Walk Away?

Years ago when I was first free to explore the real possibilities of transitioning, I remember quite vividly reading about one of the transsexuals "coming out of stealth" just to explain why she "got out." By getting out, I mean-she meant, out of the rat race just to live her life in her preferred gender. Commonly referred to as "stealth." - and why she was going back.

I remembered at the time-what a waste of experience and activism. Lately, I'm not so sure.

My daily Cyrsti's Condo blog has become a child at a time in my life when I don't need one. Certainly, I'm not getting rich by all of this, although money is NOT why I started all of this. I wanted to prove I could, tell my story for others and yes-transition.

As transitions go I suppose, mine has been very kind to me. I'm blessed to be able to live a feminine life far beyond my expectations. So far as a matter of fact, I think writing about them has become a chore for both of us. I know I'm not real glitzy and going to the store today in jeans, T shirt and boots wouldn't make for big fashion story-but it is who I am.

My passions burn bright for equal treatment and rights for all citizens of the transgender community but then again these days I feel I'm on the outside looking in because of my age. Plus, the hour or so I put into the blog everyday has the potential to take away time I could have to go to community trans support organizations. Here's an example of my frustration. Today the closeted cross dresser I mention here in the blog told me about the religious classes he was taking at the age of 65. Of course the pastor threw in how religion and God can be a cure for cross dressing. Really?

I also know humans don't live forever and I have a long way to study the religions I want to- such as Tibetian Buddhism, Hinduism and earth based Spiritual beliefs held by native tribes around the world and America. What's the line from "Smokey and the Bandit?" I have a long way to go and a short time to get there.

Recent discoveries of  totally accessing my true gender self has whetted my thirst for more understanding of my soul. I used to be a huge believer and practitioner of transcendental meditation. It has occurred to me now, the blocks I was experiencing could have been self induced gender blocks. And, all of that takes time.

So. as of yet-I don't know where I am going with all of this. All I do know is around the time I do my Trans Ohio workshop will be coming up at the end of May. Plus, Cyrsti's Condo will celebrate another year. In the meantime, we will have business as usual and see what happens!

Since You Asked

Recently I received this set of questions from a frustrated cross dressing closeted friend from the 80's.

 Dear Ms. Hart,

• How many people who dress are trans?  
• How many people who say they are trans actually know what they're talking about?  
• How many bisexuals prefer a "trans" label to a "bi" or "gay" label?  
• How many people who transition realize that they've evolved from male to transsexual and that "female" is truly out of reach?
• How many individuals and businesses are making money pandering to these people?
• How many people exhibiting suicidal tendencies are getting professional help as opposed to professional enabling?

 Wow!! if I knew these answers, I would be rich and somewhere else!

But of course like ass holes-I have assumptions like everyone else'

Here are some:

• 1.-VERY few cross dressers are trans-the castle (where we used ti hang out) just seemed to have an over balance. I would say 10% at the MOST.
• 2.-Most trans people do know what they are talking about-but in most cases say it in a terrible way. If you are truly trans-you just KNOW it.  If you are good enough to express it or write about, you are even in a smaller minority.
• None-all the bi/gay/lesbian labels are sexual-not gender. A trans person though can express which sexuality they prefer. Such as I prefer women and identify as a trans lesbian.
• As different as snowflakes-all perceptions are different. "Female and Male" are anatomical terms and have nothing to do with gender. Personally, I believe female is always out of reach-but "woman" isn't. Also I do believe there are still many transsexuals who believe they can still buy their way to being a female through surgery. HRT can "sync" a former male brain into the feminine world which felt right and being a woman is within reach. Remember a female is not a woman and a male is not a man.
• Very, very few business's make money "pandering" to the transgender community-for several reasons. The biggest one is the high unemployment rate. Also so many are still in the closet and so many go stealth (as I am considering this is all so tedious) money is scarce. Also, please don't confuse the gay and lesbian venues who do make some money off of some fringe trans peeps or the sudden abundance of reality shows about us. In short, we are poor, invisible and unorganized. Don't worry about us being "pandered" to yet.
• This is an incredibly misguided question. When you talk to your pastor-do you consider it "professional help?" Also, keep in mind professional help is too expensive and out of reach for the greatest majority of those who try and succeed at suicide. By using the term "enabler" you must still cling to some outmoded notion that this is a choice. If you have followed the Leelah Alcorn suicide at all, you would have your answer. If counseling enables you to save your own life-wouldn't you take it. What about if it was your own son?
• There you Go!

 

What's The Wife Going to Say???

Been there-done it. I was a married cross dresser through two marriages. I can only say for me it was "cruel and unusual" punishment and especially to my second wife who passed on nearly eight years ago. Perhaps she was right. I would drive her to an early grave.

From what I read from most of you and others around the web, I was different in that I told both of them I was a transvestite or cross dresser before we were married.

Of course I'm always on the look for ideas on the subject-especially from the generics who were or are married to cross dressers such as Maria (see blog link) to the right and this latest link from Tasi Zuriak who recently announced Sister House newest writer, Terri Lee Ryan, ex-wife of a crossdresser, and her expose on the 10 Reasons Cross-Dressers’ Wives Divorce Them | Family Room .

You Cyrsti's Condo regulars probably tire of me repeating of my second wife totally supported my cross dressing while at the same time was just as adamant about not accepting me as a transgender woman .Her reason was sound, a cross dresser was a man in a dress a trans woman was that-a woman.


Yes, at one time I even attempted to set up a generic "acceptance scale" in my Stilettos On Thin Ice Book. Basically, there are number one spouses like my partner Liz, who has never seen any male in me after four plus years. Then on the other end there are the number ten spouses who wouldn't wait to put a divorce lawyers number on a speed dial at the same time she heads out to her "snake worshiping" bible thumper. Obviously, the numbers in between represent snowflakes. None are the same.

If I have enough time, I am going to go back to the Sister House site and pose the question about how many cross dressers told their spouses up front. Then, assuming they didn't how many tried to hide the fact until they were caught or actually waited to "come out." How much does "honesty" really matter?

I'm thinking there are too many still in the closet to come up with a representative number. After all, I know there are so few cross dressers who can actually come out at work or on the evening news. Not a good way for "the wife" to find out.