If You Bought a New Cadillac-Would You Drive It?

Years and years ago, I heard Oprah interview several transgender women and their spouses who decided to stay with them through transition. A couple all the way through SRS. 

She (Oprah) zeroed in on one of the transgender women and asked her about the surgical procedures she endured. Then, she pushed the envelope farther and asked the trans woman about her "sexual" future. In other words, if she had a chance to fall in love and be sexually attracted to a man now-would she "try out" her new "equipment?" After pausing and with her wife sitting there-the trans woman said "no."

I paraphrase here and quote Oprah's quick response as a non believing "if you bought a Cadillac, why wouldn't you drive it?" Which brings me to another point.

Katie and Arin Young, Trans and Looking for Love, BBC

Katie Glover editor and publisher of Frock Magazine recently wrote a thoughtful article for the Independent  about the BBC3 Documentary "If you're young, trans and looking for love" you may want to check out. Katie doesn't "skirt" the issue and gets quickly to the "meaty parts."-or the promise (failed or not) of SRS.


You may want to follow the link above to read it.

My only point to be made is Sex Realignment Surgery should never be presented as a be all end all to any transgender person. After all, sex is sex and gender is gender and many times the two don't have to meet for a trans person to live a meaningful life.

To each his own though, so if you do have a new Cadillac in the garage, don't you at the least have to "test" drive it to keep it usable if you need it?

Caitlin Trump?

Already, the "Caitlin Jenner" is a Republican- is becoming an issue-because the "Pub's" are SO opposed to LGBTQ rights. It's a shame because for me at least, a few of the potential Republican candidates I see have ideas I agree with. I have followed Autumn Sandeen (trans veteran) for some time now and I was very interested in her recent post in the LGBT Weekly:

Autumn Sandeen

"Caitlyn Jenner is arguably the most famous transgender woman in the U.S. and has identified herself as a Republican. She represents the transgender community to the general public whether the transgender community likes it or not, and I’m seeing in social media where a lot of the transgender community is falling into the “or not” side of the divide in significant part because of Jenner’s public politics."

I will let you read the in depth version here, but here are a few highlights:

Caitlin Trump

1. Trump referred to Jenner as "Bruce" then miss-pronouned Jenner.
2. Carson said we should have transgender restrooms - it's not fair for us to make them uncomfortable? (Kind of like the first years of integrated restrooms Ben?)
3. Rubio wants to block employment rights for LGBT people saying it's a "special right" not equal right. (Kind of like not hiring Hispanics? Mark?)
4. And my choice for the candidate most likely to come out of the closet - Ted Cruz, said "We shouldn't use the military as a cauldron for social experiment."

Of course, we have a long way to go until election time. Plenty of time for ALL the candidates to try to squirm out of former positions to gain votes. 

And plenty of time for us to write about it here in Cyrsti's Condo.

Sandbox?

Here in Cyrsti's Condo I used to call transitioning "playing in the girl's sandbox".

All I heard forever it seemed was "welcome to our world" from the cis women who did embrace me. (Bless their hearts-a bunch of embracing!)

Finally, I became just me to them and the world. And last night on Thanksgiving Eve, everything seemed to slow down and come into focus.  Indeed I knew I was going full circle into becoming the person I was born to be. 

In more of a traditional way, Liz and I went to a small meetup of friends celebrating a full moon. The group focused the power of the moon to heal ones in need-and the world. 

On the way home, Liz and I took the easy way out and shopped for our Thanksgiving dinner with her family on Saturday. I have a bad hip, so I wasn't expecting an easy way of the experience. 

Amazingly, the hip didn't bother me and here I was following Liz around like a puppy dog while she tore through the store, comparing prices/coupons and checking out. No side looks, no smirks no reaction of any kind-from anyone.

I felt great and ready to pass along all the thanks and goodwill I felt to all that I could. Ironically now, it's increasingly difficult to do that because like it or not I'm heading down a stealth path I didn't see coming. Being transgender is becoming less and less relevant to me.

My spot in the sandbox "seems" to be secure.

Thanks-Giving

It's that time of year to consider what the year has done for you - or what you can do moving forward in your life - in the community. You thank then give.

Of course that is all up to you. As I always repeat here in Cyrsti's Condo, no matter how small your contribution is, it will come back to you three fold.

Having written all of that though, this is the day to consider your blessings. Many times they are there, just hidden. 

Best wishes from the staff and management of Cyrsti's Condo (me!) and I decided to pass this along from a group which is working diligently to make transgender lives easier. 

Clean UP Dammit!

Finally, a couple nights ago, I broke down and colored by hair-basically by myself. I will explain.

"Basically" means I only made a mess with the color base in a couple spots, like the bathroom door and sink. If you have ever worked with hair color, it will stain almost anything and get you (me) hollered at. No pressure? Plus I sort of figured if I screwed up bad enough, Liz would help. I didn't and neither did she.

Lets back track a bit to where I got to this place. Looking back years ago to when I put my wigs aside and began attempting to style my own hair. Very simply, I called this the first time in my life I had to see the back of my head and brush out my hair. A "Pink Floyd" song? "The Dark Side of the Head?" Seriously, being able to experience the thrill of having/wearing my own hair has been worth the hassle. Having said that, if you are a transgender woman of means- you can afford the monthly trip to your hairdresser and is flat out wonderful.

I can't afford the luxury though so I had to enter the DIY hair color biz. From the school of hard hair mistakes-here are a few of mine:

1. Read the instructions...don't be a guy...read the instructions.
2. When those mean old instructions tell you to "PUT ON THE GLOVES"-do it.
3. Save back a couple of old towels you don't care if you color too for your removal process.
4. BE CAREFUL and don't get the color on walls, tile, carpet etc. Get it on your noggin. 
5. Make sure you color your roots completely. Or you will be like me and your gray hair will come back fast and look like a huge bald spot.
6. Don't worry about the color which gets on to your skin around your temples, DO worry about not coloring your temples. (hair)
7. The rest is up to you and the color product you purchased. Mine calls for rinse, two shampoos, and a conditioner. 

So, there you go, but to me totally worth it and I felt positively terrible until I colored my hair. We all learn early as cross dressers or transgender women what hair means to us. Plus with Thanksgiving here, I didn't want to go to the family with the way my hair looked.

I took my abuse for making a mess and feel quite satisfied with the job I did looks. The question is now how long more will I stick with my "Vibrant Violet" hair color.

Coffee With Paula?

Paula's Place blog (Paula Goodwin), is one I keep up with as much as I can. It has always been interesting to me how similar on occasion our transgender experiences can be - even though we are an ocean apart.

Recently she posted her transition ideas along with a drawing from Hannah's McKnight's illustrated transgender blog.

The key point to a transition is when you don't think about gender. You are simply you. An example from me was one of the last meetings I went to. The group issued name tags asking for preferred pronouns. I put down her, she and me (not really). On the other hand one my preferences is not to be ever called a "female" which I consider a physical birth issue.

So, I agree with Paula and Hannah totally and ironically picked up on the barista word from Hannah. 

The other night I was waiting in line for a coffee from the "big time" coffee chain who currently is in trouble from the "radical right" for what they are putting on Christmas themed coffee cups. (Get a life.)

I waited, I waited and I waited some more for only two people ahead of me. The first guy, I don't know what his deal was, except he ordered some special blend from the peak of Mt. Everest and never shut up. The person in front of me had a visitor while we were in line waiting to celebrating another birthday and then again on the phone while she was ordering. What the hell! Did she forget the order?

By the time it was really my turn to order, I was thinking death may be an improvement over a cup of coffee. The barista said "how can we start you off?" my mind translated "how can we help you sir." I said "excuse me?" and she repeated what she really said. (no sir)

The happy ending was I was able to order a simple cup of coffee, not celebrate a birthday and get to my meetup on time.

And yes, the lead "barista" apologized for the peeps ahead of me-not mis gendering me-which she didn't anyhow.

Wishful Thinking?

With a couple of the real scary presidential candidates who were given "no chance" not long ago-who now are.

This picture of transgender veteran and Navy Seal Kristin Beck standing in front of what could be "Air Force One" (if the Prez was on board) is somewhat reassuring.

The Power/Problem of Trans Youth.

In a recent Cyrsti's  Condo post we wrote about the potential problems a very attractive young transgender girl would have dating and finding a relationship. When do you tell a potential lover you have not been the gender of your choice - your entire life?

I have always been a believer in "total disclosure" when it comes to a potential trans relationship-even if the person has gone through total SRS. Plus, it's easy for me to say, because I haven't and seemingly won't ever get into that situation. 

Not so much at all with Claire Green on the left who is being featured in a British (BBC 3) Documentary  “Young, Trans and Looking for Love” (Image via Barcroft TV/BBC 3).

I think too many of us also think "Wow! If I ever looked like Claire, how could I ever have any problems?" As I have always said, looks  are only the beginning. The  younger the trans person, the more the continuing culture of legal transgender discrimination and rest room hassles become all so much more compelling. 

Claire obviously has made it to stage one and doesn't need me to point out she is just getting started.

I have added a link to one of her YouTube videos here.

The Sexy Dillemma

In a recent Cyrsti's Condo post I wrote I would use the picture of a young Latina transgender girl who was very attractive and was slain brutally last summer.

No pun intended but the double edge sword for trans violence is the better you present, the more chance you could have to attract the wrong "admirer." I have never been in the totally presentable category but I can only imagine the trepidation I would feel if I thought I was trying to "fool" some guy on a date.

Other factors would be "competing" with cis women of the same age. (Especially if they are young, attractive and in competition for a guy. One of the memorable comments I hear quite a bit from the older cis women I hand out with is- when they see a 20 something in a short skirt or low cut top is "hey if she has it, flaunt it." In itself, that statement presents all kinds of serious problems for a trans girl.

The biggest maybe is that looks represent a validation of our femininity. I'm the first to admit I think breast augmentation would mean tons to me and I'm not on the dating market and old. I can't imagine how badly surgery of all kinds goes past the want into the need category for a younger transgender person. 

Plus,it's safe to say the Hispanic and African American cultures as a rule have more of a macho image than say the average white rednecks. (Who are plenty bad enough, so don't accuse me of being a racist.)

Perhaps the saddest part of all of this violence comes when you read the trolls comments after each story. 

At my age, on this topic I am going to fall back on the old cliche and say I hope the world finally changes before I go to the "other side."