We Got Mail

In response to a couple of recent posts, first from Jeni on transgender PTSD:

"Post Transitioning Stress Disorder
I don't see it as being merely post.
I see it as applying before, during, and after.
One only has to look at how the trash tabloids LOVE outing and demeaning post-op transsexuals, who have successfully transitioned and managed to make a career as a woman. 

Each time the smear campaign is carried out, it's sole intent is to sell news copy, and bash transsexuals for being different.
And what happens to most such women after being outed? There's extremely rarely any follow-up."

And most likely some of the effect undoubtedly carries through to the trans girl on the street and the public at large.

And Connie added : (From an interaction she had had previously with a man) "In the case I was describing, I would say it was as much his disorder as it was mine. I don't think he was trying to hit on me (I've had that experience many times before), but he was trying so hard to show me he was accepting of my gender expression that it left me with the feeling of being "less than". His intentions were good, but his ignorance made the whole thing condescending. I always reply with a polite "thank you" in such cases, but I often walk away thinking that I should have provided some education (not always a polite thing to do). 

The fact that I recognized his remarks as being condescending may well be PTSD, but anything that interrupts my feminine identity and reminds me of a self I have tried so desperately to leave behind would do that, as well. I have managed to at least ignore those obvious things, such as having male genitals or the necessity to shave my face, to the point that they are annoyances I must endure. I rarely allow these things to be a reminder of my male self because I have control over those feelings. I cannot, however, predict what and how someone else will say or do something. Try as I might to be prepared for someone else's reaction to me, being cognizant of that which may burst my bubble is a hindrance to my own self-identity, so I choose to ignore even the possibility of that happening...until it does. Maybe that is the PTSD you're referring to"

Yes, I do think it all plays in Connie because once we begin to face the world as trans women, we have to learn the "dance" all women have to face.

Danica Roem

From Virginia and the Metro Weekly:

Danica Roem, a journalist for the Montgomery County Sentinel and a lifelong resident of Manassas, Va., has announced she will run as a Democrat against longtime Republican Del. Bob Marshall (R-Manassas, Manassas Park, Bull Run), who is known best for his socially conservative views, including his vehement opposition to LGBT rights. Roem previously wrote for the Gainesville Times and the Prince William Times, covering local issues for those publications.

“I know the issues of the district really well, and I want to make a big, big difference when it comes to transportation, economic development, and education,” says Roem. “And at the same time, while we focus on fixing Route 28, bringing big-dollar jobs up to Innovation Technology Park, and filling the office vacancies along Manassas Drive, we have got to make Prince William County the most inclusive place it can be. And that goes for everyone: no matter who you love, what you look like, or where you come from.”

For more, go here.

PTSD?

Post Transitioning Stress Disorder? First of all, PLEASE do not take this post at all as a slight to all of our service men and women (past and present) who suffer from PTSD! You all know since I am a transgender veteran, I would be the last to go down that road.

What I mean is, when you encounter a group of people who begin to laugh or snicker, do you wonder like I do is it about me? And of course a bad couple of bath room experiences are sure to imprint their memories in your mind. This comment from Connie comes very close to what I am talking about:

"I find it interesting that people with whom we have contact may be more routinely accepting of us than we are of ourselves. While others may not even think twice in thinking of us to be women, we are still cognizant of their simple use of the right pronoun. It's probably because there is still always the chance that somebody won't use the right pronoun that makes us so aware. Could it have come to the point where society is evolving faster than we are? Living in liberal Seattle, I have experienced very few "mis-genderings", but it has stung - and lingered - when it has happened. More disturbing than that, though, is the obvious condescension that often is the result of political correctness. Even with good intention, though, I am sometimes left with mixed feelings when someone treats me based on a stereotype they have. 

Recently, I have had someone assume that I was a burlesque drag performer after I told them I was a singer. Another "friend" suggested we could vacation together in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico, because they have an LGBT community there - along with a thriving drag club. Just last night (New Year's Eve), I was showered with compliments by a man, but I could finish each one of them with "for a man". That is, "You're gorgeous" (for a man), "You have great legs" (for a man), "What a figure" (for a man). True, I was a bit more "glamorized" for the occasion, but he said things to me that he wouldn't have said to a cis-woman - not in good taste, anyway. Later on, when the clock hit midnight, he found his way to give me a kiss, but I could just feel that he did so with the thought that it would make my night. I was thankful that I was quick enough to do the old head-turn to avoid being kissed on the lips. His (insincere) flattery got him nowhere with me.

 I could go on to consider his latent homosexuality, made more palatable by hooking up with a girl with a penis, but that's another subject (although there is really no way for anyone to know if I still have one of those or not if I keep my pants on). It does speak to stereotypes, however, and how, as well as why, we are treated by others."

Notice Connie's addition "for a man." Is that a form of PTSD?

Reality?

From Connie:

Reality shows.....Mostly show, not much reality. I've given up watching them, and even my curiosity toward this one is not enough to cause me to bother looking for a stream. The only reality I can vouch for is my own, but it still leads me to believe that whatever causes one to have an identity inconsistent with their "assigned" gender is a lifetime condition. I am not completely satisfied with the term, "transition", anyway, but I definitely don't believe that it can be used in the past tense - nobody really finishes a gender transition. I have been considering using the word, "transposition", instead, for my own situation.

 I think that it more accurately describes my own gender process, as its definition can be a reordering or realigning that causes change; not only the change itself. Besides, my fondness of making plays on words leads me to coin a new one: "Trans-position". That is, the relative place one might find herself on the sliding gender scale. I know that I have been sliding on that binary scale my whole life, slowly moving past the center-point toward female enough that I could never slip back so far as to be on the male side again. I know this because I have reached an awareness of self without external influence, and I have accepted the fact that I am who I am based on where I am now, as well as have been in the past.

 I'm confident, as well, that where I'll be in the future will be determined by who I am at the time - not as a result of any chemical or surgical influence. I haven't entirely ruled those influences out (health reasons are impediments at this time), but any decision I may make toward them will always be so much more with consideration to who I am than what I think I need. "What I think I need" is the core of the trouble ahead of which you speak. My word play will call that "Trans-supposition".

I guess my "transposition" came during the years I decided to not be a cross dresser-but a woman. I had to see if it was possible at all and did I want to do the Mtf transition. It's tough to follow because  so many people get caught up in the semantics.  Take the show for example, not once did they allude to the fact the dictated weight loss had any think to do with appearance instead of a healthy major surgery. Which, I thought was good. 

Plus, as you said in essence, gender is more of a slippery slope than any of us imagined. I too, have no desire to go back to my male side-no matter how much easier life would be.  (Perceived)

I was lucky. I had friends who could see the real me and kick me down the slippery slope, off the cliff and catch me at the bottom.

Finally, I like the comment "No one ever really finishes a gender transition." 

Ready or Not-Here We Go!

2017 has made it's appearance.

For me, not a real good one so far, but we all know that will change.

New Years Eve turned out to be windy with rain and snow mixed, so we just stayed home and watched The Ohio State Buckeyes get positively demolished by the Clemson Tigers. The pot of home made chili tasted great though!

Later on that evening, Liz's son came home very sick and managed to pass it along to Liz early today. (At press time, I am surviving well-knock on wood!)

So, our gift certificates I purchased for New Years Eve are still good of course, my new dress can be worn for another occasion and life goes on.

De-Transitioning?

Several nights ago on the TLC Network, they shared a show about two transgender people. One a trans woman, the other a trans man.

To make a long story short, the transgender woman had a SRS surgery scheduled with the renowned surgeon Marci Bowers. But she had to lose around 50 pounds before the surgery could take place. The show then moved to a gym where the trans woman was going to try to lose the weight with a personal trainer. As it turned out, to no avail. For whatever reason (and there could be several) she gave up losing the weight and even de-transitioned for a span of time before reverting back to more of a gender fluid life.

I thought the show was interesting because I can't tell you all the times I look at a guy and just want to be a no strings attached male. Life would have been such an easier journey.

Having written that though, I know the hell I went through just trying to live up to my demands of being "a guy." Plus, after bringing my journey as far as I have, I would have to be dragged (no pun intended) back into that world.

So I can see both sides of the fence on this per norm. (Cheers?) But I don't care what Norm says, I could never de-transition.

By the way, the person on the show is a lot like me. I thought she made a realistic if not knock down beautiful woman before she seemingly gave up on the SRS. Also there is the line of thought I subscribe too that if you have to rely on a shiny new vagina to prove who you are, there will be trouble ahead anyhow.

I had a difficult time finding out if there would be a follow up episode to her story or not. A lot of ground was covered in this show including the specter of suicide, a transgender wedding (man and trans woman) as well as other story lines.

My best advice is to follow the link above to see if you can stream it.

How Sweet It Is!

The end of 2016 for some reason has brought my Mtf transgender presentation confidence to an all time high. Starting a couple days ago, I stopped at a coffee shoppe inside my VA hospital to pick up a mocha for the trip home. I was actually in line with a couple other peeps before my order was taken.

Two girls were working behind the counter and when one asked the other about the type of milk I wanted, she causally replied "she wants low fat." So quickly and naturally, even I was impressed as I grabbed my coffee and headed home.

Then the very next day, Liz and I were shopping for some sort of a new dress to wear with my "The Ohio State University" scarf she made me for New Years Eve, plus a new headlight bulb for the car. For convenience sake, we went to one of the big box stores I won't mention. We found the headlamp but of course it was locked up on the rack, so I had to find someone to unlock it. Amazingly enough I found someone a couple aisles away.  She in turn summoned another clerk to unlock the item saying "she needs a light bulb"  meaning me of course. By this time I'm thinking life is good as I am navigating this heavily redneck store as a girl, until life was about to get even better!

Of course Liz and I were fighting about what to buy in the sweater dress department until finally she throws up her hands in disgust and says "Go try it on, it is not what you think it is." (I hate it when she is right.)  So I did.

I headed for the fitting rooms which were manned by a more elderly than me lady and I got a little apprehensive in that she would be choosing the man's or woman's fitting room for me. But before I could make another move, she wheeled and unlocked the women's fitting room for me. Wow! As I said though, Liz was right and my idea of a new dress for the evening didn't work, so I went with her's.

So all in all the last couple of days have been astounding.

Happy New Years to you all!!!!

Jessie

End of Year Comments

Thanks again for all of you who make Cyrsti's Condo a regular stopping point!  Lets get to a few comments.

From our "Demarcation" Bra post:

"It's mainly a matter of comfort. Bras are supportive but constricting and once in one's private space at home, comfort rules and off comes the bra. With a sigh of relief. 

That said, if you're going out again later on, a bra will have to be put back on. Going braless will risk men getting fixated on your wobbling mammaries, or another woman's raised eyebrows, unless the wearing of a bra is clearly discretionary, as on a hot beach - or if you actually relish the attention! 

It's also clear that small-breasted women have a lot more latitude to do as they please in this area, compared with women who - naturally or otherwise - are well-endowed. 

Lucy"

For better or for worse, I am still one of the small breasted women! Thanks Lucy :)

And, of course Connie brought her unique perspective to the Condo:

 "Well, my problem is that when my bra comes off, so do my boobs! Of course, as far as my womanhood is concerned, that is neither here nor there.....except that my boobs aren't here unless the bra is there. I don't know about my stars aligning, but I still need a bra to keep my boobs aligned.:-)"

Finally, Michelle: "CHEERS to the New Year to both you and Connie from one that NEEDS to take that dang thing off when I get home...LOL"

Cheers to you too Michelle!!!!!

Demarcation Point?

Is the bra a line between a cross dresser and a transgender woman? Here is Connie's take:  "I've heard it said that the line is separated by the fact that a cross dresser can't wait to get home from work and put a bra on, while the transgender woman can't wait to get home to take hers off. Other than that, cross dressing is "what" one does, while being a transgender woman (or man) is "who" one is. It is the "why" question that forms the thin line. "When" and "where" can also be factors."

I really like the definitions here Connie-thanks! I know it took me years to figure out why I needed to do more than just put the feminine clothes on. I could never figure out why the "thrill" of dressing like a girl had long sense lost it's charm. It became more important to me to be more efficient in the process of being able to do the best I could to present my inner female to the outside world. When the stars began to align, I began to understand I was indeed transgender and not a cross dresser. Which, there is absolutely nothing wrong with. The problems naturally occur when we can not align our inner and exterior genders.

And oh by the way, I can't wait to get my bra off!