Females or Women?

El Rondo wrote in and commented on one of my older Cyrsti's Condo posts, from 2013. I thought it to be relevant enough to revisit:

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Females or Women?

Ever since I can remember, I have been fascinated with the feminine gender.  As with many of you, it's difficult to explain the deep, deep yearning I had to be a woman.  

Of course any success I have experienced in the transition process has been self taught and I wonder when I see genetic females who aren't women, I wonder why.

REALLY?

One of my pet gender ideas is "just because you are female, you aren't necessarily a woman." When I watch my daughter "interact and coach" my 13 year old granddaughter I understand why.  She is actively involved in how she stands, dresses and even does traditional feminine past times such as baking.  I'm dazzled when Ms 13 year old Math and Science wizard bakes.

On the other hand, I just don't grasp how so many females have no idea or will power to be women.  Then again, a dear friend who passed away some time ago told me it seemed to her so many women weren't teaching their daughters to be...women.

So maybe that's it. Where I live, we have an extremely high teen maternity rate. I know the stats reflect more than kids having kids and young females just being "baby makers". Self esteem and family conditions play into their lives too.

None of that takes away from the fact I don't understand why these females so easily toss chances to be women away.  Especially when I know so many transgender women who can't wait to get out of the closet and have their day in the sun.

Another Week "In the Books"

At my age, the weeks increasingly fly by, as if they know I have fewer and fewer remaining. At least last week, I got my money's worth.

During the week, I had one support group meeting, one therapist visit, one doctors appointment and one night out.

What did I learn? Many trans people still are miserable to the point of attempting to bring others down with them, the VA still thinks they want my blood (even though they didn't this time) and the drive North to be seen by my Doc's is getting increasingly long and more boring.

On the "knock on wood" news from last week, the laptop seemingly is hanging in there, the flood waters from the Ohio River have retreated and we can take all our usual routes to where we have to go.

On the negative side, I experienced a transphobic slur on one of our trans karaoke singers. It's been awhile since I have encountered such a jerk. Our group was smaller than usual because of a local HRC  fundraiser. If some of our other rather outspoken participants had been there, the results of his mouth may have been different. Plus, I am not sure the trans singer even ever heard him because the singing area was so far away.

Speaking of hearing, I have another hearing check up close by at the Veterans Administration clinic. It's the day I pay my dues for listening to all the heavy rock I used to be addicted to.

Past the hearing test, the week is shaping up to be rather quiet. Or, maybe then again, I won't be able to hear it.

Trans Dar?

Our Friday night out came and went without any world beating changes.

The only points of interest came when another of the transgender women took it upon herself to critique my appearance from the support group to last night's "social" night out. Obviously, it was unsolicited. I was good and didn't ask if that was the only dress she had, since she has worn it the last three times I saw her. Sometimes it isn't so much fun being good!

Picture from my first "cis girls" out night.

Also of interest was the tall blond woman who walked in in the low cut dress. My trans-dar was immediately set off... but if she was trans, she had a wonderful singing voice singing karaoke. Liz though, noticed her very big hands, and was strongly thinking she was.

There was one potentially transphobic comment when one of our transgender members got up to sing and someone yelled "Show us what you got!"  What a jerk!!!

Other than those three happenings, the night was very enjoyable!

Another Day of Errands?

Yes, very much so. Today I usually go to Liz's karate class and from there, we normally stop two or three places to shop for necessities.

This is the spot I need to mention Paula Goodwin's comment about becoming the woman I was destined to become, not who I look like. Becoming an everyday woman has become a distinct reality for me for some time now.

That is not to say, I don't have my fun getting dressed up on occasion but now it is such a small part of me. The bigger part (as we approach the Transgender Day of Visibility around here) is making sure I present femininely correctly to the civilian community. Now particularly is not the time to be a bitch un-needlessly.

How do I do this? For one I dress to blend and wear a smile as my number one accessory. My problem is it's been so long since I have encountered any problems at all, I have to work to always keep up a semblance of a guard  So, as Mtf transitions go, I am still thinking I am on the path to stealth without ever thinking about it. Then again, I think I have such a long way to go with my voice and mannerisms, there is no way I will ever be able to go totally stealth.

Plus, there is the ever present paranoia of what will happen if I ever have to go into a nursing home. A long way (I hope) from worrying what I am going to wear to the grocery store and if  I should wear my hair back or not.

Decisions...decisions.

Building Walls

It turns out, we received quite a bit of quality mail concerning our Cyrsti's Condo post about the walls we have to climb as we transition as transgender women and trans men.

The first from Marcia:

"MarciaMarch 1, 2018 at 1:42 PM

Wish I lived close to you (I don't-I live in Portland, OR). I think this is a great topic-especially the walls part. Have you considered taping your presentation and making it available via You Tube or the like?"

That is a great idea! In fact, I have been considering adding a pod cast to the blog for a long time and most certainly I think Liz could tape the workshop. Thanks!

And, a unique look from Connie:

"FABULOUSCONNIEDEEMarch 1, 2018 at 5:00 PM

Your mention of levels and walls reminds me of my daughter's mastery, a number of years ago, of the Mario Brothers video game. I remember so well how I spent all night trying to figure the game out before giving her the Nintendo, thinking I would certainly need to show her how to play the game Christmas morning. Of course, while it took me all night to figure how to get through the first level, she was through the third level before the day was over. I was the one who learned from her that some walls need to be jumped, some crashed through, and some climbed. Between the walls are things you must learn to avoid, as well as others you can use to your advantage to take you to the next level.

My twisted mind makes parody of things, usually through analogy and metaphor. I re-imagined the game as "Mario Sisters," with the object of the game being the transition to finally becoming the Princess, rather than saving her. Revisiting that idea, now, has me thinking that my own becoming of the princess was, at the same time, saving myself."

I love it! Thanks :)

Finally, from Paula Goodwin:
"Paula GoodwinMarch 2, 2018 at 10:18 AM

This sounds like a very interesting idea, I would certainly be interested in hearing your thoughts on Walls, so next time you are in London.......

Thinking about my own transition it has certainly gone in stages as I negotiate individual walls. I have tried to only think about the next decision ~ or to negotiate the wall in front of me. i.e. "am I trans or do I just like dressing up?" "Should I go full time?" "How do I tell people?", once all that was in the past and I was starting to live my own life I then had to work out what sort of a woman I am, more than what I want to wear! Then I would start to think about should I go on HRT; now I have to decide about GRS!

I think for many of us there is an idea that just doing that one thing will solve all our problems, whether that one thing involves surgery, drugs, or clothing; and the answer is usually that it doesn't! We do that one thing and then hit the wall, we can look forward so much to climbing over that wall, that it is all we can focus on, then when we get to the other side we find that not everything is solved, we still have issues to deal with, not all our problems are solved.

I remember seeing a video during my Disability Awareness training, "Will the real Glynn Vernon Stand up!" Glynn Vernon was at the time vice-chair of Scope he had sever Cerebral Palsy was a wheel chair user and used an interpreter to communicate. He started his video with the line
"My name's Glynn Vernon, I have two problems, not enough money and not enough sex""

I love the part about working out what "sort of woman" I am...much more than what I wear! And yes Paula, I would love to make it to London some day. Almost made it when I was in the Army, but the tour was cancelled due to an IRA bombing (dammit!)

I think I will use the "love" word once again to describe how much these comments meant to me!

Time Marches On.

As I was talking to my therapist yesterday, and brought up how quickly the Trans Ohio Symposium was approaching, I said it seems like it was only yesterday when I applied for my workshop.

She asked if Liz (my partner) was going again and I said most certainly. She even takes a couple extra days off around the week-end and makes it a mini vacation. Then she asked me what my workshop would entail.  As I have pointed out here in Cyrsti's Condo, I plan on speaking on "survivor" mechanisms for transgender women and trans men as we make our way through life. Such as cross dressing.

Oldest known picture.

I also plan to attack the "I'm more trans than you fallacy" as well as levels of transition.

Now though, after my latest support meeting, I'm thinking of adding "hitting walls" into my workshop. After, the so called self appointed "social director" of the group was not her usually "bubbly"self. Personally, I think she has hit a wall. She is just starting HRT (hormone replacement therapy) has divorced her wife and spends nearly every night out with a close knit group of trans women and/or cross dressers. As I have often said,  sooner more than later, we all find out that being transgender women is more like being cis women in the world. All the pretty clothes can't make you happy all of the time. Life goes on, and yes sometimes it does become rather mundane.

Plus, after you climb one wall, you have to rest and decide when and if you are going to climb the next one. Which invariably could lead you to genital realignment surgery, if you desire it enough. Even SRS though, seemingly hasn't satisfied some of the trans women I have known over the years.

I just may be adding "walls" to my workshop! 

Back Home Again

Well, a couple of my busy days have come and gone now. Both trips to the Dayton, Ohio VA Hospital. Which is a two hundred mile round trip.

Both concluded with some bits of good news. First and foremost, my old car made the trips without incident (knock on my wooden head), and second, my blood iron levels were in line and I didn't have to subject myself to my least fave clinician to get abused again. Verbally by mis pronouning me, and or screwing up the whole process of getting my blood to come out. I hold her responsible, because the others I have had there have been so good.

Today, my visit to the therapist was less than normal time wise, because she was getting sick. So, we mainly talked about my decision to "volunteer" to do more outreach work with the transgender - cross dresser support group I am a member of here in Cincinnati. I was feeling a small amount of guilt because since I am retired, I could go in the daytime and help out. I had to laugh a bit when she asked if volunteering was a good idea for me. I have questioned it quite a bit too but have come to the conclusion, why not?

I most certainly don't have a problem with talking to groups and already have an outline of presentations I have used for my Trans Ohio Symposium workshops, and others.

My therapist is even thinking about going to the "providers" day presentations at Trans Ohio this year.

As far as what I wore, the only major change was the last couple of days, I wore my hair tied back. Which turned out to be a good move since it turned out to be very windy and warm one of the days.

So all is good!

Alone on an Island

On the rare occasions anymore when I get the question on how it is to be transgender, I reply, it used to be like being alone on an island.

Back in the day, in the pre internet dark ages, it was really the case. I know I felt so alone. I just had to be the only boy ever who wanted to cross dress and be a girl. Slowly but surely though, I found out other boys wanted to be Shirley too. When I discovered Virginia Prince (right) and the term transvestite.

One of the first "facts" I discovered was most transvestites were not gay. Much to my relief at the time. Little did I know, I was just not having sexuality issues, just gender ones.

At any rate, as soon as I could... when I got out of the Army, I paid for a subscription to "Transvestia Magazine." From the magazine I learned of an actual chapter within driving distance of me in Cleveland, Ohio. From there, I set out to actually meet other inhabitants of my island which I discovered wasn't so uninhabited after all. Plus I learned not all were so called heterosexuals either.

From the group in the days before transgender was even a popular term, I discovered there was a real cross section of inhabitants on my island. I met everyone from cross dressing bitches to guys in dresses smoking cigars. But most intriguing to me were the very few participants who just seemed so feminine and natural. It seemed, they had found their true calling in life as women. I often wondered at the time if I could (or would) ever be able to explore such a path.

The more I did explore, the more I found my little island wasn't so little anymore, and was full of very interesting critters.

Along the way, the search led me to more than a few twists and turns. Plus life turned out to be exceedingly difficult at times, but never boring. I came to like my island!

Sunday Final

Well, another week has come and gone, all too quickly.

On the positive side, I gained back my old friend, my lap top computer, I use to write with. Plus, I need to stop procrastinating and back up all my writing stored on the computer. One of these days, I am going to get serious and start in earnest my second book. The first one disappeared from Amazon when the company which published it went out of business.

This year, (knock on wood), I am in a tad bit of

Friday Night Get Together last month with Liz (left) and Jill
(Right)

a better financial situation, so I hopefully can afford to buy some help with the book this time. To be sure, I won't know how to act...or write!

Also, this week, saw another trip to my transgender veteran support group, lots of rain around here and yet another break down of one of our old cars. The car has been repaired and is ready to go, for awhile. Such is life.

The fashion news here in Cyrsti's Condo revolved around the wearing of straight legged jeans. Some, I know some would not consider jeans very exciting, but for those of us who live a full time feminine trans life, jeans are a staple of our existence. Just like any cis woman.

Nationally, of course, our collective hearts were ripped out again by a senseless  tragic school shooting in Florida. The words sound hollow, but maybe this time, change will be fueled by a youthful backed movement. Not unlike the one which got us out of the ridiculous Vietnam War.

So it seems like anymore, there are no more non eventful weeks in this country. We all seem to be taking a deep breath as we wait for something else to happen. A serious problem with our lack of leadership.

All of a sudden, straight legged jeans seem very mundane.