Transgendered Admirers

In the complex gendered world we live in, if you are a transsexual, transgendered person or a crossdresser chances are you have encountered an "admirer".
Admirer by definition is a male person who is attracted to one of us. As with any label I know for a fact many men are embarrassed by it.
"Vallin" who follows the blog (and I seemingly run into all over the internet) is a man who speaks to the subject.
One of the longest running threads on "Pink Essence" was started by a man who was attracted to transgendered women.  Vallin's comments on the subject were classic and it was Vallin who sent me this site to take a look at.
"Transpinay Rising" is a blog written by a Filipina transgendered activist and is called "On the Men Who Fancy Us."
Here are some highlights:

There are three persistent memes about men who fancy transwomen. First, is the view of transwomen about the men who fancy them: “These men are just using us to fulfill a sexual fantasy.” Second, the view of general society about these men: “These men are perverts.” And third: “These men are ‘really’ gay men who can’t accept they are gay.”

“These men are just using us to fulfill a sexual fantasy…”

What is sexual fantasy? In their paper “Sexual Fantasy”, Harold Leintenberg and Kris Henning defined sexual fantasy as “almost any mental imagery that is sexually arousing or erotic to an individual.” As sexual beings gifted with the faculty of imagination, we all have sexual fantasies; and most of the time, fulfilling a sexual fantasy includes another person. If we all have sexual fantasies, and if we all fulfill some, if not all, of them with another person (or persons, if you will), what then do transwomen find objectionable about the men who fancy them, who transwomen say are “just” fulfilling a sexual fantasy? In order to have a meaningful exploration of this question, we need to know the context from which this view of transwomen comes.

Perhaps it’s safe to say that in all parts of the world, we, transwomen didn’t grow up in societies that positively accept us for who we are. In our growing years, we transwomen experienced rejection from all social institutions (e.g. the family, school, church) that are supposed to be there to serve as nurturing and nourishing agents to the flourishing of our beings. Furthermore the rejection that transwomen face is not just the typical rejection that starts and ends with a No. Each door that closes to us bears a sign: “You should be ashamed of yourselves." We get so insecure of ourselves: our bodies, our abilities, our existence.

Everyone, of course, has experienced what it means to be rejected. Indeed being rejected can strengthen our fortitude. But if rejection is such a recurring and persistent and systematic loop of events in your life, healing becomes more difficult, leading you to easily build walls of suspicion around yourself. This type of rejection is what deeply breeds fear.

In this state of being rejected and shamed, cynicism becomes an addictive escape. In the comforts of our solitude, our tears carry the dolorous melody of the most mind-boggling question: “Why?” But deep inside our hearts is the ancient longing for the exquisite joy and pain of loving and being loved by someone; however, the ghosts of being rejected and shamed turn love into a Sisyphean task.

Then we encounter a surge of men who fancy us….

Suddenly, we are desired for “what we are.” Porn, dating sites, chat rooms, bars where men can go to meet us sprang like mushrooms. Our hungry egos suddenly got its food: Attention. From being untouchables, we become “desirables.” To be lavished with this kind of attention provides such a great pull out of our “untouchable status." Being rejected and shamed almost all of our lives, we find this attention as an irresistible novelty in our lives, which is so refreshing, so fascinating, so addicting, so ego-inflating! In the TS women’s dating/hook-up scene, two terms are being used to describe these men: Tranny Chaser and Tranny Admirer (My view about these terms will be discussed later).

At first, we became so captivated by the novelty of this attention: Remember how a gazillion of men replied the first time you ever posted an ad on a dating site? How at least ten private windows popped in your screen after you entered a chat room? How men go gaga over the girls in those TS bars? And of course, we find it intriguing that one of the fastest growing and in-demand genre of porn is those that feature us (well, most specially those that feature pre-op and non-op TS women).

But sooner or later, comes a rude awakening. The attention becomes a tiring cycle, a suffocating prison, a source of suspicion. And in our solitude, the whispers of our need for a more meaningful relationship flutter from our depths to beat on the palm of our reflection. We ask: “What do these men want from us?” We take a survey of what’s happening around us. We see BS after BS thrown to us by men after men. We see everywhere an extravagant objectification of our bodies and over-sexualization of our being transgender. It seems that it is “only” through sex these men want to connect with us, that every eye gazing at us just seeks to undress us rather than dive into the depths of our being. Just how many men we've encountered treated us like an exciting dirty secret that they are so afraid to be discovered by their friends, family, colleagues, and, ehem, wives?

And outside porn, are there any visual representations of what it means to be with a transwoman? You can easily count the movies, television shows, or documentaries that are charming, re-assuring, love-affirming, non-sensationalizing, non-sexualized depiction of relationships between a transwoman and a man. This context is such a fertile ground for the paranoia that “We are just sex objects.” Now, add into this, the social-rejection burden that we carry on our shoulders and Voila! we resort to playing the role of a victim who escapes into the hell of cynicism, indulging in self-pity and, worse, self-sabotage. We then unconsciously project this cynicism, self-pity, and self-sabotage in every relationship that we enter into. It takes tremendous depth of emotional intelligence, an integrated sense of self-awareness, and courage to rise above this unconsciousness. It can be such a tall order to transcend the pain that we carry, but it is necessary if we want to invite serenity and stability to enter into our lives and our relationships.

As you can read, she goes totally in depth and even I (with my short attention span) followed most of it.
My own simplified version is simple.
Initially as a transwoman we are validated as females by male attention. (The same as most women.)
When we become sex objects the situation changes. The majority of transwomen are not the kind of girl a guy brings home to Mom and the family. The romantic part of a relationship is out with most men.
But hey! The bottom line is that they are just men and in many ways we face the same obstacles with them as genetic women.

Classical Transgender

When Thomas Brown began singing, voice coaches told him men should not sing mezzo soprano. Brown was certain they were wrong and transitioned into Tona Brown an African-American opera singer and classical
violinist. To hear her rich mezzo-soprano voice, you would never guess
that she was born a man. Sometime during her voice
and violin studies at Old Dominion and the Shenandoah Conservatory,
Brown gradually began to identify as trans, in part she says because
“people at auditions thought I was a woman anyway.” and eventually became certain of her identity.

 To be able to express her musical gifts and gender is a true gift!

Transgendered Hormone Basics

I've discovered a thousand places with ideas on hormone replacement.
One fairly decent one comes from the "Transsexual Road Map" site.
As the name suggests, the site provides much more than hormone ideas but here are some of theirs:

Hormonal therapy for transgender people
There are already fantastic resources on this topic available. Here's the basics, in my opinion:

1. They are not a magic pill. You won't "become a woman" taking them.
2. I think of hormonal-induced changes as generally quite subtle, taking several years.
3. Do not depend on them alone to make you accepted by others as female, because they will not.
4. They will not reduce facial hair much, if at all.
5. They will not change your voice.
6. They will have an effect on body hair eventually (especially androgen blockers).
7. Androgen blockers can help reduce doses of hormones needed.
8. Androgen blockers are useful for halting scalp hair loss.
9. You will see changes in your complexion and fat redistribution.
10. Injectable hormones seemed to be more effective in my case, compared to oral estrogens.
11. They had a wonderful calming effect for me and took the edge off my sex drive.
12. You can hide the effects of hormones from others for as long as you want in virtually every case. Those who say they can't seem to want people to notice.
13. Hormones are potentially dangerous.
14. I do not recommend herbals or care about them, since their potency and safety are not regulated. Those serious about a safe, successful transition should be taking prescription hormones under a physician's care.
15. Getting a prescription and doing it supervised is often cheaper, safer, and more effective than black market options

Mommy, Where Did I Come From?

When I watched you intently put your makeup on, did you notice?
When you fixed your lipstick with a piece of tissue before going out, did you notice?
When you streached your legs and admired your shoes at the doctors office, did you notice?
When I told you who I was, you didn't want to know. Did you notice?
Maybe Mom, you just didn't want to know where I came from.
The shame was I was always there.

Yet Another Transgendered Before and After

As I settle into my new found retirement life, I have a few goals.
One of which is taking a look at about 10 zillion unread emails. I'm just getting started but I did find one "before and after" picture set from early last summer.
The story is similar, Colin lived a very masculine life-but couldn't stand the lie anymore and became "Chloe".
The transition was anything but easy for the transgendered Colin.
She said,
"It was extremely difficult to make the transition at
first. I didn't look like a woman, for a start. I had short wiry hair
and was very muscular -I'd been called a man mountain by colleagues
for years."

'However as time went on, my skin texture changed, my muscles depleted
and, luckily, my dress sense improved.

Colin

Chloe at 60

Pro Transgendered Woman

I've always wondered how it would be to feel the pain of being a successful pro athlete and transgendered too.
I have felt a major pro athlete coming out as transgender is just a matter of time, Of course the major impact would come from an NFL  player.
In the meantime, This story from the UK probably only begins to cover the subject. From the "Daily Mail":

A 7ft tall butch basketball star is undergoing a sex change - and will become the world's tallest transsexual.
Lofty American Greg Walker, now 25, grew up sports-mad with beautiful cheerleaders on his arm, but said he 'always felt different'.

Greg before

Her size is one thing but the whip is another!

Transgender Entertainer Showing her "Pride"

Trans singer and DJ Chrisie Edkins is offering to play any pride event in the world in 2012 for free. If organizers can provide accommodation and transportation, she says she would like to promote the LGBT community around the world at any pride event possible.

Transgendered Tampon Ad?

The world’s transgender community are up in arms today over an ad for
feminine hygiene products circulating in New Zealand and Australia,
described as sexist, transphobic and hurtful.

You decide!

Girl's Year Out!

As 2012 becomes old news, I certainly have goals to complete.  (I don't believe in resolutions so to speak)
The first three months of the year should be a transition period. I know transition is a big word around here with transgendered individuals-but I mean transitioning into a whole different work and life style. Just because I don't have a formal job doesn't mean I will stop working. Physically of course I will have the chance to experience the changes with the homones.
The three months will also give me a chance to complete another major goal-wearing my own hair. I have passed along several times little bits of info about my hair. I have gone since last fall without getting it cut and the hormones are supposed to help it grow plus BFF suggested Folic Acid.  Folic Acid as I understand is a "B" vitamin which helpd stimulate new hair growth.
Hair, skin and any breast growth I experience leads me to my summer goal of being able to wear frilly sleeveless feminine tops for the first time in my life. Come on Red's baseball in Cincinnati!

So for the second day of the new year that's what this transgendered girl is thinking. I can clearly see the path. Now I just have to travel it!