Recently I read the conservative case for one of my least favorite people, Caitlyn Jenner, (below) running for governor of California.
Say it "ain't" so.
"Once you have come to the conclusion that this is who you are ... don’t delay.”
That’s the biggest lesson Wynne Nowland, CEO of insurance brokerage Bradley & Parker, learned going through her gender transition in mid-2017.
Nowland started working at the medium-sized firm in Melville, New York in 1986, and held several senior positions before becoming CEO and chair in January 2017, just a few months before her transition.
From Nowland’s earliest memory, she knew she was “different,” but it took her a long time to label it. It wasn’t until a few weeks after her 56th birthday in 2017 and four months after promotion to CEO that she had an “awakening” and decided she couldn’t hide her true self any longer.
Nowland sent an email to her 70-person staff telling them that she had made the decision to transition her gender.
Ironically, yesterday turned out to be a quiet day when it should not have been.
Between the meetings at the least I could watch the Cincinnati Reds baseball team who were playing a day game. Which they won.
You Cyrsti's Condo regulars may know I am bi-polar and for some reason yesterday was one of those days I couldn't summon much energy at all. By the time my Rainbow Alliance Board meeting came along at 6 PM, I felt as if I had no ambition for the meeting at all. Normally, it wouldn't have been such a big deal but his time there were a couple of workshops coming up I wanted to volunteer to assist with.. One of which is in June and the other is in September, so I still have plenty of time to volunteer for one date or the other.
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| Pre Covid Summer Picture. |
On the bright side, I received a very positive return comment from "Jenny" whose blog I just featured. Plus I am very fortunate to have a strong support system around me to help me when I am down. Including my meds from the VA.
I am feeling better today.
Coming up on the nineteenth, I have my appointment with my endocrinologist. As I have written before, I am considering asking her about the possibility of changing my Estradiol delivery method from patches to injections. As with any other change, injections bring with them a whole other possibility of side effects. As a matter of fact, Michelle sent in this comment on the subject:
" You may want to check out this article:
https://transcare.ucsf.edu/article/information-estrogen-hormone-therapyMany trans women are interested in estrogen through injection. Estrogen injections tend to cause very high and fluctuating estrogen levels which can cause mood swings, weight gain, hot flashes, anxiety or migraines. Additionally, little is known about the effects of these high levels over the long term. If injections are used, it should be at a low dose and with an understanding that there may be uncomfortable side effects, and that switching off of injections to other forms may cause mood swings or hot flashes. Some trans women have encountered difficulties obtaining a consistent supply of injected estrogen due to ongoing problems with the supplier. Realistically, there is no evidence that injections lead to more rapid or a greater degree of feminization. In my practice, I generally avoid prescribing injections unless under very specific circumstances."
Thanks for the insight. Plus, as a matter of fact I did check out the article. So far, I have been lucky in being able to have a stable supply of patches through the VA and I have never had the problem of the patches not sticking.
After talking the whole process over with my therapist this morning, the only benefit would be the possibility of quicker feminine development. So as it stands, I will probably just stay with the program I am on.
As soon as my partner Liz and I become fully vaccinated, I will be able to benefit from public feedback again. Which means so much.
I follow a blog called "Jenny's Journey" from down under in Australia. Her most recent post concerning her gender dysphoria brought back a distant unpleasant memory with me.
In the post, Jenny (left) described how her gender dysphoria was bothering her and her wife noticed. From what I can figure out, the wife does not support Jenny's gender issue totally but will let her pursue it behind closed doors. To make a long story short, her wife told her to go into the bedroom and take care of the "problem".
My deceased wife was similar to Jenny's in that she accepted me cross dressing but never the idea I was transgender. Over the years it was impossible for me to convince my spouse my gender dysphoria went deeper than just looking like a woman. Much of that was my fault because I was still learning what a transgender life would look like. In other words, so much more than just putting on a dress for an afternoon. I was trying to patch a huge problem with just a series of band aids.
Going back to Jenny's post, she was able to overcome her dark moods due to gender dysphoria and assume her "duties" as the Easter patriarch in the family. For a while Jenny was able to restore the gender balance in her life.
Again, I went through many of the same feelings as I mentally purged my feminine thoughts. But all too often the old feelings would sneak back in and I wondered again and again what my life would be like on the feminine side.
I fought it to the point of suicide before I finally gave in to what my soul was trying to tell me all along and I started to live full time as a transgender woman. However, I still remember the heartache and duress which went into my transition.
I wish Jenny and all of you who might be involved in the same gender dysphoric bind, best wishes on your journey.
"Rain Valdez just received her first Primetime Emmy nomination for “Outstanding Actress in a Short Form Comedy or Drama Series” for her lead role in RAZOR TONGUE, which she created, crowdfunded and produced. Rain is the second transgender actress to ever be nominated for a Primetime Emmy in an acting category and the first Filipina American transgender actress to be nominated. Rain is also the founder of ActNOW, the first and only acting class in Los Angeles prioritizing a safe space for LGBTQIA actors and teaches beyond the binary. Rain got her start playing ‘Coco’ in season 2 of TV Land’s LOPEZ and doubling in Amazon's TRANSPARENT as Miss Van Nuys on screen and a producer behind the scenes."
Is it really April already? On occasion I feel as if time does fly when you are doing very little.
Easter, which we don't really celebrate has come and gone. As it was never a major emphasis when I was was young, even I didn't spend much time or effort thinking about what my girl cousins were wearing because I never saw them. Plus there was only one girl in our neighborhood. For once there there were fewer feminine distractions to fuel my gender dysphoria.
So now as I try not to revert into another mundane post concerning the shape of my thighs, at the least I have a chance to look ahead to a few events on the horizon. The first one is my twice a month visit with my VA therapist on Tuesday. Normally we converse nearly 45 minutes to make sure I am not thinking of hurting myself or someone else.
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| Picture from a Martial Arts Banquet Liz and I went to years ago. I felt extremely out of place. |
On occasion I am incredibly surprised about how much more vane I am as my transgender woman self than I ever was as a guy. Of course it is easy to point out all the gender differences there are in fashion possibilities, even though even that seems to be in flux these days.
With me, from the earliest days of viewing my cross dressed self in the mirror, I dedicated myself to improving my "look" as much as possible. In fact, anytime I had the chance, I was practicing. It sure beat the time I had to spend in my boring boy clothes and crew cut haircuts. I couldn't wait for the day I could purchase my own wig and better yet, grow my own hair out.
Of course, as the years advanced I grew "into" my feminine vanity and it became part of my existence. I guess more than a few feminists could say the whole process is part of societies' method of subjugating women as a whole to unfair standards of beauty.
Since to a large part, I got such a late start to living a full time existence as a trans woman, I still feel the newness of the whole process.
In many ways, my bodily changes due to hormone replacement therapy have helped increase my vanity to new heights. For example, after I pulled my leggings on this morning, I noticed my thighs were increasing in size due to the redistribution of fat in my body. By now, I know you are thinking wow how mundane is that but it gets worse. With all the problems in the world, I notices one of my thighs seems to be bigger than the other. Of course I have heard of the relatively common occurrence of women's breasts being different sizes, which is a problem I don't have.
I wonder now, as I approach another appointment with my endo doc in the middle of this month, I am going to discuss with her the possibility of me moving my Estradiol transmission method from patches to injections. The injections I have heard are the most effective way of achieving the best femininizing results. Realistically, I am not expecting much more in my breast development but would like to see more in my hips.
Even though I have not decided which direction I will take (depending on what she says) I am leaning towards the injections.
I guess vanity will probably get the best of me again.
On the CW television network, the "Charmed" show has added another transgender character.
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"Actress Mareya Salazar is about to bring some of her magic to Charmed. The trans actress is set to join The CW series in a recurring role for the reboot of the spellbinding series. The timing of the news couldn’t be any more perfect considering its Transgender Day of Visibility — and we love to see Salazar join the cast.
The casting marks the second transgender actor to join this season. In November, Deadline exclusively broke the news that JJ Hawkins joined the cast in the recurring role of Kevin, a transgender male college student who inspires one of the Charmed Ones to take on a very formidable opponent. With Salazar and Hawkins, Charmed continues to move the needle when it comes to bolstering authentic representation of the trans community."
Perhaps the day is coming we won't have to mention an actress is transgender at all. They will just become actors or actresses.
Image from UnSplash. I have always viewed my transgender journey as a series of upward steps. A few of the steps were short and easy to take...
