Two ladies commented on the Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition Post". "Billie" commented the evening must have been wonderful, but asked where was the "problem" I mentioned.
The "problem" was simply one of "habit". As I struggled to learn more and more of what this feminine life is really all about, it was tough. Of course, the whole process of dressing yourself, moving correctly and interacting with the public was tough enough. As difficult though, was having to accomplish the task in "bits and pieces". I resorted to one to three days a week living as much feminine life as I could. Naturally, I would lose much of what I learned when I lived as a guy again then started all over.
My problem now is, I have flashbacks to those days. The rare times from my past when everything seemed to be "working" and I felt good as a woman, I really began to relax, enjoy myself and invariably slip back into male habits. I had to constantly remind myself of which gender role I was occupying at the time.
I found myself "reminding myself" of the same habits at the party. The problem is the process really disrupts me being me. I know I'm relatively outgoing and I enjoy the process more as a woman. For the most part, men still don't migrate towards me but women do and I enjoy the interaction. Women of course are naturally curious and want to learn more about what makes me tick so the process works well.
The "problem" becomes when I start "thinking" about the process. When and if any of my male past slips through to my personality, so what? He has been part of me for so long. The transgender mix which defines me makes me what I am.
The incredible process I'm going through now, of course is tipping my gender scales more to the feminine side. I should worry less and less about who I was but ironically now HRT has made worrying about less a bigger force in my life so worrying needlessly about problems such as this comes with the territory?
On a lighter side, Wendy commented about buying a bra as a guy and the register person calling for a "Wonder Bra" price check! The ultimate in making an embarrassing situation worse! Another little hint I learned yesterday was a bra made by the same company doesn't necessarily means it will fit the same!
Thanks ladies for the comments!
Monday, December 16, 2013
Cyrsti's Condo "Cover Woman of the Day"
From Wikipedia:" Kelly Shore (born April 19, 1982, New Orleans, Louisiana, United States) is an American transsexual pornographic actor and activist. In late 2010 she retired from the adult industry and made a return with her husband under the name Kelly Pierce in 2011 earning her a 2012 Xbiz Awards Nomination.Shore began fighting for LGBT rights in 1996 starting with herself. She fought to be allowed to attend high school as a female after her mother was diagnosed with cancer and was no longer able to teach Shore from home. Shore's biggest role was serving as secretary and volunteer coordinator of St. Pete Pride in 2006. She continues to help the LGBT community through her writings and standing as a voice in for her community in the adult industry."
Sunday, December 15, 2013
Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"
"Socialite Section":
Last night I went to my girlfriend's company Christmas Party. Before you begin thinking of all the fancy seasonal dresses on the women in the room, the get together was very informal with bunches of kids, so I wore a patterned 3/4 length top, leggings and boots.
What was very special to me was I was introduced as "her girlfriend" to all her co-workers and bosses. She takes it for granted but I know how utterly rare acceptance such as that is. It was also very cool none of the other attendees I was introduced to seemed to care less if I was transgender, genetic, Martian or whatever.
I know several of you regular "partiers" here in the "Condo" want to know my choice of beverage. The party was actually in a suburb of Cincinnati and "the Nati" is developing quite a nice selection of locally brewed "craft beers". One of which is Rivertown Brewery, the bar where the party was featured a Rivertown Christmas Ale which had just a touch of a cinnamon flavor and went down very easily. No cheap shots...I do have standards and I'm not a beer snob like some I know (Racquel and my daughter). At any rate, several asked what we were drinking and I recommended it. Turns out, the beer was gender specific to a degree. The women liked it and one guy sort of said "well it is a girl's beer". Interesting.
I had a fabulous time and a designated driver, so life was good! My problem was even I began to take the experience for granted. Every time, I do that, I have found I open myself up for problems!
Fashion Section: For the first time ever I went shopping for a bra with a genetic woman, my girlfriend. I wish I could tell you HRT is magically increasing my breast size and of course it is, but I'm still in an "in between" area of being too thick for my cup size. Which means I need a bra in the 42 B cup range. I took three into the dressing room and found one after I tried them on. So, regardless of my frustration, we found a moderately priced bra which will work with my natural "girls" and small inserts. In the future, the plan is to move up into more comfortable, expensive models and hopefully fill them out better! The best part of the short shopping trip was not having to look over my shoulder wondering why a guy was in the bra section or the cashier eyeing me when I checked out.
That's it for this week's Cyrsti's Condo Sunday edition! Thanks for picking up a copy.
Last night I went to my girlfriend's company Christmas Party. Before you begin thinking of all the fancy seasonal dresses on the women in the room, the get together was very informal with bunches of kids, so I wore a patterned 3/4 length top, leggings and boots.
What was very special to me was I was introduced as "her girlfriend" to all her co-workers and bosses. She takes it for granted but I know how utterly rare acceptance such as that is. It was also very cool none of the other attendees I was introduced to seemed to care less if I was transgender, genetic, Martian or whatever.
I know several of you regular "partiers" here in the "Condo" want to know my choice of beverage. The party was actually in a suburb of Cincinnati and "the Nati" is developing quite a nice selection of locally brewed "craft beers". One of which is Rivertown Brewery, the bar where the party was featured a Rivertown Christmas Ale which had just a touch of a cinnamon flavor and went down very easily. No cheap shots...I do have standards and I'm not a beer snob like some I know (Racquel and my daughter). At any rate, several asked what we were drinking and I recommended it. Turns out, the beer was gender specific to a degree. The women liked it and one guy sort of said "well it is a girl's beer". Interesting.
I had a fabulous time and a designated driver, so life was good! My problem was even I began to take the experience for granted. Every time, I do that, I have found I open myself up for problems!
Fashion Section: For the first time ever I went shopping for a bra with a genetic woman, my girlfriend. I wish I could tell you HRT is magically increasing my breast size and of course it is, but I'm still in an "in between" area of being too thick for my cup size. Which means I need a bra in the 42 B cup range. I took three into the dressing room and found one after I tried them on. So, regardless of my frustration, we found a moderately priced bra which will work with my natural "girls" and small inserts. In the future, the plan is to move up into more comfortable, expensive models and hopefully fill them out better! The best part of the short shopping trip was not having to look over my shoulder wondering why a guy was in the bra section or the cashier eyeing me when I checked out.
That's it for this week's Cyrsti's Condo Sunday edition! Thanks for picking up a copy.
Cyrsti's Condo "Cover Girl of the Day"
Stanyslas Fedyanin, a 16-year-old guy from Moscow, Russia, who has gained notoriety for his very successful career as an international female body. Stas, as he likes to be called, says he is heterosexual, and even has a girlfriend, he just has an androgynous figure that makes him perfect for female modelling.
Saturday, December 14, 2013
Christmas Shopping till you Drop
Let's place this post in the "doing the right thing for the wrong reason" category. As you regulars here in Cyrsti's Condo know, I seized every opportunity to break a deal I had with my wife and get out of the house cross dressed as a woman.
As Christmas rolled around every year, I found the ideal way to get out for a day and do her shopping, as a woman. She didn't suspect anything and I had the money and time to buy her gifts. Once I figured out the need for comfort in my footware and didn't do anything crazy in heels, the shopping world was mine for the taking. Shopping was always the easiest way for me to get out of the closet and navigate the world as a woman. Stores liked me because I was green ( as in money) and if anything, when and if I was read as transgender, I was merely a break from a staff's boring day with the public.
Most of my experiences were rather mundane, but a couple do stick out in my mind so many years later. I will call this one "the case of the bulky blond".
"Back in the day", my wife worked as a full charge book keeper and we were building a home office for her. We began with a oak roll top desk, added a file cabinet and as Christmas rolled around that year, I decided to add a book case for her. I knew exactly what I wanted and where it was but dare I got buy it as a woman? You all know the answer, of course I did.
I had a black pants suit I dearly loved which I teamed up with a pair of black flats and my long blond straight wig. I finished off my upscale professional woman look with a light overcoat I bought. Needless to say, professional look or not, I was scared to death when I went into the furniture store. After what seemed like an eternity, a salesman came up and asked if he could help me. In what I hope passed as my best soft feminine voice (instead of a frog) I told him what I wanted and bought it. So far, so good-no whispers, giggles or anything. Only the final huge question, "what did I want it loaded in." The question itself of course wasn't having the vehicle, it was who was going to load it?
For the first time in my life, I stood back and let two men treat me like a girl and loaded my purchase. Quite the experience to be sure! They politely thanked me and sent me on my way with my purchase. I made sure I returned the thanks, wished them a Happy Holiday and headed on my way, but not before I managed to sweep my long blond hair off my shoulders as I slid into the car. From that point on I knew life couldn't never be the same again.
As Christmas rolled around every year, I found the ideal way to get out for a day and do her shopping, as a woman. She didn't suspect anything and I had the money and time to buy her gifts. Once I figured out the need for comfort in my footware and didn't do anything crazy in heels, the shopping world was mine for the taking. Shopping was always the easiest way for me to get out of the closet and navigate the world as a woman. Stores liked me because I was green ( as in money) and if anything, when and if I was read as transgender, I was merely a break from a staff's boring day with the public.
Most of my experiences were rather mundane, but a couple do stick out in my mind so many years later. I will call this one "the case of the bulky blond".
"Back in the day", my wife worked as a full charge book keeper and we were building a home office for her. We began with a oak roll top desk, added a file cabinet and as Christmas rolled around that year, I decided to add a book case for her. I knew exactly what I wanted and where it was but dare I got buy it as a woman? You all know the answer, of course I did.
I had a black pants suit I dearly loved which I teamed up with a pair of black flats and my long blond straight wig. I finished off my upscale professional woman look with a light overcoat I bought. Needless to say, professional look or not, I was scared to death when I went into the furniture store. After what seemed like an eternity, a salesman came up and asked if he could help me. In what I hope passed as my best soft feminine voice (instead of a frog) I told him what I wanted and bought it. So far, so good-no whispers, giggles or anything. Only the final huge question, "what did I want it loaded in." The question itself of course wasn't having the vehicle, it was who was going to load it?
For the first time in my life, I stood back and let two men treat me like a girl and loaded my purchase. Quite the experience to be sure! They politely thanked me and sent me on my way with my purchase. I made sure I returned the thanks, wished them a Happy Holiday and headed on my way, but not before I managed to sweep my long blond hair off my shoulders as I slid into the car. From that point on I knew life couldn't never be the same again.
Cyrsti's Condo "Cover Girl" of the Day
Exy Davis stops by "the Condo" Exy is described as an androgynous male/female model.
Friday, December 13, 2013
Esteem versus Vanity
On occasion I think (no, I know) I spend too much time thinking of my transition process. I suppose when you attempt something as major as changing your gender, introspection is a natural by product.
Those of you who are regulars around here in Cyrsti's Condo know I'm currently in the middle of a total full time immersion as a woman. My nearest male clothes are over 150 miles away.
I have written recently about upping my game of trying to look better-naturally. As I was doing my errands today and checked my appearance when I got back, it occurred to me I was checking my self esteem in the mirror not my vanity. Certainly, I would love to be a stunningly attractive beauty when I head out into the world, not stun others with my appearance. We all know the beauty part is going to have to wait until another life but not being a human "stun gun" isn't.
Taking this idea to a whole deeper level, I realized I was crossing yet another cross dresser / transgender point in my life. Being the often "clue less" person I am, I dazzle myself with these little epiphanies of mine. Then again, I entertain easily. This is what I came up with:
As a cross dresser, I lived in the mirror. As a transgender woman, I live in the world, the only real mirror that matters. Now, in order to survive, I desperately need my self esteem as a woman. The vanity part of me will always exist and screams for facial feminizing surgery and breast augmentation. But, more importantly, I'm finding esteem is the key to my existence.
Those of you who are regulars around here in Cyrsti's Condo know I'm currently in the middle of a total full time immersion as a woman. My nearest male clothes are over 150 miles away.
I have written recently about upping my game of trying to look better-naturally. As I was doing my errands today and checked my appearance when I got back, it occurred to me I was checking my self esteem in the mirror not my vanity. Certainly, I would love to be a stunningly attractive beauty when I head out into the world, not stun others with my appearance. We all know the beauty part is going to have to wait until another life but not being a human "stun gun" isn't.
Taking this idea to a whole deeper level, I realized I was crossing yet another cross dresser / transgender point in my life. Being the often "clue less" person I am, I dazzle myself with these little epiphanies of mine. Then again, I entertain easily. This is what I came up with:
As a cross dresser, I lived in the mirror. As a transgender woman, I live in the world, the only real mirror that matters. Now, in order to survive, I desperately need my self esteem as a woman. The vanity part of me will always exist and screams for facial feminizing surgery and breast augmentation. But, more importantly, I'm finding esteem is the key to my existence.
Thursday, December 12, 2013
Splat!
Hitting the wall is a very popular term or the "glass ceiling" is good too. Whatever term you want to put to it, I've very much reached the transition wall.
It's not surprising. In many ways, the last five years of my life have been an incredible blur. The initial decision I made to live a feminine life and then start HRT was tumultuous enough but nothing compared to the feminine socialization process which followed. Much of which formed the very basis of Cyrsti's Condo.
I was already an adrenaline junkie from my job as a high volume restaurant manager, so in many ways I craved the expectation of what was "coming next" in a life I waited 50 years to live. But now, life seems to being slowing down and to quote an old song "kicks just keep getting harder to find" and I know the reason.
I was warned by a person years ago who asked the simple question, "what kind of everyday woman would I be when I went out to face the world?" Simple answer, right? Not so fast kids. My perception was I would not be the slobby women I see where I live so often. As it turns out, not only do I not want to be one of them, I can't be. To have a chance of navigating the world in a completely new living situation as a transgender women, I found again I better get to work increasing my presentation skill level. Think of it this way, I have to look better and not look like I'm trying. All the time. I'm not whining though, I knew this is what I signed up for. Just have to get used to it.
Perhaps you noticed I wrote "in a completely new living situation." What I mean is, for the last week or so, I have been totally and completely full time. To me, I became more than a little intimidated especially following the gender slur in the tavern last week. Dare I say, it took me a couple days to get my "swagger" back. Swagger (attitude) to me is at least 70% of presentation but I also did what most other genetic women would do, I started to work on my makeup basics again.
I'm happy to say, I'm reclaiming my equilibrium and making major strides towards moving in with my girlfriend-who for the record, rejects any of my remaining maleness and has not kicked me out yet for any number of my personality issues I have listed here in the "Condo". In fact, when we visited her Dad in the hospital last night (he is getting better) the nurse said "you ladies have a good night" to us as she left the room. Music to my ears!
So I guess the future is now and the wall is part of it. As with any climbing experience, slips and slides do occur and that is just part of the process. It's a good thing I don't wear heels often, I need all the climbing help I can get!
It's not surprising. In many ways, the last five years of my life have been an incredible blur. The initial decision I made to live a feminine life and then start HRT was tumultuous enough but nothing compared to the feminine socialization process which followed. Much of which formed the very basis of Cyrsti's Condo.
I was already an adrenaline junkie from my job as a high volume restaurant manager, so in many ways I craved the expectation of what was "coming next" in a life I waited 50 years to live. But now, life seems to being slowing down and to quote an old song "kicks just keep getting harder to find" and I know the reason.
I was warned by a person years ago who asked the simple question, "what kind of everyday woman would I be when I went out to face the world?" Simple answer, right? Not so fast kids. My perception was I would not be the slobby women I see where I live so often. As it turns out, not only do I not want to be one of them, I can't be. To have a chance of navigating the world in a completely new living situation as a transgender women, I found again I better get to work increasing my presentation skill level. Think of it this way, I have to look better and not look like I'm trying. All the time. I'm not whining though, I knew this is what I signed up for. Just have to get used to it.
Perhaps you noticed I wrote "in a completely new living situation." What I mean is, for the last week or so, I have been totally and completely full time. To me, I became more than a little intimidated especially following the gender slur in the tavern last week. Dare I say, it took me a couple days to get my "swagger" back. Swagger (attitude) to me is at least 70% of presentation but I also did what most other genetic women would do, I started to work on my makeup basics again.
I'm happy to say, I'm reclaiming my equilibrium and making major strides towards moving in with my girlfriend-who for the record, rejects any of my remaining maleness and has not kicked me out yet for any number of my personality issues I have listed here in the "Condo". In fact, when we visited her Dad in the hospital last night (he is getting better) the nurse said "you ladies have a good night" to us as she left the room. Music to my ears!
So I guess the future is now and the wall is part of it. As with any climbing experience, slips and slides do occur and that is just part of the process. It's a good thing I don't wear heels often, I need all the climbing help I can get!
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Transgender Instincts
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