Inspiration

 

Hey! Are You Transgender?

 I don't ever try to hide the fact I am transgender. Very rarely is it a potential issue. 

On the other hand, I don't often out myself either. I am far from the dating scene of my past so it also isn't a major deal. My heart goes out to younger transgender women and men who have to negotiate the dating world. Ironically, it seems the better you present, the more difficulty you may have. Even to the point of placing yourself in danger if you are "discovered" by an unsuspected suitor. 

Last night though, I found myself in a situation I don't think I have ever found myself in. Back in the day, I was always surrounded by my cis women friends so I had never found myself in a situation with a man where I was outed. As an aside, I didn't ever feel as if I presented well enough to confuse the public totally on what gender I really was. I always assumed everyone knew I was trans and I was satisfied with all of that as long as I was treated with respect. 

For some reason last night, I went against my basic rule and accepted a friend request from a man. The reasons were  he was in a group I was in with similar political leanings and he was local. If worst came to worst I could always mention my very territorial partner of nine years or just block him. 

I didn't have to do either last night. Interestingly, his first comment was he was surprised to learn I was a woman. Obviously, he had not read my profile...yet. Because after I answered with I was fine with his surprise. He came right back with how cool it was when he found out I was transgender. Followed with how good my picture looked.

Fortunately, a simple thank you from me and he was gone. 

The whole deal brought back so many memories plus a realization I was fortunate to be in a relationship with a partner who accepts me for who I am.

Bibiana Fernandez

 From Wikipedia:

"She was born as Manuel Fernández Chica and spent her childhood in Málaga. Despite being born male, she decided to receive hormone treatment in adulthood.^[1] She completed her sex reassignment surgery in 1991 and changed her name to Bibiana in 1994.^[2]

After spending some time performing in various shows around Barcelona, she went on to make her film debut in Vicente Aranda's Cambio de Sexo (Sex Change).

With this movie she rose to stardom in Spain, appearing in several TV shows and releasing several hit songs such as "Call Me Lady Champagne" and "Sálvame".^[2]

In the 1980s she began working with film director Pedro Almodóvar and was cast in many of his movies. She also hosted different television shows while acting in more films."

Coming Up

 As we are firmly into the holiday season now for many of us, once again it is time to reflect back on the affects of the season on our gender preferences. 

For the longest time, I considered Halloween to be the major holiday of choice for cross dressers and novice transgender women. To be certain, it still is as far as coming out of the closet around select family and friends. 

Now though, I have been using the holidays to remember back over my past and the effects it had on my life. 

To make a couple long stories much shorter, coming up between now and Christmas, I plan on passing along several experiences I had along the way when I actually did pass as a feminine person and did my shopping. Also, how I now view the holidays as a bigger time for me than Halloween. Halloween provided me the spring board to thinking I "probably" could make it in public as a woman appearance wise. On the other hand, my holiday shopping adventures proved to me I could live life as a woman.

In essence both holidays provided an important process towards my development as a transgender woman. 

More will be coming later.

Carla Antonelli

" Carla Delgado Gómez is a Canarian-Spanish actress who uses the stage name Carla Antonelli. She is also a noted LGBT rights activist who maintains a large support website for transgender people, and a politician serving in the Madrid Assembly, the first trans person to serve in a legislature in Spain. Wikipedia "

No Running No Hiding

 Gender dysphoria always has been my most serious competitor.

It seems my entire life, I have tried to outrun it, just pausing for the brief periods when I was able to cross dress and/or pursue my feminine self constructively in public. 

Along the way, I frenetically changed jobs and even places I lived trying to outrun myself. On the positive side, I was able to experience many different cultures (in the Army) as well as several diverse locations in the continental United States such as the metro New York City area all the way to the Appalachian areas along the Ohio River in Southern Ohio. 

Fortunately, most of my job changes led to upward momentum in my career field I made very few lateral moves. Ironically, at the same time, I was refining my cross dressing to the point where I could almost present comfortably as a feminine person in public.

All of success of course did nothing to sooth my gender dysphoria. In fact, it made it worse. The more I succeeded, the more I wanted to. Increasingly, dysphoria was making my life more and more miserable as I struggled to keep my genders separate. I found myself consciously trying to walk like a woman when I was working as a macho man. Not a good idea.

Instead of giving in to the "dark side" and accepting my strong feminine side, I persisted which led me down the ugliest part of my life which should have been one of my happiest. My wife at the time knew I was cross dressing but never ever accepted me taking the next step and beginning hormone replacement therapy. Instead of doing the courageous thing and gracefully ending the relationship, I began to sneak out as a woman and try to lie about it. Through it all, I was and am a terrible liar and was in constant trouble. As I have written here before, my gender dysphoria ultimately led me to a very serious suicide attempt. 

From there I decided to retreat back to my male self and save the relationship. It worked, even though I was miserable. Tragically, I didn't have to wait long for my life to change. My wife suddenly passed away a year later. It was an extremely dark period in my life when I lost several other close friends also. 

Finally, I gave in to my feminine side and went back to cross dressing as much as I could. As I "gave in" to my natural self, I didn't have to run and hide anymore. What a relief. The more I learned about transgender humans, I knew I found what I had been looking for. I was tired of running.

Manuela Trasobares

 As a politician and trans woman, Manuela Trasobares  is the first Spanish transsexual town councilor in Geldo with the political party Acción Republicana Democrática Española (Spanish Democratic Republican Action).

Say What?

 Somewhere in the past I remember hearing that any publicity is good publicity. Most certainly the idea is not true when it comes to the transgender community. I was going to add the entire LGBT community into the idea but decided not to. After all most of them decide to ignore the trans part of the gay, lesbian and bisexual communities until they suddenly need us for something. In fact, I don't know how we began to be included in the first place. It probably came from the days when cross dressers and transgender women went to gay bars for "safety."

Then again, there are the lingering affects of the Jerry Springer type shows which did damage to an already fragile transgender image.

This quote which comes from "The Age" in Australia sums up to a differing degree what trans folks are facing now with the seemingly flood of new transgender stories:

"  We trans people are endlessly spoken about, as though we were children or animals rather than fully-fledged humans expert on our own lives. The ‘trans issue’ is reduced to what cisgender people feel about transness, leaving little room for trans knowledge and experience. This is similar to the centering of white people – at the expense of Indigenous and Black voices – that too often characterizes conversations about race. Again and again, discourse about marginalized communities remains dominated by the instigators of that marginality.

It’s not that cis people can’t be useful trans allies; cis folks can and do use their platforms to advocate for trans rights. This is valuable work. The problem comes when cis voices become a deafening chorus that drown out trans perspectives."

Ironically, other problems can occur when a transgender person becomes too comfortable and decides to for all intents and purposes goes stealth. Every voice in the chorus is needed to present the trans perspective.

After all, we worked so very hard to arrive at the place we are. 

Cyrsti's Condo Quote of the Day