All too often we read the sad story of a person in our community who thought running off to Thailand for SRS would represent an end to their the MtF transitioning process. In fact, as they later discover, their transition may have only been the beginning and they are miserable.
The process truly is a marathon, not a sprint. Take a quick look at this video example of an eight year transition on the Cyrsti's Condo big screen:
Thursday, September 12, 2013
What Happens in Vegas Stays in Vegas?
To be sure the phrase wasn't true for "Transtasia"! On the Cyrsti's Condo big screen, a look back at a classic video featuring the late Jahna Steele:
It's Three AM
Through the magic of "Blogger" land, I finally learned long ago I can "store" up posts and publish them here in Cyrsti's Condo at my leisure.
This post is actually being written at 3 in the morning. About an hour ago my dog figured she heard something out of place and rose to the occasion with a couple of "woofs". Since she is very old (14) and barking is an effort for her, I pay attention.
These days, the possibility of a threat (real or imagined) is different for me. I'm not the fairly sizable macho person anymore. I never really was you understand but felt it was one of those so called "male privilege" gifts which come with the gender. With a loud dog or so at my side and a big stick I could bluff my way through.
Three in the morning comes one of two ways. The first is what the hell am I doing up. The second is why do I have so much clarity now?.Of course it helps that I'm semi retired and don't feel the old pressure to go back to sleep now and face the reality of twenty cups of coffee later. All semi retirement really means I still work more than I did but on my own schedule. Unlike the rest of the world an afternoon "kitty nap" can be a reality.
My clarity this morning quickly moved past the realization that I was not the man I used to be (Duh!). I took a moment to reflect what exactly I had become. Was I still me? Not so long ago I was ashamed to be me and felt feeling at all comfortable with my male past made me an impostor somehow in the transition process. As I'm finding now though, taking the pressure off of who I wasn't, is making life so much easier today. Me is still me without the gender pressure and now there is the physical process adding to a vastly different external me..
Early in the HRT process it seemed the minimal amount of hormonal dosage caused a real noticeable effect. Within months, I noticed changes in my skin texture, breast tenderness and growth and the beginnings of a really full head of hair. Along the way, emotional changes as well as a broken body thermostat became as evident as my first large hot flash. I was too cold when I was cold and too hot when I was hot.
The most frustrating part of the past year and a half though, was stabilizing my dosages and making steady progress. Now that I have been there for the past three months or so, I have made the transition into androgyny. I garner attention now if I'm dressed as a guy or a girl. Going braless has taken up a whole different meaning for me now.
Changes are becoming less dramatic and smoother and I have been very surprised with the amount of mental changes still taking place versus the physical ones. An example I wrote about recently was football day at my girlfriends neighborhood tavern. To the seeming surprise of no one else, I made sure our game was on the big screen, helped order and used the rest room...as a girl. As I have thought for awhile, gee, this is how life is supposed to be but a half century of conditioning to the contrary still makes a process a wondrous experience.
I have always been a pusher my whole life. Once I reached a certain plateau, what's next ? The clarity of 3 AM tells me I need to relax and enjoy what I have now. Believe me I have been as obsessed as most of us ( from cross dressers to SRS transsexuals). As a cross dresser I always thought if I just had that special dress or wig or whatever I would be in feminine nirvana. Now it's easy to think the lure of hair removal, facial feminization or breast augmentation will take me to the next level. Nirvana it turns out was close all the time and residing in my noggin. Can't say any of the procedures wouldn't be a worthwhile deal but I won't live or die without them.
When we are born we start the trip towards death and at my age I'm fortunate to have been able to live the "impossible" transgender dream before it was too late for me. I don't believe in luck but I do believe in doing your best to put yourself in a situation where luck can find you..."Hey Lady Luck! I'm your BFF Cyrsti, Yoo Hoo!.
As you can tell, my brief shot at clarity is coming to an end and the reality of the early morning is telling me to not question - just enjoy and go back to bed.
Or it could be I'm getting chilled after a 90+ degree day. The early breezes should feel good on me! Damn hormones!
This post is actually being written at 3 in the morning. About an hour ago my dog figured she heard something out of place and rose to the occasion with a couple of "woofs". Since she is very old (14) and barking is an effort for her, I pay attention.
These days, the possibility of a threat (real or imagined) is different for me. I'm not the fairly sizable macho person anymore. I never really was you understand but felt it was one of those so called "male privilege" gifts which come with the gender. With a loud dog or so at my side and a big stick I could bluff my way through.
Three in the morning comes one of two ways. The first is what the hell am I doing up. The second is why do I have so much clarity now?.Of course it helps that I'm semi retired and don't feel the old pressure to go back to sleep now and face the reality of twenty cups of coffee later. All semi retirement really means I still work more than I did but on my own schedule. Unlike the rest of the world an afternoon "kitty nap" can be a reality.
My clarity this morning quickly moved past the realization that I was not the man I used to be (Duh!). I took a moment to reflect what exactly I had become. Was I still me? Not so long ago I was ashamed to be me and felt feeling at all comfortable with my male past made me an impostor somehow in the transition process. As I'm finding now though, taking the pressure off of who I wasn't, is making life so much easier today. Me is still me without the gender pressure and now there is the physical process adding to a vastly different external me..
Early in the HRT process it seemed the minimal amount of hormonal dosage caused a real noticeable effect. Within months, I noticed changes in my skin texture, breast tenderness and growth and the beginnings of a really full head of hair. Along the way, emotional changes as well as a broken body thermostat became as evident as my first large hot flash. I was too cold when I was cold and too hot when I was hot.
The most frustrating part of the past year and a half though, was stabilizing my dosages and making steady progress. Now that I have been there for the past three months or so, I have made the transition into androgyny. I garner attention now if I'm dressed as a guy or a girl. Going braless has taken up a whole different meaning for me now.
Changes are becoming less dramatic and smoother and I have been very surprised with the amount of mental changes still taking place versus the physical ones. An example I wrote about recently was football day at my girlfriends neighborhood tavern. To the seeming surprise of no one else, I made sure our game was on the big screen, helped order and used the rest room...as a girl. As I have thought for awhile, gee, this is how life is supposed to be but a half century of conditioning to the contrary still makes a process a wondrous experience.
I have always been a pusher my whole life. Once I reached a certain plateau, what's next ? The clarity of 3 AM tells me I need to relax and enjoy what I have now. Believe me I have been as obsessed as most of us ( from cross dressers to SRS transsexuals). As a cross dresser I always thought if I just had that special dress or wig or whatever I would be in feminine nirvana. Now it's easy to think the lure of hair removal, facial feminization or breast augmentation will take me to the next level. Nirvana it turns out was close all the time and residing in my noggin. Can't say any of the procedures wouldn't be a worthwhile deal but I won't live or die without them.
When we are born we start the trip towards death and at my age I'm fortunate to have been able to live the "impossible" transgender dream before it was too late for me. I don't believe in luck but I do believe in doing your best to put yourself in a situation where luck can find you..."Hey Lady Luck! I'm your BFF Cyrsti, Yoo Hoo!.
As you can tell, my brief shot at clarity is coming to an end and the reality of the early morning is telling me to not question - just enjoy and go back to bed.
Or it could be I'm getting chilled after a 90+ degree day. The early breezes should feel good on me! Damn hormones!
Cross Dressing in Venice
A romantic respite with a beautiful girl in Venice on the Cyrsti's Condo big screen:
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
He Likes Them Trans and Beautiful
From the "Daily News" in NYC:" Taylor Murphy (left), eyeing
return to FDNY, loses retrial bid after assault conviction involving transgender model The former firefighter, convicted of assaulting one-time ‘America’s Next Top Model’ hopeful Claudia Charriez (below), showed up at court with two-time contestant Isis King, the first transgender competitor to appear on the show. Read more here.
"Catsup"
All right kids, it's time to catch up on a few of the loose ends here in Cyrsti's Condo and in my noggin.
The first concerns my recent barrage of "catfishers" on Facebook. If you haven't heard the term, "catfishers" use a variety of fraudulent measures such as profiles, pictures etc to establish relationships and even get money or gifts. About a month or so ago a message to myself and a group of other transgender women was posted asking if any of the rest of us had noticed an extreme upsurge in men who wanted to be added to our friend lists. At that point in time I hadn't and I believed in an "open gender door". Mainly because the rare men who did befriend me became disinterested quickly when they learned I hated the "gurl" term and I was NOT the desperate lonely shemale stereotype they desired. The process became a non issue so I resisted changing my profile.
Another reason I didn't change was I don't interact with all that many guys socially but with my previous experience, I find the process highly entertaining at times. Plus I do my best not to be an hypocrite unlike a few of the people I have known on line and in person over the years. Several loved the NO MEN profile phrase which should have read "NO MEN- unless you are cross dressed and want to meet in a dark gay venue." I always felt the NO MEN disclaimer was mainly there for the wife in case she stumbled on the profile.
But I digress and all of the sudden I started to get slammed with male "friendship" requests. I heard along the way that at least one of the dirt bags was even using a couple different names and profiles. None of which bothered me because I didn't respond to them anyhow.
My second "not ready for prime time" rant is once again, I have seen posts on male versus female clothing discrimination popping up. You know the old story, if women can wear guys clothes with no problems in society, why can't a guy wear women's clothing? We all know the well worn old reasons and they don't rate repeating here, except for the main one. Are you cross dressing for gender expression or as a fashion statement? Big difference!
I have to tell you though "back in the day" I didn't hesitate to use the old worn out "if you wear pants then I should be able to wear a skirt" argument to rationalize my cross dressing.
As much as the next girl I think, if a guy wants to go to the trouble of keeping his legs shaved and working in heels, hose and a skirt. I would respect his dedication to detail. Go for it dude!
The first concerns my recent barrage of "catfishers" on Facebook. If you haven't heard the term, "catfishers" use a variety of fraudulent measures such as profiles, pictures etc to establish relationships and even get money or gifts. About a month or so ago a message to myself and a group of other transgender women was posted asking if any of the rest of us had noticed an extreme upsurge in men who wanted to be added to our friend lists. At that point in time I hadn't and I believed in an "open gender door". Mainly because the rare men who did befriend me became disinterested quickly when they learned I hated the "gurl" term and I was NOT the desperate lonely shemale stereotype they desired. The process became a non issue so I resisted changing my profile.
Another reason I didn't change was I don't interact with all that many guys socially but with my previous experience, I find the process highly entertaining at times. Plus I do my best not to be an hypocrite unlike a few of the people I have known on line and in person over the years. Several loved the NO MEN profile phrase which should have read "NO MEN- unless you are cross dressed and want to meet in a dark gay venue." I always felt the NO MEN disclaimer was mainly there for the wife in case she stumbled on the profile.
But I digress and all of the sudden I started to get slammed with male "friendship" requests. I heard along the way that at least one of the dirt bags was even using a couple different names and profiles. None of which bothered me because I didn't respond to them anyhow.
My second "not ready for prime time" rant is once again, I have seen posts on male versus female clothing discrimination popping up. You know the old story, if women can wear guys clothes with no problems in society, why can't a guy wear women's clothing? We all know the well worn old reasons and they don't rate repeating here, except for the main one. Are you cross dressing for gender expression or as a fashion statement? Big difference!
I have to tell you though "back in the day" I didn't hesitate to use the old worn out "if you wear pants then I should be able to wear a skirt" argument to rationalize my cross dressing.
As much as the next girl I think, if a guy wants to go to the trouble of keeping his legs shaved and working in heels, hose and a skirt. I would respect his dedication to detail. Go for it dude!
Sometimes I Feel Small
Two historical events in my life I can remember like they were yesterday. It seems they were burned into my mind.
The first was when JFK was assassinated November 22, 1963. I was just getting started into my 14th year and doing what I became a success at in Junior High, not much of anything. The other was September 11, 2001, the 9/11 attack of course. I remember turning on the news and seeing the damage of the first attack and then watching the second. My first move was calling my wife who was a manager of a book store very close to Wright Patterson AFB in Dayton, Ohio. My second move was to get to work early. I was the manager of a very busy casual dining restaurant/bar also within a 25 mile radius of the base. We didn't deal in much direct active military but dealt with an incredible number of civilians who worked on the base.
Of course the base went on lock down and the rumors were flying concerning what kind of an attack were we under and specifically what would that mean to the area around "Wright Patt." Starting in the early afternoon my place filled up as people preferred getting around my large bar, consuming adult beverages and watching the four or five televisions. Very quickly staffing became a problem with employees uncertain if they should leave their families to come to work.
All in all unforgettable memories to be sure but quickly I started to realize how really insignificant my problems were in the grand scope of the world.
On this anniversary of 9/11 though it's fitting to pause and remember those who suffered the ultimate sacrifice of their own life, as well as those who rushed to the aid of the victims.
May the force be with them!
The first was when JFK was assassinated November 22, 1963. I was just getting started into my 14th year and doing what I became a success at in Junior High, not much of anything. The other was September 11, 2001, the 9/11 attack of course. I remember turning on the news and seeing the damage of the first attack and then watching the second. My first move was calling my wife who was a manager of a book store very close to Wright Patterson AFB in Dayton, Ohio. My second move was to get to work early. I was the manager of a very busy casual dining restaurant/bar also within a 25 mile radius of the base. We didn't deal in much direct active military but dealt with an incredible number of civilians who worked on the base.
Of course the base went on lock down and the rumors were flying concerning what kind of an attack were we under and specifically what would that mean to the area around "Wright Patt." Starting in the early afternoon my place filled up as people preferred getting around my large bar, consuming adult beverages and watching the four or five televisions. Very quickly staffing became a problem with employees uncertain if they should leave their families to come to work.
All in all unforgettable memories to be sure but quickly I started to realize how really insignificant my problems were in the grand scope of the world.
On this anniversary of 9/11 though it's fitting to pause and remember those who suffered the ultimate sacrifice of their own life, as well as those who rushed to the aid of the victims.
May the force be with them!
Do You Have to Pay the Dues?
I do spend moments of wonderment about the changes I have experienced in my personal transgender transition. Often it's easy to try to out think the process.
Bottom line is I have read of or know no one who has undertaken their gender reallignment without first suffering before and during the process.
All too often I see the joy in pictures of a transgender person who is completing the process and then is tragically murdered. To be sure I don't write about them much here in Cyrsti's Condo because of the tragic anger the news evokes.
Every so often though, a post appears which captures the elation of being a transgender woman or transgender man and how we are indeed special. Here is one called "What are the top 3 things you like about being trans?" from The Transadvocate.
Here are a couple of my favorites:
"Being able to see the truth of things so many cannot see Being free to express myself as me and in doing so help liberate others Having the opportunity to fight one of the noblest and most righteous battles in the fight for equality for all."
And:
"3) Being part of an exciting and vital group of people who are exploring new conceptions of gender and sexuality; as well as coming to fresh understandings of how we fit into the older models. 2) Living an authentic life. As an artist, Truth is important to me. It is the center of everything I do. 1) My new body! I LOVE my body!!!"
Enjoy them all here.
Bottom line is I have read of or know no one who has undertaken their gender reallignment without first suffering before and during the process.
All too often I see the joy in pictures of a transgender person who is completing the process and then is tragically murdered. To be sure I don't write about them much here in Cyrsti's Condo because of the tragic anger the news evokes.
Every so often though, a post appears which captures the elation of being a transgender woman or transgender man and how we are indeed special. Here is one called "What are the top 3 things you like about being trans?" from The Transadvocate.
Here are a couple of my favorites:
"Being able to see the truth of things so many cannot see Being free to express myself as me and in doing so help liberate others Having the opportunity to fight one of the noblest and most righteous battles in the fight for equality for all."
And:
"3) Being part of an exciting and vital group of people who are exploring new conceptions of gender and sexuality; as well as coming to fresh understandings of how we fit into the older models. 2) Living an authentic life. As an artist, Truth is important to me. It is the center of everything I do. 1) My new body! I LOVE my body!!!"
Enjoy them all here.
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
Cyrsti's Condo "Horror Scope"
After the past several weeks of exciting and dare I say "passionate" Horror Scopes for we Librans, I couldn't wait to get to theFrisky for this week's scope:" (September 23-October 22): No matter how much compassion you think you can muster up, it won’t stop you from blurting out the truth. Real peace of mind will require making some bolder moves and standing your ground. When it comes to power, you won’t rest well until you have it all. So, be glad that you do have the universe on your side now."
Well, people around me will tell you, I do a lot of "blurting out" and it's true I am taking bolder steps to take more charge of my transgender life. Recently I have had to "call out" a sandwich chain fast food manager for trying to overcharge me as well as do "battle" for a big screen in one of my sports bars for a game I wanted to watch.
I have decided to not sit meekly by and have others attempt to control my existence as a trans woman. Just to be safe though, I'm happy to have the universe by my side!
Follow the link above for your "scope".
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