Cyrsti's Condo "Archive Post"

Saturday, June 29, 2013

Finding a Transgender Friendly Place

Did I get your attention with this title? Actually it's one of the bigger questions I get on a regular basis. Over the years I have tried to over think this process and come up with  complex answers I can't even follow.

Last night though, in a rare moment of brilliance- my transgender spirit guide said "listen dummy, you find your own places by just going there."

I thought for a moment a said "wow spirit peep you are on to something!"

Think about it, we all have the power to help a place to become transgender friendly. But of course there are rules:

One of the biggest misconceptions is that all gay venues are trans friendly.  The truth of the matter is you have to educate them the same as any other place.  They just don't know us. Recent surveys have indicated that only 10% of the population has met a transgender person-change that!

Shopping of almost any kind should be a given. After all you are spending money with the merchant.  You can also endear yourself if you don't treat women the way they treat each other. If you don't know, listen sometime.

Which brings me to what I assume are common sense points:

1- Never Assume your experience is going to be a bad one and be a bitch. With that attitude you will be right. More than likely you will give yourself and the rest of your trans sisters and brothers a bad start.
2.-Mind your own Business, be pleasant and TIP well when you are in a service situation.  You will indeed make a good impression.
3.-Go Back.  Maybe not common sense but a good point.  If you become a good customer, you will be remembered and even protected in certain situations.
4.-Communicate. I learned this one the hard way. When you don't talk to people they assume the worst about you. So what if you don't think you have the sexiest female voice around. Not using your best effort will hurt you more in the long run.

Last but certainly not least, rest room and dressing room usage.

Very iffy and very sensitive.  Too big of a subject to be covered here except to say I do have one definite standard. When I'm a great regular customer in the places I go-I can get my restroom privileges. Employees and managers get used to me using the women's room.  BUT any "civilian" (not an employee) can change that in an instant with a complaint.  The last thing I want to do is cause a scene. Years ago a male manager at one of my regular haunts revoked my rest room card.  I simply went up the street and established myself at a competitor.  About 6 months later, he got fired and a few of the employees who were still there came and invited me back. How nice was that?

Finally, YOU have the power to enable a place to become transgender friendly.  Just don't go dressing all crazy, acting like an idiot and being a poor citizen. You will just ruin it for all of us.

Pioneer Trans Women?

I have often wondered what transgender women did way back in the day who were crossing the country in covered wagons etc. Of course in higher society, men dressed in wigs etc, anyhow, but still I am sure had no doubt they were men (except in a couple well known historical cases...Chevalier d'Eon.)

d'Eon

Not unlike the guy at the meeting the other night who criticized the trans women in the room for wearing jeans. And, Connie added:

Hey, pioneer women wore dresses to do their gardening! :-)

"As for the proudly closeted cross dresser, he may not wear pants when he's alone, but he probably does pant...and maybe groan a little. Really, though, it's the same mindset as those bowling cross dressers I talked about before. When it's time to be a woman for them, then there is no room for ambiguity. They relish the dichotomy of it all. It didn't take long for me, after being around this group, to know that I did not identify with them. That doesn't make me better, nor should any of them think that they are better than I. It's sad that there are some in both camps who think their way is the right way, especially when we've all been placed under the same umbrella.

Sorry about the time constraints that will keep you from your manicure. Enjoy the symposium, but, for gosh sake, at least brush the garden dirt out from beneath your nails before you go! (otherwise, as your meeting friend says, you might as well go dressed as a man:-) "

I guess having dirt under my nails would be one way to really "butch it up!" 

Plus, I will be interested to see the age/gender mix at the symposium. In the past when I have went, there has been a heavy representation of trans guys and younger ones at that. 

Either Friday night when we go to the mixer and out on the town, I might wear a long skirt and matching top I have or save it for Saturday. 

Cross Port

Cross Port is an organization in Cincinnati, Ohio made up of transgender/crossdresser type peeps. When I can, I go to the bi-monthly meetings for the camaraderie or even entertainment. If you remember a month or so ago, a wife of a cross dresser dressed to the nines made her unhappy visit well known and hasn't been back since. (To my knowledge.) The meeting is pretty much a no frills event as there are other socials, etc.

As you Cyrsti Condo regulars know, I am pretty much a no frills girl, so, as dressed up as I will get will be this weekend at the Trans Ohio Symposium.  So Monday I was wearing what I call a lacy smock top of sorts, jeans and tennis shoes. I blend right in at the meetings as almost all the trans women wear similar outfits, although this meeting some new sandals and colorful toes made their appearance.

Speaking of colorful nails, thanks to Jeni and Connie for their continuing input on rather to get acrylic nails, mine polished or even the stick on variety I had forgotten from my past. It all looks like a mute point now anyhow as time restraints have stepped in, plus the work of putting in a garden.

Back to the meeting. There is one guy who shows up quite a bit loudly proclaiming he is a closeted cross dresser and always will be. I have no problem with any of that until he lapses into a comment about why would any of us being wearing jeans. Might as well come dressed as a man. I wasn't too shocked because I used to hear it years ago when I wore slacks to transvestite mixers.

The answer of course is very simple, the great majority of the transgender women in the room weren't wearing jeans to feel like men any more than cis women do. We do it to blend, for utilitarian reasons or for comfort. I suppose I could wear some sort of a dress to work in the garden but it would be tough.

I suppose too, the ability to wear pants is something which comes with the trans territory, the longer we are out.

Maybe it's earned? Just like cis women have the ability to judge where they are going and dress accordingly.

Take the Initiative

In a recent post, I wrote about the problems with current or proposed transgender bathroom initiatives around my part of the U.S. and received these comments:

1. From Connie:
2. "Even here in liberal Washington state, there is a petition out for yet another "bathroom" initiative for the November ballot. I've been hoping to have one of the paid petitioners approach me on the sidewalk or in front of the grocery store. I've decided that, if it happens, I will spend the rest of my day shadowing the petitioner, just to stand there and smile along side of him or her. I may have to leave, occasionally, when nature calls, but I will loudly proclaim that I am going to the ladies room! How could that be worse than the homeless guy who freely pees on the sidewalk?"

1. 
   Paula GoodwinApril 20, 2017 at 8:25 AM

   "As I may have mentioned before, I am so glad I live in Europe in the 21st Century! I regularly holiday in Malta, although predominantly Roman Catholic this is a very accepting Country and I have never had anything less than full acceptance. They may have some old fashioned ideas about birds, but they are right on the button on LGBT issues."

As I have said a number of times, Cincinnati is a very liberal place but if we journey very far into the rural areas around town, I have to be careful of what I am doing. Although, as time passes, life is becoming easier for me (knock on wood.) Maybe it's a paraphrase of Connie's statement, when the heart and mind passes, the body follows.

Rookie Acrylic Nail Insight

I have mentioned a couple times how I am looking ahead to getting my nails done before the Trans Ohio Symposium this coming weekend. There are two choices, acrylic and having my own nails polished, shaped and colored. I have been pestering Liz about what the differences really are and if you don't know, here is Connie's take on the matter:

"Speaking of patience....so you're going for the acrylics, huh? Be prepared for a long sit-down, as your nails will be filed, glued, ground by power tools, filled with toxic chemicals, and given two coats of paint and a clear-coat. If it sounds more like sending your car to the body shop, you're right. Then, of course, you'll have to sit for what seems like forever while you wait for your nails to dry - and they never really will for the next 24 hours. You'll have to be extra-dainty with them. But, for the following two weeks they will look fabulous! Then, it's time to start thinking about booking a two-hour appointment for a fill the next week - if you want to keep them looking so good, that is. Otherwise, you can remove them (not so easily done), and you'll see that your own nails are, at least, worse for the wear.

I love having acrylic nails! I can't grow my own out because they are all ridged and misshapen by years of working with my hands (I think I've smashed every one of them, at one time or another, over the years). Acrylics can take the abuse, and the polish does not chip off of them. If I can find the time and money to maintain them, I don't too much mind the salon visit every three weeks. The Vietnamese lady who does them for me speaks little English, so it's not so much the social spa experience I would prefer. I do, however, feel so much better about myself when I leave (careful not to smudge the polish as I open the car door and put the key in the ignition, of course:-)

Actually, the time needed for the acrylics maybe the deciding matter as we may be down to not have a chance to go at all to the salon before we head to Columbus. Plus, I actually have enough of my actual nails available for them to do a pretty good job (I hear)."

It will be a game time decision.

Trans Ohio

Not much time for a post today. Trying to put together the three outfits I will need for the "Trans Ohio Symposium" this coming weekend in Columbus, Ohio which is about an hour and a half from Cincinnati the way Liz drives.

The long term forecast for next weekend is calling for almost summer time weather with high's in the 80's, so I am digging deep into my wardrobe for appropriate clothing.

I need to cover a fairly wide range of events in a short period of time including a transgender mixer on Friday night and a dinner date at one of Columbus's premier burger joints which perhaps you have seen on the Big Ten channels' food show for the best burgers.

Then on Saturday is workshop day (with 85 workshops) over a three day period, so I need to come up with an outfit which is fashionable yet comfortable. For me, that means no jeans for a couple days and my trusted tennis shoes will be cast temporarily aside for my black flats.

Plus we still are working on a time when we can go get our nails done before we go. I think I am going to get my first set of acrylics! And, an Ohio Valley Witches Ball meeting this afternoon today.

So it continues to be a busy week, and I know I am behind in answering all my mail here in Cyrsti's Condo.

Thanks for your patience.

Transitioning 401

I am an out and proud trans woman and I spend time on occasion trying to figure out a logical reasoning system to get to how I got here. This time I decided to place it in an educational format and I am placing myself now at a 401 senior level course in my Mtf transition and working backwards. Sometimes I think I have reached levels high enough to be considered in a Masters Degree program and then again I am not.

It is tough to list all the other levels/courses I think I have been through, but one of the easier ways to see a few is to go back to some of my earliest posts here in Cyrsti's Condo. If you read them, you will see I spent what I feel now was an inordinate amount of time on what went into my cross dressing experience. Rather than the experience itself. Which leads me to the mirror phase.  

I know when I went through the mirror phase, when I couldn't get enough of my image and looked for a mirror no matter where I was. I flat out wore mirrors out! It took awhile to pass the course but when I did finally grow out of that phase, I moved into my 301 level approval courses.

During the approval period of my education, I found many people (women) wold be quick to compliment my appearance. What I didn't factor in was the unspoken "I looked good-for a man in a dress," Once I had it figured out, I wondered how long I wanted to be just a "man in a dress" and went into my transgender phase and set out to live my life as often as I could as a trans woman. I found quickly, there was a huge difference between looking good as a cross dressed man and a transgender woman seeking a level playing field in the world.

As far as time went, my trans phase lasted the least of the other levels but was by far (as you can guess) the most intense. It seemed that every waking moment of my life not tied in with work had to do with the exploration of the world as a trans woman. Or, if I made the move to transition, could I?

Part of my transgender level courses included labs. Or, the time I actually spent on going to the doctors and starting on hormone replacement therapy. I really wanted to push along my MtF gender transition.  It was about this time I made the Dean's List and completely began to feel comfortable in my new life   and decided to take it a step further, by updating  my gender markers and changing my name. Or as I call it, Transgender 401. (Living full time)

The next level if I ever decided to take it would be SRS surgery and I  would consider it a gender transition  Master's or even a Doctorate. As compelling as the "final step" may be, it's just something I don't think I need at this point of my life.

So, there you go, my own attempt to compress 50 plus years of transitioning into an educational format. I am sure some of you will have much more to add from your journey.

Damn I'm Evil!

It turns out that Frump's seemingly endless stream of bigoted nominees has hit my former employer, the U.S. Army. Here is part of the story which was uncovered by the Huffington Post and reported here by the "San Diego Gay and Lesbian News.Com":

"Today, the American Military Partner Association (AMPA), the nation's largest organization of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) military spouses and their families, strongly condemned remarks by President Trump's nominee for Secretary of the Army, Mark Green. In a radio interview last year, Green said he opposes transgender equality because he must "crush evil." 

"Mark Green's comments are outrageous and beyond the pale," said AMPA President Ashley Broadway-Mack. "Our transgender soldiers serve our nation proudly, with integrity and honor. Green clearly has no business leading the men and women of the United States Army, and his appalling attacks against LGBT people are in direct conflict with the core values of the Army. President Trump should immediately withdraw his nomination of Mark Green as Secretary of the Army."

Green's dangerous remarks were uncovered by Amanda Terkel of the Huffington Post, who reported Green "believes that part of his mission as a public official is to “crush evil” ― and that opposing transgender equality policies is key to that effort."

Really?????? Where do they find these guys?????

Going on a LGBT Vacation?

One of the topics I brought up in yesterdays transgender Veterans support group was the simple difficulties trans women and men face while traveling to certain "hostile" states. In some cases "safe" restrooms are at the least hard to find. An example is here in Ohio where I live as compared to "crossing the border" and heading into the Southern U.S. The prime example of course is North Carolina, but Tennessee, South Carolina, Georgia and more get an dishonorable mention.

There was a time not too long ago Liz and I were considering a trip to North Carolina but no more of course.

I know the so called "safe areas" of neighboring Kentucky and Indiana but it just is terrible I have to plan my rest room breaks ahead of time.

Worst yet was another person in the group, a highly androgynous trans man who has trouble using either rest room because of the way he looks. As bad as I think I may have it, he has it worse.

Plus, I would be remiss if I didn't mention good old Texas which is currently involved in it's own transgender restroom struggle of it's own. And I know the stop I made to use the woman's restroom on the Mississippi/Alabama border was one of the most courageous things I have ever done just to pee.

Through it all yesterday, even the staunchest allies in the room seemed to be taken aback by the reality of being trans and out in most of America. It was a good learning experience for them.

And we didn't even get into the potential horror stories of trying to fly anywhere with the TSA.