Easily one of the most talked about models of 2019, Brazilian-born Valentina Sampaio made history as Victoria's Secret's first-ever transgender model. Victoria's Secret aside, the 23-year-old has quite the CV, having previously been a spokeswoman for L'Oréal and appeared on the covers of ELLE U.S., Vanity Fair Italia and Vogue Brasil.
Halloween has become sort of a bittersweet day for me.
While I have all the pleasant (even thrilling) remembrances of Halloween's in the past, these days since I have been living all these years as a fulltime transgender woman, Halloween has become just another day. Plus, the covid virus has taken out any idea of having another annual witches ball this year, I can't even put together a costume for that.
Over the years though, I spent weeks (or longer) stressing on what I was going to wear on the one magical night a year I could go out and be myself. Typically I started with "streetwalker" drag and quickly advanced to a "professional woman" look. I wanted secretly to be viewed as a cis woman who showed up without a costume.
Naturally, all these efforts met with varyingly levels of success. I went from my high heels killing my feet, to being recognized by an old acquaintance because I looked like my Mom, all the way to being asked by a future Washington politician (and his date) to another Halloween party after the one we were at.
Then there was the first date I had with Liz when we went to a major witches ball in Cincinnati when I was dressed as a wench and enjoyed all the pirates and belly dancers.
As I seemingly close the door on Halloween this year though, I keep thinking there is always next year!
Several years ago, transgender model Talulah Eve Brown made LGBTQ history by becoming the first transgender woman to be named to "Britain's Top Model" contest.
Here she is in 2018:
The year was 2004 and somewhere in Burton upon Trent, Staffordshire, a troubled 13-year-old was saying a special prayer — a ritual repeated every night before going to sleep.
‘I used to look at the stars every night and pray “Please God, let me not grow too tall, so one day I can be a woman”.’
Today, the beautiful 26-year-old statuesque woman with feline eyes and forever legs feels she owes the cosmos a huge thank you.
‘I stopped growing at 5 ft 8 in,’ says Talulah-Eve. ‘A perfect height!’
Here she is today with her boyfriend. From the "Daily Mail TV"
From Elle Australia:
"Along with being a pioneering model, Leyna Bloom is an actress, dancer and activist for both the LGBTQI+ and black communities. Her modelling career started in 2014, and by 2017, she was one of the few openly transgender models in the industry, walking at New York Fashion Week. In the same year she also became the first openly transgender model of color to appear in editorial for Vogue India. Adding to her collection of 'firsts', in May 2019, her feature film debut in Port Authority at Cannes Film Festival marked the first time a trans woman of color held a leading role in a movie featured at a major film festival."
After writing yesterdays Cyrsti's Condo post which primarily dealt with the possibility of facing negative treatment when and if you are forced to enter an assisted living facility. I received feedback
In the meantime, yesterday afternoon, I attended a virtual meeting on the subject hosted by Equality Ohio and Rainbow Elderly Alliance of Dayton, Ohio. Essentially, what I found out was I wasn't alone in thinking about building a bridge to jump off of (when considering my future). Survey's taken have revealed the same concerns from a very large percentage of transgender individuals. I liked the surveys because they were careful to separate transgender women and men from the other segments of the LGB community. It turns out, many "gender expansive" (new term) individuals had been discriminated to the extent of even being denied equal health care and power of attorney's.
I wish I could provide you all with some sort of positive here but the only thing I can come up with is, certain groups are working to help us with education programs for assisted living facilities. The major problem is we, meaning the LGBT community, have few legal resources as far as the government goes. In many parts of the country. Which unfortunately will not change or even get worse with the latest Supreme Court appointment.
As Michelle wrote in and said: hopefully I will never get close to the bridge to jump off of (and have to enter an assisted living facility. )
And Susan Brooks added this comment : "Like you, I am a senior in the transgender community and I am concerned that I might have to return to the closet in my later years. Now that I have entered my 70s, those later years are much closer than I would prefer. I'm fortunate to live in an open minded region of a very closed minded state. So, elections, such as the one we're enduring right now, have consequences that definitely can hit home.
After the brief moments of remembering my past military experience, yesterday was also time to snap back to the present. After I went to a virtual transgender - cross dressers meeting last night, it seemed I spent the whole day on the laptop. Of course it included the time it took me to go through all my emails and the time it took to write a blog post.
Mixed in with all of that was a LGBTQ virtual webinar on aging issues I watched late last week. I came away from it with at least the sense others shared my concerns with conditions we face as we age. Specifically in assisted care facilities and/or nursing homes. Messages came in from political figures such as Sherrod Brown (Ohio Democratic Senator) and the Mayor of Dayton, Ohio. I also learned more about a group called "Sage" which presents seminars to assisted living groups.
I am also going to attend another seminar summit meeting today on nearly the same subjects. It's called a "Workshop for LGBT Elders and their Caregivers." Hopefully I will learn about any rights the elderly have may have.
As I say over and over again, I am so paranoiac about having to de-transition and go back in the closet as I face getting older. I am in a different place than many transgender individuals because I have chosen not to have any surgeries at all, plus no facial hair removal. Take me off my hormones (which is also a possibility) and I am stuck dealing again with the worst aspects of my gender dysphoria.
I am fortunate though I have a strong support group around me.
Through it all, I keep telling myself not to build a bridge to jump off of before I need to.
The group which is presenting me with a honor for my LGBTQ transgender military service so many years ago requested a picture if I could find one. It was so many years ago (1972-75) and was a time which I wasn't especially fond of having my picture taken anyhow, I doubted if I could find one.
I was sure I didn't have any pictures "just laying around" the house. Finally, I remembered a few of the former guys who served where I did on the American Forces Radio and Television Service - Thailand Network actually put together a website years ago. I began to wonder if I was in any of their pictures.
I went out on a limb and googled my deadname and AFTN and amazingly, there I was. Listed in a group picture of the entire crew of the military Udorn, Thailand radio/television station in September of 1972. I would have been approximately six months removed from basic training and the station itself was still fairly new. A year before, a battle damaged fighter jet had crashed into the old station killing all nine of the workers inside. So the surprise picture brought back many memories, many not so good.
At any rate, I have decided to share the photo on Cyrsti's Condo. I am on the bottom row, first person on the left. I worked all nights then and lived off base, so somehow I escaped not having to wear a uniform for the group. Ironically the only other military person shown here not in uniform was my close friend Dave Mallett.
With this group we operated and tried to maintain a 24/7 radio station and a 14 hour a day television station for the airbase and separate "secret" sites in Cambodia. Our job was to provide as well as we could a connection to home for the others we served.
I am humbled and honored to receive the award!
Hari Nef (below) is an American actress, model and writer. Nef made her runway debut at New York Fashion Week Spring 2015, walking for both Hood By Air and Eckhaus Latta. Nef is known for speaking about trans issues. She is the first openly transgender person to appear on the cover of a major British magazine.
Almost anyway you look at it, dealing with gender dysphoria creates quite a bit of tension because you are dealing with a middle gender of sorts. Awhile ago I was surprised when several members of the cross dresser - transgender group I was in ,expressed they had never experienced any gender dysphoria as they transitioned. I finally thought they were fortunate enough to have never been in the dreaded gender middle ground. Being gender dysphoric and never wanting to give up certain aspects of my male life, came close to totally destroying me. Leading ultimately to a very serious suicide attempt. Several years later, I was able to discover I could bring many of the so called male activities I enjoyed so much with me as I tried to complete my transition. I say "tried" because I feel I still am transitioning to this day.
As I always enjoy doing and when Connie sends along a comment which lends itself to a particular post, such as gender dysphoria. I like to share it. Here it is:
"As I sang in my comment the other day, You've got to ac-cen-tuate the positive E-lim-inate the negative The rest of the verse, though, may be more important here: Latch on to the affirmative Don't mess with Mister In-Between As trans women, there will always be that Mister In-Between who haunts us. We put on blinders to avoid seeing him, but we still are aware he's there. As much as I claim that I've transitioned to the point where I have integrated the better parts of my male-self with my female-self, I've really only managed to blur the line between the two - which is where Mister In-Between resides. He may emerge from the fog in different ways: His fat, stubby-fingered hands, his baritone voice, his scratchy face too long after a shave (not necessarily visible, but felt), his big head that connects to broad shoulders by a thick neck.
Or, it could even be a memory from some long-ago feat of manhood. While none of those things are desirable to my female-self, though, I have to remind myself that they did not necessarily define my past male-self, either. Not only do I compare myself to other women, I have often found myself looking at some men who may have more-feminine features, such as smaller hands with long and delicate fingers, a higher-pitched voice, or a smaller head connected to narrow shoulders by a long narrow neck. Yet, they go about their lives as men because they were born to be men. Although they may wish some things about themselves could be more masculine, they don't have the dysphoria that is Mister In-Between. Still, though I may be envious of their feminine features,
I would rather live with my dysphoria than to be a man - with feminine features or not. Don't mess with Mister In-Between, but don't let Mister In-Between mess with you, either."
Well put.
Paula from the UK. In response to yesterday's post "In the Passing Lane". Paula wrote in and commented: " I have often ...
