I "Doesn't" Know It!

I was reading with interest Mandy Sherman's  latest blog post concerning her spouse and clothing Mandy wanted to wear. More specifically, a pair of white sandals. I'm paraphrasing now, but Mandy's wife all of a sudden was against her wearing the sandals which in the past had met and passed inspection. Obviously, Mandy was a bit confused.

I guess, no matter how far we transgender women journey to play in the women's sandbox, we still never come to the understanding of how a cis woman's thought processes work.

I face the same things with my partner Liz, and finally come up with I have a 50/50 chance of being wrong (which I am a lot!)

In my case, trying to get away without wearing a bra comes to the top of the list. It's like passing inspection from Mom on the way out the door with the best passive aggressive remark being, "You aren't really thinking about wearing that, are you?" I'm to the point now, I immediately turn around and pick something else to wear.

And then there is the "no comment" remark which is even worse. I ask her about my hair or clothes and hear nothing in return. So normally, I force her hand and go my merry (or not so) merry way because I know deep down I will hear about it later.

I believe the whole issue with most transgender women and/or cross dressers is we never had the in depth "training" cis-girls grow up with. In fact, I am more than a little envious I never had the chance to learn from an early age what it was like to grow up in the girl's sandbox. My feeling is, cis-girls are more affected by the mean girls before they form their own cliques to survive.

As I was Mtf transitioning one of my biggest lessons was, never totally trust a cis-woman's smile because often it hides a knife behind the back. As time has passed though, I have become quite adept at dodging most blows, or at the least, not letting them bother me.

Cis- women too I feel, use the changing of the mind to throw shadows which they learn at an early age. Flip the gender and wonder what it would be like to be growing up as a girl around brothers and figuring out ways to survive.  Hey! Changing my mind will and did confuse them.

But since I did not benefit from growing up as a cis-girl, I can say I don't understand it. But then again, I can change my mind and say I do and Mandy good luck with those white sandals!

Cyrsti's Condo "Archive Post"

From 2014: "It's fairly bad when I encounter others who know just a little about the transgender community but then ask why there are so many mean peeps who love to eat their young.

On one hand I think I know and on the other I'm just as clueless as they are.  I do know way back in the day, I experienced a form of it in the earliest transvestite "mixers" I attended. Those times of course were in the "social media dark ages." Now of course, anyone with the basic knowledge and the equipment can "spread their gospel" or "grind their axes" or just comment on others.  Including me of course.

Fortunately, I am mellowing in my old age and take most of what I see and read from the so called self anointed "experts" in our community with a grain of salt.  Then again, I do have a few old wounds which still haven't healed.

It's a pretty simple deal with me.  If someone lodges a personal attack "just another old guy on hormones" rather than "Cyrsti, I hate your stupid ideas", I react differently.  .Certainly the first person needs to just go away- but the second- sure, they could be right! I always have to be careful though that I attribute the ideas I just pass along and if you and I were chatting over an adult beverage in person, I may say some things I don't totally embrace just to see your reaction and a discussion.  Can't do that with the written word easily!

 "Cyrsti's Condo" may have started life as a rather one dimensional look at many of the crazy things I did as I searched for my identity.  But quickly though, it grew to opinion and news.  More so even, than my trials and errors with style, fashion, make up and hair.

Finally, after all these years, I'm pretty fearless when I do wade into the T-girls sandbox.  The only real reason is I am increasingly secure in my own body and skin. I attempt to constantly remind all of you I write about it as a process- not bragging and if you have read my "Stiletto's on Thin Ice" book, you know why I don't put myself on any pedestals. For most of my 65 years, the ice was damn thin!

But! For "kicks and giggles" here are some of my negative thoughts of why a trans terf (or Nazi) may not like you:

1. You haven't lived as long as a transgender person as they have.
2. You don't have as many operations as they have, or have taken as many HRT meds.
3. You don't look as good as them.
4. You haven't carried your male ego with you transitioning like they have
5. You made the right decision and they didn't.
6. Finally, NEVER act like you are enjoying your life-they will be jealous!"

It's amazing how some things never/haven't changed.

All Quiet?

Not much to pass along from here in Ohio, U.S.A. except for government turmoil which I am not going into.

Cincinnati Pride is still a couple weeks away, so all of that is pretty well settled already. These days, more than ever before, I think it is time to be out and transgender (LGBT) proud. Especially at a time when I keep hearing of deepening rifts under the LGBT umbrella. I feel some of the problems stem from growing pains as more and more transgender people come out.

All of a sudden we are a force to be reckoned with, within the community. And, at Prides everywhere it's important to be seen as a real alternative to drag queens.

As always, I will be interested  how many other trans women I see at this years' Pride event. Many more, I hope.

Up-Keep

Well, time has flown by so fast, I have to seriously consider getting another manicure.

Fortunately, I found a bottle of almost the exact color to repair my nails recently, but my finances will improve enough next week t get them done the right way.

I go to the same salon Liz has gone to for years and it will be interesting to see if I get a male stylist again. As I did my first two times. Although it seems to be a bit sexist or even transphobic, I really don't care as long as my nails look good...which they did both times.

I also tipped well, so I don't know if that helps or hurts who I get.

Such is life for a transgender woman in the world. Never a dull moment.

Is Transgender Natural?

Yes! And trans women and men have been around since the beginning of time...or at least the ancient tribes.

More importantly, how do we get to the place where being trans feels natural to each of us. Of course I can only answer the question for myself.

I know from my earliest days of dawning dresses and makeup, I always knew deep down there had to be more. I called it losing my buzz and searching for what my soul was trying to tell me. Then ignoring it, which was the worst thing to do.

The difference was as I continued to experiment down my own version of a LGBT path, certain activities felt more natural than others. So natural in fact, I knew I couldn't live without them. No matter how many times I was going out cross dressed, it was never enough.

Some of the search was fun looking back on it, but even more seemed to be hell. The further I progressed though and I began to accept the fact I was indeed transgender, the more natural my life became.

My path lessons soon became my mantra I would tell others when asked. Follow your own paths and see if they become natural, even to the point of HRT. Which doesn't have to be permanent. I for one though would hate to live without my breasts, soft skin and hair. But I could if I had to because of health concerns.

So, I think it is a dis-service to any transgender woman or man to say it's not natural, because it is.

You just have to seek it out for yourself.

Cyrsti's Condo "Quote of the Day"

"I used to be important, now I am just impotent."

Jessie Hart

Transgender Acceptance...Part II

Thanks to Paula and Chris for checking in on the Cyrsti's Condo post from Saturday concerning the relative ease of acceptance from cis-women or cis-men.

Paula had a couple good observations I would like to re-share: "I have certainly found women to be more accepting into their confidence, and "sisterhood", I suspect that has more to do with threat levels than anything else. As a trans woman I no longer represent any sort of threat to Cis women, but I now constitute a different type of threat to Cis men, somehow by rejecting my own masculinity some men will feel that I am undermining theirs."

It's so true that when you attempt to remove any sexual tension between the binary genders, communication and even attention flows more smoothly. 

I do believe too though, some women are surprised they are still attracted to us and/or vice versa. Sometimes there must be something about a feminized man that is a turn on. Outside of the fact we transgender women and men are living our lives as we desire. Something the great majority of the world can't seem to do. 

Plus, back in my out and about social days, it was not uncommon for a cis-woman to confide in me problems she was having with her man and asked for any insight I might have as I straddled the binary genders.

As for cis-men, you are exactly right. They re afraid that dress in their closet may beckon too strongly.

Finally, meeting one of the rarest transgender members of the LGBT umbrella does have it's draw for some civilians.

Let the Sun Shine In!

Just as I was down today, I received a txt message from an old friend who hadn't seen me since I started to transition. And, I knew accepted it 100%.

She was coming to Cincinnati today and wanted to know if I had time for a quick cup of coffee. About two hours later we were able to meet up at a coffee shop with her daughter and two grand daughters which sort of made the afternoon a girls day out.

After she commented on my head of dark auburn hair, we got down to chatting about people we knew in the past. A pleasant time I think, was had by all as the "tweener" grand daughters of course were busy on their cell phones.

Once again, I paused to reflect on my Mtf transgender transition and how fortunate I am to be accepted by loads of people. All except my only brother's red neck Southern Baptist in laws which he doesn't have enough backbone to stand up to.

Her trip today was way too short for very many of my inane stories. I was able to pass along how bad it was for me to have to stop on the Alabama/Mississippi line to pee on the bus tour to Mardi Gras we were on.

I am going to have to save a good one for every time she comes I guess so I don't bore her. I think the night I helped blow dry a fellow bitch's hair who wouldn't move from in front of the only hand dryer in the woman's room would be a good one! She was short and very neatly fit almost under the dryer. Plus she had it coming.

The problem becomes I have accumulated too many experiences over the years not to bore civilians with my exploits.

She did have one profound thought. In years past when she thought I was being bitchy. How right she was!  

Is It Easier to gain Transgender Acceptance from Men or Women?

Without question for me, cis-women have been the easiest to gain acceptance from. Followed by cis-men and lesbian women. Ironically though, a cis woman lesbian has been my partner for five years now.

For some reason, I think cis women have less to lose knowing a transgender woman, unless one of us used to be her boy friend or spouse. At that point we are playing in their sandbox and open to their life's lessons. We can exchange makeup and fashion tips quite easily. Having been down the same path and I think many cis-women are pleasantly surprised. Plus, it has always been great fun for me!

Men on the other hand are so sexually insecure, it is difficult to find one or any who will truly accept a trans woman. Although I know it happens because as a group transgender women provide an unique, even exotic look into sexuality for some cis-men. Those are the "admirers" who wouldn't want to bring you home for Thanksgiving dinner.

I my past, I have been alternately blistered or more often ignored by cis women lesbians. One of my worst gender slurs ever came at the hands of a butch lesbian at a big party. It was one of the few times I have let anyone get to me.

So, there you go. My personal look at public acceptance of transgender women. Especially important these days as we try to separate ourselves from the LGBT umbrella, be public and tell our story.