On Line Dating and the Trans Girl (or Man)!

Years ago as I was seriously coming out at transgender, I explored the world of on-line dating sites fairly heavily.  The places I didn't go were the ones who "specialized" in cross dresser, transgender or transsexual dating for fairly obvious reasons.

(Photo, Alessia  Cross/Flickr)

Other than that, I did actually pay a monthly amount of money for a couple sites and a couple others were free. I found out quickly though, I got what I paid for.  In fact, I found my partner Liz and my trans man friend on the same site - one I paid for. I put myself in the woman seeking woman category and then in the first sentence, I said I was transgender. Then I was amazed how many didn't ready the profile anyhow.

Regardless, back in those days though, it was exceedingly difficult for a transgender person to even start the process of finding another person on any site.  You were forced into the binaries of men seeking women, women seeking women, men seeking men, etc.

Recently one of the sites I was on -  OK Cupid has been in the news after cofounder Christian Rudder announced that developers secretly changed some people's compatibility ratings and removed profile photos to learn more about behavior on the site. While some have criticized OKCupid for showing people false or manipulated content as an experiment, the site's failure to accommodate transgender users may be a larger and more long-standing ethical dilemma.  I do wonder though if I just happened to be part of that "experiment" as I had been off the site for years until several months ago I mysteriously reappeared on it and just as quick- gone again.

The dilemma is real as we know as transgender women or men attempting to pursue on line dating, which basically lost most of it's negative stigma years ago.

The good news?  There is a free on line dating site called Mesh now for the trans community too.  The bad news is? It's in the NYC area only so far, but with plans on spreading out soon.

If you went through (or are going through) the pain of being hammered into a binary gender hole not of your liking, you may want to check out the link above!  Maybe help is on the way!

Cyrsti's Condo "Star Ship Cross Dresser!"

Beam me up Scotty!!! This is definitely NOT a costume party!!!

What Is A Trans Feminist?

It's the time of year when the feminist bigots line up at (their) yearly Michfest Festival which is described as for being only for 'Womyn Born Womyn."  Now the organizers claim it's not an "official policy" as every year, protests grow stronger. 

Last year, it was the music group Indigo Girls, who refused to come back, if changes weren't made. (They didn't.)  This year it is Equality Michigan who launched a petition urging organizers of the Michigan Womyn's Music Festival to put an end to their 'Womyn Born Womyn' policy (which isn't one.)

Actually,  Michfest is within a days drive from where I live, so ideally (if we wanted to) my partner Liz and I could go.  If we did, since Liz is a "Womyn born Womyn" she is allowed in, not me.

I have mixed emotions. On one side I think these intransigent bigoted bitches can have their precious festival on the other- this bitch should have the freedom to go.

Then I wonder, why is a sector of the feminist community so against letting me at the least, play a bit in their segregated end of the girls sandbox?  I'm a pretty harmless critter, and if I did bite-my shots are up to date.  If I was them, I would wonder what I could bring to their table as a trans feminist?

By definition (mine) I would describe a trans feminist as a person who supports the basic rights of women to equal wages and now the increasingly strong battle to take away a women's right to choose what's right for her own body. It seems, however small, my support would be welcome?

I know by nature, we human critters love to form clubs, teams and or cliques.  When we do, we are set up to exclude others which the Terf's ( Acronym for Trans-Exclusionary Radical Feminist) do.  I'm also not ashamed to admit I can't follow much of their convoluted male privilege rant. I know part of what they say is true - but they don't ever seem to mention any perception of female privilege? Remember kids, a portion of "privilege is simply perception."  Plus wasn't a person like me who was stuck behind enemy lines be a resource?  I know...blah, blah, blah.

Like I said, the whole subject turns my noggin upside down.  I will however continue to go down my own path of trans feminism which does by nature cross paths with radical feminism.

Like I said, I wouldn't go to Michfest anyhow but I sure would love to go to "TheDinah"!!!!

"You've Come a LONG Way Baby!"

My partner Liz and I were chatting tonight about the Laverne Cox appearance on CBS This Morning and finally stopped and marveled at just how far the transgender community has come along recently.  She came up quoting the Virginia Slim's  vintage cigarette campaign aimed at the new young class of professional women (for all the wrong health reasons) back in the early 1970's.  I never did pick up the smoking vice (fortunately) but at one time did pick up a pack of Virginia Slims to carry with me as a "prop."

To the left is one of their print ads.

Sometimes you truly have to look back to see how far you have come!

Cyrsti's Condo "Too Much Beauty for One Gender"

There was nothing to suggest to me this model wasn't genetic...but androgyny is androgyny!

Cyrsti's Condo Photo "Faves"

Just a few fave "pix" I picked out for the Condo, if they are of you let me know!!!

Some cross dressers just have the body style and the innate talent to "light up the lens!"  I could be wrong but either of these two could be the guy working down the hall from you!

"Trans-fixed" on CBS

This morning, I just happened to have the CBS This Morning Show on my television. More importantly though, I just happened to walk in as an interview with Laverne Cox, the transgender "it" woman, was starting!  (In this case I use 'it' as the PR term for a person who is a hot personality.)  Laverne is on "A" lists everywhere and in demand. She is everywhere these days and even made the cover of Time Magazine!

I was fascinated.  "Trans fixed" you might say,  as I watched. Of course I have seen a "zillion" pictures of Laverne Cox here and there but pictures are notoriously bad these days at showing what a person really looks like-good or re-touched bad.  For whatever reason though, I had never seen her in the show "Orange is the New Black."  or on a recent interview on "The View".

So, this morning, I was able to put the pictures I had seen of Laverne Cox in motion. I was able to see her in a blue beautiful sleeveless dress which showed her from a side angle for a while as she was interviewed.  It gave me "perspective" on how her entire body has made the Mtf gender transition.  I positively loved the way she looked with her hair and smooth "caramel" colored skin but I also loved the fact she was a big woman.  Quickly and selfishly, I could see a portion of her transition in me.

What I mean is, no matter how beautiful she is,  if I lived in a vacuum and never had heard or seen Laverne Cox before, my Trans Dar would have been going off.  Please understand I'm not being negative! She gave me hope that while I never hope to achieve her looks, I can achieve her feminization and attitude.

As I watched , I understood again a little more,  what people see in me. Sure, it will be always fairly easy for the world to take a look at me and make the determination I have a physically male boned body-but some how it took a decidedly feminine right turn along the way. Again, the Laverne Cox's of the world are making my itty bitty corner of the world nicer to live in. I put her up on a higher pedestal than say an Andreja Pejic  who I sense most of the world will think, he was always a girl anyway.

Finally, watching the co-hosts on the show was almost as fascinating as watching Laverne herself.  I watched the looks and eyes of co-hosts Gayle King and Norah O'Donnell and they were in her spell!  The third co-host, Charlie Rose was in his typical nearly asleep / very intelligent mode. He barely even got in his is there a "transgender movement" going on.  Laverne simply said (I paraphrase)  "there always has been one!"

Yes there has! (Wake up Charlie!)

***Trans trivia-Laverne Cox has an identical twin brother!

Give A Guy a Break?

Not so long ago we found ourselves here in Cyrsti's Condo discussing why a man would date and love a transgender woman- specifically a pre opt one.

I'm the first to always admit the male "admirers" in our culture for the most part saddled with an immediate negative stereotype.  I feel bad after the fact when I do it because I am the last person who should be stereotyping anyone.

To carry the conversation a bit farther, I just received this comment from Michellewhois:

I know that the guys that I dated as well as lived with were so gentle and affectionate. The only reason I didn't stay with them was back then to be marked as gay was a career death sentence. Only one guy that I lived with for several years left because he wanted children that I couldn't give him.

Michelle's comment carried me back to basically one of the few admitted gay men who was trying to transition as transgender I had ever corresponded with. At the time, she was getting hammered terribly from her job and former "friends".  Michelle didn't clarify if the gay death sentence was for her at work or them but either way, thanks for bringing up a whole different look at ideas we don't often read around here in the Condo.

For whatever reason, my dating experience with men has been very limited but I too have seen a glimmer of the type of man you speak of Michelle. When and if a relationship does develop between a trans woman and a man, it does have the potential of a powerful connecting of the minds as well as the bodies because we do have the potential to bring so much to the relationship table.

My most recent example came at my favorite "watering hole" when a 50 something guy ended up setting beside me (there weren't any other seats I could see. He was stuck!)  Finally, he got brave enough to talk to me about what beer I was drinking, and we ended up spending the next hour talking music, food and of course a bit of sports.

There was no doubt in my mind, he knew there was something "different" about me, but after awhile, none of that seemed to matter. 

None of this male interaction changes my commitment to my female partner but it is interesting that when I was going out into the world years ago as a cross dresser, I always was approached by women. Now it's changing to men. For sure, life is rarely boring.

Michelle, you didn't say, but I hope your life is coming around!

"Star Gazing" with Cyrsti

Quite the interesting look at my "stars" from my Friskyscope Goddess this week!

Libra:  (September 23-October 22): It’s time to stop faking loyalty to someone who isn’t giving you what you need. The sassy side of you will come out, giving you the ability to get on top and claim your turf. But just know that people have been waiting for this moment for a very long time and will have their hands out. Have some humility and get that team behind you, because having backup is crucial to victory now.

Perhaps this is the "quintessential" feminine passive aggressive showing it's not so pretty side to me?

My pick "guest" sign of the week is:

Aries:  (March 21-April 19): No boundaries can hold you back now, as all that you’ve wanted to say will find a way of coming out. Yes, frustration will make you pop off, as injustice ignites your anger and awaken your inner warrior. You’ll be out to set the record straight for dummies that didn’t get you the first time around — but this will be the last time you will so.

For a look at your "scope" follow the link above!