Putting Your Best Foot Forward

Stana from the Femulate blog recently wrote an interesting and extremely thought provoking post about transgender women who complain about being laughed at in public.

She (Stana) placed the blame squarely on the shoulders of the trans person trying unsuccessfully to present in their desired gender. While some of that is unfair given the extremely un-level playing field we play with as far as looks are concerned, much of it is true.

To start with, I think presentation and/or passing are wrong terms. Better yet would be "blending." Let me give you an example. At the huge grocery store we shop at, I have seen a trans woman or cross dresser outfitted in a denim mini skirt in winter and on the other end of the spectrum, one dressed to the"nines" in heels and hose. Both stuck out like sore thumbs and set off my "trans-dar"immediately.

I think some just say what the hell with their appearance and I agree with Stana, shouldn't complain too much when they get busted. I used to write about the amount of emphasis I put in to skin care and weight loss as I transitioned.

No one should argue how much work it takes to undertake a Mtf gender transition and how most of us have had to grow a tough skin along the way.

While it is true the great majority of us are not and will never be blessed with Stana's looks, we have to fall back on what cis-women do...work on our positives.

Beware of the mirror lying to you and don't be afraid of going back to the drawing board! Confidence breeds success and specifically the cis women in public will know it.

In Good Company

Both Pat and Connie commented on recent blog posts concerning the seeming "normalcy" of being transgender within the general public.

Of course, much of that has to do with where you live. I have written many times, I live close to the "demarcation" point of overall acceptance where I live on the East side of Cincinnati. Head east into the next neighboring county and you find hotbeds of Evangelical Trumpers waiting to condemn.

It speaks volumes though, to the amount of people anymore who really don't care or pay attention to the average transgender person on the street.

For those of us who do, Liz and I have seen at least five trans men and women working in the area where we live over the past several months. As Pat has noted many times here in Cyrsti's Condo, familiarity breeds knowledge with most transgender women and men. Sometimes it even goes as far as celebrity status.

I have a very close friend (going back many years) who has invited Liz and I to her fall "bon-fire" party in a couple of weeks. She is a great example of acceptance which I appreciate mightily. We are going to really try to make the hour and a half trip north to the party to see her and her husband and perhaps meet some new friends.

New friends mean a wider circle of people (mostly religious) who can say they (at the least) have met a trans person. They find I have had all my shots and don't bite. Plus I will have a chance to see a great friend again!

Yes, normalcy and/or ordinary is good when you are LGBT, sometimes though it is hard to accept it when you experience it.

An Ordinary Transgender Life?

If you are not aware, Connie has been around since the inception of Cyrsti's Condo, some seven years ago and in fact, urged me to write a blog. So, she is in a great spot to send in this comment:

"Your last two posts show your trans life to be extraordinarily ordinary. That's great! We'll always be trans women, but day to day living should not have to be centered on the "trans" part of it. It's a long way to have come since those days when being trans was almost an obsession, don't you think?"

I do think you are right and in some senses, can't believe it is true!

An example was this weekend when Liz and I went to one of a zillion fall festivals happening around here and "happened" to see at least two other transgender persons, one woman...one man. 

It was a great sign that "ordinary" is good!!!!

Thanks Connie. 

A Fantastic Trans Woman!

More on the Oscar nominated movie we posted about here in Cyrsti's Condo from Laurel:

"I agree - it is great film and Daniela Vega is impressive in the role. The character she plays shows great forebearance in the face of monumental intolerance. I went to see it twice with different friends from the cisgender community. They say that they came away with a better understanding of the problems faced by the transgender person.

The large general audience sat in silence through the film and cheered just once when Marina finally reacts to the bigotry. Daniela Vega does her own singing and the final scene is hauntingly beautiful.

Do go and see it and take some friends!"

Will do!!! Thanks Laurel :)

Oscar Time?

Daniela Vega, 28, stars in Sebastian Lelio's A Fantastic Woman. She plays Marina, a transgender woman whose partner (Francisco Reyes) dies, after which Marina is subjected to harsh treatment by the family of her deceased lover and by police investing the death.

Chile has selected the film as its Academy Awards submission this year and Variety called her performance "a multi-layered, emotionally polymorphous feat of acting," that deserves "so much more than political praise." While several transgender musicians have been nominated for awards, Vega is the first trans actress to be nominated.

But the bigger spotlight may be on whether Vega's breakout performance — one of stirring strength and compassion — could make Oscar history. 

Busy...Busy...Busy!

In addition to the busy week I have had, the weekend looks just as promising.

Tonight (Friday) we have a circle meetup with the Wiccan group Liz and I are a part of and interesting enough, another transgender woman may attend for the first time. Since we normally only have about ten to twelve people attend, having two trans women there would be special!

Then, tomorrow, we travel the hour or so trip up to Dayton, Ohio for a Pagan Pride festival. We are mainly going to plug our Cincinnati Witches Ball in October and sell a few T-shirts. However, I am supposed to meet my daughter and her friend there, which should be a great time.

It's times like these, I am fortunate to be secure enough in my presentation to not have to worry about it!

Running LGBT Errands

Yesterday was one of those days where it seemed like all I got done was a list of "do's."

Arranged into all my stops was a visit with my therapist, which went predictably as planned. Except,I had this deep down feeling of well being before I went into to meet her.

I guess it was easy, considering never in my wildest dreams, did I ever think I would be able to transition so far in this transgender life I have decided to live. Here I was in a waiting room basically full of women waiting for others with an appointment and no one gave me a side glance. I knew I was doing something right at the VA. (Veterans Administration).

Plus on a higher level, seeing all the vets in wheelchairs (many with limbs missing) made me feel grateful to be in one piece.

Other than that, for some reason, the woman who runs the Starbucks coffee place in the hospital, treated me like it was old home day. Most of the time, she basically takes my order and ignores me, so I don't know what that was all about. She said she hadn't seen me in a while and I could only say I was doing better with all my medical conditions. I didn't say coming to the hospital just to hang out was not my idea of a fun time.

I also had to stop by the attorney's office to make a payment on a bill and tell them I was working on picking up a death certificate. (Which I finally found which county had it.) Both receptionists were more than nice.

Finally, I have to keep telling myself, to most people I run into at least must consider me a respite of sorts from the boring public they deal with.

Which is different and fun!

LGBT Transgender Astronomy

If women are from Venus and men from Mars, where are transgender women and trans men from?
Perhaps we are the "earthlings"? Think of the possibilities and the challenges.

No matter if you put a dress on once a week or you've fully transitioned, we earthlings are a unique tribe. We suffer the same problems as Venus and Mars, and quarrel about them in similar ways. After all, the gravitational pulls of the other two
planets tug on us daily.

We are uniquely flamboyant or conservative in our dress and mannerisms as we struggle on our planet. The problem with our planet is that we have opened "Pandora's Box" and we can't close it. All the different glittering gifts in the box fascinate! Those gifts send us down different paths we don't understand our self.

Imagine what that must be like for the inhabitants of the other two planets? From downright hatred and violence to curiosity and acceptance-we get it all!
What's an "earthling" to do?

We hash and rehash our lives here to each other. In many cases we are all we have to communicate the pain and the joy of our planet. All of this it's helps us to become stronger.

We need to believe in our tribe and embrace it's diversity! We have lived in the other two camps. If in the smallest way you can use that knowledge, you are one of God's chosen creatures. What ever God you believe in.

Communicating with the two other genders is a rare gift. Learning it and using it is the challenge. Accepting the challenge and being successful will make our planet a much better place to live!!!!

A Cyrsti's Condo "archive post!"

It's Nine- Eleven

With all the natural disasters  plaguing our country right now, it is easy to forget many of the unnatural ones such as the "Nine-Eleven" terrorist attack. Here is to remembering the victims of such a brutal attack and their remaining families!

On a brighter side, I wanted to write some original content again and re-continue my archive posts at a later date. They are great to use when I really don't have any thing to write about or any comments to feature.

The older posts also have a tendency to demonstrate what I call "a transgender transition within another Mtf transition." My earlier blog posts have a tendency to feature how  I looked versus how I acted.

 Of course, as I transitioned into full time, much of that had to change. It is hard to explain, but as with any cis woman, you have to look at how you look all the time versus just a couple days a week and the choice of becoming the woman of your dreams. She just may not be your original or fantasy choice, but those ideas may not work for an everyday choice of fashion. At that point, you have to really concentrate on blending with the majority of the cis women around you.

With me though, and what the posts often don't point out, was the sheer joy of my new life as a woman. The clothes just became what they are to any woman-window dressing to the soul.

As I continue with the archive posts from the past, my hope is that the big picture of a transgender transition comes out.

From one LGBT trans girl's viewpoint!