Transgender Actress?

When will we come to the point when there is no such thing as a "transgender" actress? Take actress Hari Nef for example. When will she become just an "actress?"

Hari Nef

It's no different in calling Denzel Washington a "Black" actor after all, or Ellen a lesbian comic.

I suppose it's no different for all our new transgender politicians. The fact of the matter is, they won their elections not because they were trans, but because they spoke to the issues.

I know I am biased and impatient, but the time is upon society as a whole to accept us for who we are...human beings.

It's All Fun and Games Until:

As I go back through the 5200 plus Cyrsti's Condo's archive posts, I normally come across several points to consider.

Perhaps the most important one today was the fact how wonderfully new and exciting the transition from cross dresser to transgender woman was.

Circa 2011

So many years later, sometimes I miss the "good old days" when a trip to the mall included seeking out as many mirrors as I could to catch a glimpse of the "beautiful" creature I had become. These days, all mirrors have become more utilitarian.

It's all good though, for the most part, even though I have lost almost all the childlike wonder of this adventure, settling into a new life is amazing in itself. How many other people can say they have had the chance to start over in a new life?

The Moving Parts of a Trans Woman

This post is actually a Cyrsti's Condo "archive post" from 2013:

Disclaimer! I shop for two things I use to ship my Etsy and Ebay items from a certain leading big box store which I feel has done more to destroy the inner fabric of America than any other.  I refer to them as the "Nazi's" and I buy regionally produced cardboard boxes at literally pennies on the dollar and Scotch Tape. I literally can't find what I need anywhere else and even I can't resist the price.

This morning as I went to the shipping section at the Nazi's (Walmart), I had a rare chance to see two women in my town at the same time who made the almost "beautiful" category.  First of all, I am and have been a "student" of women. I have said and written many times on how long it took me to figure out why I didn't have a sexual attraction to genetic females per se' but wanted so badly to be one. To have the hair flowing in the breeze, to be able to fill out a tight pair of jeans or shirt without padding.

This morning I mentally stopped to consider the many moving parts a woman has to contend with and how I was checking them down in my mind- and finally how did all of this relate to me a transgender woman on HRT.

Obviously, I don't live in Hollywood or down in Miami where all the very beautiful people are. Actually, I don't fare too badly with the lot of genetic women around here who do nothing for themselves physically. So I don't know if that is good or bad.

Plus a woman's look is like a poker hand. You hold some good cards like breasts, hair or legs but lose the hand in other areas like face or proportion.  If you care, naturally you try to build up the positives and bluff the opponent into thinking you have the winning hand.

You know I have heard seemingly 16 zillion times from my genetic women friends "welcome to our world".  I know it's all in good fun but sometimes I don't think they realize I'm a "A"  student of their world and loving to finally get some on the job training.

A big part of the training is knowing "parts is not parts" when you are talking about a woman.  Any sort of skill I can acquire in the big picture furthers the success of my "moving parts".

Flattered

Last night quite unexpectedly, I received a call from a close friend of mine. As it turned out, after exchanging pleasantries, he blurted out his brother had came out as transgender to the shock of many in his family.

He simply asked if I would talk to his new sister if she wanted. Of course I said yes and I began to pass along some ideas. For example I asked how much his sister has been physically out in public and what did the majority of the family think. Whatever the case, it does take a certain amount of the people time to process the change and quite frankly, some may never will.

But, first and foremost I told him to tell her to get in contact with any local LGBT resources (if there were any.) From there she could discover any support groups if needed. From there, we went on to talk about the actual act of a MtF gender transition and how most all of us take a quite similar but different path. Plus, one of the more concise definition of a trans coming out was recently passed along to us by Paula, which would have been nice to quote had I read it yet. I still might if she contacts me! Here is the quote:

"Paula GoodwinNovember 27, 2017 at 7:00 AM

I have often observed that coming out is a process not an event, in a similar way I now coming to believe that Transitioning is a life not a process. I am constantly finding new things about my chosen life, not simply the physical changes but in many ways the mental and social changes are more dramatic.

I am now looking forward to the rest of my life and all the changes expected and unexpected."

Thanks Paula, I agree once you think you have experienced all the changes, an unexpected one comes along. I equate the process to my very early cross dressing days when I was trying to negotiate a new pair of high heeled pumps in a mall. My new found "gracefulness" became bruised and battered when one of my heels became stuck in a sidewalk crack. Lesson learned, the hard way.

At any rate, I hoped the conversation did my friend some good. I was flattered and humbled he chose me to talk to.

Transition by Definition?

Several years ago, we ran a post here in Cyrsti's Condo called Beyond Transition. At that time I mentioned I had a few more thoughts to share on the matter.  I was curious to see how many (if any) of my ideas had changed over the years:

"Beyond Transition" is a huge idea to be sure. I look at transition as a passage from point "a" to point "b".  When I look at the transgender community as a whole, does anyone ever really get to point "b"? My only point of reference is when I'm out with friends and I lose any sense of gender. I simply just am who I am. Have I transitioned, am I done? Am I the same as a transsexual woman who has gone through SRS and lives her life with no fanfare down your street? Could be...or not.

Although I have not had the surgeries the trans woman down the street has had, would her transition qualify as being more complete?  Probably not. In essence if either of us is facing taking estrogen till the day we die, we are still transitioning.  Perhaps the only defining separation is one of us is determined to talk about our life to hopefully lend some guidance to others - the other not and that's fine too.

On the other hand transitioning does imply a certain series of events.  The external move from gender "a" to "b" is very clear. You decide you need to change to live, you begin to socialize yourself in your non birth gender, you decide you want to ingest chemicals into your body to further the process and you go "under the knife" to complete any physical changes you may deem necessary. This black and white process looks very good on paper and especially works well with a male mind but often runs into problems with the mental processes.

In my case, some would assume I already have the problems with my mental processes, so it's been damn difficult on occasion to sort out what is coming from where.  An example is years ago on my first visit to a "gender therapist", she asked if I had any problems with my cross dressing. I said no but I did have problems on the effect it was having on my marriage.  To make a long expensive story short, the only good result of the visits was that she diagnosed me with a very clear bi-polar disorder.

So I guess MtF transitioning is in the mind of the beholder.  The TS woman down the street may be "snug as a bug in the rug" in her stealth life.  On the other hand, I don't think I have ever been snug at anything. If the river is calm, bring me a boat to rock to see if I can tip it in my heels. Plus I hope I never lose the wonder of where this life has taken me.

Years ago when Uncle Sam let me go after three glorious years, I was discharged at Ft. Dix in New Jersey where my car was waiting from Germany.  I threw my duffel bag in the back seat of my 1973 VW Beetle and headed home to Ohio.  The next morning was clear, blue and beautiful when I got onto the Pennsylvania turnpike.  Just for a split second at a toll booth on a hill and had a chance to look at the road in the valley ahead. What a rush of freedom it was!  I thought I would never have a chance to reclaim that moment again but guess what - I'm close. Never say never.

So I guess my transition will only end when I depart this life and I look back and think how crazy it was that being transgender was so earth shattering. I will get back to you on that!

Transgender Transition's Slippery Slope

I have been going back to 2013 and examining my old posts here in Cyrsti's Condo from the period.

The theme which seems to come through loud and clear, is 2013 was the time I was living an estimated two to three days a week as a cross dresser and thinking seriously of going 24/7. Of course the ramifications were huge.

Back in those days, I had three friends who ended up supporting me and they indirectly pushed me along. I did feel as if I was sliding down a slippery gender slope to a transgender life.

The difference to me from crossing the frontier from cross dresser to transgender woman was simply one of acceptance.

At the time, comments to the blog hinted I was no more than a full time cross dresser, since I had not always considered I was trans. It is a good argument, except when you consider I was easily into my 40's when the transgender term/life was even being explored for the first time. Also I need to point out I was running as fast as I could from the concept in my high heeled shoes.

Leaving my safe male background and all it represented was indeed a scary proposition.

The turning point? No matter how far or fast I was slipping down the slope towards the point of no return, the more natural I felt.

As it turned out, the fear of the fall was far worse than the landing. Little did I know I was headed towards a happiness I felt I would never know.

Yay or Nay

This archive post goes back a couple of years here in Cyrsti's Condo but it is still relevant for me today:

"Back in the day" when I was cross dressing and beginning to explore the feminine world, I constantly thought would I - could I ever "go full time."  Obviously (for any number of reasons) I took my time almost to the point of suicide. 

During that period of time a couple things stood out in my mind. One of which was a "documentary" of sorts about a person who was shown picking out a wardrobe ahead of her trip to Thailand for her SRS.  Afterwards, the story skipped ahead to a welcome home party of sorts to her home town. I thought at the time, wasn't that all a bit too easy? What did walking around in her new "little black dress" at the party have to do with her reestablishing a new life?

Then, there was the guy who went through sex reassignment surgery, lived as a woman for a few years and wanted no part of it. I remember thinking Wow - shouldn't a person be sure? Would I ever be? What if I went the distance and could never go back.

Well, I have never "gone the distance" as far as SRS was concerned and at the age of 66, I wonder about the health concerns of doing so. As it turned out, I learned the hard way what was between my ears defined me. Not what is between my legs.

I'm no expert but, over the years people have asked me what questions (and answers) which brought me to where I am today.  My best advice is very simple. There are two ways NOT to find out if you can OR if you want to live as a trans woman. No matter how much time anybody says you should live a feminine life, that does not mean walking the mall day after day or hanging out in gay venues. It means doing decidedly unfeminine things (which women have to do) like going to an auto parts store-etc. 

Plus, recently, Connie and I have have been discussing another level of acceptance in the world-as yourself as a transgender woman. In nearly polar opposites in the country we both became members of "Meet Up" Groups. In doing so, we have discovered total strangers like us for our feminine selves. Not a small deal of course. 

So, of course, if one rushes into this gender change thing at any age, it's tough. It just could be tougher the older you get and the extra baggage (not under my eyes!) which comes with age. I can only say, as I MtF transitioned, I knew without a shadow of a doubt I was doing the right thing. I can also understand why many would call me all too timid also!!!"

It's Time

It's been a week or two since my "trans-dar" has gone off at the regular mega grocery store we shop at.

I have grown accustomed to seeing a highly possible transgender woman spotting. After seeing a few dressed in heels and hose, the most recent trans women (I think) were dressed more to blend. With jeans, tennis shoes and or boots.

I also try now to at least position myself to smile and speak, if I am not off in my own little world (it's a nice place!) I also figure it's a good bet I will run into them again. Seeing as how many times we visit the same store.

It's almost time to start planning too for Liz and I's New Years Eve gala. As I have written before, the evening is extra special because it marks the anniversary of when I began my MtF transgender transition in earnest by starting HRT. Connie, leave "Earnest" out of it! :)

I am thinking of wearing my black, brown and gold ruffled sleeveless top with my black dress gaucho pants. Like any trans woman, I enjoy getting dressed up for an occasion!

Since now we have passed Thanksgiving and Christmas isn't far away, it's almost time for New Years Eve!

We Go International

One of the amazing things to me about the"world wide web" is how global it is. I suppose I'm not alone in my generation.

Our Cyrsti's Condo post concerning my politics getting me blocked by an irate "trans" woman on FB. My point simply was, I didn't understand how any transgender person can support an administration who does it best to deny the trans community any rights. In fact, doing it's best to take them away. Somehow, questioning her "transness" came into play and we were done.

I also lamented the current highly charged political atmosphere stopping any political "discussions."

It turns out, the case is the same in Australia, from Jeni:
" Jeni SkunkNovember 24, 2017 at 6:12 PM

You are most definitely NOT alone in being unable to support an anti-LGBT political leader.

With number 45 though, the situation is far more awkward.
Number 45 is not Religiously rabidly anti-LGBT.
But its follow-up replacements are.
Pence and Ryan.
So the problem is how to keep number 45 in, to keep Pence and Ryan out, whilst minimising the damage actively being caused by number 45.

In their Religious zealotry, Pence and Ryan would trample anti-discrimination into oblivion, and happily turn the USA into a theocratic state.
Short of an absolute dictatorship, the worst of all worlds.

And don't assume that here where I am is much better.
Australian anti-discrimination law, at all levels of Govt, is littered Religious Exemptions applying, so the Religions do not have to comply with anything that goes in opposition to their Beliefs or Faith.
This includes employing women, sacking LGBT, refusing services, ect.
Basically those exemptions form a nicely detailed "How say F__K YOU to the Law, and Actively Discriminate, AND Get Away With It".

And from the U.K. and Paula:
"Paula GoodwinNovember 25, 2017 at 8:33 AM

To me being called a leftist is a compliment!

I am concerned that over here in the UK we seem to be developing the same problem you have with an ever widening divide in politics. It feels impossible to have a rational political discussion with somebody with a different stand point and remain friends, very sad!"

Thanks again Ladies, finally I wanted to point out this person who blocked me was only an acquaintance. I have a dear friend who balances my political views with her own and we manage to coexist!