Just My Imagination

A couple of days ago, my endocrinologist called me back with the results of my recent laboratory visit to have the vampires check my blood. 

To my surprise she told me my estradiol level had risen from the last time she prescribed me new patches from a low of "40" to "80" currently. 

Since I am very poor in asking relevant questions such as what should my levels be, I went to Google and received this answer:

"For transgender women, the Endocrine Society guidelines define the target range of estradiol as 100–200 pg/mL (367–734 pmol/L)¹; as many providers in our practice do not titrate therapy when estradiol levels are above 90 pg/mL (330 pmol/L), the range of 90–200 pg/mL (330–734 pmol/L) was used to define effective"

So, I guess because of those levels, she prescribed me adding one more patch I add to my body twice a week. I am prescribed (by the VA) Alora 1 mg patches. Each of the patches contains 3.1 mg of estradiol which is released over a 3 to 4 day period. I am fortunate I guess in that I haven't had any problems with the patches staying on. Because the next step would be me giving myself injections. I definitely have a problem with needles. 

Actually all these facts and figures are a way for me to understand the advanced gender transition I am going through. If the last time I received permission to increase my dosage is any indication, I can expect more changes again.

Of course the first time I added the extra patch, I imagined I felt an added fullness in my breasts and hip area. Realistically I know changes do occur over a period of time and not the first days. 

Plus I do know the risks of Hormone Replacement Therapy at my age. So does my Endo Doc I guess since wants to check my blood hormone levels in a month.

In the meantime, I will have to try to keep my imagination in check.  

Finally, statistics are showing nearly one in ten transgender individuals are using "underground" or un regulated hormones to aid their transition. Please be careful!

TDOR

 If you didn't know, "TDOR" stands for Transgender Day of Remembrance. The day set aside to remember all the tragic, senseless killings of transgender women and men around the world. 

Here is a statement from the day's founder:

"Transgender Day of Remembrance seeks to highlight the losses we face due to anti-transgender bigotry and violence. I am no stranger to the need to fight for our rights, and the right to simply exist is first and foremost. With so many seeking to erase transgender people -- sometimes in the most brutal ways possible -- it is vitally important that those we lose are remembered, and that we continue to fight for justice."
- Transgender Day of Remembrance founder Gwendolyn Ann Smith

It's always important to note also the great majority of transgender deaths in the U.S. are trans women of color. 

It's also important to remember on this day, we all have to be careful and do the basics to protect ourselves. 

The Aging Summit

 Three days of this week I was involved in watching and learning from the LGBT Aging Summit which was held virtually this year.

After I finally received the proper link to sign in, I had missed the keynote speech from an acquaintance of mine...a transgender woman of color. I did however after a fair amount of prodding, made it in for the next webinar on the current state of LGBT elderly residents when they come to the point of needing assisted care living. I wish I could write something positive about the prognosis but I can't. At least, here in Ohio, the current laws do nothing to protect elderly LGBT women and men from possible abuse. 

Imagine for a second if you were in a nursing home and a "well meaning" subordinate begins to show up in your room with a bible and explains she or he is giving you time to repent before it is too late. Or when you begin to be ostracized by the other residents. 

As you can tell, nothing in the webinar gave me much hope for the future except for the people involved who were involved in positive changes. 

The second webinar I "attended" was actually a viewing of the documentary "Gen Silent." It's actually a decade old now and includes looks at the lives of a transgender woman slowly dying of lung cancer, an elderly lesbian couple who describe the early days of navigating life together in Boston, as well as a gay couple which features one in an assisted living situation with dementia. 

By now, you understand the documentary didn't provide much joy and happiness for the future. Especially for me because my Dad passed on from dementia. It was hell.

Perhaps the biggest problem is, things haven't changed that much for the LGBT community over the past decade when it comes to aging. We need all the advocates we can get!

After watching "Gen Silent" I felt extremely blessed to be in a relationship with my partner Liz. The transgender woman who was passing away was sadly dying alone after being shunned by most of her family. 

If you decide to follow the link and watch "Gen Silent" you may want to have some tissues handy.

What Does Transgender Awareness Mean to You

 To many of us, this is largely a meaningless question. Since we consider ourselves to be transgender, often we are aware of it much of our waking hours. Plus some of our resting hours as we dream. 

If you are similar to me, you had to live through an all encompassing pressure to find a way to a lifestyle which led to a path to the authentic you.

Along the way, I led an existence which led to hiding, sneaking around and even a form of cheating on my wife which led me to attempt harm on myself. Ironically, the whole process led me to a public scorn on occasion which led all the way to laughter. 

Finally, I came to the conclusion the male lifestyle I was desperately was trying to hold on to just wasn't worth it any more.  

I guess you could say my transgender awareness had reached it's peak and I was able to begin my MtF gender transition. 

I might add too, I suffered from varying degrees of gender dysphoria which added to my transgender awareness. 

Possibly, with the continued influence of the internet and social media over the years, transgender awareness in the general public's eye has undergone a positive transformation.

I can use my home state of Ohio as an example. Our Republican conservative legislature is currently listening to testimony from both sides on an LGBT anti discrimination bill. After years and years, this is the farthest it has ever advanced. Hopefully it will make it this time.

Perhaps also, you can feel a bit of pride in knowing you have existed and made a life for yourself as a successful transgender woman.

If you are still in your closet, hopefully you can take your time, read how others did it and be able to slowly and successfully enter a feminine world. There are plenty of us out here who are great role models! Something else which has really changed over the years.

Finally, enjoy your awareness week!

Transgender Awareness Week

 From Indie Wire comes a look at what to watch during the Transgender Awareness Week:

"Start with Laverne Cox in "Disclosure" and work your way to Isabel Sandoval's "Lingua Franca" for an eclectic array of trans storytelling.

This year saw the release of several quality films and TV shows steeped in authenticity, joy, and a genuine grappling with the complexities of the trans experience. There’s no better time to visit these projects than during Transgender Awareness Week, a week of celebration that culminates with Transgender Day of Remembrance on November 20, which memorializes victims of transphobic violence."

This is quite the lengthy post and it can be viewed in it's entirety here.

Why Trans Women Try Harder

 Recently here in Cyrsti's Condo I wrote a post on why men are scared of women. This post is an extension of that idea. 

In society, in order to rise in the system in most any field, a cis woman has to prove she is better than her male counter parts. Much better in many fields. I know in the restaurant industry I worked in, women managers were common but they all had to bring a different skill set than men to succeed. An example would be how they dealt with kitchen crews which required extreme coercion on occasion all the way to toughness and team building. Over the years, I had a couple of women kitchen managers who were so tough no male crew member would challenge them.

During those years, as I watched them work, I wondered how much more difficult the same task would be for a transgender woman in the same occupation. The answer of course was the whole process would be difficult to the point of being impossible. As transgender women though, we are a tougher tribe than we give ourselves credit for. On a fairly regular basis we have to gather our big girl panties and stare down the bigoted public who refuses to give us credit for being women at all.  I remember years ago when I received a comment here I couldn't be a woman of any sorts because I couldn't give birth to a child. Of course that isn't true because of the number of cis women who can't have kids for whatever medical reason or women like my deceased wife who never wanted to have kids. 

Other obstacles we transgender women have to face as we attempt to succeed in society is the effect of testosterone poisoning on our exterior presentation. After puberty most of us face an uphill battle to overcome our size and proportions to look at all feminine. We have to become very adept at the art of makeup and fashion to succeed at all. In other words, we have to become better than the average cis woman to make it. Not to mention the commination/voice skills we have to acquire. 

That's why we have to try harder. 

Truth

 

Scared or Petrified?

 In response to Why Men are Scared of Women post, "Micelle" wrote in and commented:

"I believe you hit the nail squarely on the proverbial head when it comes to men. I once had some guy define women, especially wives as chattel.

Back in the earlier years, before the 1900's, women were often treated as mere servants to the master of the house. They had no opinion nor were allowed to become educated. Their sole purpose in life was to have children, cook clean and tend to the fields/herds.

Spring forward to today's society and you find that men are still trying to maintain that dominance over women. But unfortunately after WWII, when women maned the manufacturing plants and kept the economy going, men started to lose that dominance. Women became more than just homebound workers. Yes, men regained their place in industry but women learned how to manipulate the industries. They still held the administrative sections. Men tried desperately to maintain the breadwinner position but found that they needed women's earnings, more to help move up to the better life.

Now in today's society, women have gained many footholds into the workplace because so many men decided to leave them behind for greener grasses so to speak. Women found that they needed to keep their families going without men. Since 1960, females have maintained a 50.5% ratio in the population and if all indications are correct the female population will become the dominant gender in the world. Also with intersexed births on the rise(at least the ones that are reported) and trans women coming out to the world, many men, who try to be dominate, will have to realize that they are no longer in the driver's seat. Women have become stronger, smarter and more diverse in their standings in life"

Well put! Thanks!

.

Why Are Men Scared of Women?

 It's easier to say why are men so scared of transgender women but it goes so far past all of that. 

To begin with, many men have a frail grasp on their sexuality. Trans women represent the idea to men they may be gay. Plus, since we have spent time on their side of the gender spectrum, we may know more of the so called "tricks" they pull. The farther I transitioned, the more I wondered if I was as transparent in my dealings with women as men were being with me. I found out quite early in my transition how to "dumb" myself down if I was talking about a sports topic with a man. 

Men have a much narrower social structure than women. While women are building their lives around children they have and a man they love, men are building their lives around power structures such as money, sports etc.  All too often, a woman is looked upon as an acquisition of sorts. She must look nice in a car or on the back of a motorcycle. Then in mid life, women can be cast aside for a "new model."

Rather if it evident or not, men know women ultimately hold all the cards. Women have the children and potentially have the ability to live longer. Recently, more and more "glass" ceilings have been shattered. Including in previously male dominated areas such as sports. 

In baseball, the Marlins announced Kim Ng would be the first woman to lead a professional baseball team and more and more in football you are seeing female officials on the field. Then several years ago there was Patti Dawn Swansson, below the Canadian sports writer who transitioned on the job in Winnipeg (Thanks Bobbi). 

Unfortunately, many men are violent humans as cis women learn early in life which effects transgender women as we transition. Shielding ourselves from violent men is a priority when it comes to losing a big part of your male privilege. It's tragic when you consider all the trans lives which are lost each year due to senseless murders. Deep down, the men are threatened by the sexual control women, cis or transgender, have on them.

Finally, men at all levels of society have had to adjust to the push of women to succeed. Sowing the seeds of insecurity. With insecurity comes fear.