Street Smarts?

I can't begin to tell you the amount of pure terror I felt when I began to open the closet and venture into the world as a cross dresser.

Most assume it would be a natural reaction to the radical idea of turning your gender world upside down. 

When I saw one of the pictures of Eddie Redmayne who stars as transgender woman Danish artist, Einer Wegener.in the upcoming movie "The Danish Girl."

Two things stood out. The first of course Redmayne presents as a convincing woman but more pressing- was how "frail" he looked.  

Then it occurred to me, what may have scared me more than presentation fears were as I went out and began stripping myself of what I call the security of male privilege. There was no doubt I had it with my size and how I carried myself. I also found out quickly how much my life would change as I transitioned. 

Most certainly, gender privilege is a slippery slope. Some see a "privilege" as the opposite. I don't know though how anyone can argue most men enjoy more security in society. The picture of Eddie Redmayne just reinforces my point. 

Cyrsti's Condo "Cover Girl" of the Day

Our feature cover Mtf model today is entertainer Libor Landa

Prom Daze

Although I can barely remember my days in high school on most days (64-67). Prom is a different story. And, my-my-times "are a changin'" Take Maka Brown (below) in Utah 

From left: William Floor, prom prince, Jasper Clayton, prom king, Maka Brown, prom queen and Liliana Huettlinger, prom princess

Who would have "thunk it?" I can safely tell you NO ONE when I went to my junior prom in 1966 and Senior prom in 1967.

I am actually getting ahead of the curve a little this year with my annual "prom" post. Actually, in "years gone by" here in Cyrsti's Condo, I have been "taken to task" for writing about my Prom experiences at all. After all if I went to prom as a boy how trans could I have been?.

To me though, back then prom was the pinnacle of feminine privilege. After all, the boys were expected to ask the girl out and pick up almost all the tab for the evening. Then (to those of us who cared), the girls were the ones who were allowed to wear the fancy clothes, makeup and hair. My primary color for the evening was green-with envy.

Of course back in those days (and for years after) I didn't realize the grass on the other end of the gender divide wasn't necessarily greener. My date not only had to worry about me but how she presented to all of her friends too. Plus, I had no idea then of the expense she had to put up for the evening. (Hair, nails, dress, shoes, accessories -etc.) Plus, it wasn't until years later I learned the pain of waiting for someone to ask you to Prom was as bad as the insecurity of asking.

Plus, these days, I can't imagine what the "social media" generation goes through. Somehow, I can't believe Maka Brown's selection as promo queen was met with universal approval and bullying can take so many different paths than it used to. (Another blog post.)  

In future posts, I will write about Senior Prom.

Cyrsti's Condo "Quote of the Day"

On some days around here in the Condo, I sit back and think this: 

For some reason, I feel put upon by the world and want to blame someone or something else for the situation I may be in.  

The other day I was at my Sister in Law's doing something I didn't want to do and was not too happy about it.

She said "just take more of your estrogen, you will feel nicer."

I just fired back "really? how many times have you told me that women were the meaner gender?"

I agree and answered the proper way with - one finger.

Hey! You Have Boobies

Ok, a couple days ago, the weather around here in Southwestern Ohio blessed us with a fairly warm spring day. Warm enough that I was able to (for the first time) to "show off" my new self. I have lost nearly 35 pounds and discovered parts of my body like a waistline and yes even my "girls." 

It's been a lifetime of waiting for short sleeves, my own hair,  t shirt tops and the feel of "Momma Nature" on my body. Also, I dearly hate wearing bra's and so far Liz hasn't been on my back (or chest) about it. Essentially, I have developed a well formed (almost "C" cup)-so why not? On top (or under) all of that-we have had more than a couple "active" conversations about what to wear under a sun dress. Could be why I notice more than a few generics seeming to be in better moods around here as the weather warms!

At any rate, I was wearing my "peace sign" T-shirt getting ready to go out and my sister in law walked by and said "Wow! You do have boobies!" I thought to myself-forget the damn diet and let's get to the real compliment!  

I had to come down to earth before I went to meet my trans girl friend who is getting ready to move to Texas.

Just a Cross Dresser?

Before I get to the post, here is another comment from our "Did You Hear" post:

Alice BrouleApril 30, 2015 at 10:45 AM

SVU Season 4, Episode 21 was an episode about a pre-op transsexual girl. It was dark and sad but nonetheless well done. Worth watching.
I've always loved the show..

As have I Alice and have always respected the longevity of the show!!

The other day, I had a message on Facebook from a person who identified as "just a cross dresser." 

I responded just??? The comment though, says it all when our "communities" mix. Connie brought it up in our last post when she mentioned for whatever reason, her friend (who had been on HRT for years) became increasingly isolated. She also preferred to identify as a cross dresser. I would suggest (just as a female does not equate a woman) HRT does not identify a transgender person. (As Connie would I am sure.)

I think too, a major factor with HRT is "passing privilege." Yes, it IS a major move and yes it does help one to gain more of the precious "PP". But, in no way in this lifetime (there are not enough hormones in the world) will I ever be able to look like all the beautiful cross dressers or trans women on Pinterest. As Natasha said in our last post, (I paraphrase) just because you are out as a cross dresser or trans woman does not mean you hang out with others of like persuasion. Truly, I don't much. (Another blog post.)

So, there is no such thing as "just a cross dresser." By far, the days I identified as a cross dresser were the toughest of my life. I was hiding behind my dresses refusing to face who I was and managing to make many others just a miserable as I was deep inside.

You cross dressers! It's cool to be who you are!!! Life is too short to not embrace it!

"Cyrsti's Condo" Cleaning

Today, I have many comments to get to! 

The first couple come from the "Installing Windows in your Closet" post.

NatashaApril 30, 2015 at 5:33 AM

"In my experience many of the "out and proud" trans people about the place are actually a whole lot more closeted than they let on. They socialize exclusively within the trans support group community and online, and have few or no friends in the actual world."

Right on Natasha! Actually coming to the realization you are a transgender woman or trans man is one thing-coming out another and carving out a life in the "actual" world-another.

Then, there was my co-blogger Connie! 

"I'd like to know if you can even install Windows in that old computer of yours.:-)  (Ha Ha! My Windows 1949 still works!)" Seriously, here are a couple excerpts or (extracts) from her comment: 

"Windows can be seen through from both sides, but they still don't necessarily make things clear. I know a person (a fellow musician) who is our age, and has been a cross dresser since childhood. She (because that is how I know her) has told me stories of how she would, as a child, get all dressed up and stand at the picture window of her home, waiting for someone to notice her. She actually continues to do it today. Now, this is someone who has been on HRT for at least 10 years, but still considers herself a cross dresser because of fear to let go of her male (privileged?) life completely."

"She does venture outside the window often, but I don't believe she does so with a different mindset than if she were exhibiting herself from the inside. She has complained to me so often about being alone, lonely, and lonesome that I finally stopped seeing her altogether. I mean, what am I, chopped liver? With some people it is just an exercise in futility to try to understand, let alone help."

More to come in our next post!

Trashing Your Transgender Kid

The Ohio Highway Patrol released it's report on the tragic suicide last winter of transgender teenager Leelah Alcorn. I have written several times here in Cyrsti's Condo about how her death is constantly reinforced with me because I travel that stretch of road continually.

The report really didn't surprise me much. 


The OHP reported Leelah Alcorn, the 17-year-old transgender youth who committed suicide last December, had been frequenting suicide prevention websites in the weeks leading up to her death.

The report also explains that Alcorn's mother had found a note on Alcorn's bed shortly after police notified them about her death. The note read "I've had enough." 

The Journal-News also  reported Alcorn had been undergoing conversion therapy against her will when she died, a type of psychiatric treatment aimed at changing the sexual orientation of gender identity of gay, lesbian, and transgender youth that President Barack Obama condemned earlier this month.

In addition to Leelah's story, it is important to note here in Southwestern Ohio, we are on the LGBT "fault line."  An example is Cincinnati which has (and is) working hard to create a diverse environment but then again you don't have to travel far to find a very active religious community who I am sure still believe salvation will rid any poor transgender or gay kid's problems. 

And how about Leelah's parents? Are they still "true believers" more than true "under-standers?" I can't imagine their pain-or thought patterns. Especially now in the highly publicized transgender era. Sacrificing your child "for the cause" may be a bit much-for anyone. Including the "snake worshipers."

 

Same Sex Mariage

Recently I published a post here on Cyrsti's Condo from my partner Liz. She wrote a strong case for same sex marriage. Liz identifies as a lesbian and here is part of her post:

Who out there has the RIGHT to say that I am to be denied the same right to marry the love of my life and have it recognized? Whatever happened to the "separation of church and state"? This is an American Civil liberties issue, NOT a religious issue!


I received several comments here and on Google Plus:  In no particular order, Connie wrote:

 "Holy Matrimony, Batman. Liz is right! It is the state that grants license to qualified religious officials to marry two people, but it is not necessary to involve any religion for a marriage to be legal. A judge, certain government officials, and even a ship's captain can preside. Even the Catholic Church does not recognize fully any marriage that takes place outside of the Catholic Church, but it does not close it's doors to anyone who has -nor does it run to the government crying that such a marriage be legally revoked. Marriage is simply a legal contract."

And: Maria HardingApril 29, 2015 at 2:35 PM

God didn't make any mistakes!

And Regina: "Liz is right! Whatever happened to the separation of church and state?"

Thanks to all!