Thanksgiving and Beyond

Image from Kevin Dowling
on UnSplash

 As much as Thanksgiving was always a given as a time to meet up with family and eat a delicious feast.  Early on, the day was more enjoyable because one of my right wing nephews at that time did not want to start a political argument with me. 

Through it all, in the back of my mind, I knew something was wrong. In my own way, I was engaging in impostor syndrome. I wasn't the man I was portraying to be. Each year I used alcohol to dim the pain and move on the best I could. Even though I had very little control over Thanksgiving itself, there was a day I still thought eventually I may have some control over. The day in question was the Black Friday shopping event my second wife always insisted on going to. This all happened in the latter part of 2005.

Finally, I waited long enough or persisted long enough I was able to try out a Black Friday shopping experience on my own at a well known mall close to where I lived. My opportunity to cross another feminine experience off of my novice transgender woman check list came when I learned my wife (who worked in retail) had to work on Black Friday morning. Suddenly, since I didn't go in to my job until late in the afternoon, I had my chance to experience the shopping madness which was Black Friday as a woman.

When the day finally arrived and my wife left for work, my time to get dressed in my best sweater, skirt and comfortable shoes, added my blond wig, sensible make up and was ready to go. I was excited about finally having the chance to again live my dream. 

Once I arrived at the mall, predictably parking spots were at a premium but I finally found one. From there I had to gather my courage and enter the mall. Once I was in the shopping area, all my nerves faded away and I was able to concentrate on the relatively short time I had to fulfill a long term dream of mine. I wanted to experience the estrogen laden atmosphere of Black Friday.

All too soon, as I browsed a few of the stores for a gift or two, I found in particular no one paid me any attention at all. It was so crowded with mainly women, I was able to blend in with no problem. It was time for me to return to my boring unwanted male life and move on back to my impostor syndrome. I was learning I was never a guy cross dressing as a woman. I was a woman cross dressing as a guy.  

After I went into my work and became immersed in my job, at the least I was still mentally able to bask in the glow of being able to live out one of my big feminine dreams... to experience a Black Friday shopping experience as a transgender woman. As it turned out, my start to the holiday season was destined to grow and grow into one of the major holidays for me. Replacing even Halloween. Throughout the month of December, I will be writing more in depth about my times as I grew into a fulltime trans woman.

Thanksgiving Day and Covid

Just before Thanksgiving I was scheduled to receive my latest Covid vaccination update. I have to go to my local small Veteran's Administration clinic to get a shot in the arm.

We shall see if their amazing transition into an inclusive environment continues. Over the years they used to repeatedly refer to me as "Mr. Hart" or even "Sir". It seemed nothing more than a formal complaint from me could change the way I was treated.

Before I could file a complaint, however the whole place started to change. When I was called to go back for my appointment, I went from "Mr. Hart" to my legal feminine name which is on file with the VA. Plus, now the VA even has a place on their intake forms for transgender individuals.  I don't know what really happened but the change was night and day. I am not for sure but perhaps they changed out head administers for the clinic. I don't really care, I just appreciate the difference.

In addition, I hope I don't have any negative reactions to the vaccine because my wife Liz and I are scheduled to go to a family get together with my daughter's in laws. In addition to great food, I always enjoy the gender affirming experience as I am accepted by everyone. Especially from my transgender grand child. 

This time of the year is always bittersweet for me. In the past my deceased second wife really went all out. From feeding a big family on her own to extensive Christmas decorations, she did it all. Our big pre-civil war era house was ideal for her to serve a big dinner as well as putting up all the decorations. Remembering all of her work makes up the sad part of my bittersweet existence as I had to sell all of my wife's decorations.   

On the bright side (or sweet) part of the season all began when I began to do most all of my Christmas shopping cross dressed as a woman. As the holiday season approaches, I will go into more detail how the entire process worked for me. In the meantime I will tell you it all worked out very well. Maybe too well because I found shopping for others as my feminine self turned out to be a very enjoyable experience. 

I even went out shopping on the infamous "Black Friday" mall day surrounded by many many crazy shoppers who the majority of were women. I learned in a potentially stressful situation in a crowd of people, it is easier to disappear. In the meantime, learning to dress to blend and for comfort became of the distances involved when I went out.

There is much more to describing my experiences as I grew into being a successful transgender woman and how the season helped me. 

In the meantime, I hope you have some sort of family whom accepts you and you can enjoy your Thanksgiving. 

Transgender Day of Remembrance

TDOR, or Transgender Day of Remembrance was observed Monday here in Cincinnati as well as many other places. 

According to the  "Human Rights Campaign" at least thirty three transgender women and men have been tragically murdered since the last TDOR. This total only includes the United States and not the world. I say at least because sadly no one knows for sure how many other deaths could be attributed to gender violence. 

How tragic is it we trans individuals and allies have to observe this somber day every year along with the increasing amount of violence we feel daily. An example to increasing pressure on the transgender community comes from here in Ohio where currently there are five bills pending in the legislature. The bills range from anti restroom bills all the way to restrictions on trans athletes all the way to drag shows. Of  course these bills all are being pushed by a major political party which is not the Democratic one. 

Of course each of these bills do nothing to battle the anti-transgender sentiment in the public's eye which in turn can result in increased violence. It's no secret either, the vast majority of the trans deaths came from the minority community and are younger. 

Much of these statistics are aided by the fact the trans community still suffers from societies' inequities when it comes to jobs, education and health care. And, lets not forget the number of transgender youth who are rejected by their families and end up trying to live on the streets. 

I am fortunate to live in a metropolitan area which has several LGBTQ+ resources but it is never enough. On the other hand, if one life is saved, the effort is worth while. Hopefully you live in an area where similar resources are available. If not, perhaps you have a suicide help line to help if you are having mental health issues because of your gender problems.

One way or another, take the time to remember all of those who tragically died during the previous year and if you are so inclined, offer up a small prayer for those who are still being threatened.