Cyrsti's Condo "Star Gazing"

Here we go kids, another chance to gaze at the stars and read what astrology says about the week ahead. We Libra's have another chance to go for something-whatever it may be!:

(September 23-October 22): There is a race to the front of the line now. If there are circumstances that aren’t matching up to your skills, this is the moment to get things straight. There are many options that will appear surreal, but trust they are visions of a near future that is within reach. So, suit up, because the snooze button no longer works and your reputation to say what you can do hangs in the balance.

This week, I skipped the urge to feature Pisces and the mention of a hot oil body treatment after a "L Word" episode about a lesbian bar and hot oil wrestling and went with Leo for all of you who may be in the middle of transitioning:

(July 23-August 22): There will be lots of things to attend to in your backyard, so don’t get all fancy early in the week making plans that require you to go far. If you take the effort to learn about the community you are a part of, you will find a place to belong. Yes, seems the intellectual connection and spiritual understanding you crave is right under your nose.

As always, if I left you out, don't despair and head here for your sign! 

  

Cyrsti's Condo "Quote of the Day"

My Goat and I

This is not a fun story, in fact it is downright painful about why I grew the "Goatee."

For obvious reasons, I never wore much facial hair because I knew sooner more than later it would have to come off in some sort of "ultimate purge." Fortunately too, my beard growth basically stops from the corners of my mouth over to my ears.

I have written in length here in Cyrsti's Condo, and even more so in my book "Stilettos on Thin Ice" about how I tried to balance my awakening knowledge I was transgender with a desire to stay with my wife of 25 years.  She always accepted the knowledge I was a cross dresser but never would embrace thoughts of me being trans.

Bottom line was, the more I explored my gender, the clearer it became I was trans.

Sounds easy, right?  The problem was, I began getting caught up in lies about where I was and what I was doing on a greater scale. I became harder and harder to live with.  To the point on one occasion, when she told me "be man enough to go become a woman, we both will be better off." I didn't and continued down a road where I essentially was cheating on her-with myself.

Finally, on yet another occasion when she came home early and caught me coming through the door, I had had enough.  I wasn't being honest with myself, her or the world and dishonesty in a person I felt was one of the nastiest attributes ever. Someone could call me stupid-just not a liar. So here I was lying.  What did I do? Once again I tried to take the easy way out by taking a whole bottle of whatever bi-polar medicine I had at the time and curled up downstairs on the couch.  I'm writing this, so you can guess the pills didn't kill me (I never told her.) so I went to "plan B."

I am a firm believer in whatever spirit you worship giving you a strong hint of what you should do in life. I am not the sharpest tack in the box and I chose to ignore my spiritual gender guideposts but for some reason, "plan B" was looking better.

The plan was going to be utterly difficult and in many ways I thought would be tossing all of my feminine learning experiences in the trash.  The only way though I knew to stop what I was doing was to grow a beard.  A voice deep inside was screaming at me, "Just Do It!" The picture of me with a goatee here on the blog shows the result.

The saddest part of the story is approximately two years into me doing the wrong thing for the right reason-one night my wife of 25 years went to work and never came home.  She suffered a fatal heart attack on the job. Absolutely and positively I never thought I would outlive her.  That was eight years ago this Thanksgiving and the mental trauma took me five years to work my way through. The night was the reason I try to tell everyone how literally paper thin, life really is and everything you think is permanent is merely an illusion.

Now though, I am proud of the fact now, I was able to live up to what I said I was going to do during the last two years of her life.  Selfishly, I do listen to those who say she was wrong to expect me to be someone I wasn't (like her sister, my daughter and my partner). I know they are right but I loved my wife deeply and she was my best friend too, so as in most other things, there was so much more than meets the eye.

In the picture, I had ballooned up to 275+ pounds.  After her passing, I went back to my inner soul for survival. She helped me to lick my wounds and slowly get back in the game and within a week, the goatee was gone.

Should I say, the rest is history?

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

Good morning kids!  Ker Plunk! It's time for another Sunday Edition here in the Condo and on your virtual front porch.  Settle in for a hot "cup o joe."

Page One.- The Week that was-Or wasn't.  I consider myself fairly used to what goes on around the Condo, but last week, we posted a couple ideas on breasts which positively set records on the number of hits I have ever received and several wonderful comments as well.  Certainly, I had no ground breaking ideas on breast worship.  Essentially, no matter how we identify as transgender or cross dressers-we can "adjust" the size of our breasts.  No different as any of the "tricks" genetic women have used forever.  My most recent example came not long ago when my partner Liz mentioned I needed a different kind of bra which would bring my new breast tissue which extends to under my arms forward and fills my natural cup size (C).  Making the most of what I have.

We went on to have quite the conversation of her memories of shopping with her Mom for her first bra and how essentially embarrassing it was.  Similar to so many feminine rights of passage all of us know very little about, the gender "grass" is not always greener on the other side.

Page Two.- My "Goat" Last week, we also made the jump from breasts to facial hair.  No secret, beard coverage is a huge step to effectively presenting ourselves as women.  If you go on YouTube at all, there are tons of ideas of how to do it for cross dressers or drag queens.  Of course for more permanent results, we must go the route of laser or electrolysis. As I said, due to financial constraints and a relatively manageable beard-I had to put hair removal on the "back burner".  But, where I am at now- is waking up to an increasingly feminized body and a scratchy chin...Ukk!  Liz and I are "shopping" increasingly for a professional to begin the process.

As far as the "goat" comment, J.Alana asked:  "Nice blue eyes Cyrsti. I hadn't seen this picture. Maybe you can clue me in on why you were growing it out."

(The picture she is referring to is actually on the blog!)  Actually, the "Goatee" story is an extremely sad, embarrassing and uplifting experience all wrapped together in one two year period of my life and I promise a post about it by tomorrow at the latest.  Thanks for the eye compliment J. Alana!  I commonly referred to as having a green/hazel eye color mix.  I do know though they have been known to pick up the environment around me-or according to Liz- emotions.  I am just happy I can see out of them!

The "real" Elvira (left) and the "drag version"

Page Three.- Halloween   Octtober is nearly here, and with it Halloween.  I'm happy because I don't have to worry about  having experiences to pass along!  Seriously, as easy as Halloween looks, it is far from easy for most of us.  I know early in my life, I was paranoid about dressing as a girl at all.  Someone at a party may learn of my "dreaded" cross dressing secret.  Later on, I progressed to a "Ha Ha" look at me dressed as a woman for Halloween.   One year I responded to a comment from two genetic women friends who said, "Wow, you make a good looking woman!" I could only say thanks, but a lot of good it does me." (what the hell did that mean to them?) Finally, as I accepted I was transgender, Halloween became nearly mundane. In October, we will chat about why it has nearly come full circle.



The Back Page.- It must be time to wrap up this "Sunday Edition"- Liz's big fuzzy black cat is staring at me and is threatening to walk across the keyboard.  As always, thanks for taking the time to stop by Cyrsti's Condo!  Your visits make it all worthwhile!

The Future of the Male Gender?

I see a lot of sites promoting the future of the male gender as a highly androgynous person and I guess scientifically there are ideas to support it.  Overall we know though, with some, the whole idea is just an over romanticized fantasy.  Although, even here in the "heartland" (Ohio) I will occasionally see a very pretty boy or 20 something guy, I just know would produce a andro model such as Alexandre Wetter:

From the Cyrsti's Condo Archives: Jessica Lam

This is a positively ancient Larry King video from 2007:

What the Hell is Pinterest?

As Pinterest pertains to the public as a whole, it is a fun place to literally "scrapbook" your pictures and swap images with like minded folks.

Of course, as in most things involved with our community, if you haven't explored Pinterest, have tons of time to view what seems to be thousands upon thousands of pictures of cross dressers, trans women, fakes and transsexual porn stars.

Along the way, through osmosis, I began to use and think of my Pinterest in a different way.  First of all, I use it for my smart arse comments, and on a serious nature attempt to spotlight transgender women and men in our world who are making a difference.  Then, I began to notice the quotes which show up there. You have seen a few of them here in Cyrsti's Condo.  Then, I began to "pin" any item I list in my Etsy shoppes to my Pinterest boards.  Then, I began to add my other interests (such as vintage pinups) - among other things such as recipes.  In other words, not related at all to the fact I am a transgender woman.

All of the sudden, I have "civilians" repining some of my non trans related pins to their boards...which means at some point, they might look at my whole page which still is heavily accented with transgender activity.

I'm wondering now, if in some way, I have found a different means to educate another person in the world or two that there are many of us who are just regular people- with many different interests other than all the other thousands of pictures they see. They have no way of knowing the differences in our community and it's natural to lump together most of the crazy pictures of the guy down the hall in a dress.

Of course, I will never really know, but at the least I wonder if the person who pinned one of my vintage garden tool posts will think "Hey she's a transgender woman and she has the same interests as me! I love her taste in recipes, vintage art, antiques and even tattoo's!"

It's just a brief moment for me to show them , I'm so much more than just a trans woman.

Don't be a Boob?

As expected (in a good way) our breast discussion around here in Cyrsti's Condo continues on it's merry ol way.  After all, no matter how you view them, breasts have a major impact on how a woman views her femininity and how a man views her period.

JAlanaS though, came up with a whole different perspective:  While having an appropriate chest size is key to decent feminine presentation, I find proper chin hair is even more important. Let's be honest, the biggest fail is showing up as the "Bearded Lady" That'll get you ID'ed/outed quicker even if you do have a good sized rack. I "augment" my natural A's with A-to-B filler pads. So that said, I'd spend my money on electrolysis long before the silicone implants, although a D-cup would look about right on my frame.

I'm with you JAlana.  In fact, I have shopped around for electrolysis prices a couple of times.

"Bearded Lady Miriam"

I'm fortunate though because I don't have a lot of facial hair and most of it has turned gray. The good news is, with a close shave, and a little foundation - I'm ready to go. The bad news is, I'm not a candidate for laser hair removal because of my gray hair. **Hint- If you haven't found it here on the blog, there is a before picture of me with a goatee.

My problem is, I dearly hate to wake up in the morning with the same old scratchy stubble on my face when the rest of my body is clearly feeling the effects of HRT feminization. As of yet, I have been unable to "scratch" (no pun intended) up the money yet to begin my planned electrolysis. 

Finally, my only comment to JAlana's is, style wise, most certainly go to your strengths. (Stana's legs.) But don't over do it and try to "manufacture" too many strengths. Example?  If you are going with big breasts and good cleavage-don't pair the look with a short leg baring skirt. (And look like a street walker!) Plus most certainly, I would not go under the knife for breast enhancement before electrolysis either.   

Cyrsti's Condo "Makeup Moment"

If you saw me most of the time, you would probably think "she must have taken only a moment to put that makeup on and maybe she could have spared two moments?"

Regardless of all of that,I always read with interest a review or two on price/quality deals from makeup pros which fit my budget.

This one comes from Yahoo and covers 47 dollars worth of products including this one from New York Color:

INDIVIDUALEYES CUSTOM COMPACT

Discover NYC New York Color IndividualEyes Custom Compact, the all-in-one compact with everything you need for a complete eye look: primer, illuminator, applicator and complementing shadows. With four colors, specially coordinated to intensify and enhance your eye color, you can create a look as individual as you are. Make your eyes pop! $4.99

Here was the review:
This modestly priced product is a potential powerhouse. “It has great matte colors, a highlighter cream, and also an eye shadow base. That base could take away some dark circles on the inner corner of the eye and the highlighter could be used on the tops of the cheekbones,” Dubroff (makeup artist) says. “This was a happy discovery!” 

As I said there are more ideas here.

Certainly, getting the most bang for your buck is important when any woman (transgender or not) is shopping for makeup but getting a great deal is a bigger plus for the beginning cross dresser.  Unless you are one of the rare CD's who has access to a make up "mentor" to get you started, experimentation is very important. These ideas give you an idea of how to purchase a few "essentials" without spending big money to do it!