Cyrsti's Condo "Archive Post"

Monday, January 20, 2014

Pandora's Box

 I have wondered forever,  what role does an attractive cross dresser's feminine presentation play in possibly later moving her into a transgender existence? Is it similar to the worn out idea that a majority of heroin users got hooked because of marijuana? Did my first experiments with Mom's hose and underwear get me hooked, or was I just predestined to be who I am today? I believe the answer was a little of both. What caused me to open that Pandora's Box of goodies? By the way, this definition of "the box" comes from Wikipedia:  

The phrase "to open Pandora's box" means to perform an action that may seem small or innocent, but that turns out to have severe and far-reaching consequences. Certainly, the definition is correct. Little did I know how severe the gender torment I would feel during my lifetime and it's far reaching consequences. But what made me open the box?  My brother didn't and for all I know the greatest majority of male type kids in my school and town didn't. The simple answer is some sort of switch already existed in my noggin and I flipped it to "on".

Even more interesting is the number of "switches" we have ready to be turned on or off.  Why was it for me, the occasions I was told I made a better looking girl, was mistaken for one, or was made over to look like one, I felt worse about being a cross dresser a few days later. I believe now,  cross dressing never seemed to come closeto explaining my first gender switch. . Hell, I didn't have a  "switch", I had a 50 amp circuit breaker!

I flipped the breaker and got a better look into Pandora's Box. I saw all the glittering bling of new wigs, dresses and heels. They were sooooo inviting but sooooo non fulfilling.  Finally, after years of torment, I ignored the bling and went for substance and found a book called the My Little Book of Trans.  I grabbed it and found there was even an instruction guide, which of course I didn't read first. Who needs "no stinkin instructions?"

As I blissfully thumbed through the book's  pages from back to front (I'm dyslexic) I learned my obvious gender disconnect wasn't so obvious to me. I had to readbackward to  Chapter One in the "Book of Trans", to make some sense of my life as a trans woman.  A cross dresser looks like a woman, a transgender woman socializes herself as a woman and a transsexual acquires the sexual genetalia of a woman.  In addition, none of them ever become females and being a genetic female does not guarantee you're a woman.

Of course I spent 50 years fighting the crossdressing in me, five accepting the transgender spirit of my soul and no years obsessing on purchasing a store bought vagina.

At this point in my life, I have to blame my slow learning on someone, so  I'm blaming it on Pandora!  I've been known to be nothing if not persistent.  Seems as if I kept bugging our girl with the box just long enough, she got up off the "good stuff" and threw the book at me!

By the way, "My Little Book of Trans" exists only in my fertile "itty bitty" mind.

Cyrsti's Condo "Quote of the Day"

Street Walkin with Connie Donald, Jenner and Mo

From Connie:

"One of the street-regulars that I talk to often has mentioned to me a few times that he imagines I have trouble with people accepting me or, at the least, giving me stares and strange looks. I've told him that he is incorrect on that assumption, and the last time I did give him the explanation for it (I don't usually do that, but it had gotten to the point where he needed some education). I told him that I have so very few problems because they are not MY problems. I am confident in who I am, and I believe it shows by the way I carry myself. My God, if Donald Trump can convince so many people that he knows who he is and what he's doing (albeit through total ego tripping), why shouldn't I, a trans woman, be able to garner a degree of acceptability?

 Of course, I am not running completely on ego, as I have gone through a lot of shit to get to this point, that of humility and compassion, as well as acceptability and respectability. I don't really care how people might be labeling me, except that I'm sure many of them may change their views after even a brief encounter with me. For the most part, I pass as I pass by (or, at least, pass-able to be walking down the same street as the masses). I do not pass completely upon closer inspection, as I possess too many of the characteristics the testosterone gave me (big hands, broad shoulders, a neck that football training left too large, etc.) My voice could be a give-away many times, but I've been told that it is a low, soothing and feminine voice when talking to people face-to-face (the same sort of thing happens with my singing voice, where an audio recording may make me sound like a man singing, it works just fine when I'm performing live).

So, like Shelle, I have no desire to be noticed as trans - or a tran-ny, for sure. I try to do my best with what I've got, and I've learned to be happy with that. My confidence in who I am is what I want to be noticed for, and I'm happy with that, as well. That may be enough to reinforce someone's favorable opinion of me, or it may do a bit to change a more-bigoted person's mind in a positive way. However, I can't really control what anybody thinks - but I can control how I think... and behave."

Behave...I doubt????

FYI...one of Trump's big supporters - Caitlin Jenner's show has been cancelled. Another trans fraud back into the shadows.

Trans Dar?

Any more I don't know if mine works, or if it just serves to put me into a mine field.

Take today for example. I went to my first endocrinologist appointment at the Cincinnati VA Hospital Center. The difference being the Cinci center is much bigger than my former one in Dayton, Ohio. I checked myself into the "Endo" waiting room and there was a woman sitting there by herself. For all the world she looked trans but when I tried to speak she shot me a withering glance.

So I don't know if she truly was or wasn't transgender which brings another question, "Why does the potential for abuse exist at all between trans sisters?"

I know Connie for one has touched on it. As we pass each other on the street, we still carry enough ego to think being "busted" by another trans person is some sort of failure. After all, if we "passed" each other, we could pass the world?

The woman today quite simply could have been a bible thumping/snake worshiper from nearby Kentucky or rural Ohio.

If she was, I wonder what she would have thought about my female Muslim Doctor?

Maybe I could change my "Trans Dar" to "Arse Dar" with the glaring woman because my doctor for one knew little to nothing about transgender women or men and was very cool.

Trans-u-cation is always good!!!!

It's Back to School Time Around Here

As the kids go back to school in various waves around here, I have been sadly reminded of how life has NOT changed for so many of our LGBTQ youthful sisters and brothers.

I know a 15 year old trans kid who is positively dreading going back to school because of senseless bullying at the hands of class mates. I mean where are the teachers in some of these schools and are the inmates running the asylum?

I know there are bright and shining examples of acceptance here and there, but I know it's tough for parents to get many of their kids into those schools who live in rural Ohio areas. And, even though the parents care deeply for their children it's not possible to find the best alternative to sinking or swimming.

My heart goes to the families.

Kids who are bullies have parents who are bullies and everyone else suffers.

It's Backwards Both Ways

Not such a strange statement to those of you who are dyslexic like I am?

Or, I suppose I could have used "Now You See Me-Now You Don't" as a title for this post on stealth (among) other subjects.

Those of you with a little age may remember the approved way to escape the rigors of the "Jerry Springer Show" and settle down, was to go through the "change" (SRS) and settle down in a different town. Essentially there was no in between - between transvestite and transsexual.

Let's not forget too, the infamous gender slur tra--ny and the use of the term "passing."

I will never forget Stana from Femulate answering a reader who said she couldn't pass with a full explanation of how to do it in a car...hilarious!

Going stealth I guess is the ultimate purge of your male persona.

What would Jerry say?

Pink Miniskirt Part II

Received a couple of key comments on Connie's guest post. One from Shelle:
(excerpt)" As you point out,everyone has their own agenda,For me it has always been to not be noticed anymore than any other woman on earth I have no desire what so ever to be noticed as Trans,I don't view myself in that light,I'm a Woman and always have been even though I didn't for most of my life understand how it came to be."

Shelle, I would guess another version of "stealth" is when you can remove the transgender part of trans woman from your name or self perceptions all together?

And, here is a follow up from Connie:  Hmmm....I never mentioned the color of the fuzzy mini skirt, yet you knew it was pink....

"This is Seattle. There are trans women of all kinds all over the place. I don't actually know many, myself, but it doesn't take a highly-developed trans-dar in order to spot them. A few will say hello to me, in the spirit of "sisterhood", but most of them are so into their thing that they are either oblivious to what's going on around them or they think that talking to another trans woman in public will out them. The latter group is, of course, made up of the stealth ones; the first, mostly cross dressers, I think. There is one who is rather attractive, although she over-does it with her cinched waist and silicone booty. "

It has been just very recently I have began to develop a potential circle of trans/CD acquaintances. I am still learning the Cincinnati area and the fact there are very definite organizations for both groups. As I look back on my cross dressing days, I would not want to hang out in jeans and flats with a bunch of boring trans women.

The "bottom" or "booty" line is, to each their own and  we must stick together for the greater good! 

Guest Post-Fuzzy Pink Miniskirt

From Connie: "

De-transitioning is just an extension of gender dysphoria. It's kind of like the ultimate purge. Of course, most of us know that it really doesn't work in the long run.

Yesterday, while working out on the street all day (no, I did not say "working the street"), I counted no less than a dozen trans women. Most of them were asking to be stared at. I used to actually be embarrassed by these trans folk, knowing that we have some kernel of "truth" in common. Now, I just don't care, because they are taking the focus off of me and making me look good by comparison. They can do what they want with their lives, anyway. We all have our own realities and our own "normal". I believe the frequency of stares we get has diminished quite a bit lately, as more of "us" are showing ourselves to the world. It's like tattoos or bright pink hair - people just don't care anymore. Still, that 6'4" transwoman wearing a fishnet body stocking and fuzzy miniskirt gave cause for a second look, if not a stare"

I need to get out more, I don't think I know a dozen trans women and no I won't lend you my fuzzy miniskirt!

**If you would like to be a guest blogger here, don't be shy!!!!Let me know.

Transgender Teen Fiction Themes

From USA Today:

In May, Meredith Russo’s literary debut arrived in the world, one of countless first novels published every year in search of readers. But Russo’s If I Was Your Girl  — the story of a transgender teenage girl named Amanda who is in love with a boy named Grant — had deep personal resonance.

“I wanted to write the story I needed myself” as a teenager, says Russo, 29, a trans woman inChattanooga, Tenn., who remembers growing up with only negative cultural messages about trans people. “I wanted to create a power fantasy for trans kids.”


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