Restroom Adventures

 

Image from CDC on UnSplash

Since my wife Liz and I went away on a trip to New England for so long, I have several restroom adventures to share.

The main one I did not think of was what would happen when I needed to seek out an open handicapped stall to use because of my mobility issues. I needed all the help I could get to make my way around to get to the toilet.

The first big issue came in Boston, where I was not expecting any difficulties. The first problem came when the only elevator down to the restrooms was broken and I had to try to use a steep set of stairs to make it to the restrooms themselves. I guess I looked unsteady enough for a younger man to offer to help me down the steps. But I made it alone. Then I found the handicapped stall and it was empty. The only bad part was the lock on the door was very flimsy, but by that time, I had no choice but to try it anyhow. In the beginning, all was good, and I finished my business with no problems. Then I heard a mom and young daughter enter the room. At that point, I tried to pull up my leggings and get myself together before BOOM, the kid barged through my stall door before her mom could stop her. Fortunately, I had my leggings almost all the way up as the mom pulled the kid out of there and all was alright. I went ahead and washed my hands and swiftly exited the restroom with a slight smile on my face.

Another one of the positives which happened on the trip was I got a chance to work on my voice again. It turned out I needed a passable voice to get me by in the restroom which on occasion was really crowded. Several times I had to respond to someone inquiring if the stall was occupied. The last thing I wanted to do was respond to another woman asking if the stall was occupied with a man’s voice. I did well enough I guess because no one ever questioned me on it.  Which gave me extra confidence to carry on other conversations with other women on other topics.

No matter how many rest stops the bus made, there still were times when I had to use the toilet on the bus. It was times like these when I was happy, I could sit down to pee. If you ever tried to negotiate moving around on a motor coach, you know what I mean, At the least you have to be very careful and at the worst, you have to be really careful to check the seat before you sit down. Even though I have to give the Amtrak train we took from Boston to Maine passing marks for timeliness and comfort, the restrooms left a lot to be desired and in fact, one seemed to be flooded and out of use. Fortunately, I did not have to go and let another woman take my spot.

Similar to so many other bus trips we have taken, in a relatively short period of time I was accepted for myself and no indication of any pushback of any one on the tour except that one guy on the first day who made the point of pointing me out to his wife From then on, I ignored him and everything was OK. It seems there always needs to be at least on hater these days wherever you go sadly.

Traveling while transgender will always carry extra baggage and we did not even go on modes of transportation such as flying which brings with it a whole other set of potential problems. Once I conquered my rest room fears, I was able to bond with the other women on the trips, and all turned out to be a good move. I made it through mentally and physically, so we have another trip planned. The whole process keeps me challenged and aware of my transfeminine being alive and well. Which is what I need at my age of seventy-five.

The restroom adventures just turned out to be the icing on the cake, it even got to the point when other women were helping me to the restroom. I needed all the cisgender acceptance I could get to build confidence. In fact, I found myself in situations where I was in danger of outing myself. Which is a topic for another blog post. 

Back from Vacation

 

JJ Hart at Faneuil Hall, Boston.

My wife Liz and I’s vacation from Ohio to New England was wonderful.

Of course, there were many highlights which I will try to remember and pass along also. but first I needed to conquer my fears of getting along with any potential problems with a stray gender bigot on the tour. I was afraid of losing my restroom privileges. I really don’t know why I feel this way because this was the sixth tour with Liz, and I have been on with no problems. I guess paranoia runs deep.

At the beginning of the tour, I passed another couple on the way to the restroom. Then I got the nudge from the man to his wife to look at me which I dreaded. At dinner that night, we needed to sit in parties of four and no one wanted to sit with us. By this time, I was not feeling good about the rest of the trip and to hell with these other people.

At that time, things started to loosen up as I began to engage with most of the other women. When I did, everything turned out to be in my head. As I began to actively smile and engage with the other women on the trip, they engaged with me. So much so I encountered two occasions when I needed to back off my interactions before I indirectly outed myself. It turned out that one other woman who appeared to be my age told me she was from the same hometown I was from and even went every summer to the same fishing camp for vacation. I was going to ask her what high school she went to, but then I thought better of it because my mom taught at one of the three high schools in town and it was a possibility she could have had mom for a teacher and knew she only had two sons. The other interaction was with a German man who was from Stuttgart, where I was stationed when I was in the Army. I did not want to go deeper with him either and never mentioned I was in the Robinson Barracks area of the city when I was there. One way or another, it turned out to be a small world with those two.

After I had conquered my socialization fears of others reacting to me being transgender, I was able to relax and enjoy the wonderful scenery of upper New England in states such as Maine, New Hampshire and Vermont. Liz and I even had great train experiences from Amtrak, a lake dinner train, and the cog railway which went up Mt. Washington. We were fortunate to have great weather all the way including our trip to the peak.  

Since I needed to take my mobility device with me, which is a cross between a walker and a roller, I learned the importance of finding handicapped accessible areas which there were many. In fact, my mobility issues overcame my misgivings of my being the only transfeminine person around. I was just being me. I only lost the first day of worry before I gained my confidence back that I had as much right on the trip as anyone else.

As I said, we had a great time and enjoyed the diversity and beauty of New England and Boston. I will have several side stories to share with you about Boston and Harvard themselves in separate posts. As well as a post about the unique rest room challenges, I faced.

Thanks for sticking with me in my absence.