you weren't born with a vagina, then you will never ever be a woman. Then there are the ever present radical transsexuals who believe somehow if you haven't or can't buy your own vagina-you too are the outside looking in. Then again (as always) there is a huge middle ground. The problem is it is an emotionally charged issue to be sure. But last week I took three ideas from Ginger Burr's Total Image Consultant's site which to me spoke deeply to my life as a transgender woman. Here is the post very simply called "Good Questions."

Page Four.- The Back Page: Well kids, it's time to go. somehow my old dog knows she has time for a walk mixed into her busy day. Sadly, the week to come will mark the end of another icon of my generation-the retirement of "David Letterman." I'm sure I will end up blaming and cussing the effect of my HRT hormones as I view the last show.
On a positive note though-have a GREAT week and thanks for stopping by Cyrsti's Condo!