Trans Girl in the Big Easy

 

Mardi Gras woman by 
Jeremy Brady on UnSplash. 

For those of you who may not know the "Big Easy" is a nickname for the city of New Orleans. 

Since I live in far away Ohio, a trip to the Big Easy was and is a special undertaking. During my long life I have been fortunate enough to have been there two times. Once as a cross dresser and once as a transgender woman. Naturally, my visit as a cross dresser came way before my arrival there as a trans woman. 

To go as a cross dresser in many ways required much more work than my second trip. One of the big reasons was I needed to hide the fact I was taking a very small stash of feminine clothes, a wig and makeup from my second wife and I was flying down there. Which meant I had limited space to plan for as far as my luggage was concerned. I am amazed now how I was able to pack and hide my essentials from the prying eyes of my wife but I did.

I was going to New Orleans for a AFTN Network reunion. AFTN stands for the American Forces Thailand Network which I was a broadcaster for when I was in the Army back in 1972. The reunion itself was well attended and once I was there I needed to figure out how I was going to escape my friends, apply my makeup, put on my clothes and discover a venue to go to. I was lucky when my friends decided to call it a night not long after dinner and I was on my own. So shortly, I made my way out of the hotel into the hot and humid Big Easy night. Melting down and saving all my makeup was not making my night life any easier. 

I finally found my salvation in the form of an air conditioned gay venue. In the venue I was able to see several impossibly feminine and beautiful transgender women. So much so, I did not think they were drag queens. As I enjoyed myself immensely and all too soon my time was up, I needed to find my way back through the night to my hotel room where the air conditioner struggled to keep up with the summer temperatures of New Orleans. From there, the next day was made up of memories made in Thailand and it was off to the airport for the return trip to Ohio. 

Similar to the trip down, I was able to hide my extra cross dressing wardrobe from my wife when I unpacked when she was not around. I had a great time at the reunion and even discovered another transgender participant at the festivities. She was very shy and I did my best to open lines of communication with her which naturally I wished I could have as there would be no more reunions.

My second trip to New Orleans was on a bus tour to "Mardi Gras" many years later with my current wife Liz. The extended time we spent on the bus which seemed as if it would go on forever was more than made up for with the party excitement. Our hotel turned out to be a classic restored property within walking distance of the famous Bourbon Street district. Looking back, I would not do it again but on the other hand, since I did it, I would have not to do it again. 

Highlights of the evening we spent at the huge party was when we discovered a food venue we could get into just a block away from the main event and enjoyed a light dinner of appetizers and sandwiches. More importantly, by this time in the evening, we had access to a single stall women's bathroom on the venue patio we were sitting at. Still being restroom shy at the time, I waited for the line to disappear before I went in the tiny space to take care of business. The problem was, I had been in better "Porta Potties" than this restroom. It reeked of sewer gas and I quickly finished, washed up and left. When I opened the door, a line of women had formed and the first woman was glaring at me. I simply smiled and said good luck to her and returned to our nearby table. The only other stop of note we made was to the supposed oldest gay venue in New Orleans. On that night at least, the place was full of male gay "bears" along with a few scattered cross dressers in their mini skirts and heels. 

As the evening wound down, it was time for us to return to our hotel and rest for the evening, knowing it was a great time but not one we would likely be making again. 

Now we are looking at the possibility of going back to the Big Easy during hopefully not during the summer months on our own so we are free to go to the spots we want to go. Finances and health permitting we hope to do it again.

Trans Acceptance

 

Liz on Left, Daughter on Right.

Today, my wife Liz and I are heading north to Dayton, Ohio for a family birthday party. The party is for my youngest grandson and my daughter's father in law. 

The get together of my daughter's extended family has always been a different experience for me, as a man or a woman. Per norm, my visits as a man were ego driven with battles with my son in law in particular. They were nothing as compared with any other macho activities I faced with the family.

When I completed my male to female gender transition, I wondered how I would be accepted. If at all. It turned out as my daughter led the way, the rest of the family followed. As most of you regular readers know, my kid was wonderfully supportive from the very beginning. However, as her family expanded to three grandkids for me, what would they think of my gender issues. Spoiler alert, all three took my transition in stride and my oldest grandkid even came out as transgender before "they" left high school. They (chosen pronouns) were always leaning that way, so I was not really surprised.    

As time and events went by, my feminine self was still chosen to stand up in front of a temple and actively participate in one of the bar mitzfah ceremonies since my daughter converted over to the Jewish faith. Her decision led me to a whole other level of acceptance I never knew existed. From the Rabbi, to cousins I never knew before, I was accepted as an equal person. No one cared.

Now when we make the hour trip to the birthday party, I have nothing but good feelings. At the least, transgender acceptance as a person helps my gender euphoria, at it's best I get to see my trans grandchild again. Plus, I get to moderately dress up for my first wife who usually attends as she is the mother of my daughter. Recently she gave me a complement which literally left me speechless. She mentioned how good I looked and how far I had come along. Now I feel bad, I couldn't come back with anything else than a mumbled thank you. She went way back with me to the Army and she knew I was a cross dresser before we got married.

Since now I am close to the oldest person in the room, never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I would ever become a matriarch.   

Is Being Trans all About You?

Image from Caroline Hernandez on UnSplash

 As I was embarking on a struggle with my second wife concerning me coming out as a transgender woman, we encountered plenty of problems. It was  during this time, she was fond of telling me my gender issues were not all about me.

Ironically, for the most part she was right. As I ventured more and more into the public's eye, all I thought about was the next opportunity I would have to go out as a woman. Then, when I had to go out as my boring, unwanted male self, I would become upset and get mad when I tried to internalize my thoughts. I have written before about the vacations I ruined when all I thought about was how I would spend them as a woman. 

Worst yet, I was jealous of the fact she had the body and life I wanted to have. I wanted her curves and soft skin and wanted her to make love to me as another woman. Which for the most part never happened. The whole process carried over into my life as a cross dresser or novice transgender woman. When ever I went out into the public, I felt as if every eye was on me. Which for the most part, was not the case. I found most of the public was just going about their everyday lives and could not care less about me and my issues. It took me years to learn I could just blend in for the most part into a feminine based society and basically just disappear

First, I had to work my way around the fact my male ego still controlled the way he wanted me to look. He wanted me to dress to thrill, which just turned out trashy and attracted unwanted attention. It was quite the learning experience and took awhile to accomplish because of one big reason. I wanted so badly to be a pretty woman but just couldn't accomplish it primarily because of my testosterone poisoned body. As far as anyone had ever told me, my legs were the only feminine part of my body I had to work with and my wife was no help because she never helped or complimented me on anything I did. Once again saying my attempts to be pretty were all about me.

When I could not disagree, I just became more frustrated and the pressure was on to do better as a femininized person...with or without her. It was at that point, I did my best to escape the house without her knowing and see the world through the eyes of a transgender woman. I was modestly successful and when, on the other hand, when she discovered what I was doing, huge fights happened. Fights, I never won, because I knew she was right. I was risking everything we had built to experience a new exciting but scary world. After I figured for sure I was indeed transgender, the pressure on me really began to build. On one hand, I suddenly could see a dream I wanted my entire life may be accessible but on the other, I would have to lose everything I had worked so hard for to grab it. It seemed life was so unfair but I could hear my parents telling me, no one ever said life had to be fair and I moved on.

Sadly, my wife passed away before I faced my truth with her and she knew it more than I did. On more than one occasion following a big fight she told me why did not I do us both a big favor and transition. For some reason, I followed the male way out and tried again and again to internalize my feelings until I was intensely unhappy. It seemed being trans was all about me until I finally came out and accepted myself.

When I did accept myself as transgender, I was able to see the world from a different viewpoint and learned to love the world and others more deeply than I ever had before.