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| Women's Restroom from UnSplash, |
Quite early when I began to leave my gender closet behind and navigate the public, it became evident that I would have to do something about how I was going to use the women’s restroom.
Initially, I had two problems and one benefit to deal with. The
two problems I dealt with were the forms of liquid I was digesting, beer and
coffee. Both of which did not want to stay in my body long, so I had to use the
restroom more often than I normally would. The benefit I had was I had had many
occasions to be in the women’s room as a man when I managed my restaurants. Sadly,
I learned that ciswomen were not the fastidious gender I thought they were as I
cleaned up many messes and tried to unclog stopped up toilets when there were
trash receptacles nearby for sanitary products. So, I was prepared when I ran
into a mess in a women’s room when I entered for the first time as a novice
transgender woman.
On the other hand, I recognized the seriousness of entering
a women’s only space and set out to be prepared. Naturally, I learned many
lessons I added to those I already knew. Out of the many things I learned was I
needed to flip totally the male idea that no one looks at another man at all in
the restroom. Whereas, as much as I did not want to, I needed to smile and
acknowledge other women in the restroom because that was the right thing to do.
Little did I know, I was just getting started on learning the basics of
survival in the women’s room.
I learned to look for an extra hook in the stall so I could
hang my purse up properly and a secure lock to keep my all-important privacy secure.
As you might remember, a poor abused lock let me down on a recent vacation to
New England. Fortunately, I was just finishing my important business in a stall
when I was rudely interrupted by a young girl who broke through the lock and
surprised both of us. The disaster was averted since I was almost dressed and
had pulled my leggings up. It was the only time something like that happened to
me and it gave me the extra incentive to check the locks in the stalls I chose.
When I was younger and more insecure in the women’s restroom,
I went to any extent to cover all my transgender bases. Of course, I always sat
to pee, which I had seen cross dressers in the past not do, as they even left
the toilet seat up. Then they wondered why they lost women’s room privileges.
Which leads me to this point, cross dressers or not have to look before they
sit on toilets. You can save yourself from bad situations by doing so. Also,
when I was younger, just in case a prying woman asked, yes, I did have an extra
feminine protection product for her to use. I was that paranoid of being
discovered and losing my gender restroom privileges. I even tried to mimic a
ciswoman’s urine flow to keep up.
Outside of having the courage to use the “room”, perhaps the
second biggest act of courage is leaving the relative security of your stall
and leaving. I had to remember that normally there was a line of women waiting
to use the stall, so I had to move it along. That also meant ALWAYS washing my
hands, quickly checking my hair and makeup and leaving. Hopefully safely
without any negative feedback such as being called a pervert by a nasty woman
one night. Thankfully, it was an isolated incident which happened years ago,
and I have had no further repeats of such a negative experience.
Sadly, with many states coming up with more stringent anti-transgender
restroom laws, we trans women and trans men also must become more adept in how
we use the restroom. And I can’t imagine how bad it is for trans youth just
trying to get by.
My words of wisdom are to look for restrooms which are uni-gender
such as coffee shops and easy acceptance venues such as bookstores. Anyplace
you can scout out the potential restroom you need to use. Then build your
confidence from there. And one more thing (at least) make sure there is toilet
paper in the stall you use because the next woman after you will wonder how you
used it without paper.
Once you are confident of your transgender womanhood, other
ciswomen will notice nothing is wrong with you. Which there isn’t. When your
gender makes a restroom call, you are just doing what comes naturally.
