Marching to the Beat of a Different Drummer

Transgender veterans Really know that feeling.
I was recently reminded vividly of how fortunate I am to be able to write here in Cyrsti's Condo of my experiences as a trans veteran and more precisely how the process works for me in my interactions with the Veterans Administration.

Perhaps you remember the much maligned "shake up" at Outserve-SLDN and the "resignation" of it's Executive Director Allyson Robinson who just happens to be a transgender woman and a graduate of West Point. The post was called I Joined and mentioned a new group called Spart*a which was forming for TGLB service members and vets.

Allyson Robinson

My dose of reality came when I joined and visited the Spart*a Facebook page. Within approximately six hours I received a confirmation message and a pledge of secrecy. I'm sort of naive now that I have been out as far as I have for a while and I thought "Whoa Dummy" organizations such as Spart*a represent what is transgender reality in the U.S. military establishment. Careers are at stake here.

Jumping back to Allyson Robinson, I'm passing along a link to a very enlightening post called Lunch With Allyson Robinson here.

Lunch with the Girls

Yesterday I was invited to a quick lunch with my daughter and 12 year old grand daughter.  Both of know of my transgender status so the day was sort of special.  On the other hand, I'm doing some of the most butch hard labor I can do on my house, repairing a brick wall.  I hate it but I have been literally been putting it off for years and the unseasonably cool summer weather we have now makes it a "must do project". I suppose I will lose a couple much needed pounds in the process.

So, I am a little short of time to post to Cyrsti's Condo.  I learned some time ago, when in doubt, go to the archives and came up with this post from 10/5/2011 and just so happens to include my daughter and an appointment at the Veterans Administration:


"Today had to be my best birthday ever! My third visit to the VA therapist seeking a hormone permission letter was late in the afternoon. As I got ready to meet my daughter for a birthday breakfast, I received a text from a long time female friend who I have progressively come out to over the past couple months. She wished me a good birthday and a positive trip to the "Doc" which meant a lot! My breakfast with my daughter was very different. Almost immediately she asked me if I knew one of the performers in one of the top drag queen acts in the area. They are known as the "Rubi Girls" based out of Dayton, Ohio.

As it turns out I had seen their act (impressive) and actually knew one of the performer's employees. As surprising as this was, more surprising was the fact I was having the conversation with her at all. The rest of the breakfast was equally as good and I'm still not sure how I did so well in the daughter department.

On to the therapist appointment. We exchanged the usual "how's life" questions before I asked the magic question: "what reservations did she have about writing a permission letter?" She didn't hesitate and said she expected the question and pulled a file folder off her desk The folder contained the "Harry Benjamin Gender Dysphoria Care Standards". As we went through the highlights it seemed I met most all of the criteria. (I'm not exactly sure anyone but Harry understood them all.) She was very positive and said she would like to take one more step before writing the letter. The step was a final consultation about me with a very experienced gender specialist in Columbus. Ironically she is the same person I went to for help over 20 years ago.

I know "nothing is over until it's over" but I'm cautiously optimistic I will have the letter in two weeks at my next visit. My last (but far from least) stop of the day was a lite dinner date with a GF down in Cincinnati. Without getting too personal, it was a wonderful ending to a special day. On the trip home I was going pinch myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming but I have a real aversion to pain and just made sure I wasn't driving up I-75 in a dream. I can guarantee you I-75 between Dayton and Cincinnati, Ohio is no place to be dreaming behind the wheel and I wasn't. The day was all so real and so wonderful!

And now it's back to reality and my bricks. Dammit, not good for the nails!

Young, Transgender and Together!

Louis (left) and Jamie

Young transgender couples have been in the news these days. The latest couple, a transgender woman and a transgender man are from Wales.

Louis Davies and Jamie Eagle are engaged and are waiting for gender reassignment surgery to be married.
The couple met when Louis invited Jamie to give a talk to his university group as he prepared to come out as transgender.


Then of course back on this side of the pond,  The simply adorable couple of Arin Andrews and Katie Hill are still gaining good press for the right reasons:


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Shopping with Gregory

Plan "B"

My thought was does "Plan B" always have to mean "bitch"? (Not my female dog!)

I'm going to pass along a link here in Cyrsti's Condo to indicate the answer just could be yes:

Already Plucked by Avery Edison. Follow the link bitches!!!! Just kidding!

I Joined

Here in Cyrsti's Condo, I always try to keep a close eye on any and all transgender veteran news I can find because most of you know I am a trans vet.

I did choose to stay out of the seemingly crazy story
of the requested resignation of OutServe-SLDN's newly appointed executive director, transgender Army veteran Allyson Robinson. (right)  Many more high-profile resignations followed in protest of Robinson's treatment.

Following this mess,  a recent press release  announced the formation of Service Members, Partners, Allies for Respect and Tolerance for All, or SPΛRT*A, a "group of LGBT people and allies who are currently serving or have served in the military, and our families," that is "especially committed to our Trans members… and to gaining full equality for them in the U.S. Armed Forces.

SPART*A's Facebook page is currently active, while a website for the fledgling group is still under construction.

One can only hope this group can gain traction and effect change against a huge obstacle - the U.S. Military. Follow the link above for more info!

Ch-Ch Changes

I hesitated about putting this YouTube video up on the Cyrsti's Condo big screen because it takes so long to actually get to the transition subject matter. Being the cynical bitch I am, I thought hell, two months on HRT could go by before this video gets rolling. But in the end it's worth the wait and a beautiful look at a transgender woman beginning to finally live her life:

How Much are YOU Worth?

"It's a privilege to be yourself, it's a job no one else can do." Iyanla Vanzant

I'm sure most of us of the transgender persuasion would argue how privileged we have been. I have written here in Cyrsti's Condo numerous times of how I wouldn't have wished the "ripping and tearing" I went through on anyone.

Finally, as I am coming out of the other end of the struggle, those very close to me are noticing the ownership I'm feeling in myself.

I suppose my process currently is similar to any other construction project. After a certain point you hope the work you put in begins to pay dividends. Any way you look at it, you are reconstructing your body when you go through HRT for any amount of time. More importantly though is the process of mentally owning the process and believing you are finally to a point when it is a privilege to be you.

I'm sure by now you are thinking all of this is all well and good for you Cyrsti but what's in it for me? Actually, a ton of warm and fuzzies if you can reprogram yourself from just two major misconceptions: The first is you are doing anything wrong. My saddest moments are when I remember all the guilt and torment I felt about gender over the years,  when in reality I probably never had a choice. The second is when you began to experience the outside world as a transgender woman, transgender man or a novice cross dresser. You will be certain to lose so much in the process if you focus totally on appearance and not ownership.

The only thought Iyanla may have added for good measure is life isn't forever,  but where ever you happen to be in the process, it's never too late to take control of yourself and your dreams."

An excellent way to increase your net worth.

Mean Girls On Oprah

I don't follow Oprah's OWN television network much and believe they must struggle for programming when they run re runs of Dr. Phil. Look I know Phil has been "her boy" from the beginning but his show has to be singled out as the most non diverse on television. But I digress.

Last night's show caught my attention:

"Oprah's Lifeclass (Season 2),  Oprah and Iyanla Vanzant discussed the Terrible Things Women Do to Each Other. More specifically they discussed why women do terrible things to one another. They identified the intention behind gossip and ways women can shift their behavior to create more positive, constructive interactions."

Of course I have discussed the dynamics of inter feminine interaction with you here in Cyrsti's Condo any number of times so I really wanted to hear their take on it. Iyanla had the best quote when she said:  "Comparison is an act of violence against yourself." The quote was used in context with the endless comparisons women use among themselves, primarily in appearance, family, spouses etc.

I wish I could come up with an epiphany or two from the show to pass along except Oprah and Iyanla seemed to believe the whole situation was getting worse with mean girls popping up now between the ages of eight to eighty.

From my gender perch on the fence, I see my spot as a transgender woman a true positive. I'm in on the "battles" but then again not. Having said that, I have told you about times I have been burnt by not keeping a closer eye on the women around me.

Perhaps I'm fortunate and don't have to play the comparison game with genetic women. I'm much more into the interaction process since it is still so new to me.

Finally, the bits and pieces of male thought processes I bring to the table should and does give me an advantage.  Sixty plus years of playing this back and forth transgender ping pong game has taught me something.

The only epiphanies I can pass along are be careful of finding yourself in a mean girl battle and being curled up with my chocolate/peanut butter cup ice cream was wonderful.

Follow the link above for more information of where and when you can see the show.