Taking It All for Granted?

I read a post this morning from the Paula's Place blog which I visit regularly.  Here's an excerpt which caught my eye and heart.  She has being doing an alphabet blogging challenge which explains her reference to the "R post."

My life is at a point of flux and I am uncertain which way it is going to go. A few days ago under my R post I said I was Ready, well I am but I am also uncertain, and just a little frightened. I am aware that this is a one way journey, and that I am getting close to a point of no return, and I need to consider how this will affect other people as well as me. 

 Many of my friends are telling me that I should only consider myself, but I believe I need to consider my daughter in all my actions, how will what I choose impact on her life. She is stridently inclusive in her outlook, but these things can often be different when they are personal, when it is your own father. I am also uncertain about my wife, my Church, and my customers. At some point I will need to make these decisions but not just yet.

Of course I was in Paula's shoes for literally decades.  Now, I try never to take my situation for granted because as I have said a zillion times here in Cyrsti's Condo, the path to my transition was made easier by several very sad events in my life.  Here's an example:  Through Frock Magazine, I recently learned of a film company which was searching for participants to work with them on a transgender documentary.  Being the curious critter that I am, I contacted them to learn what they were looking for.  It turned out they were looking for transgender persons who were in the process of actively coming out to others-which pretty much left me out.  I told her my story of almost everyone of substance in my life fooling around and dying on me in a two year period. (Except my parents who passed years ago.) With a clean slate, I just started over and formed a circle of friends who never knew the old me to start with and came out to my only child, a very accepting daughter. It was clear, I didn't really fit what she was looking for.

So while I can understand Paula's dilemma's, as the days pass, I have to be careful I don't lose my empathy for her and so many like her.  Not having a job to worry about transitioning in, a wife who passed years ago who never accepted me being more than a cross dresser and an accepting religion-I'm certainly in the right place for the sad reasons.

At the end of each day and at the beginning of each new day, I must make sure I never take any of my life for granted and Paula, follow your soul girl friend!

Just Crazy

Ok kids, it's time to prove how crazy I really am!

Here are a couple of my "what if's" comments from my Pinterest page: The first is "Hey Mom and Dad! My boyfriend Joe and I are having a great time on vacation in London!"
 





The second (right)  is " Well honey, I wasn't quite ready to tell you exactly what my part time job is!."

Cyrsti's Condo "Cover Girl" of the Day

Our feature cover today is Miguel Ángel Cundapí Bustamante putting on a show somewhere.  I would like a penny (or more) for the thoughts of those watching the show!

Cyrsti's Condo "Quote of the Day"

"Blessed be those who accept your transition even though they have no idea why!"

Cyrsti Hart

I Was Bad at Geometry

Maybe my dislike of the subject and very poor grades came from a deep down dislike for my own "angles"?
Probably not, but to this day, I so admire a woman with all her curves in a sweat suit.  Or should I say, I was down right jealous!  I could only guess how it could feel to be soft and curvy rather than angular and hard.

Strangely, I remember a certain day at home when I was going through puberty and I looked down at my hands.  For some reason on that day it occurred to me my hands were no longer like "boy hands" but were "squaring off" into man hands.  I can't say I had what the transgender purists would say was a point of panic about the changes which were coming - I just noticed of all things my hands on that day. Looking back though,  it's unfair to pick on my hands. As changes went, I was lucky with my hands.  They are kind of passable and were too small to catch many passes in football, so hey, who am I to complain?

Maybe (if the HRT continues to work it's miracles) I may have a chance to have the last laugh on all this angle stuff anyhow.  As I wrote about recently here in Cyrsti's Condo, I'm beginning to develop in the hip and rear area to match up with my breasts.  So with spring not totally in gear around here, I still have time to slip into some sweats and get up close and personal with my new curves.

I guess the geometry deal was OK after all, girls aren't supposed to be good at math but don't tell my Grand Daughter who is!

Cyrsti's Condo "Cover Girl" of the Day

Our feature cover today is the Brazilian MtF Transsexual beauty Roberta Holanda

Cyrsti's Condo "Power Scope"

Finally! A "scope" I can embrace!


Libra: (September 23-October 22): Shake up the system in every way, from the way you dress, what route you take to work, what thoughts you share — even the foods you eat. When you put yourself into this curious mode, it’ll be easier to see that there is a parallel universe that fate is trying to steer you towards, as it’s time to witness these intriguing places and faces of your day-to-day that you never saw before.

This works so well with the rebirth of spring in my world and a chance to pull out, examine and dust off my warm weather wardrobe! Nice!

Hopefully your "scope" will be as much fun too.  Go here to theFrisky
to find out.

Mala Mala

On the Cyrsti's Condo big screen, a look at the film  Mala Mala -  a new documentary about trans life in Puerto Rico. Directed by Dan Sickles & Antonio Santini. Produced by Killer Films. It's called a unique exploration of self-discovery and activism, featuring a diverse collection of subjects that include LGBTQ advocates, business owners, sex workers, and a boisterous group of drag performers who call themselves The Doll House. The film  portrays a fight for personal and community acceptance paved with triumphant highs and devastating lows.

No Body Told Me?

It seems a lifetime ago since I sat in front of a therapist at the VA to be evaluated to start HRT.  I guess since it was such a life changing experience, it was a lifetime ago.

Recently I took a moment to reflect back on what were the biggest surprises of my MtF gender transition so far on hormones.  First of all, I feel the changes sealed my past as a cross dresser and opened my future as a transgender woman.  Look, I was the first to say with all the experience I was gaining in public and with the friends I was making as a girl-I thought I was making the transgender jump long before I did. I was wrong. Transgender didn't truly start for me until after I started HRT and externally came quickly with no wigs, softer skin etc. but the major differences I would experience would be internal.

(As always, please don't think I'm casting any negative thoughts towards cross dressers in anyway.)

Looking back internally, I certainly expected to be more emotional and even cry for the first time in my life -and I did.  Plus,  crying for joy and experiencing sudden bouts of melancholy were different, but not as shocking as the extra amount of worrying which began to creep into my life.  So much so, that on occasion, I slipped into what I always considered feminine hysteria.(Not one of  my pleasant feminine stereotypes!)  Yet again, there it was and is, but I'm getting used to it.

Of course, when almost everyone thinks of HRT , they wonder how it works on your physical being and again I had my share of surprises. Looking back, my biggest surprise came when changes began to occur quickly and then slowed down.  I was excited and then let down while I waited for more change to take effect. Finally I mellowed out and let the changes work as they may. For example now,  I haven't taken time to measure any real breast growth but I have noticed a real change in my hips and rear.  I was excited  the other day when I put on a pair of leggings and a top which came down to the middle of my hips.  I saw for the first time in my life a small but definite feminine shape! Perhaps excitement is too mellow of a word!

One way or another, this has been quite the ride and the HRT induced part of it has been even more exciting at my age.  At the least, the external feminization my body continues to go through, helps the public perception of me.  At the best, the internal effect of the hormones just makes me feel complete.

I would be fibbing to you if I told you there was anyway three years ago I would be where I am today.  The biggest misconception of all!