Don't Get Your Panties in a Bunch!

As I wrote about earlier this week, I went to my second cross dresser/transgender meeting this month. Unfortunately it was less well attended than the last one and the "snarky" cross dresser's wife wasn't there (either was he) as I suspected they wouldn't be.  In their place came a very smug real live 45 supporter post opt, another very new cross dresser to the scene and even another transgender veteran.

As the evening unfolded, the conversation degraded into a couple of the participants going into detail on how they had had to "beat down" detractors in the past. Look, I know most of us have had our share of transphobic slurs over the years, but going into gleeful details of physical responses isn't my idea of any kind of femininity. Especially in front of a new cross dresser who isn't "used" to the culture seen for the first time. It was almost as bad as when I went to my first transvestite mixer back in the day and some of the "girls" couldn't put their cowboy hats and big cigars away. And this was way before "Urban Cowboy". See Debra Winger!  Who could really rock the hat.

One was the Navy trans vet who I had seen at a clinic before and wondered why she seemingly put so little into her appearance, walk, etc. I used her as a motivation to keep trying harder to make the most that I can from my appearance. And, I can't be too cocky because for years I have been able to surround myself with other women who treat me as an equal. Which keeps the public in check for the most part.


So, for the second straight meeting, I sort of kept my feelings to myself and simply said my overwhelming public response to being transgender and even my early days as a cross dresser was positive. Or, I chose it to be. Sure I got the snickers (not the candy bar) on occasion, but I simply kept moving.

Plus I will admit to the rest room incidents I encountered along the way which still give me PTSD when I have to pee. None of which have soured me or deterred me from loving the life I am leading now.

It just saddens me to see others- be them cross dressers or transgender women be so negative and aggressive. Maybe those on HRT need a little higher dosage of Estrogen?

Supreme Court-Meet Gavin Grimm

The Supreme Court will rule on a landmark case over the right of trans students to use the bathroom that corresponds with their gender identity, the court announced on Friday.

The case revolves around Gavin Grimm, a trans boy in Virginia who was barred from using the men’s bathroom at his high school after the Gloucester County School Board approved a policy ordering students use the bathroom that matches their biological gender.

Grimm’s case marks the first time the Court will wade into the charged debate over so-called “bathroom bills” which has played out around the country. The battle has been particularly pronounced in North Carolina, where outrage over the notorious HB2 resulted in scores of public figures, businesses, entertainers, and sports leagues saying they would boycott the state while the law remained on the books.

Although the Obama administration issued a directive in May for school districts to allow trans students to use the bathroom of their choice, the battle has continued to play out at the state level. The Supreme Court now has the chance to put an end to gender-based bathroom policing once and for all.

It a bit of good news: 

ACLU National ✔ @ACLU

The Supreme Court called @libertycounsel out for referring to Gavin Grimm with the wrong pronoun

9:50 AM - 25 Feb 2017

It’s unclear how the Court will rule, but at least it’s holding firm on this important principle.

Busy Week

First of all, it's hard to believe March is here this week and I have so much to do!

Tonight is the bi-monthly meeting (no pun intended) of the Cincinnati Crossport  group which is a loosely tied together group of transgender and cross dressing peeps. I will be interested to see if the snarky cross dressers wife returns. If I get attacked, I will know she reads the blog :).

Tuesday is one of my VA doctors appointments up in Dayton which is quite the round trip and takes me most of the day.

Wednesday is a get together to do signage for Thursdays' protest march at Cincinnati's City Hall. Protesting of course "45's" (Trump's) edit to do away with transgender children's restroom protections. A slam at the most innocent sector of the transgender community, who of course do not have a vote.

Thursday is the protest itself which by all estimates should be well attended.

Friday I get my hearing checked...huh? Perhaps I can explain why I don't hear them when they call me "Mr."?

Saturday if we can fit it in is a meeting of one of the "creative" groups we go to. It's an eclectic group of artists, writers etc,

Then of course I have to work in time to write about it all!

And all this time I thought retirement was a time for rest?

Purge It-Dammit!

We all know one of the most wasteful and non productive parts of our cross dressing experiences have been the "purges" we have gone through. My own non official definition of a purge is to get rid of an article or articles of something you don't want.

Many of us have been forced by others such as a spouse, girlfriend or parent to purge ourselves of our feminine clothing, shoes and makeup. I know I have done it out of a sense of shame or even a resolution never to cross dress again. The whole process soon becomes similar to cutting a weed in the yard. The more you cut it, the faster it wants to come back. At a cost, of course.

Here is a more extreme case from Connie in response to a post I had written about my "stash" mysteriously disappearing from an apartment I lived in back before I was inducted into the Army:

" My mother once, despite my extraordinary efforts to hide it, found my "stash" when I was 16. She had bagged it up and put it on the kitchen table while I was at school, and then further shamed me by ordering me to throw it in the garbage can outside. I was so ashamed that I told her I'd go one better and take it straight to the dump (partially because my messed-up mind thought that the garbage man might put two and two together, thus knowing my secret).

 It wasn't long, though, before I had assembled a whole new - and upgraded - "stash", which I hid even better that time. I used to wonder "what if" I had not been made to endure such shame. I've let go of that notion, as I came to realize that I was feeling shame for something I didn't even understand at the time. The shame is that I really had nothing to be ashamed about - except for my deviousness and deception."

She (Connie) also mentioned the guy I wrote about who displayed a little extra interest in me "dressing up" after the fact:

"My first thought would have been "what if" it were that guy who ended up with my stuff. "

Good point and truly one I haven't given much thought to, except the timing wasn't quite right and besides that I was in full fledged damage control before I finally calmed down and thought what were they going to do to me? Draft me? Quickly it became too late to cry over spilled/lost panty hose anyway. 

I was out of there and off to Ft. Knox for a winter vacation (basic training) a month later anyhow. If the guy did end up with my "stash" I hope he enjoyed it as much as I did.

Estrogen Contact Buzz

This morning was my second visit to Liz's weight life style group. The group so far has been approximately 25 to 30 cis women, one transgender woman and two cis guys (I think) all packed into a small room.

During the meeting I have a chance to look around the room and learn among other things how so many cis women deal with being over weight their entire lives. I am coming to an understanding of how body image ranks right up towards the top with most women and why so many take such good salon care of their hair and nails. It is all part of being part of the high maintenance gender.

Do they do it for men? Or for other women? Both I feel, which is one mistake beginning cross dressers make when entering the world. They dress how they think a man would want to view them, not how the other women do. Leading to an overly sexed image. As we all know, there is a fine line between classy and trashy.

After this morning's meeting, I almost think I can skip one of my rounds of estrogen patches this week!

Speaking of estrogen and HRT, I have a friend who just got permission to start her own (estrodial & spiro) this week! She was so excited :)

You go girl!!!!!

Do I Know You?

This post should have been added to my "Life Turns on a Dime" series, but somehow became lost in the dusty recesses of my mind. It happened  way before I had even considered being transgender and referred to myself as a cross dresser or transvestite.

It goes all the way back to 1972 when I was waiting to be inducted into the Army and I was working at a radio station in the college town of Bowling Green, Ohio. I had just broken up with my finance and headed north from my home for the job and stayed in an apartment with a couple other guys. Just in case I had the chance, I packed my meager supply of women's clothes/makeup and moved along with my other belongings.

My other two roommates were college students so during breaks they went home, leaving the place all to me. Seemingly an empty college town brings out the best and worst of who was left hanging around. For example, I was just wasting time one night walking in the snow when a hippie girl showed up on the gray night. After a brief snowball fight, she treated me to a sexual adventure. After saying goodbye we never saw each other again. I hope it was good for her!

There was also a quiet guy who was sort of a "hanger on" around the apartment. For some reason he stayed behind too during the Christmas break that year.

In the meantime, one weekend I went home for a day or two and by the time I returned, I found out someone had stolen my wig, dress etc under the guise of "straitening" out my room. Not long after that the guy casually mentioned "dressing up" like a woman. I agreed and headed for my "stash" only to find it gone.

I have always wondered what would have happened if I had still had my clothes, wig etc.

Another "what if" lost in time.

And the Trans Kids Suffer

Nearly all of my transgender email feeds today had to do with "45's" administration rolling back the Obama school transgender bathroom executive order.

Just saying...if you are trans and or an ally, (and voted for 45) you helped sell the trans kids up the creek. You had to know it would happen. Just saying.

On a more pleasant subject, I had several of you check in with comments on the power of presenting "natural." Looking back, it was and is one of the hardest lessons to learn. In my case, be gentle with my use of eye shadow. And, if I try to bring out my eyes, go easy on the lips...or vice versus.

I have also started a more structured pre-bed time routine which includes a gentle soap wash, residue make up tissue remover (with Vitamin E and collagen) and an anti wrinkle moisturizer. Of course at my age (67) I need all the skin care I can get. Finally, I brush my hair out, which is becoming quite the project as I have a lot of it.

With our unseasonably warm February weather, I am also trying to take some of the winter weight I have gained off by walking. I feel  (no pun intended) I need to take off at least ten pounds.

So, as I have always said, this girl thing is not a joke. It is so much more than applying makeup and buying the right clothes. As any cis woman knows, it is the work no one sees which makes the difference!

"Lazy versus "Blending?"

Everyday I have to put together a new outfit or put on my makeup to get ready to go out, I am envious of cis women (even though I have willingly entered their world.)

For one, if I am going anywhere I will face the public at all, I have to put my best feminine face forward. I am very fortunate in that I have the process down to a half hour.

I operate on the cusp of a very sharp double edged sword. At the best I came into to this ultra serious game at the best marginally presentable. These days without the help of surgery and with the help of hormones (HRT) I can navigate the world. Most importantly I have to look like I'm not trying-like any other cis woman.

I guess if I had any advice, practice makes perfect and don't get discouraged. No matter how hard you try, there most likely someone who will "sniff" you out and make your business their business. These days too, a sizable percentage of people are attracted to your transgender-ness. Sort of like the drive thru window girl yesterday who commented on my "LGBT rainbow ring." She liked it :)

I am not a proponent either of cis women who let themselves go which in the slightly upscale area I live in, I don't see many.

On the other hand, I attended one of Liz's weight loss classes Saturday and saw my share of cis women dressed in workout garb. I am not quite to that point in my dressing to blend development. The fun part was no one paid my much attention. They were more impressed I came as her support person than if I was or wasn't transgender.

Finally, no matter how grumpy I am, I need to carry Connie's famous accessory..."FFS" . A fast and friendly smile. Especially if I am going out before my morning coffee!

Football Bigot?

From Connie:

"I guess I'm a football bigot. I just assumed she played American football until I got half-way through the post, only to find that she played soccer. So, is she paying forward or is she playing forward? Maybe both, I suppose. :-)

Cultures that recognize a third gender are few and far between, and although it is certainly worthwhile to educate the rest of the world that a third gender is recognized somewhere else. However, I have doubts that general worldwide acceptance will come about through a third gender view of trans people. The major religions would have to subscribe to it first, I think. Governments may be more apt to move toward the notion, but, as we can see in the US now, there is volatility on that front. I do find it interesting that she spoke in North Carolina, though."

More work needs to be done on recognizing the ancient Native American Indian cultures who also accepted a "third gender". In fact, some recognized a "dual or two spirited" person to be very special.

Two-Spirited Marchers San Francisco Pride 2014

It's unfortunate the major religions you write of have lost that path of thought. What an easier life we would have as transgender women and trans men.

Also, moving too far out of the traditional gender binaries for many seems to be too difficult to grasp somehow, along with other facets of modern society. Thus returning to a simplistic religious belief mechanism, among other things.