Burning Transgender Bridges

I considered naming this post after "Last Call" (I paraphrase), I don't care where you go-but you can't stay here. In my case at least, I haven't had anyone tell me to my face I had a choice in transitioning to a transgender woman's life. I used to think of the transitioning process as "jumping off a cliff".  Now burning bridges seems more appropriate. You have a chance to look back and see how well the fire is burning, how well is your bridge holding up and how fast can you run.

It's also important to not let others see you burning your bridges-or at least the fire. I had an experience last night at a dinner meetup (meetings) in one of Liz's groups.  Several members bring their kids on occasion.  For the most part, they are overwhelmingly girls. Interestingly, one of them is exceedingly androgynous and exceedingly shy.  After a little research Liz and I found she was a generic and even had a androgynous name.

Last night though, another 14 something? girl was there.  She, I presume hadn't seen much of me at other meetings.  As many other teen girls do, they sense a difference in me which I think goes past looks these days. HRT life changes are real feminine gender enablers. (More than I ever considered.) As it turned out, she and I were brought face to face a couple of times during the evening and as always with generics-the eyes say it all.  Hers had a mixture of curiosity and acceptance. The last thing I wanted to do was show her any of my gender bridges still on fire.  I smiled and softly said hello as she attacked the M&M's on the food bar.

 From then on I blended back into the fast moving world of a teen aged critter. After all, there was her cell phone to consider! I wondered briefly if I had any part of her conversation but then remembered my own advice. It doesn't have to be about me at all.

Transgender Vet Follow Up

Marcia was suggesting a trans vet roll call of sorts and I was sent one (thanks!). Here on Susan's Place. Or, you can find it on my list of links too!  Thanks J!

So Close and Yet So Far

I know you have read me write here in Cyrsti's Condo about how amazed I continue to be about those of us in the trans or cross dressing community share a commonality about life.  From Pat's examples of "spreading" the word in gay venues about her to Connie and I playing football in our youth (different teams) to cover our "girl-ness" -literally tons of stories are the same.  Now, I have another which goes back to Marcia and Angel (left) of the blog "A Cross Dressers Wife." 

It turns out Angel is a trans vet and Marcia is a vet (USN) too.  Of course most of you probably know by now and I am trans vet but maybe what you don't know is my first wife is a vet too.  We still get along and was actually one of the first people I came out to as a "transvestite" in Germany where we serving in 1974.  It's a small world.  Marcia finished her post with these words:

"My hope is with this new-found openness in our country, we are becoming more united as a country that embraces our differences, inspires our characters and promotes our people to new levels of understanding and tolerance where we truly know the extent of what it means to be free.   And Freedom isn't free.

Hey Cyrsti, Let's start a role call of our military trans* that will be counted."

Angel Harding - USCG
Maria Harding - USN (Wife)"

No freedom is not free, and it's tragic the transgender military members fighting on the front lines for freedom- are the first in line to be denied it!!!!

Going Back to My Roots

Before I get too far into this post, no I am not talking about my hair roots! I'm writing about my very dark years in the cross dressing closet and realizations how the past has effected my present.  First of all, I'm always surprised when peeps think I have magically arrived at this point in my life without a tremendous amount of stress and tension. Very simply, I almost didn't live through it. Connie said it best- we are survivors.  In most all transgender cases (to quote a movie line and twist it) "it's not the years-it's the mileage too."

Recently, I have been revisiting my past by reliving it through others.  On one side, there is Gena I'm chatting with.  She is in her 60's deeply closeted except for a semi understanding spouse and beginning to think she is trans. Then there is Maria with her Cross Dresser's Wife blog. And, finally last night there was Kadijah who by accident ended up sitting beside me at a Creative Society of Cincinnati meeting. 

All of these dots connect. All take me back to my roots.  Gena is self explanatory.  We share the same age and probably if not for certain extenuating circumstances she could be in a similar situation as I am. Maria on the other hand most likely shares much of the same problems/opportunities which my wives have had from loving a cross dresser or transgender woman. (And more I will mention in another post.) And then there is Kadijah who was a "civilian" until last night.  At these meetings, Liz primarily networks her beadwork, knitting etc. and I use them to "hawk" my book Stilettos on Thin Ice.  Of course, as I do, I automatically out myself as I did with her when she asked what my book is all about.  Anymore my simple answer is my sometimes painful story of living a lie as a cross dresser until I came out and transitioned as transgender.  It turned out Kadijah was a 30 something very talented artist from here in Cincinnati and we ended up having a fascinating conversation which went way past being trans.

Never a dull moment! Thank goodness!

It's Not All About Me

Yesterday, I was making my way through the grocery store on a decidedly snowy winter day, I was immersed in buying only a few items to get us by at  the house.  As I was stopped at the salad department finally fighting off the cold in my long wool coat, I heard this voice behind me say "can I help you sir?"

I briefly thought "Really??" until I turned around and saw the real sir the produce clerk was talking to-not me.  So I guess it's true, it's not all about me.

Lewis Carroll said it best.

Cyrsti's Condo "Cover Girl of the Day"

Over the years I think I have seen over a million on line pictures of anything from the most off the wall fetish cross dressers to the most beautiful transgender women.  For my own purposes I put together a checklist of sorts.  In a picture, I basically look for drastic photo shopping, where it was taken and who took it.  Was the picture taken outside, with a group etc...only then do I backtrack from appearance (or whatever initially drew me to it.)

Recently I found a set of pictures from Alex Cole on Pinterest.  I think she represents the joy and style of presenting herself as a woman and decided to pass along a picture here.  To see more, go to Pinterest and search for her!

Almost Equal Time?

Connie obviously didn't think kindly about my suggestion of any similarities between her and reality TV (not CD) person Mick Dodge and she even tossed the age card at me! 

Although I have visited the rain forest on the Kitsap Peninsula a few times in the past, and I actually do live on a peninsula on the Puget Sound in Seattle, I have, thus far, been able to dodge Mick. BTW, this peninsula is partially made up of Discovery Park, which was once Fort Lawton - where Cyrsti once was stationed. Of course, they hadn't change the name at that time, because Cyrsti had not come to really "discover" herself yet. Funny that my house overlooks the park, and I am still overlooking Cyrsti today. (Back to Mick) I even grew a beard one time at the ill-conceived advice of a therapist who thought he could "cure" me. While I'll admit to being a survivalist, I never was anything like Mick, nor was the Hoh Rain Forest named after me. I do wonder, though: If a tree fell on Cyrsti's Condo, would anyone hear it?


Hmmmn Connie, if I was techno advanced enough, I suppose I could add tree sound to the blog!  As far as Ft. Lawton goes, does having a drill sergeant at Ft. Knox by the name of Custer count? (True story!)  He tried to overlook me too Connie because he was about four inches shorter.

I have added a rather heavily (OK Really Photo Shopped) Pic from Connie's Facebook page above. Below is what she really looks like from her forest as she waits for a tree to fall. Or is looking for "magic mushrooms."

Up Date

Several of you have asked if I have heard or read any further information on the young pagan transgender woman in Akron, Ohio who was slain from her "demon's" by her father.  The reposts I have read still say (more or less) "Bri" was migrating back towards Brian during the last year.

My only "guess" is Bri leaned towards being gender fluid and was searching for gender roots.  Plus, as some of you may know, my partner Liz is a Wiccan (closely related to Pagan's in beliefs).  So, I know enough about it to be dangerous.  It's quite possible (like me) Bri was exploring a spirituality which is largely feminine based and similar to the ancient Native American cultures, acceptors of a Two Spirited person.

Now, since I'm guessing, Bri's hometown of Akron, Ohio is actually clear across the state from me and is yet another decimated old rust belt industrial city. I would think it would not be the ideal environment for a person with a crazy father- if you are searching for a gender identity.

Of course I have my biases and ideas-but that's all they are-unfortunately.

"Shades of L?"

Some time ago I found myself in a conversation with a generic about my sexuality.  She called me gay. I said I am not gay, I am trans.  She said didn't I say my partner was a lesbian. I said yes and she said-OK you are gay. The experience leads me to this discussion of how we- as transgender or cross dressers are accepted in the world and how (like it or not) we are all linked together.  Often, not under positive circumstances.

Like some others of you. I have been totally embarrassed by the actions of others in my so called community. To be truthful, fetish cross dressers. I only care about their lifestyles when it intrudes with mine.  One night in particular comes to mind when a certain group came in to a gay venue I was in and in effect trashed the women's room.  (The place had a sizeable lesbian presence that night.) Of course I distanced myself from them.

Switching gears a bit, I have always found connecting the dots between all the various gender and sexual spectrums of this is fascinating.  For example, take (again) the cross dressers who use dressing as a woman as an "excuse" to have sex with another man or transgender "admirers" who may feel the same.  Then if you begin to throw all the various "shades of L" in with generics-the fun really begins. 

First of all, those of us raised male simply (naturally) do not have a perception of what it is like to grow up generic and a lesbian one.  Why wouldn't it be a so called inclusive and increasingly enabled club similar to cis gay men?  Thus, transgender women have to get up to speed quickly to just be admitted to the club at all.  Plus, if you are a Mtf trans person and still prefer women sexually, you stand a better chance of being perceived as yet a bigger "wolf in sheep's clothing".  Some of you have mentioned the "Butch" lesbian community and my experiences have told me I don't even show up on their radar.  My one exception was a hundred years ago in a hard core butch bar. One of the regulars said she said I didn't look too bad and she should maybe "take me home with her." Lots of sexual tension after a free beer and that comment!

OK, I am tired of all these dots. Finally, I don't totally understand the reluctance to accept the trans women into the world of women at large.  Sure, most of us were raised male but have given up all of that perceived male privilege to enter a feminine world that half us are willing to kill ourselves to get to. Furthermore, we share the same nasty problems of male abuse as generics do-but worse not to mention the we just don't get paid less-we don't get paid at all.  

But, we are capable of adding a full rich spectrum of experience and knowledge to women everywhere.  We just have to quit being our own worst enemy and prove our worth to the feminine community as a whole.