And My Blog Gently Weeps

From GayStar News and Trans Ohio:
A 22-year-old, believed to be a trans woman, is alleged to have been stabbed to death by her father on Friday night (13 February). Bri Golec, an artist and drummer from Akron, Ohio, is the seventh known trans person to murdered this year. -Trans Ohio said: 'We are saddened to learn of the murder of Bri Golec (left), a 22-year-old trans woman who resided in Akron, Ohio. 'Her father has been arrested and is in jail at this time. Please keep our Akron community in your thoughts and prayers.



This is yet another refusal of the family to accept a members transgender identity.  Here is more:   The language in this report (from Akron) has been updated to reflect family members' clear statement that Golec was male and not a trans woman. We continue to note, as we did before, that Golec's gender identity can not be 100% confirmed based on conflicting evidence currently available. - See more here. 

Snowed In

Well, the much awaited meeting with the grand kids was snowed out today.  Cincinnati (Bostonians ignore this) is getting a foot of snow in the area and the thermometer is at a balmy four degrees.  At any rate, too much snow to drive a hour and a half in. We will have to "git er done!" later.  Of course kids are a blank canvas on which parents and family draw on, so fortunately I have only a positive canvas to complete. The deadline is sometime in May, when both families are expecting the real me at grand daughter's birthday party. 

My real surprise came though the other day when my daughter started to talk to me what I am required to wear at my oldest grandson's Bar Mitzvah . (A year from now.)  It seems all of his closely related women family members are wearing similar outfits.  The whole moment was yet another of the surreal moments I have experienced recently in my transgender transition.

 

Connie and Maria added a couple more thoughts!

1. For you, Presidents Day will forevermore be Precedence Day! Weather permitting, or whether not permitting: Is that the question? Well, I think that you have better than "a snowball's chance" with the grandkids. Just a reminder, though - talking 'not down' or 'not up' is challenging, but 'not too much' is advised. It's the old K.I.S.S. adage that, I think, works best here. And, if you're really lucky, you'll get a real kiss before the day with them is over! :
2. Maria HardingFebruary 15, 2015 at 9:12 PM

   Best wishes on your tasks for tomorrow with the grand kids. They love you. Kids are so open, they'll probably just shrug their shoulders and say, "OK" 

Maria these three definitely are going to think "is that it" or as my daughter said, unless I grew a tail and pointed ears, her youngest wouldn't care-since he is such a huge cat fan!

 

Good Question!

I ran across this post on a site called "Slate".  It's near and dear to me because as most of you know, my partner Liz identifies as a staunch lesbian.  So, more often or not I am in the company of women, straight or gay.  Of all the groups I deal with though, lesbians are the most likely one I will get at the least given the cold shoulder to or at the worst-flat out discriminated against. The problem to me is I am not the enemy to cis-lesbians-the same as I told the teen therapist (who happened to be a Christian) on the radio.  Look, I know not everyone has to accept or like me but finding out I'm not alone (as always) makes me feel a bit better. Read on:

 "In theory, our multifaceted, multilettered queer community is all about alliance, solidarity, and mutual support. Though we’ve seen advances in areas like marriage equality and nondiscrimination ordinances, systematic oppression of LGBTQ individuals continues in the form of disparate treatment in health care, employment, criminal justice, and public accommodations such as bathrooms and similar sex-segregated spaces. With so much to fight against outside our coalition, divisions within it have largely gone unchecked, with destructive rifts continuing to grow. One of the widest of these rifts exists between the L’s and T’s, particularly between cisgender lesbians and trans women."

If you have observed or dealt with the cis lesbian community at all, this is a wonderful article which goes into the misconceptions both sides have about each other and is worth the read.

I will leave you with this positive excerpt:

"There will always be differences in the experiences of cisgendered women and trans ones, masculine people and feminine ones, and between each and every unique individual. Already, there are signs that the divide between cis lesbians and trans women is growing smaller, as more and more queer women’s groups are extending explicit welcomes to trans women, women’s colleges are opening admissions to trans women, and more trans women are adding their voices to feminist campaigns. True, our differences can lead to misunderstandings and tensions, but the diversity that comes with difference can also be a source of great strength if we are willing to allow ourselves to learn from one another and support each other’s individuality. "

Vanessa Vitiello Urquhart is a freelance writer who draws the web comic Tiny Butch Adventures.

Stealth, Activism and the Grandkids?

How's that for a post heading?  First of all, here is my definition of "stealth" :

1. You are "able" to.  that means more than mere appearance.
2. You do have a level of passing privilege, attitude, confidence-whatever.
3. You live, understand and embrace your new life.

I used to feel two things about stealth. Number one, it terribly hurt the knowledge and advancement of the transgender community during my generation. And, two I could never even be in a situation to go stealth. Well, it seems these days, stealth could be a possibility because of the effects of HRT and the relationship/social settings I have found myself in.  As I have written about recently, I am not going to out myself but won't hide from who I am.  After all, being trans is just one small facet of my personality.  But, none of what I just wrote will ever stop me from being a vocal example of change for the transgender community. Being an "activist" however is a highly subjective term and often in the mind of the beholder.

"And the Grandkids?" Weather permitting, the big sit down "coming out" breakfast with my three grand kids is tomorrow (Monday).  Two have "known" but have never met the real me out of male drag and one (the youngest) hasn't really been included much.  They range in age from seven to thirteen and too smart for their own good.  (Aren't they all?)  My biggest job is not talking down or up to them!!!!

Don't Panic!

If any of you tried to get on the blog in the past half hour or so, it has asked you to redirect.  What happened was I purchased a domain name through Google and did what it asked and now I'm still trying to figure out all the extra BS that goes with it.  I changed it back!!!

Sorry

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

Kerplunk! Another Sunday edition from the Condo is hitting your virtual front porch.  This week around here at least, warm jammies and hot cocoa are in fashion- it's a brisk six degrees...but no snow.  Let's get started.
Page One.-The Week that WAS or Wasn't:  Overall, it seemed the new "it" community (transgender) took a week to pause and look at what happened, what it all meant and what it will mean.  I know to some of you, most of it means nothing.  An example is a person I have seen on Facebook asking if she was the only trans person in Ripley, Ohio?  If you know anything about Ripley and the area around it, it's safe to say in this little Ohio River town in a less than liberal area-she may be-but in reality she lives only a little more than 40 minutes from where I do in Cincinnati. Still others who I chat with on Google+ point to their "passing privilege still being a major problem.  I'm fairly sure both still will be in the near future. The difference is when someone looks at you and thinks you may be "one of them", it's not a bad or evil thing.
Page Two.-Transition Time Lines?  My oft quoted (or off quoted) Connie brought up the fact I was entering another of my "time lines" as I wrote about all the "groups" Liz has signed us up for.  FYI, if you live in or near to a population center of any size, Google "Meet Up's", at least in Cincinnati there are tons of them.  The utilitarian use is you can find one deeply into your interests and as you attend, being transgender just goes away-quickly.  As I have written many times, people don't readily know I am deeply shy and reticent about meeting new peeps. Regardless of being transgender or not. I will however go with Liz and yes, the experiences have taken me to new levels of negotiating the world.

Page Three.-Getting Social -Media? For the most part, my social media excursions into Twitter, Facebook and LinkedIn are very unremarkable-just regular folks like me.  On occasion though, I hit the jackpot and hookup with those who are really making a difference!  For example, this morning on Twitter, I received a request for a follow from a University of Cincinnati gender studies person and an acceptance of my LinkedIn request from another very visible transgender woman activist here in Cinci. 

Page Four.-We Got Mail!  Maria HardingFebruary 15, 2015 at 2:01 AM Thank you for the information listed here. I never really stopped and thought about how many people are actually included in trans* numbers until more people began coming forward. I appreciated your insights and courage as you continue on your journey. We have come a long way.

FABULOUSCONNIEDEEFebruary 15, 2015 at 3:27 AM Now I'm starting to get a little worried about overkill?  Is that a possibility I wonder?
Thanks to both to you!  I think those of us "in the community" knew how many of us were deeply stuck in the closet. On my part though, I thought the "outing" would come completely from the "bottom/up" starting with the younger generation.  Now though we are seeing more and more from different ages. Yes Connie, I too view the overkill as a reason to head stealth but there is still too much to do with too many people to do it. 

Page Five: The Back Page:  See ya, thank ya!!!!

We HAVE Come a Long Way!

All of this news comes from the "Hollywood Reporter" site!  When I think of the dark days of growing up in my closet feeling so alone, I sometimes can't believe all of this:

Glee continued to put the spotlight on the underdog Friday when the Fox musical featured a 200-member transgender choir.

Recommended

Dot Marie Jones on 'Glee's' New Groundbreaking Storyline

Golden Globes: 'Transparent's' Jeffrey Tambor Becomes First TV Actor to Win for Transgender Role

ABC Family Orders Transgender Docuseries Produced by Ryan Seacrest

Emmys Make History With First Transgender Acting Nominee

What's Behind the Rise of Transgender TV

The singers, which were put together following a nationwide search with the assistance of LGBT-watchdog group GLAAD, were introduced as part of the dramedy's transgender storyline featuring three-time Emmy-nominee Dot Marie Jones.
Read more 'Dot Marie Jones' on 'Glee's' Groundbreaking Transgender Storyline
As was first introduced during the Jan. 16 episode, Jones' Coach Shannon Beiste revealed that she was transitioning from a woman to a man. The football coach made her triumphant return during Friday's appropriately titled "Transitioning" episode as Sheldon Beiste and found immediate support from former New Directions transgender student Wade "Unique" Adams (Alex Newell).
The choir backs Newell's performance of "I Know Where I've Been," from the musical Hairspray.

Tear Down the Walls?

This story was one of the leads last night on Channel 12 TV in Cincinnati:

" SHARONVILLE, Ohio (Angenette Levy) -- The pastor of Leelah Alcorn's church has written a blog discussing the need to "tear down walls" in reference to transgender issues.

Pastor Tim Tripp works at the Northeast Church of Christ. He posted on his blog February 11. The post "Can Tragedy Bring Us Together?" details Tripp's thoughts on Alcorn's suicide and the transgender issue.

Tripp wrote, "I can't help but wonder what would happen if people on both sides of the wall would stop thinking of ways to vent their anger on both sides of the wall would stop thinking of ways to vent their anger toward the other side but instead just reach over the wall and grab a hand on the other side."

Alcorn's suicide sparked outrage and sadness around the world. She wrote a suicide note in which she discussed the need for gender issues to be taught in school. She also said her death needed to mean something.

Lindsey Deaton, who identifies as a transgender woman, was overjoyed by the blog post.

"How amazing. How wonderful. He has reached out. He has written. There is something, I mean this is a really big gesture," Deaton said.  "This is a huge gesture so number one I'm really thankful and grateful and I am a believer. I'm Roman Catholic so my first thought was wow, God is good all the time, God is good all of the time. That's my reaction."

Go here for this promising story.  In addition, Channel 12 I believe is doing a follow up story on Lindsey Deaton.  Go here for more.

A Different Kind of Spirit?

As Connie so profoundly put it- "Yeah, Cyrsti, like you ever limit yourself to just two spirits!  *Hic" (In reference to my Native American 'Two Spirit' Cyrsti's Condo posts) Well, last night, timing was everything and Liz and I went to a gay and lesbian couple happy hour social mixer at a-Bourbon Bar (The Littlefield) in Cincinnati.  The idea is not so far fetched seeing as how Kentucky is across the river and does have some legal and illegal bourbon manufacturing in it's past.

I haven't done much bourbon/whiskey over the years after early abuse of it when I was young (compliments of my Dad's stash.)  But last night Connie, I did not limit myself! It was the first time I have ever been to a bourbon bar, so who would I have been to not partake?

The only other noteworthy part of the evening was I never did out myself to the other attendee's which were fairly evenly mixed between gay men and lesbians. The whole experience was totally liberating and the first of a kind for me.  Seeing both groups as an (almost) innocent observer was very different and all of these individuals were couples and some very long term.

The only problem was I am now invited with Liz to come to the next mixer which involves playing Trivia and Pictionary. I really dislike playing games like that, but organizers said at the least "I could come and drink."  Transgender or not, those first impressions are hell!