Victoria Carioni

Enjoy transgender beauty Victoria Carioni here in Cyrsti's Condo:

Sunday Evening in Cyrsti's Condo

Normally I try to answer all the mail around here and tidy up my thoughts over a cup o joe here on Sunday morning.

This week I was gone for a couple days and hightailed it back home just ahead of a huge storm which battered the Midwestern United States.

So now it's time to sit down and catch up with all of you.

Other than the time spent with my girlfriend, I had the most fun not packing any male clothes at all.  The week I had playing with the stereotypical  male tasks such as electric and plumbing was erased this weekend. Nothing really amazing happened except what the weather did to my hair after I washed it last night and just let it air dry. Today I have all this wonderful wild reddish wavy hair.

Looking back, to comments from last week, Pat commented on the "Mommies Little Girl" post:

"The question of environment or genetics is tough. I suspect it is a combination of both and the fact that in my case my mother was treated with heavy doses of estrogen and perhaps DES during her pregnancy with me. Women of that generation took pride in their feminine appearance, their housekeeping, their cooking, etc. They were survivors of the depression and WWII. They counted their blessings and had an appreciation of the values that they saw around them in the post WWII era."

Thanks Pat, for mentioning DES as the pregnancy drug's name I can never remember!  As I mentioned in the post, estrogen or DES baths in the womb were certainly better than the alternative of not being in this dimension at all. As the children of the "Greatest Generation" we did have a real dbl edge sword of values versus understanding from our parents.  Interestingly, until I was watching a JFK special recently, I didn't realize Kennedy was the generational president of many of the WWII vets.  After his death, they quickly faded into Nixon's "Silent Majority".

Enough of history already.  These days I wonder if kids of both genders are at the least pushed to the middle of the spectrum because of all the medications and hormones they are exposed to from day one-or before in the womb.

At the least the future should be brighter for all of them as the transgender youth of the world are beginning to write their own public story, out of the shadows of stealth.

Thanks for the comment Pat, I marvel at how our pasts intermingle and have to think many others do too. I just can't figure out which hormone in the womb made you a Yankee fan? Maybe "A-Rodgen?".

A Transgender Duet

Some time ago on the Cyrsti's Condo big screen, I presented a video by a transgender woman artist by the name of Kayhar.  She set her MtF transition photos to her music and it made a wonderful presentation. Her latest effort is even more impressive as she sings a duet with her former male self:

Tyra Scott- Sexual Hybrid?

You may want to put the kids to bed as this is one of the few "adult rated" posts you will see in Cyrsti's Condo.  I'm passing it along because the story actually goes past Tyra Scott just being a transsexual adult performer.

She discusses connections with the everyday transgender community, why she is still "pre opt" and what her life was like growing up.





From the Daily Loaf

in Tampa, Florida:


(Tyra Scott) : "Straight men are traditionally the most intolerant of the transgender community. Straight men are also the primary consumers of transsexual porn. This is why adult tube sites pepper clips of transsexuals in with other, "straight" offerings. These companies know that, behind closed doors, many straight men sample transsexual porn. In this way, ts performers have become X-rated ambassadors of the transgender community.

The more comfortable straight men become masturbating in private to these performers, the more tolerant they will be in public of the transgender community. Not only do these rogue performers represent the transgender community, they also embody the rainbow of diversity that exists in human sexuality and gender. In an effort to better understand this increasingly popular form of erotica, as well as the GLBT community as a whole."

So now, you don't have to be so critical of your friends watching porn! They are learning the attraction of sexual hybrids! Like so many of you I'm sure you view this with distaste. Not because so much because of content but once again we trans women are being portrayed in exactly the wrong light.  The same problems genetic women face.

At the least,  interesting ideas and you can follow the link above for more.

Birthday Dreams 2011

This is another Cyrsti's Condo archive post from my birthday in 2011, which turned out to be quite the day and gives all of you a glimpse into my life a couple years ago.  As I look back I thought, "Has it only been two years ago?"

Today had to be my best birthday ever! My third visit to the VA therapist seeking a hormone permission letter was late in the afternoon. As I got ready to meet my daughter for a birthday breakfast, I received a text from a long time female friend who I have progressively come out to over the past couple months. She wished me a good birthday and a positive trip to the "Doc" which meant a lot!

My breakfast with my daughter was very different. Almost immediately she asked me if I knew one of the performers in one of the top drag queen acts in the area. They are known as the "Rubi Girls" based out of Dayton, Ohio. As it turns out I had seen their act (impressive) and actually knew one of the performer's employees. As surprising as this was, more surprising was the fact I was having the conversation with her at all. The rest of the breakfast was equally as good and I'm still not sure how I did so well in the daughter department.

On to the therapist appointment. We exchanged the usual "how's life" questions before I asked the magic question: "what reservations did she have about writing a permission letter?" She didn't hestitate and said she expected the question and pulled a file folder off her desk The folder contained the "Harry Benjamin Gender Dysphoria Care Standards". As we went through the highlights it seemed I met most all of the criteria. (I'm not exactly sure anyone but Harry understood them all.) She was very positive and said she would like to take one more step before writing the letter. The step was a final consultation about me with a very experienced gender specialist in Columbus. Ironically she is the same person I went to for help over 20 years ago. I know "nothing is over until it's over" but I'm cautiously optimistic I will have the letter in two weeks at my next visit.

My last (but far from least) stop of the day was a lite dinner date with a GF down in Cincinnati. Without getting too personal, it was a wonderful ending to a special day. On the trip home I was going pinch myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming but I have a real aversion to pain and just made sure I wasn't driving up I-75 in a dream. I can guarantee you I-75 between Dayton and Cincinnati, Ohio is no place to be dreaming behind the wheel and I wasn't. The day was all so real and so wonderful!"

WOW I was busy!

Sammy!

MtF transition magic Sammy style on the Cyrsti's Condo big screen:

The "Jezebel" Within Me.

Just what is a "Jezebel" and what does she have to do with me? According to Wikipedia, Jezebel was a princess, identified in the Hebrew Book of Kings as the daughter of Ethbaal, King of Tyre (Phoenicia) and the wife of Ahab, king of north Israel.

To make a long history short, she was the "anti good girl" and don't we all have a bit of her in us? Transgender or genetic?

As I transition, I do wonder on occasion how much of Jezebel I do have and how much the mix would have been if I had spent my entire life as a genetic woman. I know, a total waste of thought but then again a fun one. I think my first true experience with "Jezzies" was back in the 8th grade. I went to a fairly small conservative rural school from kindergarten through the 9th grade with primarily the same set of kids.

Of course as we were getting into the 7th and 8th grades, the hormones were starting to stir and a group of Jezebels appeared.  These were the girls who took a definite delight in wearing too much makeup along with overly tight sweaters and overly short skirts to school. To this day, I wondered what it would have been like to be one of them.

Of course I would have had to perfect any number of ways to get around my Mom who would have not let me out of the house that way.  Later though after I heard stories from my very conservative second wife detailing how school outfits could be "jazzed" up, the process wouldn't have been that tough. She did simple things such as smuggling makeup to put on and take off later. Plus she would roll her the skirt up to show more leg and even hid different shoes in a plastic bag down the street.  Not unlike the secret stash of girl things I hid away. I laughed at her when she said she couldn't figure out why more guys all of the sudden wanted to eat lunch with her. Really?

So, as I fast forward to today a bit of "Jezzie" is alive and well within me.  I will forever miss the chance to have been one of the teasing girls in the eight grade and even an ultra attractive young woman today. On the positive side though, to be able to experience what I can of a feminine life is to be cherished.  Interestingly when my Jezzie mixes in with my past life all sorts of neat things can happen. I see and understand so much more such as how a guy feels when he is mixed in with a group of women - entertaining them with jokes or stories and why the women watch him and each other so intently.

The sad part to all of this is the inability for so many transgender women and men to be able to enjoy the transition process when and if it happens. The tragic part is when society throws up so many roadblocks to the process too.

I'm aware we scare people too.  Many aren't secure of their place in the gender world to even come close to accepting a transgender person who they think may know more than their share of the process.  God forbid if we would use our enormous power to harm the world.

The fun part is though, even at my advance age, I can still let my "Jezzie" out on occasion with a top which is cut a little too low or eye makeup which is a little too smokey. Plus Jez loves my hair which is way too long for a woman my age.

I love it when she gets her way!

Before I forget it, I'm passing along a link to a site called Jezebel which of course I love. I'm also going to add their link to our Cyrsti's Condo Beauty Nook page.

WiggingOut

Approximately a year and a half ago, I was able to take the HUGE step of leaving my wigs behind and going public with my own hair.

To this day I believe be able to do just that was one of the biggest positives I could ever do to improve my overall presentation as a woman - which doesn't explain a random thought which invaded my noggin this morning.

All of the sudden I felt a huge wave of wig nostalgia. I can only guess at the reasons plus I know genetic women wear wigs too of course.

I quickly considered the chilly temps and the fact wigs were extremely uncomfortable for me to wear on a hot summer day or maybe I just wanted to change up my look for a bit. Another "perk" of being a woman.

I really doubt if I will wig out and pull out my giant plastic tub of my old wigs and wear them in public. I may however have a fun mirror game someday.

If you are curious at all, here in Cyrsti's Condo I do have a "Timeline Picture Page" which describes my trips through different colors and styles of wigs in the past.

Perhaps the most accepted wig by the public was this one I wore in the picture on the right. This was taken about 3 months before I went "wigless".  My top fun story (of several) with this wig was when I was at a drag show and one of the drag queens came up to me and said, "I love your wig".  I simply said,"How do you know it is one?"

The problem with this wig was I had an incredible tough time with the hair line, which may have been partially due to me taking scissors to it over the years.  It started life being incredibly thick and I thinned it over the years to make it cooler and more passable.  It was this wig which was along for the ride in my first days of being able to go sleeveless and the sensations on my bare back were nothing less than heavenly!

These days, my own hair is probably about three fourths as long as this one and has much more wave to it.

Certainly soon I will have to have some fun and play "dress up" in my own room.

The Cult of Hysteria

Every once in a while or I read about someone who has started HRT and wonders if the female hormones running through the body will dramatically affect all parts of their life.  When they come home now will it be time to fix dinner, clean the house and pretty much settle in to making someone a good wife.

Of course you may take on that role but I'm fairly sure there is no scientific evidence low "T" and high "E" are causing transgender women everywhere scurrying for their aprons and cookbooks.

On the other hand, I'm beginning to think that my hormonal changes are becoming deeper than the obvious physical changes, hot flashes and the ability to cry.

When I started HRT, I was determined to let nature run it's course and not allow various stereotypes to cloud my judgement.  I was tired of reading too many stories from people I thought were trying too hard to be a girl.  Right or wrong, more than a couple of the common themes didn't sit right with me, like HRT causing an immediate love of everything feminine all the way to the image of "pristine" women's rooms when I kept sitting in other women's pee as I sat down on the toilet.  But you know, that is just me and who really cares what I think?

Since I do hold the power of the written word around here though and are truthfully not as bitchy as I seem sometimes, here is what I do think.

First, if you were predetermined to be the housewife type before HRT, you certainly will be afterwards.  The more our inner woman is allowed to grow, the more amazing is the process.  If you take me for example, I never minded doing the cooking but I am a self professed terrible house keeper.  No amount of HRT is ever going to change that.

A fair amount of HRT is changing my emotional makeup though.  I found I really have no control now of my tears.  I can cry because I'm sad or melancholy or even happy and found tears were only the beginning of changes.  Imagine my shock when all of the sudden I wanted Humphrey Bogart or Clark Gable to look into my eyes and sweep me away in a classic movie scene. Where did that come from?

My newest "revelation" is I'm more "high strung" than I have ever been in my life.  Call it what you want but now I deal with more paranoia and emotional hang ups than ever before in my life. Yes, I call it hysteria.  I always felt women carried their fair share of it and yes, I now have my own and it's not the most pleasant side of transition I have experienced.

All in all though, I know this is what I signed up for and every blind corner I face comes with it's own set of new challenges. Some good, some not so good. I'm easy though (not cheap), don't make me a hysterical housekeeper and give me a shot at Humphrey Bogart in a classic movie- I'll be fine!