Whose to Blame?

Did your Mom dress you in girl clothes. Did your aunt humiliate you? Did your sister and her friends dress you up?
Do you have a person that you "blame" for your condition?
In my case, my brother is certain my Mom had a hand in starting me down this road.  I truly don't remember being dressed in girl's clothes. In addition, the way my Dad was, he would have killed her if he found out. The only hint that she might have was when I came out to her.  She seemed really defensive and said "get a shrink".
Doesn't really matter. She passed away nearly ten years ago.
Over the years I've read some very interesting stories of how individuals were "introduced" to the sisterhood.
Even more interesting is the number of girls who want to be humiliated. I understand why of course.If someone forces you to do something there is less guilt.
On the other, some of us subscribe to a traditional female role.Take it another step and cleaning the house can be so much fun and exotic in a short skirt and heels. Could it be more fun if I was forced to it by a hot woman or guy?
Personally,  my idea of the traditional female role is I'm a little more submissive, listen more and enjoy the other person's passion and even ego.
The biggest surprise I experience now is  the number of sisters who contact me that are into bondage. I never make a value judgement on how a person feels of course. As always (you know me) I do have a couple questions.
Is it me? Do a couple of my pictures portray me as a dom? OR
How did this get started for the girl? Did someone tie them up as a kid? Just curious.I've asked and gotten the same answer "I want to or have to." Understood again. It's the answer I give people who ask why I'm trans. It's inside me. So the bottom line is if you don't hurt anyone and the interaction is between consenting adults...what's the harm?
The only blame here is if you don't live your life the best you can. "Dayita" said it best. "So I am in a relationship where dressing is *not* an option, but I've finally come to grips with my truth that trying to live a "masculine" life is really toxic for me. So I've been working on the inner transformation as it is the one that matters most." She is living her life the best she can. A lesson to all of us.

Best Of?

During a random web surfing adventure, I randomly found a site called "Best Of".
Several of the categories included best crossdresser, transsexual, prettiest guy etc.

"Bou" seen to the left was tops in a couple categories for obvious reasons.

"Izzy Hilton" seen below was another winner. Ironically, the date a co-worker's daughter brought to our company party, still has many people talking. He looked a lot like "Izzy"!
"Back in the day" many thought Mick Jagger of the Stones or Steven Tyler of "Aerosmith" to be more feminine in their acts.
"Bou" as a musician and "Hilton" as a model take it to a whole new level!

Addiction?

Are we addicted?  The first time we pulled those nylons up over our legs..was it all over? Was it the same as the first time a drug addict sticks a needle in his arm?
For some the addiction could be as small as wearing panties to work under their business suit or construction clothes.  For others the steps are very definite. That pretty girl in the mirror is a powerful aphrodisiac.To give her life, you will lie, cheat and even steal. As she grows, you wonder now much of you she always occupied. Life seems so natural as take your first trip through the mall with long hair, make up and a new outfit.  The first time someone calls you "She" or Mam"  it's music to your ears.
As "Anne" wrote in a response here "Could it be this fascination with 'femininity' grows on you? Would you compare it to an addiction to the "high" that you get while "femulating"? She did a wonderful job of saying it all!
I believe the seeds are planted in us somehow. Putting those nylons on is similar to watering that dormant seed.
For some, the seed grows into a weed. Ugly and impossible to kill. A lifetime burden. For fortunate others, the seed grows into a beautiful flower.
It's true, we may be addicted but I do believe the addiction started from that little flower seed.

The Eyes Dont Have it!

Maybe all the time and effort I've been putting into my eyes is  mistake?
Read this "Frisky" article and you may start focusing on your lips instead!
I've got to get out tomorrow and purchase some "Heatwave" lipstick!

Soul Sisters?

I'm applying this definition to a whole different set of sisters we normally never discuss. I'm referring to butch lesbians.
I met a person who is right on the cusp of being a ftm trans and a butch lesbian (his term). He sent me an article he wrote on the subject, but I don't want to betray the trust. Until I get permission, here are some of the absolute highlights.
To begin with he points out the pain a "butch" feels growing up. There is no hiding, no real closet to dive into as most of us have.  The femme lesbian has the advantage of dissolving into society or going "stealth" in our terminology. Looking back in my life, I had a close girlfriend (genetic) who had a butch sister.  The family forced her into a dress a couple times. I felt her pain of wearing the clothes of a gender she obviously didn't feel comfortable with. I see her every once in a while.Nothing has changed with him.
How ironic that this group could have a kinship with us?
Over the years I've interacted with "butches" to varying degrees. As "guy to guy" the interaction was very smooth normally. As "girl" to guy (them), the time was most interesting. One of my earliest posts describes a "karaoke" experience I had with a "butch" in a cowboy hat in a lesbian bar.
Two overriding ideas emerged from past experience and my new friend. Number one, I didn't realize how trans they are. In fact the butch lesbian is the most visible form of a transgendered person today. Most don't pass you know who they are.
Number two, I didn't realize how possessive they are. In some ways, the butch is a throw back to a male stereotype of the past. Which is not a surprise.
How many of us would jump at the chance to be the submissive female? The butch sits directly on the other side of that fence.
I'm fascinated by this whole segment of our rainbow and with his permission, I will bring you more

Disaster Averted!

This adventure is actually part two of the last post and is another "bra" story. 
I guess I had this one coming. I wrote about the success of removing my bra without taking my top off. Along the way, I also mentioned the diminishing  feel of a fetish experience being replaced by the overall feel of being a girl. Which of course includes the bra. It has become  piece of clothing to make me look better. Not feel better...until last night.
It just so happened that one of  my bra straps gave it up and broke.  The good news was I was fairly close to the bathroom. With my breast form cradled in my arm and pushed against my body I made it to a stall for repairs.
Dammit! Where the heck is that safety pin I kept telling myself to put in my purse. The same place as the tampon and pad...in my other purse. This girl thing is tough!
Somehow I had to fix this problem.  Become a trans "McGuyver"? If you didn't know, he was the best at making complicated devices out of simple objects. Fortunately, the strap was somewhat fixable by taking the broken snap and  hooking it back to another spot.
I was able to get back to my seat, finish my drink, put my coat on and leave.
As I said, I had it coming.  Blah, blah blah!

Three for the Road?

I enjoyed a rare break from work this week and used the opportunity to visit friends again in a few of my regular stops.
Two nights ago was one of those rare evenings that was so smooth, it was almost boring.
Last night was OK but I learned another lesson on being out.
I've mentioned several times how I'm a weekly regular at about three spots. accepted by the crew, mgt etc. If I put it on a scale of one to ten, I would be at a nine with clientele not noticing me or caring. The easiest way to change all that is to have a genetic female complain about me using the restroom.
Last night as I was using the "room", a woman came out of a stall quite unexpected. We met on a close up face to face.  Now that girls is something I rarely pass. I didn't with her either. She left first and when I went back to my seat at the bar, her husband was putting the first class glare/stare on me.
I calmly met his stare for what seemed an eternity, threw my shoulders back and clipped by him in my boots. Now I don't care what he thinks but I don't want to cause any problems in the business.
As it turned out nothing more happened.
The whole episode reminded me of how easy or hard it is to cross gender lines...again!

Merging Transgender Fantasy With LIfe.

I've always believed that very few of us started down the transgendered path with a true goal or outcome in mind.
Many trans girls started with a basic fetish with female clothing. Others may have been initiated by a family member, Halloween party or school play.
 Along the way, the reasons for being transgendered in the first place just seemed to fade away and the reality of being took over.
In my own case, the clothes, makeup and hair became less of a thrill and more of a lifestyle. Not too say I can't still get a real thrill from the right outfit or public reaction. Not unlike the feelings a genetic girl would have.
Two other trans girls I follow have addressed this transition also. "Stana" and "Janie" interestingly enough approach the subject from different angles, but come up with the same answer.  All of the sudden, this female thing started to feel so natural..with all of us.
How does it happen without injecting hormones to change the body or the brain with chemicals? Number one you have to want to and then work to get there.  I said a number of times the majority of males can present female if they try and have the right help. That doesn't mean you are going out and winning your local beauty pageant anytime soon or you can go out and move effortlessly in public. Start somewhere slow.
In my case, I went to closeted meetings and then began to go with certain "girls" to gay clubs. Over the years I worked on my appearance and started to shop for my own clothes.  Finally I'm to the point I am today.
Others say they admire my looks or boldness. That's all good but my persistence is all that should be admired. I can't tell you how many times I've been reduced to tears over the years only to pull on the pantyhose and try again.
Then again maybe you will never get to the point where your transgender fantasy becomes life and that's OK.
The lifestyle is so varied and complex there is plenty of room for you! You just have to work hard to find your spot.

Meanderings

If you are a regular here on the blog (and I thank you!) you know we cover a lot of ground in many areas.
Not to disappoint you, here are a couple more!
Maybe you've seen my rants concerning the responses I get on line from many clueless guys who are in bred romantics.  "You are beautiful. When can we get together and...."  I'm sure you get the point.
Tonight during one of my incessant surfing adventures on the net, I ran across this post from a younger guy on how to land a "cougar". One of his major points was treating an older female with respect.
I immediately thought of writing a post on how to land a "trans-cougar".  Essentially, the main idea would be that we are not desperate, promiscuous and really wouldn't mind interacting with a decent guy.  At any rate, that's another post for another time! The fact of the matter is many of the inappropriate comments come from former or current crossdressers. That has always really surprised me.
Speaking of the much maligned crossdressing group, I ran across a site you might be interested in. http://www.thegirlinside.com/  is one of the more comprehensive collections of articles about men dressing as women that I have seen for awhile. Of course I have added a link for you.
I had gotten away from the notion that crossdressers are a separate entity from trans people for a number of complex reasons. I was easily settling into the notion that crossdressing was simply a stepping stone to a trans future. I stand corrected and please not too long in these heels!