Cyrsti's Condo "Cover Girl" of the Day

Our feature cover today is the gorgeous Mtf transsexual woman Maria Roman

Transgender Onions

Identifying as a transgender woman these days continues to be a fascinating experience. Seemingly, once a week, I am genuinely surprised by something I read, see or personally experience. Lately, I have been fascinated by the number of truly beautiful androgynous pictures of people I see on line.  I have begun to refer to them as "too much beauty for one gender."   The example on the right is Alexander Bekker from Russia looking for all the world like the sexiest sultry "vampiress" of Count Dracula's dreams, but stops short with a bare male chest.  Sure I know this example is "photo shopped" to hell and back but many others just aren't.    

Then there are the "new" generation of transgender thinkers such as Parker Malloy,  who are challenging the very basics of what we are about. Primarily the notion held by most of my generation that one should transition, find a man and disappear into society. For any number of reasons, I didn't fit that mold but took another path and began a serious transition on HRT from cross dresser to transgender. Now it seems I'm peeling back another layer of the onion and transitioning again to a place I thought was impossible to access.  

Do you remember the 1989 movie called Altered States ? The plot centered around actor William Hurt who played a Harvard scientist.  He conducted experiments on himself with a hallucinatory drug and isolation chamber. In the movie he ends up regressing genetically (as you will too if you watch the movie "under the influence" too many times)!  My point is now I'm seemingly beginning to be able access a female persona in myself- "female" not "woman". The problem is I thought it was impossible.  I felt no matter how many operations you had and meds you ingested, you are a woman-not female.  Now , I'm not so sure.  Much of my "altered" belief comes from the different way I perceive the world these days and a portion of it seems to not be a "learned" response but a brain driven one.  I've even taken my thought pattern to the point of SRS, which is pretty much out of the question for me due to financial and even age considerations.  But, what if it wasn't, would I?

There is obviously so much more to this story that has not been written and even if I did go for SRS, a whole new transition would take place to write about. Also, like it or not, the Grim Reaper holds the rights to the final chapter. So, in the meantime,I hope he stays away and I will get back with you when I peel another layer of our onion. Hope it doesn't make us cry!

I

400 LARGE!

I'm sure you remember this story which actually is about a year old from (in this case) the not so friendly Pacific Northwest.  What happened was a transgender / cross dressing group was abruptly told to leave a tavern they had been meeting at for some time.  Here is the result on the Cyrsti's Condo big screen:

What Was I thinking?

You just know the girl on the right in this picture is thinking why the hell did I let this guy in my closet?

Taking It All for Granted?

I read a post this morning from the Paula's Place blog which I visit regularly.  Here's an excerpt which caught my eye and heart.  She has being doing an alphabet blogging challenge which explains her reference to the "R post."

My life is at a point of flux and I am uncertain which way it is going to go. A few days ago under my R post I said I was Ready, well I am but I am also uncertain, and just a little frightened. I am aware that this is a one way journey, and that I am getting close to a point of no return, and I need to consider how this will affect other people as well as me. 

 Many of my friends are telling me that I should only consider myself, but I believe I need to consider my daughter in all my actions, how will what I choose impact on her life. She is stridently inclusive in her outlook, but these things can often be different when they are personal, when it is your own father. I am also uncertain about my wife, my Church, and my customers. At some point I will need to make these decisions but not just yet.

Of course I was in Paula's shoes for literally decades.  Now, I try never to take my situation for granted because as I have said a zillion times here in Cyrsti's Condo, the path to my transition was made easier by several very sad events in my life.  Here's an example:  Through Frock Magazine, I recently learned of a film company which was searching for participants to work with them on a transgender documentary.  Being the curious critter that I am, I contacted them to learn what they were looking for.  It turned out they were looking for transgender persons who were in the process of actively coming out to others-which pretty much left me out.  I told her my story of almost everyone of substance in my life fooling around and dying on me in a two year period. (Except my parents who passed years ago.) With a clean slate, I just started over and formed a circle of friends who never knew the old me to start with and came out to my only child, a very accepting daughter. It was clear, I didn't really fit what she was looking for.

So while I can understand Paula's dilemma's, as the days pass, I have to be careful I don't lose my empathy for her and so many like her.  Not having a job to worry about transitioning in, a wife who passed years ago who never accepted me being more than a cross dresser and an accepting religion-I'm certainly in the right place for the sad reasons.

At the end of each day and at the beginning of each new day, I must make sure I never take any of my life for granted and Paula, follow your soul girl friend!

Just Crazy

Ok kids, it's time to prove how crazy I really am!

Here are a couple of my "what if's" comments from my Pinterest page: The first is "Hey Mom and Dad! My boyfriend Joe and I are having a great time on vacation in London!"
 





The second (right)  is " Well honey, I wasn't quite ready to tell you exactly what my part time job is!."

Cyrsti's Condo "Cover Girl" of the Day

Our feature cover today is Miguel Ángel Cundapí Bustamante putting on a show somewhere.  I would like a penny (or more) for the thoughts of those watching the show!

Cyrsti's Condo "Quote of the Day"

"Blessed be those who accept your transition even though they have no idea why!"

Cyrsti Hart

I Was Bad at Geometry

Maybe my dislike of the subject and very poor grades came from a deep down dislike for my own "angles"?
Probably not, but to this day, I so admire a woman with all her curves in a sweat suit.  Or should I say, I was down right jealous!  I could only guess how it could feel to be soft and curvy rather than angular and hard.

Strangely, I remember a certain day at home when I was going through puberty and I looked down at my hands.  For some reason on that day it occurred to me my hands were no longer like "boy hands" but were "squaring off" into man hands.  I can't say I had what the transgender purists would say was a point of panic about the changes which were coming - I just noticed of all things my hands on that day. Looking back though,  it's unfair to pick on my hands. As changes went, I was lucky with my hands.  They are kind of passable and were too small to catch many passes in football, so hey, who am I to complain?

Maybe (if the HRT continues to work it's miracles) I may have a chance to have the last laugh on all this angle stuff anyhow.  As I wrote about recently here in Cyrsti's Condo, I'm beginning to develop in the hip and rear area to match up with my breasts.  So with spring not totally in gear around here, I still have time to slip into some sweats and get up close and personal with my new curves.

I guess the geometry deal was OK after all, girls aren't supposed to be good at math but don't tell my Grand Daughter who is!