Back Again!!!

Hi friends, my on again off again Internet service is back on!
As always, life has continued to move at "warp" speed even if my Internet doesn't.
My "weekend" is over. Monday and Tuesday are basically my days off and I had two fun days. 
I've mentioned before my Tuesday trips to a huge 2 dollar pint night at a nearby sports pub. My Tuesday visit this week was unique in that I was able to find a good seat that allowed me to observe others and enjoy my evening (even watching my favorite baseball team win on one of the big screens). The crowd was young with more females than I have seen for awhile.  Most likely because many of the colleges are starting to finish for the summer.
I felt humbled by all the beautiful young women in the pub and happy I could co-exist without so much a glance.
Towards the end of the evening a glitzy beautiful blond grabbed one of the two rare open seats next to me.  From head to toe she had it all. Great makeup, clothes, jewelry and purse showed she put a lot into her style. I wondered how many of us noticed how she matched a necklace to a purse!
Very shortly, a big muscle bound guy showed up and took the seat between us. For the first ten minutes or so he showed interest in her but then began to get up and spend some time with some other male friends that arrived later. In addition, one of the male bartenders  showed just a little too much interest. She quickly became a little uneasy about the whole situation.
All the years of thinking a "girl's life" was soooo much easier.(I haven't thought that in years) was proven wrong last night. The woman had obviously put a lot of time effort and cash into looking her best. She obviously cared to make the evening a success with the look in her eyes as she looked at him.
Not so easy being a woman!
I "girl talked" the evening with my "BFF" later and told her the story. She was ready to give me the "you'll find out" talk when I turned the tables on her.
I told her I understand more and more her obsession with weight loss and hair and what ever.  If she loses the magic 20 pounds, the sky will open with men knocking at her door.  That of course is an exaggeration but my point is that the woman last night may have thought the same thing.  If her hair was different, if her makeup or clothes were different or if she had bigger boobs...would have the guy paid more attention?
It is no wonder women have the obsessions they do.  My very limited experience with men led me the same direction. Lose the weight, buy the clothes and perfect the makeup and I will be desired for ever!
I have known for years each gender has their own cross to bear. This female cross is huge!!!

My First Wedding Party!

I found myself on the inside looking in last night when at least fifteen or so "20 somethings" gathered around me ordering drinks after a wedding. I started to feel a little uneasy about my situation and almost decided to leave. I was texting a friend and getting to know him a little better so I thought I would just stay for awhile.
As it turned out, no one seemed to notice or care about me.
I had one girl talk briefly to me. She said I looked beautiful (a true giveaway she knew I was trans) and a couple more who made small talk. One of them was a truly big attractive girl. I always love it when I'm not the biggest woman in the room! We actually met eye to eye in the bathroom as I was coming out of a stall and I had a chance to check out her outfit and style by the bar.
I finished my conversation with my friend on the phone and shortly went on my way.
On the way home I thought how wonderful is it that the younger the population gets, the more it seems to accept us!
The influence of courageous trans teens such as "Katie" is enormous. When someone gets to know us as a human, we aren't so bad!
Certainly this cup is half empty or half full. The young trans girl who was humiliated and beaten up at a McDonald's was certainly ugly and hopefully will fuel public indignation.
My own cup was certainly half full last night as I had barely a glance in crowded situations. I knew and they knew I was female in their eyes. Better yet were the ones who weren't sure and didn't care.

Is "Katie" the Future?

This is "Katie" on the left trying on a bracelet with her mother. As you probably guessed since I'm blogging about her, Katie used to be "Luke".From the "Tulsa World" comes Katie's story..
Katie grew up with three other brothers and a Marine officer Dad.
Here's an excerpt from the story that just blew me away! Just in time for Mother's Day.
Mom..."I was expecting (Luke) to sit me down and say, 'Mom, I'm gay,' "
Jazzlyn recalled.
Instead, at age 15, Luke told her: "I'm not gay, Mom. I'm transgender."
Her reaction: "A trans-what? I had prepared myself for 13, 14 years
that my son was gay. And now I'm thinking, 'Rocky Horror Picture
Show'?"

They cried.

Jazzlyn's heart ached for her child. She knew this would be a
difficult path in life. But she was worried that Luke might kill
himself otherwise.
So she did what moms do when they see that the child they love is
hurting: They fix it.
"What do you want me to do?" she asked her son.
I want to go shopping. I want to buy a bra. I want to get my ears
pierced and grow my hair out. I'm not a boy. I'm a girl in a boy's
body, he told her.
"If that's what you honestly feel like, I'll stand behind you,"
Jazzlyn said. "You've just got to give me time."

If I would have said anything similar to that to my Mom...her recommendation would have been the same as when I did try to "come out" to her.  Get a shrink and get rid of it!
So as Mother's Day approaches, I hope Katie's Mom is the future. If not, then she at the least is a great example of a loving caring Mother on their day!

Classic "Candy"

Could not resist passing along another  "Candy Darling" pix.
 For those of you who remember "Kim Novak", she was one of Candy Darling's idols and for good reason! She was another of the "blond bombshells"of the 50's.

"Normal" Ohio.

I'm sure you all have been to your "Normal". If you live there long enough, you begin to feel very comfortable.
 The sun rises and sets exactly the same on your " Normal" as others.
My "Normal" is gaining population. For whatever reason some people want in. I am very comfortable here and learning more about living here. Many are curious. Many just want to see what all the fuss is about.
On occasion, I wonder if I am too comfortable. Will I be too complacent and open myself for some unexpected problem?  Outsiders passing through and looking into "normal" may not appreciate it's population.
It takes us all a lifetime to build our "Normal". On occasion, the "Normal" you see is a mirage. The "All American" church going neighbors are really swingers? Really?
Maybe that is part of the reason my "Normal" looks good to a few outsiders. It has become very ironic that a lifestyle that started as a gender masquerade, has become such an exercise in reality.
Agree or not agreeing  with my life is fine. Agreeing with my right to do it and having the courage to do it makes the "Welcome to Normal" sign look really good to some. The rest? Time will tell.

Candy Anyone?

"Candy Darling  and Jeremiah Newton"
Photo by Francis Ng.

A new documentary film on the life of the "Warhol" superstar "Candy Darling" is being released.
Unfortunately in my conservative part of the world, I don't see any locations listed.
Nearby Columbus was a little of a surprise. With a large gay community and the former host to a fabulous "Warhol" exhibit, I thought there might be a chance!

Famous or Infamous?

I have related the story in the past about the one bartender who said (as I tried to introduce myself) everyone knew me "I was famous:." It could be I'm "infamous?" I really hope not.
The only reality is that my little "network" I have tried so hard to maintain over the years works well... thank goodness.
I took advantage of the unseasonably cool weather recently and wore one of my long soft sweater coats.  It drops to mid thigh and ties off at the waist providing a distinct waistline. I love the outfit with jeans and flats and a tight "T" top which accentuates the chest. Can't remember having more confidence recently as a girl.
All of that was very satisfying, but the fun part was when one of the women who was moved from server to the bar waited on me and said "Are you Cyrsti?" She was perfectly delightful and wonderfully friendly and beautiful.  She really made the evening fun!
I always wonder what the guys at the bar think when they see us in a animated conversation? Does it validate me further? Certainly it makes me safer in the situation I'm in.
One fact is certain. Dividends were paid that night and were reflected on her tip!

Happy "Cinco de Mayo"!

From the "Dallas Observer"

Have a great "Cinco"!
Stay out of that tequila girl!
cyrsti

Give Me A Head With Hair!

Men want it when it goes. Men like the sensual look and feel of it on women..
Women spend excessive time and expense to coerce it.
What is the name of this human obsession? Hair!
In many cases we are stereotyped by it. The big bald man with tattoos  is perceived as vastly different than the black man with dreadlocks.
Women are ruled by the age/length hair stereotype.  Maybe the biological clock in women dictates the shortening of the hair as the years progress.
I'm tall so the rules dictate I'm "allowed" to go long with my hair. I'm "more mature" so I'm  not allowed too.
The erotic feel of the hair is wonderful and the effect is good.  I have no visible "Adam's Apple" because my neck is short and thicker. The longer hair and a "v neckline" give me the effect of a longer look which I need. The problem is  the less than realistic "wiggy" look. We have all seen the woman whose long beautiful hair does not quite match the rest of her. Her hair screams "wig"! I've actually seen two trans sisters in public situations whose hair gave them away.
I've said many times I rely upon the mirror and finally the public on how I present. Failure was never an option. Recently though, failure is tragedy.
I can always work with my clothes and I need to work with my makeup to keep my feminine life in balance. Hair seems to make it all happen or not. Maybe I'm not so different from my sisters who spend time and dollars on their hair constantly. Not so different at all!