Playing in the Trenches

Accidentally, as I was writing another Cyrsti's Condo post the other day, I used MtF transgender woman Kimberly Reed as a stereotypical example of a point I was trying to make on the physical part of transitioning.  During her sports career in football, Kimberly was the young blond slim quarterback, during mine I played in the trenches as a defensive end.  NO, I did not play on Kimberly's team, against her and we are different ages from different places.  She is an example kids!!!

Sure, a physical transition is never easy and if you are blessed to have the support and resources to do it-the earlier the better.  I can tell you from personal experience, taking a 60 + year old male body and changing gender gears is no picnic. As you all know though, I have been at it for a long time now and found myself "back in the trenches" on several fronts.

The first "battle" ironically came quickly from within what I considered "my own community." I was naive though and thought any of the successful strides I made discovering my inner femininity could/should be shared with others.  I found instead until I spent thousands on surgery and endured years of pain, I wasn't worthy.  Although on occasion I did get my feelings hurt, I considered the source, began to call them "Trans-Nazi's" and moved on-into the real world.

Like so many others, I was spending most all of my early public time in gay venues.  I didn't take long to find myself in a different set of trenches.  Back in those days, gay and lesbian venues had even less knowledge of what a transgender woman or trans man was all about.  Worse than that, they didn't care to. After a night of getting ignored in a gay bar trying to get served, I said to hell with them and began to go to straight venues. It worked and I moved on.

On occasion I landed back in my own transgender community.  This time, I was called a transgender "pretender" by the purists of the trans world-after all, why had I waited so long to transition?  You know, it's a good question, but essentially none of their business. But, how much fun would that be, and all you regulars know I have answered the "whys and hows" of my life and even wrote a book "Stilettos on Thin Ice"  to explain it.

So, if you are considering making the transgender gender jump, chances are you are not living in a feminine ready body right now.  If you are ready to get in the trenches and do it,  be ready, the process will be incredibly tough.  The rewards though, can be just as incredibly wonderful.

I love those who tell me I could  never transition-I look like a linebacker. I just say, remember me? I was the defensive end - just down the line from you. .

Cyrsti's Condo "Cover Girl" of the Day

Our cover feature today is the gorgeous MtF transgender beauty Raika Ferraz from Brazil.

Don't Ask if you Don't Want to Know

It's time already to dump a couple boxes of color on my hair.  Obviously, at my age, keeping up with the gray is a big deal.  Liz and I are planning on staying with a version of my current color (dark/auburn) for the foreseeable future.  Per instructions, she likes me to "warsh" it (southern Ohio pronunciation) one night and she colors it the next night.


I knew my hair had quite a bit natural soft curl to it which I have had a tendency to flat iron or brush out.  Partly because of my first trips to a professional salon and partly I became enamored with it and partly I became lazy.


What also happens is I think sometimes I end up looking like an old hippie with his hair tied back.  NOT the effect I am looking for.


So, last night, I asked Liz "Riddle me this, what if I want to keep and even enhance the curls in my hair?" OMG! I got the answer and whole bunches of instructions Liz thinks I can follow or even remember.  She forgets in girl time, I am still a beginner and it wasn't sooo long ago I was styling my hair where I could see all of it- on a wig head.


All of the sudden, we started with mousse, proceeded to broad tooth combs, picks and finally (before my normal short term memory failure-failed) we went to how much, how often and other minutia. 


So, the plan is to roll out the curls on New Years Eve.  If I end up looking like a dark haired "Little Orphan Annie"-there will be no pictures! Guaranteed!

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

"Ker Plunk!" It's hard to believe the last Sunday Edition for 2014 is hitting your virtual front porch!!! Get that "Cup-O-Joe" brewing!

Page One-The Week that Was-or Wasn't.  The big topic around here and elsewhere in the transgender world was (basically) do the seemingly ever growing group of very attractive trans women coming out help the rest of us at all.  Very simply, does Kimberly Reed's (left ) public image help me in my life?  Yes, a lot and no not so much.  Sure, there is such a thing as a "passing privilege" and Kimberly has her share. On the other hand, using a gender stereo type, Kimberly was the blond slim (dare I say pretty boy quarterback in football, while some of the other of us played in the trenches.)  Might as well face it girls, as far as "passing privilege" goes, most of us will always be playing in the trenches,

Last year though,   Carmen Carrera, Laverne Cox  and Janet Mock, helped us when they took the conversation away from "passing privilege" into "genital privilege". Or, what you happened to be born with does not give you the privilege to discriminate against those of us who don't define our gender by what's between our legs.

Page Two- We Got Mail!   

J.AlainaS wrote in and asked: I'm curious, how many therapy sessions did you have between the diagnosis and getting the referral/prescription? Good question!  I had four.  My therapist and I got along famously and her final comment was "You are out, really OUT!"  On the serious side, her main focus was did I have a support system and a plan in place to support a MtF gender transition.  I did, and I got the letter.  Seems like a lifetime ago, when it will be just four in 2015.


Page Three-The YEAR that Was or Wasn't.  Needless to say, 2014 was quite the year.  Most certainly, HRT changes would be towards the top of any top list I may yet come up with, but not the top by far.  HRT is just an end to a means and does give me a small gift of "passing privilege" What it didn't give me was the in-depth, high voltage look of what the girl's sandbox looked like from the inside. I can thank Liz for that!!! 2014 also provided me with thrills & chills such as androgyny and gender acceptance all the way to gender slurs and rejection.


Page Four-The Back Page.  If you celebrated Christmas, I hope you found it to be festive and loving!  Soon, we will be given a chance to stop and at the least note the coming of a New Year.  In the next couple of days, we will take our own special look here in Cyrsti's Condo!

Two 13 Year Old Girls?

My grand daughter is 13 and was at the family Christmas gathering yesterday.  She was doing her full time job being bored and detached about the surroundings.  My daughter says her daughter is taking the job very seriously.

The "other" girl in the room going through puberty managed to run the full gamut of joy to tears during a 15 minute drive to my brothers.  Of course my transition is different from my grand daughter's - but is it?  Both of us are struggling to find our place in the world propelled by the powerful hormone called estrogen.  My grand daughter is fortunate to have a strong mentor in her mother and I have similar person in my partner Liz.

I know my grand daughter has a tougher road to hoe with her hormone trip.  Her body and brain is predisposed to make the trip at a young age.  My old body on the other hand has to stop and reverse a process which has taken over 60 years to live with.  She has a whole life to transition into womanhood...I have a much shorter time.

As I have mentioned here in Cyrsti's Condo, I started HRT three years ago on New Year's Eve-but- I spent the first year essentially on the minimum dosage.  The dosage was set up to show me what the MTF transition would be like. It did and I loved it!  So, when I read later from more than a couple sources the hormonal process would take around three years to settle in-more than likely I'm still six months away from the anniversary.

I can only say, in the past month, my hormones have made their presence known.  Physically, mood swings-sore breasts, the whole deal.  When I looked at the other 13 year old girl in the room-I understood! 

 

"From the Hart"

An attractive woman makes it look easy (transgender or generic). No one looks behind the scenes at diet, skin care and/or exercise...for all of us!!!

Transgender Earth Mother Figure

 Liz: found this figure in a shop on Etsy ( Bliss and Kittens) and shows exactly how "far back" transgender women go in some cultures.

TransGender Berdache Deer Earth Mother Venus totem figure sculpture pagan forest fairy Doe Fawn Stag.

Are Transgender Beauties Just Fluff?

Nearly every time I post a picture or story here in Cyrsti's Condo I get a fairly terse and bitter response on how a Trans Activist such as say Janet Mock's ( beautiful example) public exposure has nothing to do with those of us still mocked and/or discriminated against because of our appearance.

It's a good point and one I found addressed in a recent Huffington Post article.  Of course I have my own ideas like I'm sure you do.  First of all, what are your expectations of the feminine role you are transitioning into? This time, lets use Mtf transgender woman Carmen Carerra as an example (left).  Look, I know there is not enough surgery, HRT or wishing in the world I am ever going to look like Carmen. Then again too, I could say the same thing about most all of the generics I know.  As females growing up though, all of them managed to transition to womanhood becoming beauties in their own rights.  What Carmen Carerra did do for me (as well as Janet Mock, Laverne Cox etc.) was scream to the world GENDER is NOT about GENITALS.  Which means to me a huge amount.  It's helped me to carry myself with a little extra confidence as I transition into my womanhood.

In Courtney O'Donnell's post she said it (in part) this way after trans woman Jenna Talackova burst upon the scene:  "In the weeks that followed, the number of people visiting my blog via the keyword "Jenna Talackova" was simply stunning. That keyword outdistanced the previous high by a factor of 3. The people drawn to these pro-transgender blogs were given an opportunity to learn things -- human things -- they may not learn elsewhere."

So, yes we have discussed attitude over appearance in the Condo when it comes to the public and if you don't have a nasty personality to start with-each of us can make a huge statement in small ways. Beautiful or not, I am going to pick the women I mentioned above to be on my team! 

Just one other quick point, make sure to think past your male ego past and look past the pictures or looks and listen!

And So It Is Christmas!

To all of you of the Christian faith, if you dig deep enough through the commercialization, the beauty of the holiday shines through.

My point with this post is to wish all of you a Merry Christmas! It's a shame all religions can't pause for a second and respect the other's Holy Days.

It's also a shame the number of people who refuse to accept a LGBT person because they are a "Christian."

So, at this time of the year, I pause to thank my central spirituality for my life's blessings and make time to pray for the tons of others are not so blessed. The ones who are on the streets for simply being who they are. And then there are all of you who are stuck in a very dark frustrating closet which in the end can cause the very high number of transgender suicide attempts.

Before you run off and call me the Trans Grinch who stole Christmas, it's the time of year when I lay out any kind of glitzy outfit-I do pause to think how fortunate I am.

Here's hoping you are too!

Merry Christmas!!!!
Cyrsti Hart