What Female Privilege Means to Me

 

Image from Barbra Burgess
on UnSplash.

This post came about from a comment I received from an Australian woman called “Rachel” who asked what I thought female privilege really was, or how would I describe it. From her profile, I assume she is a cis-woman.

Thanks for the great question, Rachel, and I hope I can give a realistic in-depth answer.

To begin with, back in my earliest days of parading around in front of the mirror in mom’s clothes and makeup, all I wanted to do was experience wearing more of the pretty clothes the girls around me were wearing and that was my gender universe. In those days, female privilege simply meant to me was the right to wear the pretty clothes I wanted.

As I grew up and into a more intensive look at which gender I wanted to live as, the feminine one began to take on a much more complex vision of my potential future. If I was going to be able to arrive at my goal of living a fulltime life as a transgender woman, I had to know what if any privileges came with my choice. Which I knew would mean giving up a substantial amount of male privilege I worked so hard to gain and maintain.

As I made to the presentation level where I could at least survive on a basic level as a trans woman in the public’s eye, I started to wonder where all the feminine privilege I expected to gain really was. Let us face it, just having doors opened for me by a man was not much of a benefit to become excited about. Then, on the negative side I was greeted by men with a decreased respect for my knowledge of the world, or the intelligence I had gained in my life. Or the time I was nearly sexually assaulted when I was simply in the wrong place at the wrong time by a cisman who was much bigger than me. I did not take into consideration how my personal safety privileges had changed when I crossed the gender border.

By now, Rachel, or any other ciswomen who read my experiences are thinking one of two things. The first being that I am preaching to the choir when I write about just a few of the major challenges modern day women face. Or better yet. Why would I leave a comfortable life as a man to attempt such a major challenge as crossing the gender border from male to female. At the time I was attempting most of this and would try to bring my challenges up to my ciswomen friends, many times they would smile knowingly and say welcome to my world.

Little did they know how badly I wanted to be a part of their world. To the point I was prepared to give away all my unwanted male privileges I had gained. Somehow, I knew there had to be more female privileges than what I had seen or experienced so far in my life.

So, here it was Rachel, just staring at me in the face. My biggest feminine benefit of all was just having the weight of a male life lifted off my shoulders. I could now experience a little of what ciswomen take for granted in their lives, good or bad. Especially when I was approved for gender affirming hormones or HRT. It was then that the feminine side of my long-hidden life began to live and flourish. As access to my emotions increased, so did my feelings of the world around me. Such as temperature, smell and touch. Again, things that women who had them their entire life took for granted.

Through it all, it was an exciting journey, and I was willing to take the bad with the good when I was allowed behind the gender curtain for the first time in my life. From my lifetime of observations of women around me, I knew it was never going to be easy, but I just had to try anyway. It was like a little voice deep down inside was telling me it was time to push all my poker chips into the middle of the table and give my new transfeminine life a try.

Plus, all the self-destructive years of trying to live a male life were taking its toll on my mental health. Not unlike a woman’s biological clock, I had reached the “double nickel” (55 years old) stage of my life, and I had reached a point of do it or not when I came to determining if I should live out my dream of living as a fulltime transgender woman or not.

I took the chance that the good would outweigh the bad for me if I weighed the privilege battle and decided to take the feminine underdog. From then on, the pressure was off my life as I knew it, and I learned the true benefit of female privilege.

Thanks again Rachel for the question/comment and I hope I was able to answer it for you. All I ever really wanted to do in my life was to be a woman in my own way, and explaining my reasons why. Feel free to comment anytime! I always appreciate your input.