Who Wears The Pants?

Very rarely do I ever attempt to dress up a much as a guy.
I do my guy drag to go to work and other than that I just don't need male attire very often.
Tonight was one of those nights I was meeting a female (birth) friend who at the start of the evening knew nothing about me being transgendered. We were going to a meeting that required a male clothing upgrade.
It really wasn't until I started to go through the closet did it occur to me how neglected my male clothes are!
No real surprise as I started to think about it. The only real surprise was that I hadn't thought of it before.

"Two Spirits" and Four Genders.

Independent Lens   ("PBS") is airing a documentary on the brief life of  Fred Martinez. Martinez was one of the youngest hate-crime victims in modern history when he was brutally murdered at 16. Two Spirits explores the life and death of a boy who was also a girl, and the essentially spiritual nature of gender.Fred Martinez was "Navajo" one of the native American ancient cultures that believed people who integrated genders were indeed special.
In Navajo culture there are actually four genders and other groups recognize more. The site actually provides background into these beliefs.
I don't have to tell you the respect I have for the ancient cultures who knew what we know.  Any inside view of both genders at all  should enable us to be better humans
We of course have interaction problems with society which distorts our view. People who fear or hate us suffer from their own distortions. It is very easy to blame several "pseudo" religious groups in particular for distortions that lead to terrible stories such as Fred Martinez.
We as transgendered humans need to embrace the Two Spirits culture.
That does not mean to "turn the other cheek" to society.  It is our responsibility to share our knowledge with others and not hide behind our skirts

No One Cared!

Nothing to write about. A whole evening of hanging out as a girl. No reaction from anyone. Just one guy who I see quite a bit was looking me up and down. My outfit? Conservative but breast dominated.  My favorite jeans, black jacket and thin decorated white tee...Nothing sexy to write about though.
I have a very difficult time adjusting to all of this. The inner voice that says any second someone is going to approach and say "You look great...for a guy dressed as a woman."
Nothing similar to that happened or has happened for a while.
I even had to stand in line for a stall in a woman's room last night...nothing from any of the other women. (Is  standing with my legs crossed girly enough?)
Could I have nothing to write about again? I hope so.
My journey is far from over I know. As the small battles become few, crossing the gender line and winning the war is in view.
What will I write about then?

On the Fun Side!

I really get tired sometimes of all the "heavy" ideas and happenings of living a transgendered life.
Here's a funny little story.
A week or so ago I was out making my rounds. Blond and beautiful (in my dreams) in my short black skirt and flip flops I slid out of my vehicle and started to walk towards a store.  Without really looking around, I noticed a darned quarter on the ground by the car. Being the thrifty person I am I dove for it. On my way down I quickly remembered what I was wearing and maybe picking up the quarter wasn't such a good idea.  No problem, no one around anyway. WRONG! I picked up the coin and looked straight into the eyes of a man who happened upon the scene. (of course)
From the bemused look on his face, I had no idea of what he thought,
I only know I quickly recovered my dignity and made my way to the store. My only redeeming value came from the fact I was wearing sunglasses. He couldn't see the shock in my eyes!
Lesson learned...wear the skirt and leave the change alone!

"Mo" VA

I just wanted to pass along  more thoughts about the VA transgendered directive.As it turns out "Billie" (one of our readers) got the ball rolling when she said "I would be suspicious of the "mental health" facet! The government has been known to give free frontal lobotomies too!"
Ironically, following a level of euphoria, I experienced  trepidation and then suspicion.
I explained the euphoria earlier. All of a sudden this great big door opened to a room I thought was impossible to enter. Then again, I had previously stuck my foot in the door. Before I could be subscribed a certain med, I had to talk to a VA "shrink" and a counselor. I seriously considered telling them of my transgendered leanings then but didn't. The new directive should change any adverse reaction on their part and give me a possible direction...hormones.
By that time trepidation was sneaking into my consciousness. I was afraid yet excited. Now what? Is it finally time to take this to a new level? What the hell am I waiting for. I wake up every morning with the desire to have my own breasts. Nearly everyone in my life who matters knows of my life as a girl.
Then I thought "what if this isn't real?" It's a government agency for goodness sakes. Like "Billie" said the same group that brought us frontal lobotomies.
I went back to research more and the directive is real.
"VA provides health care for transgender patients, including
those who present at various points on their transition from one
gender to the next. This applies to all Veterans who are enrolled in
VA's health care system or who are otherwise eligible for VA care,
including: those who have had sex reassignment surgery outside of VHA,
those who might be considering such surgical intervention, and those
who do not wish to undergo sex reassignment surgery, but self-identify
as transgender. Intersex individuals may or may not have interest in
changing gender or in acting in ways that are discordant with their
assigned gender."
The VHA Directive is entitled Providing Health Care For
Transgender And Intersex Veterans
<http://www.va.gov/vhapublications/ViewPublication.asp?pub_ID=2416> ,
So there it is in black and white.
Certainly I'm not running down to my local VA clinic in the morning.
I will however, follow all aspects of this directive. Will there be a right wing back lash?  Will other veteran's groups protest. Will it matter?
In the meantime, hopefully "euphoria" will triumph in my life!
If "Karma" is at work here. She sent me a powerful message!
 

Wow!

The Veteran's Administration (VA) recently released this statement concerning transgendered vets. I am a a transgendered vet. This statement could certainly change my life! I will add more later!
From the "Sacramento Bee"
The Veterans Health Administration has informed its hospitals and clinics that transgender veterans are eligible for hormones, care before and after gender change surgery, and mental health counseling as part of their regular benefits.
In a directive issued Thursday, the VA reiterated that its facilities are not permitted to perform genital or breast surgeries on veterans in the process of changing genders.
But the agency confirmed that transgender patients are entitled to routine health care that takes their special needs into account and to transgender-specific treatments such as hormone therapy and "non-surgical, supportive care for complications of sex-reassignment surgery."

The Best Message Ever!

I returned home tonight from a wonderful short evening. I tried the "Blond on Black" look again and I seem to be making huge strides as a girl.
When the computer fired up I received this message from one of the dating sites I am on from a woman I presume.
"Hello. I have a few Transgender friends. The only issue I have is your lighting on your photos. Can't show off true beauty with out better lighting. I am a minister. I specialize in Gay, Lesbian and Transgender issues. One of which is the over holy bible thumpers need to shut up and stop speaking for God. The bible is a collection of stories written by man for man. Not written by God.
I hate gender typing. You have to do this or that. One of my friends that is Transgender is dating a woman and trying to act like a man. I say Michael you were born a girl in a mans body. You are more woman than I am. She knew who you were before she dated you. You walk like a duck quack like a duck and say you are a duck. Why the hell is she trying to make you a chicken.
SO hello."
First off, I sent her back a message less than nice.
Then I got to thinking...what a wonderful message!
Lighting, religion and a trans friend. I really need to talk to her!!!
I sent her a second message a bit more civil but no less sane.
We will see what happens!

Girl's Night Out?

Over the last several years I have wanted to spend some time out with another transgendered girl who  fits my style. So far I have encountered no one who fits the criteria. (Before you label me a elitist...read on)
You ask "criteria"? Is Cyrsti accepting applications? No, but there are parameters. 
I have several crossdressers who play with the idea.There is absolutely nothing wrong with a part time crossdresser but 99% of the time you don't have the expertise to go out in the real public. It's a tough crowd out there and what would your wife say? Scratch them off the list. I just can't risk my little network of places I go... sorry. Just because I'm accepted doesn't mean both of us can be. I've worked very hard to be as presentable as I can possibly be. You can't just appear and expect me to work magic on you....sorry again.
How about a pre opt or post opt woman? I'm not woman enough for them. I'm just a little too edgy for a person who has gone as far as they have to change their life. In many ways, I'm as foreign to them as the weekend crossdresser is to me.
Let's toss lesbians into the picture. On some levels we are fascinated with each other and I have a few friends I hang out with. On most levels though, there just isn't a connection. That's OK I understand.
Men are another story. A long one and not part of this discussion. The ideal here is to spend girl time and have them buy the drinks.
By this time...you are saying "damn! what does the crazy bitch want?"
The answer is easy and impossible. I'm looking for a presentable fun person to enjoy some time with.I can provide the experience with the public if she can provide the personality and pizazz.
Yes, so far this seems impossible. Remember though, I'm talking ideal. I'm really fortunate to be able to live as I do and I thank God she has enabled me to do it.
You can't win though if you don't try.
I love all my friends now and wouldn't trade them for the world. They know my restless spirit and realize I have to look around that next corner to see who is there!
I can't wait to go out and talk, shop and party with a girl who shares my interests.
Maybe she is around the next corner!

The Finishing Touch!

You've searched for weeks for the perfect outfit. Doesn't really matter if you found it at an upscale department store, a fashion boutique or a thrift store. You love it!
You run home as the anticipation builds. Can't wait to step in front of the mirror. The magic moment comes and...wow...it's not at all what you thought it would be. What's a girl to do?
Accessorize!   Accessories are a girls best friend or enemy.  They give you that unique style that screams class or panache. Unfortunately the scream could also be coming from a low class horror show.
What are accessories? Jewelry, belts and shoes are the obvious answers. Throw in a great bag, sunglasses and even a cell phone and you are having girl fun!
The past couple of summers I have positively fallen in love with sunglasses as an accessory.  I discovered several of the deep discount and thrift stores sell many styles. For a mere two or three bucks I can buy a pair of "shades" that are tinted a blue or yellow to match my top. My "best" find so far is a pair that have a little heart on one of the lenses. Now I can match my name!
As night falls I move my glasses up on my head as another accessory, I try to work them together with my earrings and necklace. 
Using a cellphone as an accessory may be a stretch...then again maybe not.I'm sure you've seen women who have fancy smart phone they are always playing with. A cell phone always gives the illusion that somehow you aren't alone. A nice one just might indicate you have a little higher income and could be a little smarter!
I may be different from many of you because I don't obsess with shoes. I have the obligatory flats, heels, boots and flip flops. I have very little extra finances so I would prefer to buy a really out of this world bag!
Accessories can prove quickly that less is more. You have arrived as an "fashionista" when your accessories compliment and not dominate your outfits.
One thing is certain, accessories separate the women from the girls!