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| Image from Nicola Dowie on UnSplash. |
In response to yesterday's post praising transgender men, I received a comment from “Gio”, a trans man who follows my writings and thoughts.
Here is his comment word for word on what he has gone
through during his transition from female to male:
“Thank you JJ for this nod. You know,
they are a tough bunch, on the exterior. They are also exhausting. Try to teach
them how to be a real gentleman and right out of the gate they label you a
sissy. I always counter with being raised to respect and honor women. In the
Italian Culture in which I was raised the women were savvy. The women in my
family ran the show and they somehow left the men feeling like they were in
charge. I witnessed this with my parents (first generation born in America) and
my grandparents (immigrants - who escaped Mussolini; everything old becomes new
again but that's another story). The Cis men I encounter, many of whom are
wealthy Trump supporters, posit they own their women. She is to do what they
say. A woman, if raped, deserved it because of how they acted or what they
wore. It boggles my mind. So, I remind them that women are to be revered, they
remain underpaid yet they have more talent than their male counterparts. I
remind them that if married they took a vow to cherish and protect their wives.
I could go on and on here. Suffice to say, it’s usually a bipartisan type of
conversation and they often end pleasantly. Luckily, I've not been fired yet
because mostly these are the people who keep me employed. I'm also amused by
how they request me as their chauffeur to drive their wives and daughters. It's
these little things that cause a ripple effect”. First of all, “Gio” thanks for
the comment!
I really liked your insight into how exhausting men are because on the few
times I went out with a man, I could not relax and be myself when I was
catering to his ego. In my family growing up, we were a heavily male influenced
crew but like you, mom ran the show from behind the scenes, so I learned a lot
from her on how to be a woman, She is rolling over in her grave as we speak to
hear of such a thing but it is true.
Fortunately, since I am retired, I don’t have to worry about working with any
tRumpters and their backward gender ideas. But when I was employed, I always
did my best to protect and advance the careers of the ciswomen around me. To
the point of even hiring a transgender server at one of the restaurants I
worked at. Sadly, I was transferred and she was fired by the next manager, but
I tried to do my part.
Looking back, it was my love of sports and military service which kept me from
wearing the “Sissy” tag early in my life and when I advanced as far as I did up
the business ladder I was in, I understood that males form teams and I was able
to benefit from that even though I detested everything I was doing most of the
time when I needed to play the gender game I was in. Maybe the whole time, I
was exhausted too about playing the male game and just wanted out to go to my
transfeminine world. I took what my mom taught (more than dad) and was able to
beat the system which was stacked against me.
When we are transgender, it is certainly a complicated world we live in when we
need to go outside the confines of a so-called normal world. The old world is
on its way out and hopefully a younger more progressive gender-neutral generation
will power a better world. Especially for transgender men such as “Gio” who was
kind enough to share his thoughts with us on his world.
