Coming Out to Others

"Coming Out" to the ones you love is one of the most difficult tasks we will undertake and if you are like me, you will try to do it the wrong way. All of us who have come out totally or partially, have run the gamut doing it with a gradual "sit down talk" to a full blown "meet up" at the door in heels and hose...intended or accidental. Whatever the case, a genetic woman is going to "categorize" exactly what "Coming Out" means to them. More than a few immediately begin looking for a divorce lawyer but then again many don't.  Take this recent Cyrsti's Condo comment from Pat as an example:

  "The other night at dinner my wife passed me a nice comment about the cleavage that I had created as I sat across from her at the table. Just one more joy of being able to cherish my gender issues."

Obviously, Pat and I both were "out" to our wives, which I know isn't so common in the cross dresser / transgender world. For whatever reason, more than a few women refuse to accept "their man" in a pair of panties, let alone full feminine attire. As I have written numerous times my wife did not have any problems with me being a cross dresser. She couldn't. She knew from day one.  Done deal, who cared, worse problems. However, her life was good with me as a crossdresser not as a transgender woman. Which I understood.  In all fairness to myself though,  I didn't really know how I identified for much of our marriage and transgender was just a little known word. As I began to consider I was much more than a cross dresser,  I never wanted to admit it to her and my whole situation became one of "trust". I didn't love her enough to trust her with the knowledge even though both of us knew it would be the end of our relationship.  As we all know trust is the very glue which holds a relationship together.

Over the years, I have had numerous people ask me how I came out to the people I did.  The brutal truth is I have only came out as transgender to my daughter and a couple other friends who pretty much wrote me off. (one did-one almost did).  For the record, I have never came out as transgender to a male but have as a cross dresser. Why?  I think most certainly telling someone you have this "thing" about wanting to wear feminine things is easier than telling someone you want to be one of those feminine things. You are jumping "camps" and men immediately distrust you for wanting to and women wonder why you want to jump on board their bandwagon.

All the problems are compounded of course by being in a relationship which may even involve children.   An important point to remember when telling a spouse is she may not think your gender issue is a bigger deal than the trust issue which came hand in hand with it.  Specifically, how long has this been going on and why was she the last to know?  When and if you can seal this wound, then it's extremely wise to tell your whole gender story.  Don't be like me and say "a day or two a week living as a woman was cool when I was thinking about HRT."  It was about that time in our relationship when my wife laid down the infamous line "be man enough to be a woman and stop the torment for both of us."

I have no scientific stats to back this up but I think the younger generation is doing a better job of accepting relationships where one of the partners is trans.  At least I hope it's the case.  In the meantime, my best advice to those seeking to come out to love ones, don't get sidetracked by thinking they will get "freaked" by your gender choices.  They may already have figured it out or will get hurt by the fact you didn't trust them enough to tell them.

Cyrsti's Condo "Woman of the Day"

Canadian transgender Model Jenna Talackova continues to impress with an Elle Canada spread. Her reality show called "Brave New Girl" (reportedly) is still in the works.

Go here to Elle Canada for more.

Would You Bring You Home for Christmas?

Over the years here in Cyrsti's Condo, we have discussed the role of admirers (men who are attracted to transgender women for whatever reason) and even why more men aren't. When and if you can toss out the sexual aspect of a man with a transgender woman, the possibilities are endless.  Without going into a whole lot of detail, at the least we bring a totally different perspective into a man's life.  I have known many men over the span of my life who never totally got along with women.  Didn't trust them, couldn't communicate with them, their life was a gender stand off until many just said "to hell with it" and split up later in life.

Many of you have read me refer to an old cross dressing friend from the 1980's I'm still in touch with. We have debated this topic in depth on several occasions, especially around the holidays. We follow the exploits of several transgender or cross dresser women out on dates with their boyfriends and comment.  He is more conservative than I and thinks the video's are nothing more than a validation ploy to make the less than attractive woman seem more successful in the world.  On the other hand, I told him I don't see why more men don't date transgender women.  We offer much more than looks and many of us believe in the fading traditional feminine roles men covet,  but we are extremely difficult to find.

His final word always is "would you as a guy bring  you as a woman home to your family over the years." Good point!  I always hate it when someone puts me into a discussion corner but he is right. Every fiber of my being wants to stand up and say sure when truthfully I know I wouldn't.  But that's OK.  If I was dating a guy, I would understand. When and if he ever thought meeting the family was important to him, I would go as I went to my girlfriends holidays.

Being the woman I am though, I did have to have the last word.  I told him, with my male background I would understand why a guy would feel that way.  That alone, gives me more than a slight edge on most genetic women.

Cyrsti's Condo "Woman of the Day"

Considered as the "Legend" of Eastern Media Group, Regine Wu, or Li Jing in Chinese, was born on October 25, 1962 in Taiwan. Born as a boy named Wu Zhongming, she underwent surgery and became a girl when she was 22 years old. Differing with other transsexual entertainers, Wu has always denied she had a sex change operation, claiming that she was born as a hermaphrodite with organs of both sexes and the ability to give birth.

I'm Such a Boob!

I have written here in Cyrsti's Condo too much lately about my bra shopping trip recently.  What I didn't mention was how I planned to "fill" my purchase.

Last night, Liz and I were planning to go see her Dad, grocery shop and run a few other errands. I have a low cut long black sweater I was planning to wear, so I figured it was time to "play" with my new bra. It's a "C" cup and I'm only a full "A" with the effects of HRT.  The "B" turned out to be a bitch to fill.  With the bra, I also bought a pair of small inserts to fill out my "C" bra which turned out to not be enough to work.

At my size, I need a full "C" or "D" to fill out my fashion needs plus I feel breasts are one of the top three tools to a successful presentation.  I don't have a visible Adam's Apple to speak of (no pun intended) but do have a short thick neck.  I need a "V" neck top to add a longer line to my upper torso look.  Any cleavage I can add helps me present feminine with less problems plus if a person is in the middle reading me as a transgender woman, breasts may put me over the top but I digress.

I still needed "fill" to go to a full "C".  I didn't want to resort to going back to my "D" silicone breast forms but I did.  Turned out to be a good move.  The only thing I sacrificed was my pride.  My new bra was an under wire push up model so between my natural breast growth and the inserts, I was easily able to achieve a realistic breast look. Specifically when I bent over at all.  I was happy, my girls weren't all mine of course but anymore more, who knows how many genetic women aren't playing the same game?

Once again I wondered "what took me so long, you boob!"

Cyrsti's Condo "Cover Girl of the Day"

Kamolrose Thunphirom  a transsexual model from Thailand stops by the "Condo".

"Tula" Bond Transgender Woman Classic

Back in the day, there were talk shows  (even Springer and Maury) which took a fairly serious look at the world and the people in it.  One was Caroline Cossey (Tula) the beautiful transgender model and actress who made an appearance as a Bond "007" girl.  This video on the Cyrsti's Condo big screen goes into her life after she was "outed"

"Power Play"

It's no big secret or revelation the genders operate on a vastly different playing level when power is involved. Men migrate to teams and alpha males, women towards cliques and a passive aggressive life. Each are very effective in their own ways but often cause serious problems between the binary genders. As far as we transgender folks go of course, we have a whole different set of "power settings".

Most of us are very familiar with the male power structure and "put up the good fight".  We went the "macho" route as we struggled to find our gender identity.  The best example is former Navy Seal transsexual woman  Kristen Beck (right) who really pursued a macho profession. (A reason so many service members are transgender)  I played the game well too.  I was a defensive end in football, served my time in the Army and generally was regarded as a macho guy. The problem was though I enjoyed interaction with women more than men and felt more natural. As with other things in my life, it took me years and a ton of thought to have ideas why.

Amazingly to me, I came up with a whole new consideration of my gender social preferences after I wrote the "Problem" post here in Cyrsti's Condo.

 If you identify as a cross dresser, transgender or transsexual, chances are you have always been more comfortable with women rather than men also.  I know there are many reasons we do but I began to wonder if gender power issues played a role?  We must feel more comfortable away from the macho lifestyle. I'm was naive though and found the feminine power set up was not the "peaches and cream" style most men think it is and acceptance wasn't an automatic just because I tossed on a wig and dress.

When I actually started to transition, women put me in a special category of sorts which fit my transgender status.  I was neither a genetic woman or a genetic man.  As such it took awhile to be included to the fullest but when I was, I learned quickly the women's passive aggressive power structure to it's fullest. But I can't tell you I have learned to react as a woman.  Relearning a basic male power system has not been an easy process and before all of this, I believed I liked the girls sandbox because they only talked about neat things such as clothes, makeup and family. Plus they were so nice! Ha!

The important part is I'm flourishing in the feminine system and I love the process. I find the passive aggressive nature is an art form. But more and more, if I have to play, somehow I know I was born to do it. Just don't look for me to do it directly- or to your face.  You are just going to have to figure it out on your own- later.

Fortunately, no one was mean to me at the party and I didn't have to play any power games. I just did my nails before I went and was ready!

Cyrsti's Condo "Cover Girl of the Day"

Six -foot-tall FelipaTavares is among Brazil's small but growing ranks of transgender models — leggy, high-cheekboned sirens who were born men and are causing a splash in Brazil  and other  international fashion capitals around the world.