In the Grasp

Connie wrote in with a well written comment on yesterdays' Cyrsti's Condo blog post about a transgender woman's not so wanted advances by a couple of men:

" What's within my grasp is not for anyone else to grasp, unless I give my permission to do so. Unfortunately, the prospects of finding someone who would want to have that permission are greatly reduced in transition - even less than the chance of being pinched by some creepy misogynist.

I have been on the receiving end (pun intended) of unwanted touching, grabbing, and even groping many times. I will admit to having been a bit flattered by some of the earlier ones, but still with the accompanying creepy feeling of being violated. I have yet to slap a man in the face for his egregious act, but I have gotten to the point where I could muster up the nerve to do it soon - if not the very next time. Shouldn't slapping a man in the face be considered to be a woman's rite of passage, as well?"

I agree, at the least backing a man down should be a "woman's rite of passage." Plus at some point, every cis woman has to face the barrier of looking attractive and possibly then garnering the wrong sort of attention for her work.

It's a another lesson cis girls learn at a young age plus have the added pressure of their peer groups to deal with.

Then again, we have all known guys that are just creepy. When we were guys, or after we transitioned into transgender women. And what is worse is when we are considered some some of an "easy" mark to hit on for a guy as a trans woman.

Be Careful What You Wish For?

Yesterday I went to a sparsely attended CrossPort meeting for transgender and cross dressed women. Probably due to to some intense summer heat, attendance was down.

All the attendee's were trans and at least on HRT except for one who was planning on starting soon. Two had already completed SRS.

One of the younger attendee's was commenting on a recent experience she had in which she has some off color comments from men and even butt grabbed. Most of the group viewed the experience as a rite of passage of sort. I think the differences are if the person viewed the experiences as a validation of their femininity or a form of bullying.  

The trans woman in question is in the process of transitioning well and in fact is almost undistinguishable  as a former man. And, as someone in the room pointed out, got her butt pinched because she had a "nice one." So much for the toxic male male influence leaving that person!

Another problem the person spoke of was the sudden friction she was experiencing between her formerly understanding wife and her. It seems (among other things) her job has turned around unexpectedly to the point of offering SRS insurance next year. So, perhaps, when push is coming to shove, the wife is feeling the pressure of losing her former husband to a totally attractive passable woman. Stressful to be sure for any relationship.

I'm sad, because together, they make a delightful couple but not one which is destined to go long term.

Plus, too many of us still put too much emphasis on looks. And, the specter of finding a mate for the rest of your life has to be intimidating for the average trans person. No matter how well they have transitioned.

So, be careful what you wish for. It could be within your grasp!

She's "Baaack!"

I did hear from Connie: "Well, you do have my personal email address, if you wanted to elicit an "off the wall" comment from me (maybe even to elicit an illicit comment). The truth is, though, that my modem bit the dust over a week ago, and I only just installed a new one last night - so I had not checked my emails during that time, either. The fact that I had well over 200 emails in my inbox, most of them not worth staying up all night to read, tells me I must waste quite a bit of time on a daily basis (I would have read one from you, whether it had turned out to be a waste of time or not :-).

Not having access to the internet is not so bad. Without even thinking about it, I almost forgot that I was a transgender woman at all! I suppose that speaks toward your post about being "natural." I had already been aware that I will never be able to go back to my old self, even for a few minutes, but taking a break from even the awareness of "transgender" felt good. It was like taking a vacation, really.

The funny (not really funny) thing about my little vacation came when I had to call Comcast for tech support. Apparently, even though I had changed my account to be in my new name long ago, the guy on the phone did not have that information. He would not give me (Connie) any information because I (Connie) had not been authorized by him (dead name). I was pissed, but I was unwilling to explain to him who I was. The result was that I had to go to the Comcast service center in person, and I brought my court papers with me to show my name change. That proved to be unnecessary, as the customer "service" rep already had the change on her computer. Still, I had to go through another mini-outing episode just to re-validate my own existence. So, "natural" is relative, and it still falls short of being a vacation."

While it's true I do have your personal email address, somehow time got away from me before I could use it. 

Either way, I am glad you are OK!

Connie, Where Art Thou?

In the transgender/crossdressing community, I know it is not uncommon for on line friends and acquaintances to "fall off" the beaten path and leave the "grid" so to speak.

Connie, though I am concerned about, since we go back so far and of course I have come to love most of her sometimes "off the wall" comments. Tied in with many very relevant ones. 

To make a long story short, if you wonder why I haven't passed along anything from Connie, it's because I haven't heard anything.

I hope she is well and I know she would say, "Leave Art out of it!"

I "Doesn't" Know It!

I was reading with interest Mandy Sherman's  latest blog post concerning her spouse and clothing Mandy wanted to wear. More specifically, a pair of white sandals. I'm paraphrasing now, but Mandy's wife all of a sudden was against her wearing the sandals which in the past had met and passed inspection. Obviously, Mandy was a bit confused.

I guess, no matter how far we transgender women journey to play in the women's sandbox, we still never come to the understanding of how a cis woman's thought processes work.

I face the same things with my partner Liz, and finally come up with I have a 50/50 chance of being wrong (which I am a lot!)

In my case, trying to get away without wearing a bra comes to the top of the list. It's like passing inspection from Mom on the way out the door with the best passive aggressive remark being, "You aren't really thinking about wearing that, are you?" I'm to the point now, I immediately turn around and pick something else to wear.

And then there is the "no comment" remark which is even worse. I ask her about my hair or clothes and hear nothing in return. So normally, I force her hand and go my merry (or not so) merry way because I know deep down I will hear about it later.

I believe the whole issue with most transgender women and/or cross dressers is we never had the in depth "training" cis-girls grow up with. In fact, I am more than a little envious I never had the chance to learn from an early age what it was like to grow up in the girl's sandbox. My feeling is, cis-girls are more affected by the mean girls before they form their own cliques to survive.

As I was Mtf transitioning one of my biggest lessons was, never totally trust a cis-woman's smile because often it hides a knife behind the back. As time has passed though, I have become quite adept at dodging most blows, or at the least, not letting them bother me.

Cis- women too I feel, use the changing of the mind to throw shadows which they learn at an early age. Flip the gender and wonder what it would be like to be growing up as a girl around brothers and figuring out ways to survive.  Hey! Changing my mind will and did confuse them.

But since I did not benefit from growing up as a cis-girl, I can say I don't understand it. But then again, I can change my mind and say I do and Mandy good luck with those white sandals!

Cyrsti's Condo "Archive Post"

From 2014: "It's fairly bad when I encounter others who know just a little about the transgender community but then ask why there are so many mean peeps who love to eat their young.

On one hand I think I know and on the other I'm just as clueless as they are.  I do know way back in the day, I experienced a form of it in the earliest transvestite "mixers" I attended. Those times of course were in the "social media dark ages." Now of course, anyone with the basic knowledge and the equipment can "spread their gospel" or "grind their axes" or just comment on others.  Including me of course.

Fortunately, I am mellowing in my old age and take most of what I see and read from the so called self anointed "experts" in our community with a grain of salt.  Then again, I do have a few old wounds which still haven't healed.

It's a pretty simple deal with me.  If someone lodges a personal attack "just another old guy on hormones" rather than "Cyrsti, I hate your stupid ideas", I react differently.  .Certainly the first person needs to just go away- but the second- sure, they could be right! I always have to be careful though that I attribute the ideas I just pass along and if you and I were chatting over an adult beverage in person, I may say some things I don't totally embrace just to see your reaction and a discussion.  Can't do that with the written word easily!

 "Cyrsti's Condo" may have started life as a rather one dimensional look at many of the crazy things I did as I searched for my identity.  But quickly though, it grew to opinion and news.  More so even, than my trials and errors with style, fashion, make up and hair.

Finally, after all these years, I'm pretty fearless when I do wade into the T-girls sandbox.  The only real reason is I am increasingly secure in my own body and skin. I attempt to constantly remind all of you I write about it as a process- not bragging and if you have read my "Stiletto's on Thin Ice" book, you know why I don't put myself on any pedestals. For most of my 65 years, the ice was damn thin!

But! For "kicks and giggles" here are some of my negative thoughts of why a trans terf (or Nazi) may not like you:

1. You haven't lived as long as a transgender person as they have.
2. You don't have as many operations as they have, or have taken as many HRT meds.
3. You don't look as good as them.
4. You haven't carried your male ego with you transitioning like they have
5. You made the right decision and they didn't.
6. Finally, NEVER act like you are enjoying your life-they will be jealous!"

It's amazing how some things never/haven't changed.

All Quiet?

Not much to pass along from here in Ohio, U.S.A. except for government turmoil which I am not going into.

Cincinnati Pride is still a couple weeks away, so all of that is pretty well settled already. These days, more than ever before, I think it is time to be out and transgender (LGBT) proud. Especially at a time when I keep hearing of deepening rifts under the LGBT umbrella. I feel some of the problems stem from growing pains as more and more transgender people come out.

All of a sudden we are a force to be reckoned with, within the community. And, at Prides everywhere it's important to be seen as a real alternative to drag queens.

As always, I will be interested  how many other trans women I see at this years' Pride event. Many more, I hope.

Up-Keep

Well, time has flown by so fast, I have to seriously consider getting another manicure.

Fortunately, I found a bottle of almost the exact color to repair my nails recently, but my finances will improve enough next week t get them done the right way.

I go to the same salon Liz has gone to for years and it will be interesting to see if I get a male stylist again. As I did my first two times. Although it seems to be a bit sexist or even transphobic, I really don't care as long as my nails look good...which they did both times.

I also tipped well, so I don't know if that helps or hurts who I get.

Such is life for a transgender woman in the world. Never a dull moment.

Is Transgender Natural?

Yes! And trans women and men have been around since the beginning of time...or at least the ancient tribes.

More importantly, how do we get to the place where being trans feels natural to each of us. Of course I can only answer the question for myself.

I know from my earliest days of dawning dresses and makeup, I always knew deep down there had to be more. I called it losing my buzz and searching for what my soul was trying to tell me. Then ignoring it, which was the worst thing to do.

The difference was as I continued to experiment down my own version of a LGBT path, certain activities felt more natural than others. So natural in fact, I knew I couldn't live without them. No matter how many times I was going out cross dressed, it was never enough.

Some of the search was fun looking back on it, but even more seemed to be hell. The further I progressed though and I began to accept the fact I was indeed transgender, the more natural my life became.

My path lessons soon became my mantra I would tell others when asked. Follow your own paths and see if they become natural, even to the point of HRT. Which doesn't have to be permanent. I for one though would hate to live without my breasts, soft skin and hair. But I could if I had to because of health concerns.

So, I think it is a dis-service to any transgender woman or man to say it's not natural, because it is.

You just have to seek it out for yourself.